help for my son

[jsmom718]

Hi All, I have been reading many of the posts here. I stumbled across this forum while searching for something else but so happy that I did. My son (21) has recently admitted to me (although I knew for a couple years) that he is addicted to Oxycontin. I just don't know how many ml a day he is taking. His life recently spiraled out of control and he is left to almost nothing now. I thank God for that because now he wants to change. Basically the only way to go from here is up.
Anyhow, he wants to get off the drugs. He has planned that he is going to stay at my house during his WD because he cannot hang out with his friends during that time. His plan is to use Methadone for a few days. He states he needs someone to regulate the dosage so that he is not tempted to take more than the recommended dosage. I am nervous about it because I don't know what to expect. Is he going to get violent with me? Are the chances of him getting addicted to Methadone too great? Many posts have helped ease some of my anxiety about this but anything you can offer would be great. I have also noted some alternatives in this forum to Methadone. What do you think? Thanks for your help

[tiggz1977]

first take a deep breath and relax. be glad you have a son who trusts you so much!! and he trusts you. ok, he has come to the end of his ropes now, he wants out, great for him!!! get him a notepad and a pen , and have him keep a journal during this period. this is his journal, an no mom ya can't read it , unless he wants ya to ;) tell him he has to be honest with you from now on, if he isn't and he starts to use again you will kick him out and tell him to get. into a rehab. (you can't be an enabler) it's no good for him or you. ask him how much he is using and setup a schedule of doseage. you are trying to ween him off of this stuff not cut him off of it. the dosage should be cut in half every 3-4 days. depending how long he wants to ween, and how fast he wants to quit. if you still have questions about it you can call a rehab facility and ask them they will know for sure. he maybe alittle grumpy and upset but you have to stay strong and tell him it's " either my way or the highway" so to speak. most of withdrawals is mental. for the first 3 days it's physcial, but thts after he has no meds. methadone is a long lasting medication, most people prefer to go that route but the withdrawals from that is even longer, so it's just a matter of how long he wants to go through this. also, during the weening period he needs to start eating regularly, his body needs to heal amd his mind. get him some vitamin sup's( b vitamin sup) and a protein shake. he may not feel like eating due to nausea ad runs, but make sure you watch his fluid intake, water and gatoraide works good green tea also. he may not sleep much which is normal. also if his friends supplied or did the drugs with him, they aren't friends and he should say bye bye to them. he risks a huge relaspe by going back to them if they used with him. hide this medication well from him, very well you don't have eyes in te bak of your head( as much as moms think they do ) ;)  I'm so glad you are supportive of this. and thank you or postin here. tell him he can post here too!! we are all in different stages of recovery and support each other. please keep posting if you have more questions or anything else for tht matter.

God bless      

[freenclean]

HI JSMOM welcome i just wanted to say you helping your son may be very well saving his life because this addiction does nothing but progress as time goes on and him stopping now is the best thing he will ever do tiggz gave you many helpful suggestions i just want to add that i cant stress enough keep his meds in your pocket day and night as he WILL try to find them around the house come day 2 or 3 thats when wds are usually at their worst and he wont be sleeping much the first few days so he will be up at night wandering around while you are sleeping looking for his stuff keep a close eye on him for the first week as much as you can i wish you all the luck in the world just make sure you son knows you love him and that he can talk to you about anything and be there for him day or night you will both be in my prayers take care and God bless Free...

[jsmom718]

Thanks so much for your advice. I am very grateful to have a son who does trust me so much. I am completely aware that I do not want to be an enabler, which is why my son does not live with me, even during this rough time in his life where he is borderline homeless. It has to be the most excruciating pain as a mother to tell your son you cannot help him while you are basically watching him fall farther down. It comes to the point where I have to say that I love him too much to help him hurt himself and I will only help him to help himself. I believe he has gone as far down as he cares to go and I am so excited about that-you can't even imagine the weight that has been lifted from me right now.
So anyway, he is planning on going off the meds completely on Monday. He does not want to wean off, he thinks he will get Methadone and use that for a few days to get him over the initial hump. I am not too excited about the Methadone idea myself but also fear the first few days of WDs without it (or something else) so I don't know what to suggest. He is open to other ideas but knows that Methadone is widely used. Do you think Valium is any better alternative or are the withdrawls to those pretty equal?
He has flat out told me that he knows he has no friends and has no intention of talking to anyone he currently hangs out with after this is over, however, his girlfriend is in the same boat. So that will be another hurdle to overcome,
So he has told me he is on Oxycodone-is this worse than OxyContin or are they the same? He has told me that he graduated to this after being on (prescribed) Norco and Vicodin for a year and then finding OxyContin and finally Oxycodone which he now buys on the street. At his worst, he had a $200 a day habit for pills and he is now down to about $30 day habit. He says that he doesn't take the drug for pain any longer, that he has learned to live with pain because it is always there-meds don't help that anymore. He says he now takes them solely so that he does not feel sick. Therefore, he feels that once he is off and doesn't feel sick, he will never want them again. Is this normal? Do the people who relapse feel this way also? He seems to me like he has almost licked this already with his positive attitude which I have been missing for almost a year and so grateful to see again but is he at a great risk of going back? or is he in the right frame of mind?
Sorry this is so long, I have a million questions..............
Prayers are so very appreciated. It brings tears to me to know that there is so much support. Thank  you so much.
Ps, the only reason I am the main one on here and my son is not, is because he does not live with me and has no access to internet while not with me. Otherwise I know how important it is that he is involved in a support group-thanks again

[jsmom718]

Thank you for your advice. As I stated to tiggz, my son does not want any more of his meds come Monday. He says that he is going to buy Methadone in a few days and give it to me so that he will not be tempted to take it. He states that he wants to stay with me so that I can monitor the Methadone and taper it off correctly so that he does not abuse it. That is exactly what makes me nervous. Although I know I will need to keep it away from him, I am worried about his reaction when I do that if he really wants it. It is a scary thought to me. However, he knows precisely what to expect in terms of the withdrawls. So will he be less likely to go off on me or get violent if he already understands what he is going to go through or does that matter at all?
I also thought that it might be wise to get him away from our city, which is easy access for him to get the drugs. We live in California and I was thinking of getting a hotel room close to the beach (2hours away from our hometown) where he has access to a jacuzzi and he can blare the heater or air con, if needed and also where he can lay on the beach or walk along the beach for exercise. He thinks that at least for the first 48 hours, he wants to be at my house where he can eat and sleep freely and then he thinks the beach might be a good idea after that. What do you think?

[freenclean]

i think that is a great idea get him away from his sources for a few days the first 3or 4 days are by far usually the worst the beach and the sun will help him alot laying around the house feeling sorry ofr himself will only make things worse get him out and enjoy some sun and fun it really will help take his mind off the wds pack up a bag and head out today is my advice the fresh ocean air and sun will really help him make sure he drinks plenty of fluids like gatoraid and water dehydratuin is very common during wds even though he wont want to make sure he eats so good healthy food  check into the thomas recipe at the top right corner in the health page it really helps you will be in my prayers any more advice or just want to talk message me im up for the day on the east coast tkae care Free..

[tiggz1977]

awesome idea the further from his connections the better. but I just don't think he should  go methadone route, but as long as he wants to quit.. if he stays with you and gets violent call the police and tell them whats going on and he needs to go to rehab at that time.. but if he gets violent, which I doubt, as he will feel miserable for 3-4 days and then slowly start to come back around. with the methadone he is just prolonging the enabable... I'm so glad your not an enabler! I congratulate you there as I have seen and felt how hard that really is! as for the Valium, well that's something that  should be up to him as he will not be able to get comfortable he will also not be sleeping and be in pain. I don't see an issue but it is another drug to watch out if he takes it for a short time it no issues it's generally long term use it gets bad. oh has he been violent to you before as you mentioned it a few times now? if he has then yes the hotel is perfect. or rehab don't put yourself in danger.  tell him he can post here too so we can talk to him also. ;) we are all in different stages of recovery here you never know he may connect with someone who has been there also where he is at. hope is always possible! God bless

[jsmom718]

Thanks again. I didn't even notice the health page. I am getting a lot of help here. I will keep you posted

[dominosarah]

Is he getting the Methadone from a doctor??  

[jsmom718]

Thank you too. I don't know about that Methadone either. I am letting him call the shots but at least he is listening and open to options. It makes me feel more secure about the outcome.
Although I am conscious about not wanting to be an enabler having had an alcoholic father and growing up going to counseling and Alateen and Alanon-I certainly have made my mistakes almost always unknowingly but still mistakes. So it is something that has to be a conscious effort at all times. It is very, very hard when you are emotionally attached and can feel his pain. You don't want him to hurt but you know that he will hurt longer if you help.
Anyway, no, he has never been violent with me. I was just scared with WDs not knowing what to expect. I know that this is a pretty powerful drug and just don't know how desperate one gets during WDs.
I do know it would be great for him to get on here but he doesn't have internet, a car or even a phone. He is sometimes at my house but hasn't been here since I found this site. I will have him log in when I get him here next time. I do tell him everything that is discussed though and we have had totally open and honest discussions about this. he seems to have done his research. He knows all the pain and every symptom he may have during WDs. He knows of all the alternative methods/benzos etc and he seems very open to anything I have to say but basically already had the whole thing planned.
Anyway. thank you again. I will be in touch.
You guys are great!

[IBKleen]

Please be careful where he is getting the Methadone. You never know what you buy on the streets. I wouldn't want to see anything further happen.

[jsmom718]

Hi,
unfortunately he is getting everything from friends who are prescribed it from a doc. He has no insurance, having lost his job and he gets everything on the street now. I know that is not good. He says he intends to follow it to a tee and only get enough to last him the first 3-4 days. I don't know......

[jsmom718]

Thank you. I know. Apparently, he has told me that he has used Methadone before-never to come off the Oxycodone but when he hasn't had any, he has gotten Methadone from friends to help him sleep so he doesn't get sick. He says people get scripts of it all the time and are willing to share-even if he has to get it from several people to last for the first 3-4 days

[IBKleen]

I will pray for both of you. If you need anything, or have any questions, please feel free to ask.

[dominosarah]

Methadone is highly addictive and comes with its own set of problems.  Withdrawals are brutal if continued for a period of time.  This should ONLY be taken under a doctors supervision.  What works for his friends may not work for him.  I would highly recommend some sort of recovery care.  Using is just a symptom of addiction.  Getting clean is the easy part, staying clean is the hard part.  It is life changing process.  With recovery care he will learn the tools to stay clean.  I would also recommend for you to go to Alanon.  Educating yourself on addiction will be a big plus.  I am glad you are there for him.  I am a parent too and it is heartbreaking to see this happen to your child.  As one lady on here says "support his recovery, not his addiction"..........sara

[dominosarah]

Getting pills off the streets is classic addict behavior.  Being up front with our addiction is important. This addiction isnt over once the meds have been stopped.......It is only the beginning.

[jsmom718]

Ok, I have another question, ok several :)......When he does this, do I just leave him alone and merely watch him. Do i cater to him. Is there any talking him through it. Anything that I could do that would make it better? Better yet, anything that I could do that would hurt his progress? I want to know what to avoid. Those of you who have gone through this, what is the worst thing that you heard or someone did for you.
Obviuosly, I am going to do lots of praying, keeping him hydrated and fed. And I am going to be strong and not give in to any pleas for drugs. Other than that, what are things I should avoid or do?

[dominosarah]

Dont let him take the methadone.  Dont cater to him.  The more he is up and moving around the better it will be for him.  There are healthy supplements he should be taking.  The amino acid protocol is listed in the health pages on the right hand side of the page.  Have you talked to him about recovery care?

[vicki595]

This is only MY opinion based on what I've read here~

He's going to use a very powerful drug(methadone) that he buys/gets from friends who are addicts and,that he has already taken before when he didn't have his drug of choice,
and he's going to use that for 3-4 days for withdrawals from oxy...see where I'm going.

This is all wrong to me. He'll be staying off one drug and taking another for 3-4 days and then what?  He's better?  No.     He can get methadone in a legitimate way and he knows it.  It's a government sponsored program.  I think he just doesn't want to because it's a committment and the clinics drug test.

He has a problem and does need help. But,I'd hate to see him take advantage of you because of your understandable naivete'.   If he's taking methadone he will not have withdrawals unitil the methadone is gone. Then,I can just see how this plays out:
He's now at your house and comfortable. Eating well,clean etc..then he'll go out and get more "methadone".  Do you know what methadone looks like? Do you know dosages?
Now,your stuck. If it begins to unravel,what are you going to do? Evict him?

I don't mean to cause you any upset. I'm trying to help you by showing you another side.   He can get in to a methadone program .That's my point. IF that's what he wants to do. They don't just hand out medicine. They have counselors,do drug testing etc..they can manage dosages.  BUT,you can't take any other drugs while you are on methadone treatment.

Maybe,on your own,you could research some methadone clinics in your area and contact them for info.  

Just lookin' out for you~
Vicki

[IBKleen]

I so agree with Sarah and Vicki and thought you wouldn't listen so I didn't say anything. Now it is bugging me that I let this pass.

Mom, while I give you all the kudos in the world for wanting to help, you are out of your league and you are not able to be objective. That is just for starters. He needs professional help, and not from his mom. He needs help with the physical withdrawal and well as the mental.

Please reconsider what you are about to do.

[vicki595]

Exactly IBK !!       I meant to say that,too.  This is a much bigger problem than just withdrawing...she IS way over her head. As moms we cannot be objective ever !!!


JSMOM~~Watch out for yourself here and do some research.  Frankly,I think he's about to take advantage of you...because he's an addict and that's what we do...

V.

[dominosarah]

We are not trying to come down on you JSMOM.....we are speaking from our heart here.  We know the drill.  When we are truely ready to get and stay clean we come clean to our ourselves first, then usually our loved ones.  We also go thru the proper channels if we are going to go on a maintenance drug such as methadone.  We put a stop to our addict behavior which includes buying off the street.  We implement healthy ways into our lives and move heaven and earth to make sure we stay clean.  As i said before, his addiction isnt over once he gets thru wd.....that is only the beginning.  He will have this addiction ALL his life.  He can quiet the beast that lives in his head but it can surface at any time.  That is why we talk so strongly of some type of aftercare.  That is also why you need to get some help too.  Families of addicts can be just as sick as we are, just in a different way.  

[jsmom718]

well this has sure taken a turn. I totally get what you are saying. I was aprehensive about the Methadone because I know it is another drug but having read so many posts on here before even chiming in, there were several people who state they wouldn't do it without a benzo, so I am sorry I gave anyone an impression that I would not listen. I am really open to any suggestions. Many others were saying cold turkey was the only way, I just don't personally know. There does not seem to be one right way to do this as everyone has their own stories. I definitely don't want to worsen anything.
I completely understand you are watching out for me and thank you very much I just don't know if I agree 100%. I am just confused after your posts. My son has been denying this problem for its entirety, even when I confronted him directly with it. He has lied to me, I have even fallen for it and given him money unknowing of the extent of his problem. Just 2 years ago my son was a healthy, handsome young man who had the world wrapped so to speak. he had a nice truck, a good job his own apartment and then he suffered a severe back injury at work...............you all know this story. The typical history, 2 years later, hes got nothing, He lost his job, his car, pawned all his posessions, lost his childhood friends, is on the verge by the month of being homeless and is appearance and personality changed drastically.
Anyway he came to me last week and without prompting decided to come clean and admit to me he is an addict. He has been completely honest with me since, even telling me how much he used on certain days and putting some past puzzle pieces together through his honesty. He had already checked in to clinics but didn't have money to pay for one......
What I am confused about with your posts is, why would he come to me, have all this planned out only to want to take another drug?  I mean, he can do what he wants. If he wants to get Methadone and develop that dependency he can do that without my help. I guess I am just not seeing how he would take advantage of me.
I certainly don't want to be conned. So please don't feel like I am not listening to you or shutting this out. It just now doesn't make sense to me when it seemed to before.
Your help is greatly appreciated

[jsmom718]

I totally get what you are saying. Thank you. In previous posts I mentioned I was pretty much raised in counseling, Alateen and Alanon. I know I can harm him and be a codependent. I work on that every day and have hurt immensely saying no to my son. His behaviors and addictions are the primary reason he does not live with me and I do not just give him anything. I am aware of all this and completely understand you are trying to help me. I really appreciate it. That is why I am here

[IBKleen]

I feel so bad for you. I loved my mother so very much and I was very close to her. She was my best friend. Yet during my active addiction I lied to her and stole from her right in front of her face. Then I convinced her that she didn't see it and helped her look for it. This is the first time I ever said this out loud and I am crying telling you this.

Your son has come to you for two reasons. One is that you are his mother and there is a bond there that can never be broken. He trusts you unconditionally. The second reason he has come to you is because he CAN lie to you and he CAN con you and you won't even know it is happening. We, as addicts, are master liars, con artists and thieves.

I have to ask: How is this time different from the other times he has gone through withdrawal? What do you think you are going to bring to the table that the others haven't?