I've been on narcotics since 1994 when diagnosed with Hodgkin's lymphoma. I apologize for any typos but I am doing this by voice because I'm running a fever and can't type, I have a very bad infection as well as a single right now. For 17 years my doctors have prescribed narcotics for me...started with vicodin then percocet then kept increasing as I got sicker and sicker over the years from radiation poisoning and I just had my 16 surgery which was my second open heart surgery for valve disease due to radiation and chemotherapy. At one point was on 360 milligrams of MS Contin three times a day Plus up to 20 15 milligram MSIR, plus my Dr had standing orders for Demerol/Vistaril 150/75, and could have 2 injections a day. I actually took myself off the MS Contin once all on my own, yes from:over 1000 milligrams a day but I did it. I've been on every kind of pain medication you can imagine both narcotic and medications like lyrica,neurontin...I think you get the message. I was able to use a TENS unit until my open heart surgeries but have a pacemaker now so is no longer an option. I switched doctors about five years ago and he got me off of all of these medications bite weaning through a place called the Courage Center that deals with patients in extreme pain that have chronic pain syndrome and want off the drugs. they consider me to be one of their best patients organization accomplishments. about a year ago, shortly after my second open heart surgery, a so called friend started giving me oxycontin, the one narcotic I've never been on. next thing I knew I'm on 360 mg a day with 30 mg IR, up to 10 a day. I can't stop, I can't do the cold turkey like I have in the past always against doctors orders but this is different because doctors did not prescribe medication and the so-called friend now charges me for the medication at $1 per milligram, is wiping me out not only mentally, physically, spiritually but financially as well. I don't know where to turn. I don't know anything about whrte to go to detox, nor do I want to go into treatment but will if only alternative. The only kind of addiction specialist I can find that will help is one that doesn't wean but puts you on suboxone or methadone which I do not want at all. I don't want to put a bandaid on it, I just want of it regardless of the pain I will suffer with for the rest of my life. I want to tell my doctor so badly but am afraid SSD will cut me off and he will never trust me again. Is there anybody that can offer me some advice, please? The name of a place, the name of a doctor, how to go about finding somebody that will help me and not want my medical records to prove that a doctor has been prescribing the medications because I can't do that since one hasn't. I've started to detox three times in the last month and every single time something comes up medically related that stops me from continuing and right nowI have the shingles, a kidney infection as well as my INR being very high so I need to go in for bloodwork every few days and when I detox I can't get out of bed for days and the few times I've done it on my own against doctors orders I was in bed literally for over two weeks. I desperately need to get to the hospital for this blood work to make sure my blood isn't too thin or thick from being on blood thinners.I've never had more he's fighting help with something that is such an epidemic you would think it would be easy to find help. What kind of doctor should I be looking for other than one that wants to put me on suboxone or methadone. Where do I find a doctor that will we me on a schedule will be safe for my heart,and all my other health issues. I just want to detox, the sooner and the faster the better, I just want to start living. I bought a condo two summers ago and I adopted a pitbull, a staffordshireso he was smaller and very easy to take care of and handle and was the love of my life. My first summer in my new home and city was the best I've had in 15 years at least. He died suddenly and horribly October of 2011 but he got me into such good shape that summer that we were walking up to 7 miles a day, without the use of narcotics. I adopted a puppy, a big mistake butI love her dearly and want to keep her so badly but she's only been with me for 7 of the 15 months I've had her because of the surgery and other health issues constantly going on. With the weather in Minnesota its been a blessing actually because I fell down six times the first big snow storm we had and hurt myself badly but I just want to bring her home and to start living my life again and I can't seem to find help no matter where I look on the internet. This is all new to me because doctors have always been at the helm so to speak but they are the reason I'm here to begin with. Will I ever be able to live without?any advice at all would be greatly appreciated. I have all of the medication I need to detox at home. I don't have catapress but I do have Clonidine, hydroxyzine, lorazapam, alprazolam, smoke if I need it but prefer not to, potassium calm a prescription strengthis there anything else that will help me? As far as medications, vitamins, herbal remedies although I need to be very careful send I take warfarin (just like Coumadin). my dad has been my biggest support since day one, my mom died when I was six so is he with both mom and dad to me and I really have nobody else for support order to stay with me and help me. I'm desperate and need help. I've never been one to ask for help nor am I good at it but I really appreciate anybody that's taken the time to read this and with so appreciate any advice, insight...the name of a doctor or clinic that could help. I'm on Medicare so there isn't much choice for me. If I had private insurance I'd be just fine. How expensive is a detox facility or treatment in a not so bad place. What I really prefer is working out of a doctors office and am willing to work with a therapist because I think I need one, I really believe I suffer from PTSD and know I have severe anxiety, and probably clinical depression. Thanks again. I just want to bring my little girl home and to start working on getting strong and healthy again but can't do it spending almost $400 a day. I'm so disgusted with myself and don't know how I got here except a person that I thought was a friend knew exactly what he was doing and is now living like a king while I'm losing everything including my mind, health. even more so than it was prior. I don't want to lose my doctors trust in me and I made a mistake but it only took a matter of days before I was physically dependent once again. I've never wanted to be on these medications to get high which I know most people are in the same boat as I am and it doesn't really matter why or how people start taking these medications. I refuse to judge and hope nobody judges me either. Bless you all and I wish you the very best in your recovery and hope maybe you can help me get on the road to a full recovery for me. :( :) thsnk u!!!!
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Panina