day 6

[konrado]

This is day 6 into my vicodin withdrawal. I am doing this thru an ambulatory detox with clonipine and serax. I am also going to group therapy 3 times per week. I still feel like ****. I am tired and cry easily. This is awful. My counselor says it will get better. I am schedulked to go to an AA meeting on Sunday. I have no problem with that. I would be so easy to take a pill and feel better. I know that's not a choice now but my brain is telling me different. Does this get better? I have heard that narcotic addiction takes a long time to get beyond the withdrawl symptoms. I know I have this addictive brain. This sucks big time. 6 days sober  1 hour at a time.

[pon]

gald you are making it...that e-mail address will still be good when you get back...23 for me and A OK

pon

[konrado]

Thanks for the support. You have been on my side from the beginning.   Today is another blah day, but i have not used. I found a 10 mg hydrocodone in my briefcase the other day. I looked at it for a few minutes thinking I wonder If that warm fuzzy feeling would hit me. Then I realized it was only one and I am going to get a urine test at the inpatient center so why mess around. I am to old(56) and too serious for this. I kept it for a while then I flushed it. 1 month ago I would have just swallowed it without a second thought.
I told my wife today that I thought my allergies didn't bother me when I was using she said they did and my recollection is wrong. Must be my brain tricking me into getting some vicodin. Life as a stright honest person takes work for an addict.
Thanks for the email I will send you a brief message just to touch base. I will be out of touch for most of Oct and maybe part of Nov. Don't get discouraged. Just keep emailing and I will get back to you. Konrado

[pon]

Glad to hear from you...look at it this way...you've made it 24.5 days...you may have started to slip a little, but you DID hold it together...that is very different from the guy I was writing to at day six.  The 28 day in treatment will only do good.  It will give you more time under your belt...and believe me this gets easier with time...and you'll keep your licsense.  Put things in perspective...you'll walk out with a clean slate and a new start at life AND 60 clean days under your belt.

You're gonna make it...I'm happy for you and proud of you...you've faced up to it and are winning...

21 days for me today and feeling good...you will feel good agin too...write when you can  ***@****

pon

[konrado]

Day 24 1/2. Started to back slide yesterday. Got myself overwhelmed and started to crawl back into my head. Was getting testy with everyone luckily my wife called me on that. Started to emerge again. I see that as a relapse sign. If I start shutting down and quit talking then I now know I am getting myself into trouble. On of the people in my group noticed that and called me today to say she was concerned. I appreciate that.
I am going to a drug treatment center for 28 days or longer as a stipulation to keep my license. I don't know what to expect but this is my higher power acting on my behalf. It's out of my control. Fighting it will produce more problems than going with the flow. Lord knows my trying to control my life was a failure this last year. KO

[pon]

Conrats on 21 clean...you should read through your older posts and HEAR HOW MUCH BETTER YOU SOUND.  I'm proud of you, you're makin it.

Let the other stuff come as it does, life has a way of taking care of things and if this is a first incident, my guess is your lawyer will be able to get you through OK.

DON'T get hung up on the cravings...everyone's w/d is different.  you may have them, you may not...no fixed formula of how it goes.  Just be happy you're not having to deal with them, but keep yourself strong and balanced in case they do pop up.

I am 17 days today and my cravings seem to be gone...maybe we're both lucky.

Good job man...keep posting, let me know how you are doing.

pon

[suzieneedshelp]

Ty Cheez.  I use about one bottle in 4 days of the stadol.  I have used it for over 10 years.  I just got a prescription from my Dr. of darvocet to hold me over...not very courageous I guess.  But I really love the inhaler nature of stadol administration.  Im kinda obssessive / compulsive so I use just to do something...Stupid I know.  Cuz that's how I got addicted prolly other than my chronic pain.  Anyway thank you for replying to me.
Suzie

[skipper]

susie:
welcome to the forum! there will always be room for just one more
junkie...so please come in! like the poster 'fore me said  POST \
CLOSER TO THE TOP! you know it's people like you that this forum is all about, so please keep posting! you are not alone!

keep an angel on your shoulder!
kip

[Chezz]

Susie,

I feel for you. I know this must be hard. I am not familiar with Stadol. Although I am going to post this up top, so somebody can help you with this.

We do need the specifics like Jess asked about though. This is the most important thing. Doses, per day, ect.

We are here to help, keep posting.
Chezz

[suzieneedshelp]

hELP PLEASE.  I HAVE BEEN ADDICTED TO STADOL FOR OVER 10 YEARS.  TOOK IT FOR MIGRAINES AND SEVERE DAILY HEADACHES. NOW MY SUPPLY HAS BEEN CUT OFF.  I WILL START WITHDRAWAL TONIGHT I GUESS.  I AM TERRIFIED.  HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TOP EXPECT. I HAVE AN 8 Y O DAUGHTER WHO NEEDS ME.  CAN SOMEONE PLEASE SEND ME PHONE NUMBER ON E-MAIL AND I WILL TALK TO THEM ON PHONE? PLEASE I NEED HELP.  I AM A PROFESSIONAL WOMAN LIVING IN FL.   HAVE A MASTERS DEGREE.
I AM TERRIFIED.   PLEASE POST HERE WHAT TO EXPECT FROM OPIATE WIHTDRAWAL.  WILL I BE ABLE TO TAKE MY DAUGHTER TO SCHOOL IN THE A.M.?
PLEASE HELP...

[konrado]

Going to be 3 full weeks tomorrow at 5 pm. That's 21 days without a f****king vicodin. I am feeling stronger daily my mind is coming back. I am working at constructive rather than destructive behaviors. I am learning to keep my big mouth shut and listen before I saying something stupid. I think that is a defense mechanism. Well  nuf of that. I am learning to let go and let my higher power take over. Now this is my attorney. I have to be careful not to give that power to everyone I meet because of guilt or inferiorityh feelings. I am a human being no more no less, no better or worse than anyone else.
I am concerned about something though. Where are the cravings??? When will that hit?? The drug taking seemed warm and fuzzy at times and hellaciously tiring at others. More tired than not. I hate tired. Am I setting myself up for a fall?

[pon]

I think it was eveybody...hang in there...keep focusing on the future without the meds...a real life ....one with only the usual worries, not the constant strain and stress of addiction....one with good things and times....one where you are not always looking over your shoulder...you can make it and there is so much more good waiting for you if you do....hang in there!

pon

[konrado]

This has bneen a real test of faith. One of my assistants quit along with every thing else. Am putting a lot of trust in my higher power. Wwo was it in the bible Job?

[pon]

Good luck tomorrow...the key to all this is to get the damn drugs out of your life...one way or another you need to do that to get back your life.

I hope that it turns out OK for you, hopefully they will not take your practice....but remember one thing...they may take your practice, but the drugs may take your life...which is worth more?

If I get to choose between you and your practice...I choose you.

Work with the advocate, work with your lawyer....let them help if they will.  I'm betting you have a much better chance of keeping your practice if you work with them, go through treatment and come out clean...if you do that you have your LIFE back at least...right?

Hang in there and keep posting....

[konrado]

Thanks for you interest and feed back. Accoeding to what I am hearing I will probably be going to an inpatient facility for 28 days to 6 weeks. I will know more when my attorney calls the investigators tomorrow. I also have called the doc's adovacte society for their help. The go between the board, the treatment facility and me. Tomorrow will be interesting. Whatever happens there I will go. Up to my higher power now.

[pon]

Stay clean...you got where you are right now because of the meds....don't let them make it worse.  Do what you need to do to save your practice....but more important, do what you need to do to save YOURSELF...stay clean.  You've made it a long way Konrado...hang in there...it will be worth it.

[konrado]

Am on day 14. Had the scare the life on Thurs. My licensing board agents came in to my office with a supeona and said they were looking for narcotics irregularities. I paniced and started spouting off. Told them almost everything and tried to implicate a former business manager who I know sent them in. I called my attorney and he chewed me out. It's going to be a $20,000 retainer to start this thing. He said to put it on a charge card. I don't want to lose my practice. Said he hopes it won't go to the county prosecutor. So do I. A few times I felt like taking a pill but I said no. This is what got me here. Besides I am undergoing drug testing at my rehab. It wouldn't look good to get  bounced out of there. I signed myself in. Who knows where this will get me but a pill won't get me out of it and I have 14 3/4 days into this. My last 5 vicodins were 5 pm on Sep 2002. Am dog tired I know some of this is the fact I am not hungry and can't sleep well. Well higher power I'm ready to move on where ever you take me. Konrado

[pon]

congrats man...you are great...you have really done well...I am really happy to hear you at day 13 sounding so good...I'm looking forward now, sounds like you are too

[konrado]

Today is day 13 still sober last pills were 5pm Fri. Sep 6.  Went to see my physician. My blood pressure was thru the roof.  I have been off the clonopin for 3-4 days. He said it could be a rebound effect from the clonopin. He put me on a beta blocker to get my lood pressure down & rid of some of the anxiety. I had a shocking experierence which could permanently put me out of my career. Have to trust my higher power here.  My doc also said that what I went thru was physical withdrawal signs. He would have tapered me off rather than got cold turkey. Now that I am here I don't have the desire to go back. NO CRAVING for the Vicodin. I guess I'm too scared. A pill would only depress me. Hang in there Pon it gets better even though you will get road blocks thrown in you way.

[pon]

congrats on 11...you are making it...you sound a lot better in your posts.  Day 7 for me cold turkey and I am actually feeling not too bad.  I am like you, I want to get through this and back on with life...enough is enough.

Hang in there man, you're doing it...you really are.  I know what my life was like after I quit alcohol 15 years ago until this happened , and it was good.  I want it back.  You can get it back to.  You're worth it man...keep counting the days, each one gets better.

[konrado]

This is day 11 my stop day is Sep. 6 2002. Am getting some energy back. I had a sinus infection thru this also which sapped my energy called my doc an he put me on antibiotics. Seems to be helping. Still have minor craves to "feel good" I am still close enough to know that is **** at the end I felt no high even with 10-20 vics a day. Have some minor shakes, mind is coming back. I am going to AA meetings and group therapy. Where is my higher power taking me today? All for now  
PS if you are detoxing good luck it will get better I've been there. I found out that addicts are either using, in withdrawl or in recovery. Right now I want to get to recovery.

[pon]

want to say thanks...you helped me the other day a lot more than showed...I was shaky and it helped a lot to hear what you said.  Day 4 is here and the physical stuff is starting to soften up a lot...depression is still there, but anxiety is starting to ease too...I see better ahead....again, thanks

[pon]

Congrats on day #8...you are doing it man!  GO to the meeting tomorrow it WILL help, jump in with both feet

[bmac]

You are doing good if your'e at day 8.I also went thru medical
detox and did it at home.Once you get the hang over part over,
take the recipe.It helps!I have started the vitamin thing and it will help.The main thing is to stay opiate free.Your body will
heal if you stop giving it what it really wants.I am on day
25 and I can tell you it does get much better.Also using
Clonidine,which is a blood pressure medicine will make you
tired and low levels of energy.It is good for w/d's though.
I did it taking phenobarb and clonidine.8 days of it.At day 15
in my nightmare I stopped everything except vitamins and alot of advil.Calcium is also good for that drug headache some feel.Unless you are depressed don't take anti depressants for drug addiction,that's a watse of money.Get better!
                               bmac

[konrado]

This is day 8. I seem to have more energy but not much. I took off the clonopine yesterday. Doc orginally said 1 week. Had trouble getting to sleep hope it will be better tomorrow eve. Had dinner yesterday and breakfast today. Upped my liquid intake, H2O and some coffe which I understand is a no no. This is to flush my system. Got the Thomas's Recipe stuff, my wife blew up and said your are addicted to pill taking. Had to flush all that stuff so I don't know if that could help. I took a multi-vitamin which seemed to have all that in it. Cravings are minor not as strong. If I get them I can't think of the high I have to remember the fatique that I experienced taking the hydrocodone 12-20 10mgs per day. Had 2 back surgeries so they were prescribed at the beginning. Liked the high so I was able to get them. Don't want to get into that too much at stake there. I am on ambulatory detox with one of our hospitals here. I am going to an AA meeting tomorrow. Dread it and need the support. I have been there before. This is a relapse, big time. Too old for this (56). I keep think of Ringo Starr's song lyrics that went something like this "No, no thank you please I'm tired of waking on the floor" I would buy the record but I am in financial trouble to the tune of $80,000 buying guns and knives while high. Brilliant. Well enough rambling.
Hang in there and get off the clonopine if you can. I is supposed to control the cravings and GI distress. Once you quit crapping you brains out take off the patch. Wait 3-4 hours if the cravings come back as does the diahrea then put the patch back on.
Going cold turkey is the worst. Opiate withdawl is like heroin withdrawal. My new support group was amazed I wasn't hospitalized. The cocaine addict said he had no withdrawal but the cravings were worse. Remember this, your are or were using the rich or poor man's heroin. It will kill your if nothing else you will be overdosing on tylenol the APAP part of your script. 4000 mgs per day is supposed to be toxic. 1 tab can have up to 750 mgs off the stuff. It will destroy your live and kidneys. Liver I understand can regenerate. You only have 2 kidneys and they don't. Gotta stop I am rambling and I am only on day 8 of my recovery.