excuses

[gizzy32]

it's crazy how quick our minds can change in moments of those intense cravings. the irrational thoughts and excuses we make to use is sickening, for me it is anyway. the other night i was trying to justify my use. the things that went through my mind at the time were completely different than my normal way of thinking. i told myself one time using is ok cause i have done so well, i told myself your an addict for life sooner or later u will break so just give in now. i also thought so many others break, it's ok for me to. it's disgusting to have these foolish thoughts, but in those times of feeling sick for this drug, that is what my brain goes through. THERE IS NO EXCUSE. i just wish i knew how to get rid of these stupid thoughts when craving, makes me feel guilty even when i get through it.

[dominosarah]

I think it is sometimes a control issue. We hate to give it up.  This is a major mind f*** game these drugs play.  I am glad you are back on track gizzy.  Take what you have learned and work it hard.  Besides you have enough people who will hunt you down if you dont!!!!!!   Stay strong and keep moving forward.                sara

[Decisions]

I think we all can relate.
The mind will do anything to get back to the doped up state.  I do know from experience the cravings get less and less over time.
I truly believe that a person who took a lot (copious amounts) of their DOC, will probably have cravings for a year or more.  But they get less intense as we find other outlets.

Best wishes...
~D

[bandnmom]

We think of excuses to use. We think of reasons for it to be o.k. but we know deep down inside it is not the right thing, yet we do it anyways. It stinks..YES!! But pick yourself back chin high and except your mistake and move forward. You scared the s*** out of me and i was glad i could be there for you but i wanted to run to you and make you stop. Easier said then done i know. You have helped so many here and you have so many people that care deeply for you. WE are all here for the same reason..to get help and give help in our fight with addiction. Yes we all have different DOC and i' m sure some are harder then others but we are all fighting, fighting for ourselves and each other. No more drinking for you!! I will kick your butt. You gave me permission to do so. Put this in the past but everytime you get that urge think of this..think of how sh***y you felt then and even today. Think of how sick it made you. You didnt have fun. It was terrible. Please stay strong!! I know it hard but i am here for you always and so are so many others. You know how i feel!! xoxo

[Rose703]

Gizzy our minds do the most insane thinking when it comes to our DOC! My brain has told me so much BS in the moments leading up to using. Prior to this time of getting clean I had tried and failed so many times and each time my mind would tell me that it was okay to use for one stupid reason or another.
This time of getting clean my mind hasn't been any easier on me. I've actually told you the times that I've gone through everything in my house looking for an Oxy!! Just two weeks ago everything was going fine and out of the blue my mind started saying, "go ahead and call your dealer and have a treat......you deserve it!" Don't even ask me how I got through that one except I will say my dealer didn't answer the phone so obviously I would've done it! Why? Heck I don't know why but I do know that addiction is a life long fight and we just have to keep fighting and never let your guard down.
Everyday that goes by I'm thankful that I'm clean but I know that tomorrow might be the day that I use again! Hang in there and don't be so hard on yourself for using because you should be focusing on the fact that you've been clean for longer in the last year than you've used. Isn't that an accomplishment in inself? Prior to you getting clean you used everyday and you were miserable, but now you spend the majority of the time clean and happy so don't let the other night ruin that happiness. Push forward Gizzy and I will pray for you right along with the rest of us.

[kris123]

You know what you know that one time i used.  I thought the same thing.  It is has been a long time, i can handle it, but the next day - missing work, sleeping all day, the depression, guilt, taking that chance and risk and knowing that I could have gone to jail if I got caught carring it.  Take heart gizzer, you were not thinking straight and none of us are perfect.  I know how it is.  You are doing so well, the best thing that came out of this is that you really don't think it is ok to do it.  

[desperate1111]

i TRY to keep reminding myself how selfish i have been by using. it takes away so much. addiction sure has a lot of power.

[joann1975]

I totally understand exactly what you are saying.... it's like....the only way you know to celebrate something is by using so you are like...hey I am XX days clean I should celebrate with my DOC! I guess that's where the changing your entire life comes in? LOL
But yes it makes total sense what you are saying and I have been totally disgusted with myself by it before!