And day 1 of truly believing I will never touch a pill again. I told my husband that I'm in too deep and we flushed everything. $1000 worth of pills. I was so proud. I want my life back!!!!! I cannot thrive with these demons. I'm stronger than this. I'm writing this so I remember. I'm done!!!! Rereading all your comments has helped me so much. Thank you all!
Consider keeping a journal, either on this site or just written down at home. Whenever I have a bad day I refer back to mine. Writing things down gives you something to look at when you have a bad (or good) day. Keep up the great work!!
Congrats on day 5 !! Whoo Hooo and for Flushing !! That sure made a statement of how tired you are of pills running your life.. I feel very Proud for you !! Your husband must be over the top to have his wife back as it does not take long for our mind to rid itself of the fog.. I'm sure he missed you I'm sure You missed you.. I feel very Happy and Proud for you !! Keep that fighting attitude ok.. lesa
That's so great you flushed all that poison. I keep asking for the strength to flush mine. I'm finally on Day 10 and physically feeling a bunch better, though still pretty weak. Your courage and resolve is inspiring! All the best-
Day 8 and it's been rough. The anxiety and sleeping like 5 hours a night is wearing on me. BUT I HATE pills. I really do. I've never felt THAT before. Usually around this time, I'm trying to talk myself back into them. I DO get moments of that but I tell my mind to stop lying and it passes pretty quickly. My husband has been amazing. He listens to me go on and on about how I'm feeling (I'm not usually this annoying--lol--so I have to give him kudos). We are going to the lake with our twin toddlers this weekend and I hope when I come back (Day 11), I'll be more relaxed. I hope. I hope. I hope. The anxiety is horrid.
Thanks to all of you for caring--I'm using this site as my aftercare and plan on staying connected even after I think I'm "recovered."
Sodone - I can relate to what you're saying SO much. It was different when I quit over two years ago (yikes) - but I remember thinking the way you are right now and I felt different and I knew in my heart those days were over. And I was SO ready to move on - anxiety and all. Keep going - and stay busy (super important). I'm proud of you (hope it's okay I say that?) :) (from one "done" to another!)
I have had the same problem with the sleeping and the anxiety. I am on day 15 and the anxiety is pretty much gone but the sleepless nights are still there. Just keep pushing and if you haven't started a multi-vitamin or something that will help give your body what it needs. I started drinking pretty much gatorade and water and the combination of those and vitamins has helped I think get the toxins out of my system. The mental part of it will be a battle for me for a while. I have a very addictive personality and my new addiction is exercise. Guess it could turn into a bad addiction if I hurt myself or something, but right now it is a happy addiction. Congrats on Day 8 and enjoy your vacation. Look at it as a reward for what you have accomplished. I have noticed that I beat myself up over what I have done to myself and my loved ones. It is time for me to be there for them. They have problems as well and I was selfish in the process. Be proud of yourself and just keep pushing. There will be bad days 20 years down the road, but any bad day is better than a good day on pills.
OK--On Day 11 night. The lake was really refreshing--it was great to get into nature and let go. Sleep was hard and I was cranky at times but it was overall good. Now that I'm back, I panicked. I started thinking about the pills and feeling weird. Now I'm in a fight with my husband because I'm being really mean. This is some crazy stuff I got myself into. I pray I have the power to overcome it for good.
It's insane isn't it ? More than you really imagined, am i right ? Im also on about day 11 or so from being clean off pills and it just keeps getting worse and worse. These PAWS are without a doubt the worst thing I have ever dealt with.
Im 23 and have been abusing drugs since age 15. Between all of the LSD and opiates I have completely lost myself. Coming back to reality is 10x worse than the actual withdrawals I went through. I wouldn't take any of it back but I sure as hell wish that I was smarter then I have been.
Do you think "coming back to reality" is what your major problem is at this point or what exactly are feeling that is the hardest ? I'm sure cravings are in running as rampant as ever.
Folks... if you choose to walk on feathers you WILL pay the full price of admission as well as the departure. If you see an opiate, run in the other direction and thank me for the advice later.
I'm reading back now and SO HAPPY I got past this. I didn't think I had it in me to quit. I'm on Day 43 and life is SO good. Thanks to every one of you who took the time to help me. You saved me--you really did. And I'll be on this site for the rest of my life to try to help others.
Living the rest of your days abusing painkillers (like i did) was just not part of your destiny. ;-)
I felt that way after the detox phase...kind of like thanking God for helping me get off meds and then asking... ok what next?...
You should be proud of where you're at now...I remember when I was lurking and still using I would see a post of 43 days and wish ....man If I could say that...now because of the help of people here i CAN say it...how cool is that..?
It did seem so impossible to even get to Day 10, didn't it?! I'm just so happy to be able to hit double digits and know that someday soon I'll be posting on my 6-month and 1-year (heck, even 10-year) marks!!! Congrats to you! Like you, I'll be on here talking to the lurkers and telling them it IS possible.
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