detox recipe

[LDPage0208]

Hi, I have just started the detox recipe...I found the recipe by doing a search, found the forum, I was so releived. I am scared, very scared.  I have experienced the symptoms of withdrawl...I become a starke-raving-mad-woman,   I have had 2 back surgeries.  My Dr. gives me 90 5/325 percocet and 90 20 mg. oxy.This is for 1 month.  I go through them in as fast a a week and I have made them last as long as 2 weeks. When I run out I have street contacts, but the $$ is breaking me.  This has been going on for about 5 yrs. I feel just awful, not just from the effects of withdrawl but of the shame I feel. I've lied to my family and friends...I can't keep up this act anymore.
  When will the discomfort from withdrawl end?  I need to have someone to talk to that is feeling the same, that has walked this road...and came out on the otherside.  
                                           thanks...

[VicAddict26]

I wanted to give you my story and hope that i can help you on this road to recovery,, your post expecially hit home for me, I have an addiction to hydro's 200-300 mg. daily, usually leaning more towards the 300 unless I was running low. I have had this problem for about 3 years although my love for the opiate was a few years before that. I have tried to detox several times mainly over the last year, because it eats at my soul to know the lies and depriving of my family and myself that I have to go though to continue doing this.. About a year ago i realized that it was an addiction and all the things it does to your mind and body. Since then I have gone as far as 3 days many times, but found my urge greater than the hell you have to go through to get there... I am now on day three of my mission to get my life back and not need this drug to do everything.. it is definately a challenge but i'm going at this with a different aspect this time and i'm going to make it to the other side and enjoy sobriety if it kills me, and sometimes i wonder how much more i can take but then i tell myself what it will be like in a week, a month,  a year... and i want to experience that,,, I wish and pray all the best to you, this is a long journey and you have to be ready and determined to get through it... any time you need to vent feel free i'm on here alot
Lisa from Oregon

[RoseVilla]

I had an addiction to Lortab a few years ago and got off them cold turkey.  Now (for a bona fide medical problem) I'm on Norco 10/325.  I feel nothing from them, why?  Yes, I admit I'm looking for that "smooth feeling".  They are helping my pain and I'm taking 4 a day (only supposed to take 3) but why don't I feel anything?  Perhaps it's better that I don't!  I thought for sure after that withdrawal I went through that I'd never touch another narcotic painkiller again, but even tho my specialist knew I'd been addicted (I was honest with him) he prescribed the Norco for me!  I appreciate a compassionate doctor, but some give out these meds too easily.  But I DON'T blame him; I know I'm responsible for my own actions and I accept the blame.

[Mikeinthesouth]

this is an old post. If you go the addiction abuse forum and post you will get lots of replies to help you through this. Hang in there you are definetely not alone in this.

[lost09]

i have been on perks and oxys for probably 6 to seven years. i have tryed everything. meth didnt work and the people at the program were not very nice so i only went there 4 or 5 times and felt meth was worse than the perks. i just moved across the country to escape it.i have been tapering for a month. and only have another week. and i know when they r gone im screawed. is there anything , herbal, or anything that can help me through this

lost
on an island

[gipsee]

I like you am also a healthcare professional.   Hanging my head in deep shame.     I guess it doesn't make us any less human ... and our demons know no boundaries.  

This withdrawl thing is really nasty.  I don't remember the last time I was truly clearheaded.   Vicodin makes me smart.  I also write and there were times the words just flowed out of me all so eloquently and I'll finish yet another page with a couple more pills.  

I am truly scared...still knowing I'm far from out of the woods, and not nearly so clearheaded.  

Thanks for your post... wishing you well

Gip

[SamHan]

Howdy...thanks for your post.  I too am in the healthcare field.  Yes, I too have had that inner harsh voice of "you are such a hypocrite...helping people while being an addict..SHAME on you."  Briefly, my story is I had 14 years clean/sober and relapsed on narcotics because of the development of a rheumatological condition (ankylosing spondylitis).  I went cold turkey a few days ago (went for 3 days and stumbled across half of a 10/325 Norco in a drawer and impulsively took it...I shouldn't have...) and this morning is day 3.  Last night I woke up 3 times with my shirt soaked!!! I was so scared when peeling it off and flipping the soaked pillow that my wife would wake up and say "What's wrong...are you sick?" and then I would lie.  I'm not as anxious or depressed as the past few days but still flattened, malaised.  I offer my story to be supportive to those who posted about being in the healthcare field-when in the long stretch of recovery I decided to do a career in healthcare as part of the being of service/giving back/getting out of yourself concept and now I am struggling with relapse.  It has really thrown me...at one time my career was adjunct to my recovery...now that my recovery is needing some revamping I have actually been questioning my career choice.  For right now, I need to stay focused, keep my priorities straight, I still go to meetings (despite the fear of fessing up to my sponsor), and will have to come to terms with it.  My biggest concern is down the road if I get a flare up in my neck or back and I am doing all the right things (taking feldene-a non narcotic NSAID), doing my stretches, chiropractic care, glucosamine, etc.....and STILL having day after day sharp pain, waking up with a jammed up neck, going on for a few weeks and getting frustrated.  In the past, when I've been there I got the "screw its" and called the doc for a script...then one leads to two and, well, we all know....  If it happens I will definitely have to try something different.  Thanks to all who have posted.  This forum is VERY helpful.

[mema3]

I too have found that this forum has been a life saver.  It is my new "addiction."

Despite it being words on a screen - EVERYONE has become a lifeline.  I find myself concerned for everyone - knowing that we are fighting this together.  

It has made me wonder when I go out - how does everyone else exist?  Are there more of us out there who just don't know how to reach out for help?  
Happy New Year to all - Happy CLEAN New Year -
Love, Mema

[LDPage0208]

I have taken my L-Tyrosine and Potassium this a.m., I took some benadryl last night to help me sleep...it did a good job.  No sweats last night or leg cramps.  I emptied out my purse looking for a possable stray pill. I will say that the first thing I thought of this morn when I woke up was "I need to check the forum"...then get some coffee!  Right now I am feeling sane, I hope it last for the day.  I think I'm goinna go make a cup of chai tea.  Talk to you all soon,   LDPage

[matine]

welcome to hell. this is where we are at HELL>BUT also here... is a road that surpintines its way out to? anyplace you want to drive too. Start your engine, ease on the gas and...
if the engine fails to start, that is alright. Just try again:)

[orangefyre]

I was on Methadone/Methadose, vicodin, percocets, percodan, you name it (no matter how I spell it), for a total of I think 3 years. I actually dnot remember how long , or when I started the road to self-destruction. I DID NOT have surgeries, I had an abusive boyfriend, and that was my getaway. Unfortunately, once the bum was out of my life, I was left with a VERY HUGE problem. Single mom, w/a drug addiction. Not a good mix for sanity. Anyhow to make long story...short. Here I am tapered down for a YEAR by my DEALER/FRIEND to 40mgs of Meth a day until 7 days ago WHEN I TOOK THAT LAST 1.
This is a place you can go to start your road to repair your self esteem, and shed that embarrassment. WHAT YOU HAVE IS A DISEASE! look at me. IT CAN HAPPEN TO ANYONE, I am a professional at a very prestigious University Hospital. It knows no race, no boundaries, no gender, no class NOTHING. Incase you have forgotten, you are, in fact, HUMAN. And you make mistakes, but sometimes those mistakes are set up for you by docs and surgeries, and ***holes.
You have admitted you have a problem, time to follow through. I will help you if you wish.
What do you want to know?
~Lisa

[reetz1960]

LD,
I felt like I was reading about myself when I first read your post. I got help, but I can still remember how horrible I felt and how low I had become. It got to the point where I was eating 40 pills a day (yes,I did...in fact, I remember one day when I did 48!!) I was playing "games" to get more, and then spent thousands of dollars paying for them.
I almost wanted to die, I was so ashamed. But there IS help out there. I swear to you that there is life after addiction. This is actually my first post on this site. I have never been on tis site before, and I just signed up today! Something just told me to check this web site out....WOW, maybe it was to talk to you!
I am not some crazy person. I am a 46 year old mother of 4 girls (three are 23 yr old triplets and one is 29...I have pictures((~,~)) who has been where you've been and felt the same way you are probably feeling right now.
I will leave it up to you. There are some personal things I don't feel comfortable writing about here, so if you would like to e-mail me feel free to do that. My email address is:
***@****
As I said, feel free to write. And if you don't want to, then I hope you find the answers you seek.
Remember, there are a lot of people out there who have discovered that life is wonderful when our minds and bodies are clean.
((hugs))

[gipsee]

Don't feel so alone...and don't beat yourself up too much...it doesn't help with anything...just makes matters worse...the deal is you found your way to some help and that's the first step.

I understand fully about the shame, I'm a 57 y/o professional, not such a young chick..never wanted to get on this merry-go-round and I'm dizzy.

I gave myself a Xmas present of two-weeks to get off this stuff.  I was doing 6 - 8 Vics a day plus Xanax...and more when I found myself wanting more.  Used to be I do DO STUFF and get things done...just take a pill...that didn't work out too well for very long..we all know the drill.  We get caught up without even realizing what the hell we are doing.

For some, it's better to taper, for me I chose Cold Turkey because I didn't want to go through the taper.  In the end it all comes down to taking that last pill anyway.   I'm on day 10 of detox...physcially I'm doing much, much better, my concentration level is a bit scattered, and I still get those "teeth clenching" episodes where I don't know what to do with myself.   I'm better.

If you decide C/T make sure you have some kinda benzo so you can sleep through the worst of it.   It's like having the worse stomach flu you will ever get for @ 4 days then the it tapers down.  

If there is anything I can do to help just ask.  The people in this forum have been a great source of support.

Gip

[LDPage0208]

I feel/felt so alone, I am in the health care field,  its been my career for the last 20 years.  I am releived that I've found this site and that there are people just like me here, I'm not alone, and that makes me feel better.  I still fear the night sweats and the muscle cramps and I turn into a monster...when I've ventured down this road in the past I've turned into a crazed woman...I fear Jan. 2, when I go back to work and have to put on a happy face for all the patients. I know I'll be hating life. I have the L-Tyrosine,potassium and the vitamins. Let me swallow this lump in my throat and pray for these days to pass. I will keep reading the post in this forum...thank you all