confession :(

[nbhope]

So my back has been hurting so bad I caved and got some oxys from doctor, was taking 3 5 Mg a day I stopped yesterday and am having withdrawls, there mild compared to over Christmas. but uncomfortable enough to be irratated.. Cold chills which I hate, I honestly would rather deal with the runs than cold chills. So because I stopped taking tbese a lil over a month is that why I am having mild withdrawls? my back pain can get pretty intense and I couldnt handle it. as soon as we can get insurance probably have surgery :( so I am 29 hours into this again. I have a feeling I will need to get meds again cause I am busy and over do it. But I got 20 oxys and spread them out over a week. Just wasnt expecting to feel sick again. will I continue to go tbrough these now because of my long term use before? Ibprofen is not cutting it all the time. I am taking 800Mg prescribed ibuprofen now.

[nbhope]

3/ 5 Mg oxys a day I ment!! :/

[Teresa1717]

First off, glad you found your way back. I know first hand how hard it is to admit to relapse. It would be so much easier to just keep it hidden but being able to come "clean" shows your desire to want to beat this for good but I am concerned about you saying "i have a feeling I will need to get meds again cause I over do it and am busy" Are you stopping because you abuse your meds? Because if you do, then with that mind set you may not ever be free of this disease.

Have you talked to your Dr about non-narcotic options? Sorry, Im just nto familiar with your story/situation.

I Keep yourself hydrated! The w/d symptoms wont be near as bad as before if all your took was 20. You should be past them soon!

[roachie412]

First off I wanna say goin Thu withdraw is the wrost I ever felt in life....I stared doing roxys 30s bout almost 2 years ago....I am on day 4 of being sober and I'm almost back to normal....just a lil tired...but I just wanna say if I can do it anyone can....I took a week of work and refuse to give in...eminem was a big help listening to his music a d reading about his withdraws....hang in there after day 3 u feel a lot better....I also haven't even craved a roxy at all...

[YesLife4Me]

Until you have substantial (years) of clean time, any time you put any opiates in your system, especially in the first months (because it takes months and sometimes up to a year for your body & mind to heal) you reset the process over and over again.   The wd will be milder given that you have clean time in between, but you awaken your addiction again.  It doesn't go away because you don't use.   Your mind will ALWAYS remember.   You start off with one or two because the tolerance level is low, but it rapidly builds back up and even worse.   Kind of like dieting.   Lose the weight, gain it back, plus some.    If you absolutely have to take them, you need to have someone hold them for you and only give you what you absolutely need.    

[greatescape13]

Im glad you are back on the site and wanting to move forward.  Relapse happens.

I dont know your pain, I can only speak from my own experiences but I detoxed during New Years and I know I am way to vunerable to play with that kind of fire.  Without aftercare, without a deliberate change in behavior, all it takes is a bad day, a migraine, the flu, a twisted ankle and my brain is going to justify my need for pills.

People that have never been addicts will try every non med option out there first.  We will go straight for the drugs if we are not mindful.  Just looking out for you...

[roachie412]

I also quit cold turkey...I bought a few subs had maybe .5 of it and refuse to take anymore....it did take the edge of for a little....I was doing 6 roxy 30s a day....I never thought I quit....but looking at my family every day made me give it up....may GOD SEE U THREW THIS.

[nbhope]

Teresa, I was prescribed pills for my back pain and fibro after trying many other meds first. So once I got my script, at the time I had no idea a ex friend of mine was addicted to them and get a script and buys any way long story short pain meds make me sleepy so my ex friends tried to get me to pop 5 at a time and I wouldnt so she introduced me to snorting, once I found my pain was gone and I had energy to keep up with my 4 kids I was hooked, I tried many times to stop cause I didnt like the addiction. So finally over my winter break I was able to break free. So now I am not snorting them I am faced with dealing with my back pain again and no pain meds. I never have had addiction before. F it was easier to get off the pills I would have stopped sooner. I have been on pain meds before and I never have had issues with addiction. I am mad I allowed my ex friend suck me into the sprill I lectured her many times. I have a way better understanding for addiction now. I never understood it at all until this. So for me its a double edged sword. Without pain meds I suffer sever pain in my upper and lower back and pain that shoots down my legs I am trying to just use the ibuprofen and hot showers to help, I dont sleep well unless I take 1/2 a oxy before bed. And need when I have busy long days when I am on my feet or sit for to long. So that how I started this whole thing. Another thing when I started snorting me and my hubby were split up and I have 4 kids so having energy to keep up with everything on my own was a plus at the time. My tolerance built up and I started sprilling down... Thats when I knew I had to get off these dang things and use them as perscribed. But if I am going to go tbrough withdrawls even taking them normally I dont what that. I want to be pain free and not have dependency/addiction.

[Teresa1717]

I can understand that and having the pain certainly makes it more difficult! Most of us started on these pills for legitimate pain and I can also tell you this, that ALOT of people have said that within a few weeks of stopping, the pain they originally started taking the meds for actually got BETTER. What you may have been feeling was rebound pain which actually makes you think your pain is worse than it was. But its just yoru mind trying to get you to take pills.

The fact that you snorted them and used them for "energy" obviously shows that you were getting in bad. Your a little over a day clean so I hope you will stay this course! You deserve to have a better life than this.

I hope that someone will chime in who has successfully gotten off pain meds who ALSO suffers from chronic pain so they can give you advice on how to manage it and also show you that it can be done. I started on pain meds for legit reasons too but eventually I just abused them so I cant offer much on that.

Anyways, I know you can do this and I am rooting for you!!

[roachie412]

I didn't used for back pain....I almost at day 5 and within the last 2 hrs I feel perfect! I been smiling like crazy ...I'm so happy being over the paws...worst thing I ever had to do was hell for 4 days....I honesty feel 100% back....I know they say it could take awhile to get back...but I really feel good...had a little back pain used tiger balm and it went right away...I made a promise I will never touch a pill again...I hope all of u the best....just member it does get better with time and I promise u will be back to.norm within 5 days....gut it out u will be a stronger person at the end...if anyone has any questions hit me up...

[nbhope]

My doctor had me try cymbaltia, sevella and neurotin before pain meds and that was over a course of a year. NOT happy about the snorting at all, very addictive!!! So prior to pain pills I suffered but had good days and on pain pills I was starting to never have good days. Very depressed and I wanted my life back. My hubby is amazing and has stood beside me through this all and knows all the pain is real and we decided to detox from snorting and try to just use prescribed 800Mg ibuprofen instead and if pain gets worse then call doctor for pain pills. I am also going to get some more weight off so hoping that will help too. I am doing good actually this go around. I used 3 a day and only for 6 days, my back hurts but hoping in shower to help that and took some ibuprofen. Thanks you all for the support. This is hard when you have cronic pain. I just want to feel pain free again. :(

[luvabugga]

So sorry this happened!  You and I have had quite a few private conversations about this and the fibro as well.  As an experienced 'back pain' sufferer and newly off pain meds, I can honestly say that I can completely understand how this could happen.  Trust me when I say I thought about it more than a few times myself!  But if you really want to stay completely off the meds, you are going to have to learn other ways to deal with the pain.  There's just no getting around it.  I know it's totally sucky, but it's just not going to work the other way.  Eventually you'll be right back to where you were.

So...let me tell you what is working for me.  I know our pain is different, so it's only just a suggestion.  The first thing that's helping me more than anything is physical therapy.  I used to just go along with it and was convinced it didn't work, but I decided to take it serious and it has changed everything for me.  I'm going twice a week for an hour each visit.  My PT gave me a ton of suggestions in changing all my habits that have helped so much that I'm almost annoyed at myself for not listening sooner.  Also, stretching first thing in the morning with some light exercise or Yoga is also really good.  I still take an anti-inflammatory on an as needed basis, but honestly I really haven't needed it.  I also have an anti-inflammatory topical gel...Voltaren...which is my miracle!!

Again...these are only suggestions, but you might be surprised at what really helps.  Send me another pm if you want to talk about this in more detail.  

I know you can absolutely do this without the meds!  I have faith in you....so please don't quit!

[OpenMind24hours]

I hear you on the back pain. I go through it myself. probably not as bad as you though. I can't tell you how many times I had been judged for taking pain pills by people with GOOD backs!! They have no idea what we go through with our blown-out backs. My back hurts mostly at night, in bed, when I'm inactive. When we don't move for awhile our discs inflate somewhat. For you and i this means it pushes our bulging discs harder into our nerves and back muscles. This brings me to:  Lovabugga had some excellent info to share with you. I went through PT also. 3 times for 8-12 week sessions. Like lovabugga, I do stretches every morning. Then I walk the 2 dogs about a mile to 1 1/2 miles. My wife and I walk them together every night. I also walk in a pool and do weight machines that my PT allows. I also hit the hot tub. The more i move the stronger i get, and the more limber my back is.I can't take NSAIDs anymore, just an occasional Advil, because I'm on Plavix blood thinner. I rely on Tylenol at night when my discs swell up.

No 2 back cases are alike. Maybe none of the aforementioned will work for you. Only a doctor can tell you whats what with exercise movements. I hope you can find a happy medium so you can continue to retain your freedom from the bondage of opiates. God bless!

[nbhope]

I have tried yoga but right before I decided to detox I slipped and caught myself wrong and now when I lay down on the floor I can feel a lump :( it hurts. I been looking around for a chiropractor I have clavical kyphosis and been reading how they can help keep it from getting worse. My back gose out in that area a lot and causes me lots of pain and even migraines.lower back is were my now lump is I think its from having babies I am all for alternative way of dealing with pain.  I have tried even THC topical ointment that helps but I cant hse it all the time because no matter what fragrance you use with it you can smell the THC. So I use it at bed time. I not a big fan of pills but I found something that worked. But the whole snorting thing I wish I would have never been introduced too. I dont think I would be here if I would have. But I am and now just wanting to feel better. Even after 33 days I still wasnt feeling great so I got on a anti depressant again and that has helped. Thanks for your kind words and help I appreciate it a lot!!

[weaver71]

Addiction is progressive. Initially it may take awhile to build a tolerance and physical dependence, but an addict who returns to a drug will get there in far less time. Then there's the rebound pain of having no chemical or natural pain killers when a person stops again. I have had scoliosis problems since about age 10. I slip a disc all the time, and nothing hurts like a pinched nerve, I know. Chiropractics, acupuncture, muscle strength building, flexibility, nutrition, message, and many other forms of therapy work much more permanently than opiates. Once I got of the pills, I also learned to be more aware when I am developing swelling or tension that are the early signs of a disc being out. I've learned to take it easy and seek alternatives before I end up flat on the floor with that feeling of an ice pick going in and out of my back. I manage better now than i did with a high tolerance to pills. I hope you find balance and those things that work for you, but the opiates are only a band aid that will only cover the pain for awhile.

[cemichael]

Great posts!!!!!  I am on day 6 and am feeling better considering what I went through the last few days.

I have had chronic pain for the last 4 years.  My pain is caused by RA, which is a type of arthritis caused by my immune system attaching my joints.  

Now that I am past the accute withdraws, I have been considering using pain medication as perscribed.  I see from the post above that using opiates is not an option for an addict.  I have to get use to using that word to describe myself.  

Does any one have familiarity with RA and possible alternative pain management.  I am allergic to NSAIDs.  If I take anything that is an NSAID, I have to use an epi pine and call an ambulance.

[luvabugga]

Have you tried physical therapy at all??  I know I sound like a big pt nut, and maybe I am now, but I guess I'm just amazed at how I'm feeling.  The key is to finding a good therapist that will not only work with you while you're there, but teach you how to adjust your every day life.  Sometimes it can be the smallest things that help so much...like how many pillows you sleep with, or your posture while you're just sitting there watching tv.  It really can make such a difference.

You may be one that needs to stay on pain meds, who knows that but you.  But I have to tell you I seriously doubt you will be able to stay in control of it but what you're saying.  Don't get me wrong, I completely understand the pain and how debilitating it is and why you would think that's the only route.  BUT....I think if you focused your "I can't" thoughts into trying different methods, you might surprise yourself on what could work.  I'm not trying to go all hard-*** on you(well maybe I am a little), but I don't think you're giving any alternative remedies enough of a chance.  I've had the same pity-party as you...and no one wanted to come to my party but me!  It's a very lonely party...and not a fun one!

You said at 33 days you still weren't feeling great.  Well I know you've been around here long enough to read all the experiences of everyone's recovery and how you're not expected to be healed in that amount of time.  Stop being so hard on yourself and expecting so much.  It's an every day battle and one day you may feel great and then next not so much.  Isn't that just life in general anyway?

I'll be more than happy to discuss with you different things I'm doing now since stopping the meds, and what's working for me.  It's up to you...just let me know.  Please just research different things before going full swing back into the pain meds.  I know there's something out there that WILL work!