Aa
feeling really sad after "detox"
I lurk alot but have only posted maybe one time. I feel like I need to tell you my background I dont know maybe b/c no one knows about my addiction accept my husband, but he is struggling too.. Im a mom to two beatiful babies. I think Im a great mom.. very involved, room mom, anyone that knows my hubby and I think we have "the life", perfect marriage, beautiful home great kids , close to our families.. except this one little issue OUR ADDICTION.. I never had a pill problem before ..to that one night.. I had a girls night met up with all of our friends..I knew my old friends had habits but I never did.. never partied I was the one that got married early, had the first child out my group of friends.. so one night I tried it.. 30 mg of oxy about 3 years ago and my life has never been the same again. I was up to about an 80 a day that was until I got pregnant in jan/feb 10 being on drugs wasnt even an option for me..someway somehow I managed to get clean and taper almost immediately.. I stayed clean my whole pregnancy and for quite a few months I breastfed and that kept me going from relapsing.. but then somehow i did.. so now, that the oxy's arent avaiable in crushed form I am now addicted to roxi's.. my husband and I both. we look at it like we arent hurting anyone our kids are well taken care of.. we just like to do them and its "our little thing" we are both up to about 4 a day.. which gets expensive we WANT to quit and we do for a few days (which really isnt quitting) and then one of us will get a text and we fail. Well one of our dealers took 600.00 of our money and that was the icing on the cake we were done, or so I thought. So here is where Im at now. We "quit" not this past weekend but the weekend before.. we went the whole week UP until this weekend.. we got the text on fri and failed AGAIN.. we binged this weekend got our 16 for the weekend I got my 8 he got his and this has been our weeknd thing.. so mon and tues I took a small piece of sub just to help with withdrawls.. I am doing fine..just very tired and VERY SAD b/c now I am fighting the emotional apart of it. I am depressed, crying alot, and no motivation.. my husband plans to take the sub for the rest of the week till sat and be done completely with the sub and rest this weekend.. so besides my binge over the weekend it will make two weeks this weekend.. but technically I guess since the last time I took anything(the piece of sub was tues) I am on day 2? I have a bit of anxiety stomach issues, my temp feels a bit off.. but I feel SO DEPRESSED.. I just want to curl in a ball and cry and i feel like Im one step away of making that text I dont know whats worse the physical or emotional part. I no we need to get in aftercare I guess I am just so ashamed. So ashamed I will go to a NA meeting and see someone I know. I live in a small town and know everybody if my family found out they will be devistated. I just dont know what step to take next. i really really dont want to relapse I want to be done..but this sadness/depression is so hard and just too much its making me want to use. i feel like I will never be normal again. if you made it this far thanks so much for listening.. I guess I just dont know where to go from here..
Hey. Hope you are doing well. It's a tough battle but one you all can do. And doing it together will make your bond that much stronger. Trust me you will become numb to every emotion while on them. It's actually quite amazing how numb it makes you. You think you are living life but you are not!
Also the real trick is finding out why you all want to numb yourselves. Perhaps just the stress of life and having a family, we have 2 kids. Let us know how you all are doing.
Also the real trick is finding out why you all want to numb yourselves. Perhaps just the stress of life and having a family, we have 2 kids. Let us know how you all are doing.
What GREAT point you made about "resist the urge to isolate". That to was an invitation to use for me in the beginning. I had forgotten all about that till now. YES, as soon as you can, get out of the house and stay busy, even if it's just strolling the baby or going to the grocery store. Keep your mind and body busy. Good luck!
The depression causes such a heavy heart. Some days seem overwheming and the thought of being around others can be frightening. Especially if people have no idea what we are going through. Is there any way you can find a meeting and get a sponsor? That will prove to be a lifesaver for you. The important thing is to resist the urge to isolate. When I would do that it was already a relapse in the making. Stay strong and talk to your hubby about how you are feeling. You may also want to talk to your doctor about taking antidepressants if the depression does not lift. There's nothing wrong with a little help to get you past this hurdle. Keep posting good or bad. We will do whatever we can to support you. This is not easy but YOU CAN DO THIS! Sending you a big hug from my heart xoxo
Thanks for all of your help! What a bunch of wonderful people on this forum! I hope soon I can give back all the great advice you all have given to me! I will keep posting. My hubby took my oldest to my nephews party. Me and the baby stayed home.. I had to fake sick I just can't and have no desire to be around anyone. Plus the tears are still flowing and I'm afraid they are gonna know somethings wrong. I haven't told my mom or sis yet I'm still working on that..
hi aim , it's so good to hear that you have made it through , it will get better and better each day ! you will slowly start enjoying more and more things each day , i forced myself to go out last night with my husband to our first sober movie lol it was really nice ! I started forcing myself to go out with friends and family after 6 days sober , i felt very out of place and uncomfortable but each time gets better and better ..i also had a couple drinks to relax lol ( not my addiction ) .. anyways you have a very bright future ahead of you , i promise sober life is great ! you will get there !
aim...The people on this forum are awesome! Keep posting, don't take anything and IT WILL GET BETTER! For me, all the feelings I was trying to avoid by self-medicating came up and I was an emotional wreck, but IT PASSED! That's what you need to hold on to...what you're going through right now will pass. You're taking your life back, and the drugs WANT YOU BACK.
Keep fighting and keep POSTING!!! You can do this. Get as much support as you can...and remember, it will get better every day!
Keep fighting and keep POSTING!!! You can do this. Get as much support as you can...and remember, it will get better every day!
Oh my goodness !! I fell asleep and didn't think my post went through! Sorry for thr double similar post! And u all have given me such great advice I didn't even see it at first till just now cause it looks different on my phone than the computer and I didn't see the "continue reading" link..lol I am gonna go back and reread everything you all have wrote me! You have given me such support at the worst time of my life...:)
Ok so..I made it even trough fri! Yayyy I'm not sick but I am still SO emotional I have been crying a lot again today..today is my nephews bday I would have NEVER missed this on my pills and as much as I love him I can't even muster up a tiny bit of happiness or excitement to go and I know I should be absolutely ashamed of myself. I am just to depressed. My husband is still on sub but I am not I want to be off everything. So he isn't to the point of where I am yet and he is getting angry and frustrated about my depression . And even though I'm not sick I'm finding it to take care of my kids the last few days I've been feeling so emotionally sick.. shouldn't I be happy I'm not sick and done through withdrawl? I'm not I'm sad angry and depressed. I don't feel like I will ever be normal again. I can't wait till the day I'm EXCITED about taking my kids to a birthday party/family function without my pills. This is my first weekend without them that could be why its affecting me so much... any advice?
Hi Aim...
I read your story last night and wanted to post and add my support to the mix. You've received some solid advice above. You've taken brave steps by deleting the numbers...You want your life back and it is yours for the taking! The tears are natural and cleansing....The driving and listening to loud music and letting it all out REALLY works. Be kind and gentle with yourself...Enjoy your family time...And most importantly DON'T use. We're all here to support you....Proud of you...Be proud of yourself....
Lu
I read your story last night and wanted to post and add my support to the mix. You've received some solid advice above. You've taken brave steps by deleting the numbers...You want your life back and it is yours for the taking! The tears are natural and cleansing....The driving and listening to loud music and letting it all out REALLY works. Be kind and gentle with yourself...Enjoy your family time...And most importantly DON'T use. We're all here to support you....Proud of you...Be proud of yourself....
Lu
Hi Aim, I just want to chime in and tell you THIS WILL GET BETTER! I too had the worst emotional roller coaster ride ever. I couldn't stop crying to save my life and it was always when people were around. I was detoxing in private so they were all looking at me like I was a fruitcake. If you can go for a car ride solo, put on some country music, listen to a heart wrenching song al let the tears roll. Its very cleansing for your soul. I promos you in a week you will feel more grounded. Get the tissues and let it out Angel.
Over blown emotions is a big part of detox. I cried at TV commercials - not a manly thing to do. The next two days will be a test, but you sound like you're ready. Hand in there; keep posting. Let us know how the day went.
Yay! I made it through the last two days! Yesterday was a breeze! Today not so much again! I think its because this is the first weekend I have not had anything..our day is filled. W birthday parties and I just find no excitement in going... I actually feel sad and angry bc I'm having cravings so bad.. I've been crying a lot again this morning...and my hubby kind of yelled at me and told me I need to pull myself together bc he's not even actiing like me! Apparently m taking it harder!
good morning aim1023, you made it through the night !! how are you doing ? i'm on day 25 and feeling much better today !!
The folks here are not only in the same spot os us, they have turned out to be some rthe most caring and honest people on this planet. Alls I can tell ya is to take their advice. Not only is it good, but its free....lol..and more importantly very effective. I struggled hard with the emotional crap that came when my mind got defogged. It got down right nasty for me. I dropped out of life for a few days. Thankfully, I b4 dropping out, i had posted my true feelings and got answers that somehow i managed to follow and have come thru better than. The people here and a hotline walked me off of a ledge that at first seemed to get higher and higher. I started therapy for the first time on Tuesday, can't say that i like it but I am gonna stick with it.
Get some help. You will be suprised how much good it can do. And again the folks in this forum are really here for you because we do care.
Get some help. You will be suprised how much good it can do. And again the folks in this forum are really here for you because we do care.
i went through all the emotions you're going through right now. this is normal. it's anxiety and it passes eventually. i promise you that.
and, i agree with what some of the other posters have been saying on this thread. it will make you feel THAT much better if you tell even that one person that you and/or your husband have an addiction problem with pills. it took me a few weeks to do this, but after i finally did it, i realized how much easier the detoxing process would have been. you're on the right path. get clean from the pills and try your best to look into some sort of aftercare such as meetings and/or treatment of any kind. because of the economy, look for something that is free and/or doesn't get in the way of your work.
keep your head up, and know that we're all here for you!
and, i agree with what some of the other posters have been saying on this thread. it will make you feel THAT much better if you tell even that one person that you and/or your husband have an addiction problem with pills. it took me a few weeks to do this, but after i finally did it, i realized how much easier the detoxing process would have been. you're on the right path. get clean from the pills and try your best to look into some sort of aftercare such as meetings and/or treatment of any kind. because of the economy, look for something that is free and/or doesn't get in the way of your work.
keep your head up, and know that we're all here for you!
YES! Absolutely. Even when I had plenty of pills, and the outlook for getting more was rosy, I knew that sometime in the future I'd eventually run out; that I wouldn't be able to get my doc to give me more. It was during those moments of clarity that I'd panic and just know that life would be grey without the meds.
Well, it is not true. Granted, you have to work through the detox, recovery; but you will get to a point where life, simple things, ups and downs, days without plans, non-adventure days...They are all very good. The extremes are not there, but instead a steady feeling brought about by having a clear mind and healthy body. Joy will come, happiness is right around the corner. I look back on the thought of life being dull without meds and realize how wrong, foolish, I was. I'm happy. You will be too.
Well, it is not true. Granted, you have to work through the detox, recovery; but you will get to a point where life, simple things, ups and downs, days without plans, non-adventure days...They are all very good. The extremes are not there, but instead a steady feeling brought about by having a clear mind and healthy body. Joy will come, happiness is right around the corner. I look back on the thought of life being dull without meds and realize how wrong, foolish, I was. I'm happy. You will be too.
I did it I deleted all the numbers! ! Wow what a huge step! And I think I'm gonna go change my number I'm the morning as well
BC we both know it is just gonna take that one little text. Can I just talk about something else that's bothering me? I feel like life is so boring without my pills. . Like my days aren't gonna be fun without having my 30s to snort.. I know its the depression talking
But did u all feel that way?
BC we both know it is just gonna take that one little text. Can I just talk about something else that's bothering me? I feel like life is so boring without my pills. . Like my days aren't gonna be fun without having my 30s to snort.. I know its the depression talking
But did u all feel that way?
As the wise people above have stated, you can't make the text (erase the number; forget it). In fact, you need to sever all ties with anyone who you may consider a source. You then need to tell someone - a friend, family member, your doctor.
Now, I may be going out on a limb here, but if you don't cut yourself off from your source, and tell someone who can help support you if you are tempted, then I'll lay odds that you'll be using again this weekend. I know for a fact, that on day 3 of my cold turkey detox, that I would have taken a pill if available. At that point, I wanted some relief - an hour, two - it made no difference. From one addict to another, cut the supply.
Now, I may be going out on a limb here, but if you don't cut yourself off from your source, and tell someone who can help support you if you are tempted, then I'll lay odds that you'll be using again this weekend. I know for a fact, that on day 3 of my cold turkey detox, that I would have taken a pill if available. At that point, I wanted some relief - an hour, two - it made no difference. From one addict to another, cut the supply.
Thank you so much for listening and your great advice. I'm gonna really think about this tonight and see if I can go through with telling my mom or sis tomorrow. I know they will whip my butt in shape into no time.. they are a wonderful family and I do have a lot of awesome support in that sense.. I just need to swallow my pride.. I actually feel a bit better by posting on here..I stopped crying without even realizing it :) I think I'm gonna try and go take a hot bath..I'm freeezing! And try a melatonin or valerian root and get some sleep.. I'm also struggling with motivatin I haven't left my house but to the store and bring my oldest to school..but I guess I can only take one thing at a time... I read on another post minute by minute.. I will do that if I have to! Thank u all esp almost free for listening!
It's o.k to feel the way your feeling it will pass , your starting to feel things again and soon you will beable to deal with your emotions much better . Great job not making the tex ! Appreciate the small accomplishments ! I think you need to tell your family, if your truly ready for a change it's the next step you need to make. I told my mother 24 days ago and it broke her heart but i think it has helped a lot with not relapsing because i can't dissapoint her again . They sound like a great family that will help you through this and you won't feel so alone . Exercise, keep yourself busy , take vitamins , and reach out to us when you are feeling low , you can do this !
I am determined I'm not gonna make that text! I think maybe I just need to sit here and cry..its been so long since I cried..I guess I was numb without even realizing it.. I hope the sadness goes away soon .. I think this is been worse than the physical part for me! I wish I could tell my mom her and my sister and I are so close. I know they would be devistated at first but would do whatever it took to get me better.. I guess I just hold this "mother of the year" image..I'm just so heartbroken and ashamed I let myself get like this!
Yes please don't make that text....
There are a lot of individuals who have cituations just like yours on here....and this site is filled with caring individuals who will help you get through this...
you and almostfree see to have similiar stories....connect with her...you two can help eachother during this process...
Talk with me too if you would like...I am here most days working on my taper...reading and posting for support..
There are a lot of individuals who have cituations just like yours on here....and this site is filled with caring individuals who will help you get through this...
you and almostfree see to have similiar stories....connect with her...you two can help eachother during this process...
Talk with me too if you would like...I am here most days working on my taper...reading and posting for support..
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