boyfriend gets me pills

[Downey]

My not so wonderful boyfriend knows he has me hooked on oxycodone so he can stay with me for free but he still needs money from me for his pill and gambling addiction. I so want to stop but can't seem to find the courage and I really don't want to be all alone. It looks like I have come to a crossroads so to speak and I have to make some choices that should be easy but really scare me. I do take full responsiblity for my addiction to pills it's not really fair to blame him but he doesn't help it.

Downey

[cosmicgirl79]

HI ITS COSMIC 79 JUST STARRTED THE SITE YESTERDAY.IVE BEEN CLEAN 11 DAYS OFF VICODIN ES..THE W/D WAS HELL. I TRIED TO DETOX IN SECRET AS WELL, AND I COULDNT DO IT ALONE THE SYMTOMS ROCKED ME,I ENDED UP IN THE ER.ON DAY 3 OF W/D.THE DR. PRESCRIBED ME CLONIDINE FOR THE W/D AND WOW WHAT A LIFE SAVER.....BUT IF U DO NOT HVE THE MEDICAL WAY OF DETOX.U WILL B FINE DRINK LOTS OF WATER, TKA ADVIL FOR THE BODY ACHES,AND BENADRYL HELPS TO SLEEP A LITTLE AT NIGHT...BE STRONG LET GO OF THE TOXIC BOYFRIEND.AND TKE ONE DAY AT A TIME.BABY STEPS MY FRIEND

[Downey]

You are so very correct--he is not shoving these down my throat. I hold myself fully responsible for the situation I'm in. I'm old and wise enough to know better and I knew exactly what I was getting into when he moved in some 3 or maybe it's been 4 years ago. I can't go back in time only start by trying to control what I'm doing today.

Thanks
Downey

[dominosarah]

It is very easy for us to sit here and tell you what to do but you are the one who is actually living there so i know it isnt that easy.  The answers will come to you and when it is time you will make the right decision.  Just know we are here........sara

[liscamdave]

Misery loves company. If he is an addict, he wants to keep you right in that hole with him. You need to get away. Myself and my husband were hard core oxy contin addicts. It was so hard to stop. We definitely could not stop together. He passed away 4 years ago to an Overdose. So please be careful. If you love this person, get help for you so you can try to help him. He sounds toxic. But we don't know what is really going on. I am sure he isn't shoving these pills down your throat.

I really am not being nasty or anything like that. You know what I mean. You can do this. I know it. You have it in you to stop. You just have to dig deep. We are here for you to help with whatever you need. Don't end up like me. Losing someone you love to these pills. I knew we needed to stop and had I had the will to do it, and help him, he would still be here.

Good luck.

[Downey]

Thanks for everyone's imput. Just because something is the right thing to do doesn't make it any easier--this is a lesson I have learned over and over again. Everyday when I go home I pretend I'm there alone to prepare me for what I have to do. I feel alone anyway so what's the difference.

Thanks again and wish me luck.

Downey

[dominosarah]

This relationship is very very toxic and nothing good will come of it.  There wont be any secret detox living in that situation.  Your bf is living off of you and you are dying a slow death by staying.  You say you dont want to be alone but i would think sleeping with the enemy would be more lonely.  If you want to really change things and make a clean start then you will do whatever you have to do to see this thru.  If you chose to keep going this way then nothing changes if nothing changes.  I hope you make the right decision.  We will be here to support you          sara

[Ali1226172]

Hey downey.. here is the truth and it may be hard to take but I have to be honest here.  This boyfriend of yours is very very sick and who wants to be sick alone?? Since you are addicted as well you know that it is very scary to be addicted to pills sick and broke all alone, right?  So your boyfriend is latching onto you because of his own fear and disease.  He needs you in order to A) support his habit and B) have someone to suffer with.  Remember misery loves company.  Now here are your choices... you can stay with him and contribute to keeping him and yourself SICK by supporting both your addictions, keep stressing about where your getting your next fix, keep stressing about how your going to support both habits money wise, and ultimately end up in prison, an institution, or six feet under......... OR you can look inside yourself and use all the strength you have to pack your **** and go get yourself help away from your boyfriend.  I know it is hard but, I know you can find the courage inside to make this change!! This is scary I know but if you think your going to get clean with him your fooling yourself and just making excuses to keep using!   He will drag you down and vice versa.  If you want a shot at life again than you need to walk away and intern you will be giving him a hard kick of reality that he may need to want to get clean as well!! Please take my advice.  I know it is a lot to handle and it is so scray but things WILL only get worse if you don't make the change.......so make the change........ look into a rehab so you are safe and he can not bother you! When two addicts use together your chances of getting clean are about 2%.... please get away and get help

Much love- Ali <3

[LIZZIE LOU]

good time to hear something that's been stated repeatedly on this forum.

"nothing changes if nothing changes"

if there is something toxic in your life...change it
if someone is toxic to you...get rid of him
if something is toxic to your recovery...take the steps to make the changes necessary to succeed.

ppl prepare for everything that is important in their lives...jobs, careers,marriage, pregnancy, etc.  sounds like you need to prepare yourself and your life for recovery.  sobriety and recovery dont just come knocking on your door...you have to make it happen...even if it means changing "everything" about your life.

"nothing changes if nothing changes"

[cookiechew]

hey kid here is what I may see- could be wrong- u decide-- the BF is not much of a man to live off his girl-- may hap he keeps you on the pills for that reason--start collectin some pills so you can wean off if the other detox plans don't work-- get into the health pages here for info on the dreaded WITHDRAWWLS-- get yourself clean and drop kick his $#$%^-- down the road--- solved all your problems-- then get a nice guy to take care of U

[Cheesburger79]

Hey girl.
    Have you looked into state funding? Sometimes where you live will pay for it if thats what you wanna do.
   But I agree he's gotta go..you don't sound very happy with him as it is. It ***** to be alone, I know...my ex fiance downed 30 xanax and I had to call an ambulance on him. he detoxed, got out and had a seizure-went to rehab and now he's clean--were still great friends and now he's trying to help ME get clean. The two points to that story? A-you don't wanna go through the stress of having someone od on you-especially when your tryin to kick this junk yourself(and I'm lucky my ex lived, not to scare you, but he admits that too). And B-your gonna be fine on your own. It hurts for awhile, but then ya get back out there and find something better. Sounds cliche, but it happens.
     My best to you girl-Lotsa Love and Luck, Lori

[Downey]

Thanks for your support. I have been coming here on and off for to many years now and it's time to step up to the plate. I hate feeling anixous and so depressed I can't get out of bed when I start to detox. If I had the money I would look into that rapid detox thing.

Downey

[Danny111]

Keep coming here.  You can learn a lot about the addiction and get some support as well.

[Downey]

Thanks for the post. I'm going to start to do a secret detox that he won't know about. I don't think he wants me to get better or else he knows he's got to go. I think it would be to hard for me to detox try to work and handle this guy all at one time. I think slower may be more effective. I just can only handle to much drama at one time. The pressure is killing me.

Downey

[refusingbondage]

Your questions seems to state exactly what you know you gotta do hon.  Time to let go.  Unfortunately it isnt going to be easy.  Its your place?  Tell him he has to go.  Spend the next week detoxing yourself and start going to some meetings or counseling.  He may be a bad influence, but its more than not having the courage that is keeping him around. He is feeding your addiction and your addiction likes that. There is nothing more powerful than an active addiction.  Yup, break the cycle girl..  Google NA, find a local meeting and hopefully they can help you find the help you need.. Maybe rehab or detox is your answer.. but the problem(s) - the addiction and the boyfriend will be there when you get out.. Its best to cut them both loose.. He is battling his own addictions..and if he isnt ready, it doesnt mean you arent.  No excuses!  You can do this.   Good luck and stick around this fourm - you will find lots of help here.