failure

[studiogirl]

Well, I messed up again and it is so sad.  The withdrawals were just to horrific for me to handle.  You know, I told my doctor the truth, that I abused the prescriptions he had been given me and that now I was withdrawing badly and he called me another prescription.  I think he did it because he felt so bad for me and the way I looked.  Because of this ugly scar on my hand he believes the pain is real even when I tell him its not that bad.  He is a good man and I am a bad person.  Im sure I could get him in trouble with the DEA and I know he is doing nothing wit hthe intention of hurting me.  I just want to get better, I dont know why I cant do the thing that needs to be done the most.  I want to use the pills he gave me to taper off but I am so afraid I will cave in.  All I know is nothing could be worse than the RLS and everything I was feeling three days ago.  At least now I can speak to people without wanting to die.  SO, I will try to taper down with these 30 pills.  I came up with a schedule and everything and I was thinking about doing a liver cleanse at the same time to help speed up the process.  I just dont want to live in this limbo anymore.  thanks for reading.

[malenurse57]

No charge. We all need to know someone is there when everybody we know and love seems to have abandoned us when in reality we abandoned them for our addiction.
God bless

[Becca911]

I'm only on day 3. I tapered for nearly a month, but had someone else hold the pills because I knew I would just pop those damn pills. This isn't my first relapse but I'm giving it everything this time. You can do this. Don't give up those pills are not worth it. I'm here if you need to talk, I may not be the best one at this point, but I know how you feel.
I tried talking to my dr as will but he couldn't see me as an addict and just gave me more to taper with. I think my dr sees me as a different person and he can't except that I'm a addicted. I love him for seeing me as a good person but I do need his help.
Your dr is just trying to help because he cares about you and doesn't realize how bad the addiction is. Please don't ever give up.
Becca

[enemy48]

Naw, don't talk about getting the doctor in trouble.  You and me are just at fault.  We faked it.  He felt sorry.

Glad you admit that the w/d's were so bad that you got weak.  I think most of us to the same thing before we really totally w/d and get clean.
\
I know that doctors throw out addictive meds.  But it's our choice and ignorance to convince them.  Some are really bad, but most aren't.  They want their license.

Anyway, no problem with the slup up.  I think most of us have done it.  You'll be back to sobriety!

[studiogirl]

Thank you for saying that.  I read it at just the right time when I need to hear it . God bless you too

[malenurse57]

Not everyone we are HERE. God bless

[studiogirl]

Thank you Mike and everyone,  I really have no one.  I have managed to seperate myself utterly and completely from everyone.  But thats okay.  I might as well try to gain some willpower now.  

[Mikeinthesouth]

Its not over until it is actually over so don't by all means give up. Those thirty pills are a small taste for wet taste buds be careful because 30 will last no time and then you will be looking far and wide for more. Make sure yopu stay rigid to the taper outline if you need give them to a person you know can be an a hole when they need to be so you can't manipulate them out of their hands. Mike

[ready2help]

studiogirl, you can do this! Just prepare, get what you need, ands go for it. Clonidine might be a good idea - just don't overdo it - it makes people feel very "draggy" but it may help with the symptoms and it helps with sleep.

Good luck!

[studiogirl]

Thank you.

[Mare555]

don't beat yourself up..I did the exact same thing except didn't go to the doctor, went to a contact person. Had to or I would of died (so it felt.) the wd are too great without help, I can't do and didn't make it though I was determined and felt strong..Little did I know...I feel ya, I really do....

[Missy31]

if you can't handle the CT and Tapering isn't working 1 word SUBOXONE it has worked wonders for me!! Best of luck to you

[malenurse57]

Glad to see you're dusting youself off to try again. You are not a bad person just one of some 5-6 million people in the good ole USA that has an addiction that unlike some you are fighting to get away from. SoJust remember we are here. God Bless

[Clamity2]

Congrats on your decision to get clean. The RLS will go away with time and not as much time as you convince yourself of. Our minds will play tricks on us. My addiction told me to pick up and I also did after 2 weeks. I was back to the chills after only a few pills.
YOU CAN do it.   Keep your thoughts positive as much as you can. It helps. You are worthy of life. We missed enough already.

[lilyput]

putting yourself down isn't going to make things any easier for you. you aren't a bad person, you have a disease...addiction. please go easy on yourself - your doctor is a grown man and can handle his professional problems. that's what he's paid to do.

you will get through this and when you do you will have all that much more inner strength to take you through the rest of life's trials. god doesn't give us this path for nothing.

peace,
lily

[flmagi]

We all relapse at least once, most of us do it many times. Prepar yourself for the withdrawels, so it won't be as bad. Get the stuff for the Thomas Receipe. Ask your doctor for some Clonodine.  Epsom salts for alot of hot baths. Ace bandages for your legs. And some Hylands Restful Legs for the RLS.  Drink Boost or Ensure.
Get everything you will need to make yourself as comfortable as possible.
You can do this. You've had the Flu before, haven't you? You lived thru that, right?
Do your taper, but be ready. Dig down for your strength. It can be done.
Keep posting.