70 Days Clean

[Cantdothisanymore]

I am well past the physical symptoms - I am in counseling, I am taking the supplements. I feel physically okay - so why why why can I not shake the cravings? From day 1 the mental part has by far been the hardest for me. I still do not hate my DOC. I wish I did. I don't ever want to go back to being chained to the Rx bottle - I have no intention (at least consiencely) to relapse...so why can't I just be happy and never want one again? I really NEED to get past these cravings. My life is so very hectic as I have several folks to care for and sometimes the energy it takes to maintain peace in the house, get kids to and fro, help out with aging grandmother and deal with a (non-live) in boyfirend who wants me around his house all the time - and he lives 30 miles away - and currently does not have a drivers license ( DUI 18 moths ago) active AA member now, but I have to drive everyone everywhere and I have a full time job.  So I am always thinking about the added boost a pill will give me when I am feeling tired and overwhelmed but that's not a road I want to go down anymore.  I take care of everyone else and sometimes neglect myself ( even to the point where I forget to EAT!) How can I put me first for a while so that I can make my life work?

[laurel453]

well said, Lindsay... i mean... you are really trying to learn as much as you can and you are putting your recovery first... this is the way to go :)

cantdothisanymore, i don't think you are being fair to us or to the forum...i give you my word that as far as i know there are no lost causes here, no way... every one of us is important and also every one of us try our best, giving and taking......, you have had quite a lot of support here, make yourself a favour , please, and focus yourself on the positive and on your recovery... people have been supporting you the best they can...  i wish i could support each one of the posters and my admiration goes for the people with very few answers that keep trying but to be honest, i don't think it is your case... you have a lot of people supporting you :) don't feel apart or a lost cause because you are not, of course, you are not ! and you are very welcome , sure :)

[Jesusluvme]

Hi everyone
I am as close as I ame ver going to get to trying to stop my pain pill addiction. mentally I am strong, but physically it is horrible. I have 6 kids all under twelve. It is so hard to care for them while I am having withdrawals. I tried to quit cold turkey, but i couldnt last one day. I was so sick and I couldnt get off the couch, while all the while My one year old was running around the house, my other 3 kids needed me to pick them up from school and my oldest was having an emotional breakdown about starting a new school. I usually take 6-8 vicodins a day or norcos if I can get my hands on some. I have 10 pills left and am wondering if I could taper down with that and would it be easier in my case. I recently posted some questions and stuff I was going though, but No one responded. I really need support, am in the right place?

[Lindsay_T]

Can't do this,
No ! Don't go that route about this forum.I don't know what you are talking about regarding a particular poster, but my heart goes out to you. (I hope it wasn't me???)
I can relate To you because I too am a people please. I too have poor boundaries. I too get jacked up left and right because I allow people to need me more than I need myself.
So, now you are working on your addiction. Keep that #1. But be aware of your overall health and well being.
I love the answers about how to fight cravings. We all want each other to succeed. You know this!!!!
Howver, I bet 10 bucks you don't have time to pick up a deck of cards. Think about that. You don't have time to pick up a deck of cards and play solitaire. Why is that? Because you are stretched so thin!!!
That leads to exhaustion and that leads to cravings.
I am learning to say NO! To everyone's everything. I am worked up, but that's because it is time for YOU to take care of YOU.
Your counselor can give you some practical suggestions. Like every night at 9 pm take a bath. You'll be surprised how hard this is. Not because it is hard for 99% of the world, but because it is hard for you. You need to say NO to others and yes to yourself.
You'll have more energy and less cravings.
I got two massages in two weeks. That was the first massage I've had in years! Forget the housework most days. Make the kids pitch in.
Tell the boyfriend you need down time. You are overwhelmed. You are not a robot. You can't do it all. Trust me, Can't do it, I KNOW what you are up against.
I have 2 teens, a very needy hubby, a mother in law that I care for, (92 yo) a very high pressure high profile job with the Air Force AND I can't do it all!!!! Neither can you.
I was "doing it all" with lots and lots of help from pills. They were my duct tape.
Now i'm all over the place. messy house. kids mad because I won't take to store, hubby concerned by all my emotional ups and downs!
And ya know what? Good! I'm more healthy even if they are disappointed that I'm not doing everything for them. Ultimately I am loving them MORE by killing myself LESS to please them. Please take a hug and tell me it is true? hugs and hugs, Lindsay

[Cantdothisanymore]

I am thinking of starting NA, Have to say I diont feel very welcome on this forum anymore. Seems to me that I have been chalked up as a lost cause to you all since I got a little upset with a particular poster. I didnt mean to offend anyone but seems that my posts are not getting many responses lately. I apologize if I hurt feelings somehow

[Htownnofrown]

For me the only thing that got rid of the cravings was getting into AA/NA and working the steps with a sponsor. Counseling helped with some things in my life but the steps were the only thing that worked for the urges to use. Have you thought about going that route?

[Cantdothisanymore]

Thanks for your comments everyone. Somehow I am staying clen, I just really want to stop thinking about it. It is getting less severe but still there.

[laurel453]

Vikki.... you have fighted each one of these 70 days ...CONGRATS :)

[Dav125]

I wish I had a magical answer on these cravings too Vikki, but I just don't know what to say other than keep fighting them..At some point they;ve got to lighten up..All I can add is just do your darndest to put those thoughts aside when they hit you..Try to find something to divert your attention..Even if it means maybe getting a deck of cards out and playing solitaire..I use to do that when I was battling with the cigarettes..It did help.:)

70 days,,wow! Good job!

[pattifan]

Hi,

Well done on your clean time!

I don't know if you have them over there, but in the UK we have Tictac mints.

Some folk find that when they get the urge to take a pill, popping a mint goes a little way towards satisfying that urge.

Doesn't hurt to try it !

[stilltrying1965]

Well done on staying clean. The mental thing craving and all is the hardest part. You sound as though but i promise things will get better good luck and all the best ,,,,,James

[jstntime]

Hey you,

So nice to see you back!!!!  It's great news you are staying clean.

It sounds like you need to set some boundaries.  You ARE still early in recovery and getting repeatedly overwhelmed is not going to help you.

Can you bring this up with your counselor?  You have to look after YOU and you need to find a way to do this.  I wish I had some magic answer for you.

Very very happy to see you still clean, so proud of you!!!!

bob