Aa
feeling hopeless I've forgotten how to fight
Well I guess this is my first time telling anyone I have a problem and I'm no longer in control.I'm less then 24 hours into detox and its hell, plain and simple.I've tryed to quit before but only because I ran out and didn't have a choice. Im addicted to hydrocodone I've been on them about 4 years for a back injury that took me out of the Marine Core. I met my wife shortly after I got home and she has truly been a strong women in my life. She has supported me threw being an alcoholic because that was my first correction for the depression and the pain.I quit drinking about 4 1/2 years ago after I almost killed my sisters boyfriend for abusing my nephew. After that the pain was so much my wife talked me into seeing a doctor.I refused for years cause I've seen what drug addiction does to people after watching my sisters and mother growing up.Before my first pill 4 years ago I've touched anything like that in my life. It was amazing for awhile I was back up and active was back in nature camping and hiking with my wife and kids.and slowly it got worst I started running out a few days early then a week and then before I've realized it I've taken a whole month worth 110 10/325s in a week. Since then I got another doctor in another state giving me meds as well so now I go threw 220 a month and I've went threw them all in almost 3 weeks the thought of losing my wife over this scares me to death what do I do any advise please help.
I'm new to this site, and haven't started my self detox yet. But so many people jumped on my post to offer love and support that I couldnt help but offer my simple good luck to u as well. Having a spouse who loves u will be a blessing for you during ur struggle. I wish u success and a speedy recovery.
Welcome to the forum~ You've just done the first and most important thing any of us addicts can ever do and that is to START with admitting we have a problem and are out of control! So....good for you.....we need to start with being honest with ourselves.
Your goal for today.....YEP.....DO IT!!!! Your mind will NOT stop if it knows you have pills in your possession.....in a moment of sickness or weakness or pain......they will win.....they just will. Some people have said it's a personal "thing" for them to keep them in their home and "prove" to themselves that they won't use them. To me that is just plain foolishness....why would I want to keep my "enemy", the beast that will destroy me in my safe place....my home?
The crazy funny thing is as many times as I ran out, suffered, scrambled to get more....when I finally DID quit....I had a half a bottle left of my pain meds and my somas. When we are ready......we ARE ready. We don't need a safety net if we are truly done.
Many of us never intended to become addicted to pain pills......but then we did. So, just like learning ALL you can about "the enemy" before going into a battle zone....we, too, must do a similar thing with addiction. We can learn all the tatics necessary to get and stay clean if we know our survival depends upon it~
Your goal for today.....YEP.....DO IT!!!! Your mind will NOT stop if it knows you have pills in your possession.....in a moment of sickness or weakness or pain......they will win.....they just will. Some people have said it's a personal "thing" for them to keep them in their home and "prove" to themselves that they won't use them. To me that is just plain foolishness....why would I want to keep my "enemy", the beast that will destroy me in my safe place....my home?
The crazy funny thing is as many times as I ran out, suffered, scrambled to get more....when I finally DID quit....I had a half a bottle left of my pain meds and my somas. When we are ready......we ARE ready. We don't need a safety net if we are truly done.
Many of us never intended to become addicted to pain pills......but then we did. So, just like learning ALL you can about "the enemy" before going into a battle zone....we, too, must do a similar thing with addiction. We can learn all the tatics necessary to get and stay clean if we know our survival depends upon it~
That's what I had to do too...i flushed mine 20 months ago and canceled my refill and never looked back....i knew I had to....too tempting sitting around....it's a scary thing but it will make you feel so much better after it's done! Just do it before you have too much time to think about it. If you are going to do CT, that's the best thing you can do is flush them and cut ALL your sources.
Thanks for all the support and advise its really helping My goal today is to get rid of my meds I've got probly 100 left.I've had a staring contest with them today and I'm afraid they will win.
Set yourself free tell people. Great advice above, look into after care and know that this will pass, It ***** dont get me wrong but it will pass. get out now multiple doctors is not legal I have a friend who served 2 years and nother on probation, if she fails a drug test she will get 10 years. Its been a year since i detoxed and i havent touched a pill since. if i can do it anyone can. Look into after care AA NA Celebrate recovery what ever. NA has saved my life! Treat the symptoms. Congrats on getting clean
First, I'll say thank you for your service. (My son leaves for Marine boot camp September 15th.) You fought formall of our freedom. Now it's time you fight for your own with these pills. Your wife may be angry or disappointed but my guess is she'll be supportive. It takes a lot to walk away fromsomeone you love. I stayed with my husband for 18 years. You'll get great support here as well. God bless.
First, I'll say thank you for your service. (My son leaves for Marine boot camp September 15th.) You fought formall of our freedom. Now it's time you fight for your own with these pills. Your wife may be angry or disappointed but my guess is she'll be supportive. It takes a lot to walk away fromsomeone you love. I stayed with my husband for 18 years. You'll get great support here as well. God bless.
Good luck to you. Hope I can be as strong as you and take the plunge! You are doing the right thing!
Just wanted to add my support. Great advice from above posters....just please open up about the pill abuse to someone....it will set you free...you will feel so much better!! That way you are accountable to someone other than yourself...so glad you posted here, it's a great support system. Let us know how we can help with symptoms as they come up....you can do this...I know you've been thru hell and back, but there IS freedom in recovery and getting counseling for the reason we use in the first place is essential to staying clean. Good luck and plz keep us updated!! we are here for you!!!
Hey there and welcome
So you're heading into day 2 of withdrawal. Make sure you drink lots and lots of fluids. I like gatorade. Try to eat what you can. It's important to keep your strength up. You only have a couple more days of this and you will be out of the worst. I think it would be really helpful for you to get some counseling.
You've been through a lot and it really helps. More than you know.
Keep posting for support. You've found a great place that can help you.
Hugs
pat
So you're heading into day 2 of withdrawal. Make sure you drink lots and lots of fluids. I like gatorade. Try to eat what you can. It's important to keep your strength up. You only have a couple more days of this and you will be out of the worst. I think it would be really helpful for you to get some counseling.
You've been through a lot and it really helps. More than you know.
Keep posting for support. You've found a great place that can help you.
Hugs
pat
Hey there and welcome-
Opiates are such a slippery slope. When we are in physical pain (as I am now) they are a God-send that can help improve our quality of life. When we take them over long periods of time we get dependent, and many of us, addicted. They no longer help the pain, and we have to take more and more to feel normal and avoid the withdrawal.
God, your statement about feeling that pain is weakness and makes you feel ashamed resonates with me deeply. I believed this strongly, and still am working in therapy to discover WHY I believe this- because i know intellectually that it simply is not true. Pain is human. Suffering is human. It is these trials that make us STRONG. They humble us, bring us to our knees, and give us the opportunity to rebuild. Nothing is more empowering than reclaiming your life from drugs. Nothing.
I would say to you with 100% conviction that you are headed down a very dangerous path (this you know) Please come clean with your wife and together you can make a plan to get help and support to get free from these drugs and begin living the life of recovery.
After your detox you are going to start to feel again. And I'm guessing there is a lot of trauma and perhaps some PTSD that the drugs have been masking. You're going to have to deal with this or risk a relapse.
I would suggest meeting with an addictions counsellor. As an abuse survivor and someone who has suffered many horrific medical traumas I had developed some pretty serious PTSD. I realized once clean that this was the reason I began abusing, and not just using my meds.
I did addictions counselling, support groups, CBT, and EMDR for my PTSD. I worked really hard and I reclaimed my authentic self and worked through a lot of SH*T. I lived without pain for nearly 3 years before my latest recurrance of my stage 4 endometriosis which is wreaking havoc on me and my life. I am waiting for surgery and taking pain meds but I STILL work my recovery every day.
Freedom can be yours. It isn't an easy road but honestly, it is the only road that will bring you back to yourself and true happiness.
You deserve this and you are worth it.
You can choose to end this cycle while it is still your choice. You cannot let the fear of failure keep you using. If you surrender to the process, failure is not an option. But you have to commit %100
Keep posting. We are all here to support you...
Lu
Opiates are such a slippery slope. When we are in physical pain (as I am now) they are a God-send that can help improve our quality of life. When we take them over long periods of time we get dependent, and many of us, addicted. They no longer help the pain, and we have to take more and more to feel normal and avoid the withdrawal.
God, your statement about feeling that pain is weakness and makes you feel ashamed resonates with me deeply. I believed this strongly, and still am working in therapy to discover WHY I believe this- because i know intellectually that it simply is not true. Pain is human. Suffering is human. It is these trials that make us STRONG. They humble us, bring us to our knees, and give us the opportunity to rebuild. Nothing is more empowering than reclaiming your life from drugs. Nothing.
I would say to you with 100% conviction that you are headed down a very dangerous path (this you know) Please come clean with your wife and together you can make a plan to get help and support to get free from these drugs and begin living the life of recovery.
After your detox you are going to start to feel again. And I'm guessing there is a lot of trauma and perhaps some PTSD that the drugs have been masking. You're going to have to deal with this or risk a relapse.
I would suggest meeting with an addictions counsellor. As an abuse survivor and someone who has suffered many horrific medical traumas I had developed some pretty serious PTSD. I realized once clean that this was the reason I began abusing, and not just using my meds.
I did addictions counselling, support groups, CBT, and EMDR for my PTSD. I worked really hard and I reclaimed my authentic self and worked through a lot of SH*T. I lived without pain for nearly 3 years before my latest recurrance of my stage 4 endometriosis which is wreaking havoc on me and my life. I am waiting for surgery and taking pain meds but I STILL work my recovery every day.
Freedom can be yours. It isn't an easy road but honestly, it is the only road that will bring you back to yourself and true happiness.
You deserve this and you are worth it.
You can choose to end this cycle while it is still your choice. You cannot let the fear of failure keep you using. If you surrender to the process, failure is not an option. But you have to commit %100
Keep posting. We are all here to support you...
Lu
Thanks for the support I'm new to this all and any advise is helpful so scared to fail. At anything I do .I was taught pain is weakness leaving the body and with that said I've never felt more weakness and ashamed in my whole life.
Hi there, I'm also new here and have been where you are, as have all of the people here. It's a very helpful place. I was also in the military, Army, and was injured in, which is how I began my love affair with Percs. My husband suspected and found my second prescription in my purse, two days old and gone. I don't know if you are seeing VA docs, but my advice is tread lightly, but be forceful. (If that's not a contradiction) The doc that was giving me a script for 240/month was VA and when I told her I thought it was a problem, she told me to stop then. Now it's part of my rating, but they do pay for my methadone, which has mixed reviews, but I'm happy again, alive, and almost off of it, soooooo, for me it worked. Your wife sounds like she loves you very much and as hard as it is, approaching (and admitting to) the issue with the intent to do something about it hopefully helps. Not to mention the weight lifted when you can admit it, it makes it real, holds you accountable, but makes you feel lighter too. Take a look at the Thomas Recipe, I've not tried it but from what I understand it is a large help for withdrawals. Keep posting, reading, and if you need an ear, it's here. You will do this, you're a tough *** marine! ;)
Hi...wow, your post hits home for me. I'm an addict as well. I flushed my Percs today cuz I'm done...I know how hard it is! I'm actually sitting here trying to get the nerve to tell my husband I messed up...AGAIN! He's 2 feet away from me and I'm struggling so I totally get it! I too suffer from depression. It's so hard but can be done! I've gone c/t before and survived. You CAN do this! You've already made an important step and should be proud. Your wife will appreciate your honesty...and that's the first step. I'm here for you, we are all here for you. Keep posting, keep fighting...the fight is in you!!! I know it!
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