day 4 loosing it

[dessss]

You guys I'm on day 4 now and I feel like I'm loosing my mind. All I can think about is getting some pills. I actually drove around town for an hour, for what I dunno because I dont know anyone in this town. I feel like I cant control it. I cant stop crying, I feel helpless and hopeless. Is it going to end? What can I do? Physically I feel fine for now but mentally I'm driving myself insane.. I actually had an awake dream that it snowed percs.. Its messed up I just want it to go away. any suggestions

[justlikeyou]

hang tough, do anything you need to but pick up a pill, it will get better.

[dessss]

ok I went for the walk. Came home drank a white russian. I'm not a big drinker but it's calmed down the cravings for now. It's just messed up that all you think about is finding some relief. I wanna stay straight I really do. I guess just makink it a couple more hours is good.. Trust me if I knew anywhere to get some ativan or something of that nature i would. I dont particually like them but I think they would help. I hafta be honest in the fact that in the last 24 hours I've taken 16pms they are not working. I just wanna be normal.

[dessss]

I forgot to add as messed up as it may be Deacon I am jealous.. I dont wanna be but I am.

[Deacon1974]

Don't be jealous. Just think, I'm over here talking all BIG and **** and I have more of chance of relapsing than you. I have pills in my home!!! I know it's hard, you just gotta do the opposite of what your mind is telling you. It's ****** up I know. But it's working for me. Plus I smoke pot. Not advocating it to anyone but it's helping me.

[Deacon1974]

Maybe I shouldn't have posted the I have pills thing again. Sorry. If you knew me and my ways you'd be suprised as **** too that they haven't been eaten.

[dessss]

Dont feel bad please. If I may be honest yesterday when you said you drove hundreds of miles to score. I was right there with you. Believe me if there was someone withing 500 miles of me I WOULD DRIVE!! This is hell. My dh smokes. I hate pot. I dont want him to quit but I just dont like it. I WISH I DID> this is so hard. It's a horrible feeling when  you would do ANYTHING for a freakin perc.. I wish I could be as strong as you.. I woulda f'ed my man up if I knew he had anything. I commend you for your strenth..I wish I could have a morsol of it. I dont I'd kill for a Pill right now..

What do I tell the er to fix me with some ativan or something to relax cause I cant do alone.. pLEASE