having a really hard time commiting to this....

[joyagain]

I must be insane.  Today was supposed to be the day that I quit taking vicodin.  Last night I tried to talk my husband into getting vicodin for me to last me until my next refill ( his back has been hurting him).  He refused very nicely, and basically "talked me down".  Great guy, patiently talked some since into me.  I felt better and was ready to take on the w/d today.  Then the morning came, and the stresses of getting all four kids ready for school in the morning, I COULD NOT HANDLE IT WITHOUT MY VICODIN!  That is insane.  Who am I?  I had two left and took them both, dumped my purse out to find a possible straggler and scored one 5/500.  Then looked into a possible long lost refill on tramadol which the pharmacy said existed and to come down anytime to pick it up.  Upon going there, they actually had to call it in to my docor because I wanted the generic.  I didn't want them to have to call her.  At least I had enouph self control to not just tell them to give me the name brand, Ultram, and pay the 60.00.  That's the only good thing I can say about myself.  THat is insane.  I was in panick mode at this time for I could not even get tramadol.  So of course, I went to my Mother who also takes vicodin and frequently gives them to me.  She gave me 20.  Whew.  Now what?  When my husband got home, he was in a really bad mood.  I am soooo glad I was not w/ding today because it would have been ugly.  What am I going to do?  I picture that big beautiful bottle of 120 count vicodin available in 9 days for me.  Discusting I know.  Ya know when I took the two vicodin  tonight, I didn't even feel them take affect, they just made me feel normal.  I do want to stop but I feel like I can't until I have really been able to use my last two 120 ct bottles.  After that, it would be months before my doc refilled them, so I would have no choice  but to quit.  I feel that ever since I had the idea of quiting, my want for the pills has escalated.  I had to do homework with three children, get one ready for a baseball game, go and watch the game, make dinner twice, get kids in bed, go to the store, help the tired kids all between the hours of 3-8 (the store I just got back from).  If I had to do that w/ding today, well I couldn't, and my husband would have been no support today.  Please comment.  Thanks

[joyagain]

I have chronic pain depression and anxiety.  I go to doctor who prescribes me different antidepressents, and sometimes asked me what I think I should take for an ssri.  Throughout the years I have tried different doctros and knowone seems to really know how to treat me.  I have irritable bowel syndrome.  I believe this is related to my anxiety, and it happens frequently.  Vicodin helps ibs, it slows gastric motility, and takes the pain away an helps me to relax.  It's perfect.  Nothing else has ever helped ibs.  I also have chronic R shoulder pain, but really that could be managed with if needed 800mg ibuprofen.  My menstrual cylce is now like the flu and the cramping is horrible, ovulating is worse now too than when I was younger.  I have bad body image problem although really I look ok, just not for me so I don't even like to get in the shower, and I won't for a couple days if I can get away with it.  Who is this person?  It's like all I can do is exist for whatever the kids need.  When I told my husband about my addiction it was great.  He could really be some good help, I think yesterday was just a bad day for him.  The thing is, I really ate up the attention he was now giving me.  I feel very lonely during the day with none of my kids home anymore.  I really hate it.  When I was pregnant or had little ones we had soo much fun, and got lots of attention.  Now it is lonely, work, kids fight, are ungrateful,  and the husband is less attentive.  Anyway vicodin has helped all that, and still does, but I've noticed not as much.  I went to counsoling once last week because I thought that I would need that for quiting, once she found out that I'm a believer in Christ, then the whole session was about Job, and all the hardships in the old testament.  I know that God can help me through this, but that type of counsoling is not what wanted.  I left once again frustrated.  I cannot go to n/a, a/a meetings because my town is too small and I can't afford to have people know this about me.

[MilkandHoney]

You seem very nervous and unprotected without your vicodin. this is normal. however the strength of your addiction is normal, but troubling....i think you should calm down yourself every morning and night that you dont have your medication.
try breathing exercises, massages, anything to help you. try rubbing you stomach (seems silly but still)
and try drinking hot beverages whenever you feel like your gunna go crazy.

also, i think you should look into taking vicodin but in a smaller dose than you did before, take a smaller dose every other week until you are off it. sometimes its the process of how fast you get off a medication that affects how much you still need it =)

since your addicted to the medicine, i suggest you message me on more information

[missy131501]

You gotta want to quit for you, not because of the fear of w/d or it will never happen! Best of Luck

[dominosarah]

Until you are really ready to give these up you will keep giving the excuses you have given.  Pain meds arent given for the reasons you stated.  I understand what you are saying as the pills give us a false sense of security and make us feel like superwoman when in reality we arent.  You can and will have all these things clean.  If you dont stop your addiction will keep spiraling and you will lose all the things that are important to you.  Please look deep within yourself and make the right decision to stop.  Cancel those refills as all they will do is prolong this.  We all know where you are at here as we have been there too.  Make a decision to stop now and get your life back.  It is so worth it......sara