Just need support

[cikofit]

I took my last (hopefully) vicoden last night.  I started taking them 6 years ago after the birth of my 3rd son. I took them on and off for a while but have taken them very consistently for 3 years.  I continue to need more throughout the day just so I don't feel like crap.  Last year I had an injury that required surgery.  I got a script and that made it worse.  The amount that I took everyday increased and I have even started taking them during the day while at work and I feel like absolutly crap about it. So ashamed and no one to talk to.  I don't want anyone to know that I let it get this bad.  I'm so sick of it.  I literally think about them all the time.  When can I take another? Should I wait another hour? When and where can I get more?  It's horrible.  Now I'm scared of the withdraws. I can't focus right now and I'm afraid it will get worse.  I've tried to quit in the past and not sleeping is what always makes me start back up.  I just want to feel good again. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how to get thru the withdraws? I work full time and have 3 very active boys. I can't let this take me down.

[Cheesburger79]

  Thanks, and yeah....I'm mad at myself too-we sure can't blame anyone else for this can we? And though saying it out loud *****, its like getting a dead weight off your back.
   Thats why seeing a pysch, in my opionion is better than seeing a medical doc about this stuff. They specialize in helping folks like us, and theres a ton of us! It's somewhere you can go and let it all out, and it's nothing they haven't seen before, ya know?
   I totally did this to myself-no surgery, no kids...my dad passed away and I drowned my pain in opiates. It was completely just to mentally escape...and now, I'm spending his hard earned money on this crap. THAT kills me-and I know I gotta get out now, to save my life. He wouldn't have wanted this for me. And you have a family that you need to be around for.
    Were in it together-the forum IS good, and I don't know ya, but even if you can just get it off your chest to SOMEONE-well, it's done me alot of good. And if ya DO wind up goin to a doc, they will totally help you out with the sleep thing. If not, well, were here! Hang in there baby! --Lori

[cikofit]

Wow, Thanks. Your words are really helpful. I think finding this site is the best thing that I could have done. To be honest, I'm afraid to talk to a Dr. because then I have to tell someone I am abusing drugs.  I have a hard time saying the words outload. I am definately going to look into the supplements.  I have read a lot about them on this site and I hope they will help me cope and especially sleep.  It is an absolutely horrible feeling to be up at 3:00 am and you can't sleep, knowing that you have to work in the morning and then come home and be a mom. And the worst part is that I did it to myself. No one else to blame. I look back and think - When did I become an addict? What the hell? How did I let this happen? I'm Angry! Maybe I should see someone huh? :)

[Cheesburger79]

  Hi there. First of all, you have people to talk to right here! This is a good place to start.
    Second, if you take out the children, you and I are dealing with the same dillema. I totally know how you feel. That stuff runs us like machines. It's poison that will take our money, health and flippin will to do anything away if we let it-so being that your DONE-I first want to congradulate you. I wait for the day I'm in those shoes of yours-it's comin right up, I'm tapering down right now.

   Do you have a good doc? If you can see one and be honest about your addiction they should help you with the sleep issue. I live in Michigan, and go to a pyschiatric (outpatient)clinic, the state even pays for it-those people are well schooled in these matters-you can see a counselor, talk it out, and a doc to get the right meds to help you through this.
   On the Health pages of this forum theres a wealth of info on what you can do to get through this thing easier. Theres vitamans, amino acids and supplements to take the edge off a bit. Those two things (the doc and the supplements), are helpin me out alot.
   I just wanted to say hi and tell you your DEFINETLY not alone in this fight. People all over the world from all walks of life are struggling, fighting and winning this battle.
   And it IS a battle-but heres what might help too-analyze it a little.
   Those little pills have no will of theyre own, and I know it doesnt feel like that right now, but really theyre just small blank objects--YOU are the creature full of love and light with willpower and a family that loves you. You have this power-cry, pray, fight and win. Do what you have to do-this is not an easy walk. It's a journey, and a very tough one, but were the human beings here, right? We can't let this nonsense ruin us anymore.
   So all the best to you. Your not alone, and you got this!
   Lots of Luck and Love-Lori