Day 2

[jc1002]

I am new to the forum and not exactly sure how/where to post.  I have been reading the posts here for several weeks and decided to bite the bullet myself.  I have been taking vic's for a year or so only a few a day (2,3 sometimes maybe 4), so I am assuming that the symptoms I am feeling, however terrible, are minor compared to some that have taken much more.  (my hats off to you) Even though only taking that amout each day, my body is aching, head is hurting, legs are restless, and I dont even want to start about the stomach.  :-)  I know this is only day 2 without the pills this is no fun.  I havent read anything about anyone having a hard time breathing.  I know that it can be a side affect of the drugs.  Has anyone experienced this?  

Reading about the journey some of you are on doesnt paint a pretty picture of the next few days.  :-)  I, like someone else on the forum, have no support and must rely on my own strength to get through this.  Pretending that I feel fine is hard to do thats for sure.  

Reading some of these posts I got to thinking that these pills arent affecting me this way or that way, then I read something about someone reading books and do not remember them.  That struck me.  I thought my memory issues were due to lack of sleep or something like that.  Thanks for posting that information.  Helps me to realize that they are affecting me more than I know.  

So here's to another long, long day.....  I was hoping that the worst was over, but from what I am reading, the worst is still waiting for me.  JOY  :-(  

jc

[jc1002]

Thanks everyone.  Your support means the world to me!  

jc

[Dixiechick72]

Lol Waz. I still wish I was there with sonrissa. I told her I would have posted that crap to the walmart stuff!!! :)  funny because while I was at the pool with my son some girl was out there with 4 small kids. She's working on her tan and the poor babies were crying. What does she do?? Tell them to shut the F up and leave her alone. My body went tense and it took every ounce of me to not bash her face in and tell her to shut the F up and watch ur kids!!!!! I told my son one more time and I'm giving it to her!!!  I think she heard me... Cause she got up and left :) I really didn't care!! Lol lovely emotions!!! Ha
Jc. Yeah it's gets tough. But u are tougher!!! Good job

[thewaz]

Emotions are all over the place.  It's crazy.  On Hell Week I had a complete temper tantrum over some kids fighting in the next yard.  Slamming my deck chair and repeatedly yelling SHUT THE HELL UP.  Yep.  Very proud of that moment.  Sonrissa can share her wonderful grocery shopping outburst - it's a favorite of mine.  We're waking up.  Our brains are feeling.  And we're not sure what to do with that yet.  My anger has totally subsided.  I'm still anxious in the mornings but at 21 days today, I will promise you it all gets better.

[vicki595]

It was great that you controlled that urge! It sounds like a bad time...
Do you have a stash of pills in the house? If so, you had better flush those devils!

[Dixiechick72]

Jc good job!!!! Woo hoo!!! U are doing this!!! Look at yourself in the mirror and smile!!! Welcome to the joys of getting sober. You're feeling again. You're going to feel more. U don't realize how much u lose when u take those damn things. But we hid our emotions. So u may find yourself going through many different emotions at the drop of a hat.  I too had a fun night but all it did was push me to workout. ;) so it ended up good!!!  So don't be afraid to start feeling again. Just stay true to who u are now!!! That's being sober!!! So proud u stuck it out. Good good job!!!!

[kellkell2184]

I am right there with you on having no support. I have put my family threw so much that if they knew I was detoxing again I am not sure they would stick by me. They would be so hurt that I was using again like before. So I have to pull it off that I just have the flu in now June that's believable right? I just hope that I will pull through this and be okay. I hope you have the same faith and strength and I wish it to you as well!

[Lilasme]

your emotions will be all over the place...that was/is my experience...not to mention you don't feel well...that might make you a little cranky! lol It does get better...hang in there...you got this!

[selfinduced]

WTG Jc for stepping back and processing, and not trying to get pills. Your right, many get teary, regretful, guilty, ashamed , but many also get irritable, defiant, pissy and angry. This board is a Godsend for bouncing these times off to. Each day you get behind you is one day stronger you will be. Let many things roll right now, and just focus on YOU and your recovery. I commend you on your progress! xx

[jc1002]

Good morning all,
Made it through another night.  Last night was terrible.  Evidently I told on the GF's 14 year old son (to her) and it pissed her off.  (mind you all I was going to do was to let her dog out)  So in my emotional state, the evening turned sour fast.  She thru a 12 year old type temper tantrom and because of that I was so angry I was shaking.  I immediately looked to take pills.  I figured my life ***** anyway why bother with this.  But then I thought of this board and you people on here that are supporting me.  You will be proud as I stayed strong and resisted the temptation.  So now I am progressing through another day still clean.  Thank you guys so much.  I know what someone meant now when he said that one of you were sitting on his shoulder telling him to be strong.  I felt that same thing.  

About the anger.....I was under the impression that I would be emotional, like sad and depressed.  Maybe it affects everyone differently.  Anyone have to cope with this?

jc

[kyle505]

I can't imagine having to go to work while going through this...You are a very strong person, stronger than I was. For me, the weekends were hard at first because, and you said it, it is important to keep your mind occupied.
3 o'clock was my witching hour, when I took my pills. So getting past that point was a challenge. You have to find things to do; hobbies, exercise, whatever. It gets better and better as the days pass. You are doing great. Keep us posted.

[vicki595]

LOL. "maybe a new GF would help"...just get yourself 100% before going down that road! You might want to think it over...

Glad you got through the day and just know that days can be difficult when you're clean, as well, so prepare yourself and keep strong.

[jc1002]

I have made it thru another day at work.  Still feeling rough, but since this is the beginning of day four, I feel like Friday will be an easier day.  If not, it will be one day closer to the day I do feel good again.  I know why its called hell week.  This *****!  For anyone just starting this horrible week, you can get thru it.  Im focusing on getting thru each hour as they pass and knowing it was a successful hour.  

Funny thing, my supplier called me yesterday.  Glad I have this board for support, would have been easy to go pick some up.  

jc

[jc1002]

Thanks for the responses.  Funny how quickly we can get ourselves in this situation.  Im looking forward to feeling somewhat normal pretty soon.  I forgot my motrin/advil today, I may need to run to the store for some.  Of course the exhausted feeling is still here too, I know that just takes time for that to go away.  Maybe a new GF would help also.  haha  

thanks again for everyones help.  :-)  

[vicki595]

Hi there-     You've done very well so far...

Try to treat things symptomatically:  Motrin for back pain, B vitamins for brain healing and energy, lots of liquids and food, potassium and magnesium capsules for restlessness, hot baths with Epsom salts to relieve muscle tension, and as much rest and quiet time as possible.

Some support at home would go a long way but if that's not happening, maybe a trusted friend or relative to talk with...

[IBKleen]

It usually takes about a week or so for all of the aches and pains to subside. Don't let it throw you off your game as it will get better. they sell heat wraps which work good and you can wear them under your clothing so no one will see them and they last 8 hours. Watch your posture as well. Slumping will cause more pain. Hot baths in the evening, especially before bed will ease the muscles. Aleve or Motrin works well--believe it or not.

Keep going forward and whatever you do--don't use!!!

[jc1002]

Another question for you guys.  How long does the horrible back pain last?  I have a desk job, for the most part, and when I get up off the chair I feel like I am about 90 years old.  :-(

jc

[jc1002]

Im in the middle of day 3 now of WD's.  I actually slept pretty good last night with the help of 1/2 ambian and some Thera-Flu.  The WD's seemed to have eased up just a little.  Not sure if its because Im past the worst or that its morning.  :-)  My back is still aching and I still feel like I have the flu but im happy thats at least at this point its not as bad as it was yesterday afternoon. (yet anyway)

I mentioned yesterday that I didnt understand the emotional mess that comes with this.  Well, I feel that this morning.  I dont have a great home life. (live in gf)  I get no attention from her what so ever, and under normal circumstances I just deal with it, but today its reaking havoc with me.  I guess this too will pass, (the emotional part anyway)  

Do you think I feel better because its morning and the wd's will get worse as the day progresses?  Thanks to everyone for their support!!  You all are a great help.

jc

[selfinduced]

Hey Jc, I know this isn't a walk in the park, but you will come out just fine. Starting is the hard part and kudos' to you for nipping this ugly monster before it get worse. I haven't read the above post, so forgive me if I repeat. YES, vic's defiantly affect your breathing and heart rate, but you can do somethings to help the anxiety. Sleepytime tea all day long if needed, warm baths when you get off work, calming music, and believe it or not aerobic exercise. I always felt relief if I got lost in some form of exercise. Be careful of anxiety meds. I did that route , then had to recently wean from them. Keep it simple and just get the time behind you. Your doing GREAT!

[jc1002]

Thanks Gammie,  Being here at work *****, but the alternative is being at home with alot of time to rationalize why just one pill wont hurt me.  But its probably very hard no matter when you are.  I would love to have a xanax right now to calm everything down.  Its funny how much worse I have gotten over the day while at work.  Glad I have the opportunity to read posts and talk to people like you and others.  I know I have a couple more very rough days ahead of me before it starts to get better.  You are on day five and still having issues breathing?  That *****.  I was hoping that would be one of the first things to go away.  ughh.  Wow this *****!  lol

jc

[gammieof1]

I'm on day 5 and couldn't imagine being at work so you are a very brave and strong! I have done this before and relapsed because of the pain being unbearable but I also noticed that I am more clear, I remember what I'm reading now as well.
I get panic attacks and anxiety that drs put me on xanex at 15!! I stopped taking it because it was another addictive deadly drug but I sure wish I had some now because it is difficult to breath for me as well right now. It helps me to lay in the bath with oil in the water that smells like sandlewood and vanilla...calms me and I can regulate my breathing. Its also great for the aches and I have a burst of energy for about an hour afterword.
There are some awesome people on here which knowing there are people doing this with you somehow gives me strength.
S
Gammie

[jc1002]

I got asked that same thing today at lunch.  I thought I was keeping it together pretty good.  Guess we cant see what others can in our face.  Here is hoping for a better day tomorrow, or at least soon.  :-)  Good luck to you all!

jc

[HelpinSD]

Hi JC and Kyle--I think I'm in the same boat as you. I'm on hour 42 (not that I'm counting) and I was hoping that, because I went through this before, this time it wouldn't be so bad. So far, the physical part hasn't been too bad: no contant runny nose, no constant sneezing or yawning, only a few trips to the bathroom. I've been fortifying myself with immodium, vit C and St John's Wort, so I don't know if that's really helping or if the Big One is going to hit soon. I'm at work, too, and I thought I was acting pretty good until my last cigarette break when a coworker must have noticed a look on my face and asked if I was OK. I keep telling myself, hey, I made it through most of the day already and just need to keep it together for the next 2 hours. Good luck to you both.

[jc1002]

Thanks Kyle.  That makes sense.  I cant imagine the wd's much worse.  If those that were taking 10 or more a day are feeling worse than this, I dont know how they got thru.  These last two days have been the longest of my life.  

While at work I can stay busy enough to keep my mind moving.  How do you deal with this on the weekend when you have time to relax and can focus on the bad feelings?  I chose to stop on Monday so I could deal with the WD's while working.  Maybe by the weekend the worst will have passed?

jc

[notme42long]

Jc I was 7 years prescribed 4 - 10 s a day. I would tell myself I was taking 6 That's bad. Honestly it was 10 + hydro a day.
I had heavy breathing during w d I think some was the anxiety, blood pressure and pulse rate can go up also. Hydro does affect your respiratory. Wd is hell. I was back to work on day 5. Hang in there you will get through this. Keep posting how you're doing ask questions