cocaine!!

[itprettymuchruins]

ok so this is a really long story.

all my life ive been a pretty good looking guy even when i was little everyone would say i was really cute and alot of girls liked me in elemtary and middle school. when i was a freshman in high school i started getting this NASTY acne. i had acne that was so ugly i couldnt look at someone straight in the face. im very light skinned and the pimples where pretty big and red so it looked so nasty. i would wake up with 3-4 pimples everyday. that just ruined my life. i know it is the dumbest chit ever but i just started drinking and not give a crap about anything. i just wanted to forget my nasty face it was ruining my life. one day i decided to do cocaine. i had just turned 15. i have been doin it for exactly a year and a half. im 16 and half right now. i know im not addicted but im getting scared because i know im really smart and i actually want to be successful in life. i just want to stop doin it!! i still have a nasty face but i know im getting better im on the best medicine there is for acne. but im still not happy and EVERYTIME i look in the mirror i get so fu**en angry and its like i lose my mind and i just think of bad things i know its crazy but its all true. i know i still have a possibility to stop. i have a friend who started when he was 15 and he is 20 now and i just want to stop i hate it everytime i do it but everytime im with my friends i feel like doing it, it is so complicated. i just wrote all this cause i have NEVER EVER told anyone that i started doing cocaine and being a mess when i started getting that stupid acne. i know that in a couple of months my face is gonna be completely clear but im scared that in those couple of months i will do coke any freaking time i see my face in the mirror or someone makes a comment about my face. i just want to know what u people think, what should i do what should i try i really want to stop i hate it so much

[tomskat]

Hi there and welcome. Glad you stumbled upon our site. I have a lot of experience with cocaine as it was my DOC (drug of choice). I've been clean from it for 309 days. My beginning with drugs started when I was 15,and I'm 37 now.Coke has always been my favorite of them all. I see that you DO have the strength to quit this disease!! Your battle with this drug is more than half mental,and it sounds like you have the mental strength to stop doing coke. Have faith and be strong...stay away from those that would cause you to use.Unfortuntaley we must make awful decisions when we choose to get clean,and who we hang around with is one of those difficult choices. If they cause you to use,or trigger your desire to use,than you must try to stay away from them. This actually is life or death-your life.I don't need to remind you of the dangers of using cocaine-you already know them I'm sure. And not to mention the finacial rammifications of doint this drug.
You are young,so you have time on your side my friend. You CAN do this...you are strong,and you have people who are here to support you no matter what.We're all here for you,so please keep posting and keeping us posted on your progress.Stay strong,and good luck to you.Feel free to send me a message if you wnat/need to,or have more questions. As for your face...the acne is only temporary. I have a feeling that underneath it all there is a wonderrful,selfless,honest,and mature young man who is willing to take control of his life,and ready to take control of it.
Please stay strong,stay away from those that you need to,keep posting (and keep US posted!!) also try looking at the health pages on this site-they have a ton of useful information on them. Take care of yourself!!~A

[melb154]

Hi there, i just wanted to say that i really feel for the situation that you are in, and after reading the posts and your response to them i can see that you have the strength to turn your life around and you will succeed. Once you are free of the acne your mental approach to kicking the coke will be so much stronger, hang on in there and well done for asking for help x

[selfinduced]

So good to hear. The one good thing about cocaine (at least for most) there is not a physical draw to keep you coming back. Once you have decided to stop, your ok. Just mentally have to be done. Think of it this way, you most likely can't afford financially to do it forever and don't want to attract a girlfriend that just wants to get high all the time. Sounds like now is the perfect time to stop this unhealthy cycle. Good luck. I have faith in you!!

[itprettymuchruins]

i just wanted to say thank u so much to all of you that helped. i cant believe talking to people i dont even know can make me feel so much better and i feel stronger than ever now. i think i can finally put cocaine in my past and find other activities to enjoy. i really really hope i can just quit. im really glad i did this and thank u all so much !

[selfinduced]

Just had another thought for you. I know your not (from what I'm reading) a full blown addict, but I wonder if you could find an Alanon meeting that is geared to your age. It will have you around teenagers that are more of the mindset you are. For me it was like a wealth of information with absoultly NO judging going on. NA would probably be more suited for me, but I'm not ready to take that leap just yet. Anyway, I was not into this public display of emotional exchanges until I went and it was great. One more thing, focus on all your other gifts when your feeling down. I can tell you have many.

[snakejones]

Hi there--
Welcome to the forum. Your post went straight to my heart--what a lot of pain you are feeling. It's awful to have a problem that makes you different from your peers, and especially when others notice, talk behind your back, or even say something cruel face to face. You were---and still are---at a critical age where negative experiences can stay with you the rest of your life and do even more damage to your soul if not addressed NOW. I think that you might be self-medicating on the cocaine to mask your depression and bad self-image. I'm probably the only person here to say this: I feel that the cocaine and alcohol use is actually of secondary importance, because it is a symptom of something that has gone very wrong in your psyche. You need good dermatologist care (NOT doing it yourself if you have severe acne--trust me!), yes, you need to stop the coke and booze, but most of all, I recommend a little professional counseling to help bring your self-esteem back. I am so glad you came here to talk to us! If you need us when you are giving up the drugs and alcohol, or if you just want to say hi, all of us would be honored to have you for a new friend.

[itprettymuchruins]

thanx alot that was really touching cause i know its all true. i really appreciate everything u just told me thanks again

[selfinduced]

Just remember your complexion is just temporary, I think you get that. The friends that you hang with now can bring you down if your not careful. It just sounds to me that you are doing the coke cause it is an escape and thats what your buddies are into. Try to find a healthier outlet for now. My son said the accutane was a nightmare to go thru, but so worth it. His skin is beautiful now. Hang in there, and keep talking. Your better than some nasty powder.

[itprettymuchruins]

wow i always thought meth was almost impossible to quit. what made u quit exactly?? did u get really sick? did your children ask you to please quit? i wish there was just some easy way of quitting. i dont really have support because it is not a problem yet, that is why i wanna stop now so it wont become a problem. i havent asked anyone for help i just say to my self that i have to stop but then is friday and there i am doin it again.

[itprettymuchruins]

yes im on accutane too. and like i said i know i gonna be clear in a couple of months because i now i only get like 1 maybe 2 tiny pimples a WEEK , i just have the red marks and a little scarring of the previous acne. and yes i think since i cant really get a girlfriend or and i just hang with friends u kinda do that i fell trapped, so thats why i do it. i think when im completely clear im gonna actually enjoy my life. but i dont wanna keep doin it for a couple more months i wanna quit NOW. and thanks alot acne is terrible :/

[waldosbait]

Addiction is a really hard thing to over come. But you can do it. First and fore most you need support!! Is there anyone friend or family that you can trust to help you through this difficult time.  If so go to them for support. If not there are plenty of support groups out there that can help you. Sometimes even a stranger. I did drugs most of my teenage years up until my late 20's you name I have probably done it and then some. Including being addicted to meth for 6 years. So I have alot of experience in this area. I have been clean for 25 years now. At your age you need to quit and find a support group of some kind. Even if its talking to me on this computer. What ever you do don't let what other people think of you effect what you do or how you feel. You need to learn to love yourself for who you are. And remember that all things are possible even quitting drugs!!  I quit on my own with no rehab but that is a rare occasion.  I had finally realized I had enough and realized what a toll it was taking on me and my family.  Believe it or not I was never really a religious person before I quit while I believed in god i sure didn't live a live like you are suppose to. I actually still struggle with it everyday. But I prayed and prayed that god would make me sick every time I did the meth so it would make me want to quit. And It worked I quit. It was an up hill struggle believe me and did not happen over night. But it got me thru it. I want you to know I am not here to preach to you I don't even go to church on sundays. But I believe in a greater power. Right now you have the best thing going fo you. You are on here asking for help wanting to stop. That is a big step itself. I hate to think of all the money I spent on drugs through the years and what I could have had!! I have 3 kids all adults now and I think the good lord they are good kids. But I never lied to them about my drug addiction!! Honesty is the best thing. Not only for your self but for everyone around you. Can you talk to your parents do you have a good relationship? I know most kids think there parents will kill them if the find something out and sure they may freak a little but most parents want what is best for kids and love them no matter what. I should no that better then anyone both my boys are gay. I know I am kinda rambling on here. But I want to try and encourage not to give up there is hope out there for you. Please feel free to open up and ask me anything. I am here to help you. I would love to see you kick your addiction and live a happy fulfilling live!!

[selfinduced]

Welcome to this forum, you will get alot of support here. I too did coke at your age and only got mentally addicted. What I also got was paranoid, poorer,nervous. week teeth, etc. All for a very short high that you have to sneak to do and the coming down always *****. Thank God I was never arrested as that adds a whole new element to your young life. About the acne, I totally understand. I have 2 teenagers that have had a wicked case (one still does). Finally after much research and after doing everything else possible, we put him on accutane. It took 6 months , but now he is clear. Do you have family support for your acne? I can tell from your post that you are a smart sensitive man. Please stop the drugs. They will only mess with your emotions which are fragile due to normal hormones right now. Keep posting ok. We care.

[luciddreamrgrl]

I dont know a lot about cocaine. I know I hadnt even smoked weed yet by the time I was 16. Your post touched me because I also had terrible acne at your age. I felt like it ruined my life. To be honest, I'm now 29 and I still have acne! Not as bad but it's still there. I wanted to tell you a couple of things. First off, I've been clean for 24 days today. I now believe that the drugs gave me worse acne. My face is clearer than it's ever been. It did get initally worse as the toxins came out of my body during detox. But I've been taking vitamins. I dont know if the clear skin is because of that or because I stopped doing drugs, but my skin is so clear right now.

Second, when I was your age I found clearasil. It worked so well! Get the facewash and use it twice a day. Also get the cream. At night, put a little over your big pimples and don't rub it in. Just let the glob sit on your pimple all night. Then wash in the morning. It worked so well I remember thanking god that it had worked.

Third, you are so young to be doing daily drugs! You do not want your life to go down this road so early! I'm 29 and still feel regretful over my drug usage. I don't want to soun like your mother but it's easier to quit while your young than to grow up full of regrets.

Best of luck to you!