Aa
help
i have 2 young children, asking for help has become pointless. i hae no idea what to do. the hopeless feeling is more than i have bear..
Yes you can do it!!. And the good news is that you don't need to go through it alone, nor should you. This forum is a great place for support but you also need real life support. Get with a therapist and see if you can get to some NA meetings. Aftercare is a MUST for staying clean. The physical wds are rough but it's staying clean thats even harder. Look around in the forum and you'll come to see that anyone who has any amount of clean time all have one thing in common - they got help post withdrawl. You owe it to yourself and your kids to give yourself the best shot possible at staying clean. Aftercare will help you on so many levels. Not just the addiction part of it but also in your relationships with the people around you like your family and especially your kids. You will get the tools you need to live life without those devil pills.
Those kids look up to you and love you. You are their whole world right now. Work on getting clean and building a strong bond with them. They are young for such a short time and believe me, you'll be so happy you changed now while they are still very young, You'll have years and years to make up for lost time and show them that they have a mommy that loves them, a great role model and a mother they will be so proud of. I know that losing a baby must have been completely devastating. In therapy you'll be able get help to come to terms with that loss. You'll always mourn but you can learn to let go of any deep hurt you have and focus on the chilldren you have who mean the world to you. I have a feeling that the loss of that child was part of why you felt the need to numb yourself. Dealing with that in therapy will help you live life clean and be ok in your own skin.
I lost my mother to this addiction 6 years ago. She was only 47 and it was after losing her to the pills that I became an addict myself. I couldn't deal with the incredible pain I felt and using was the only way I could make it bearable. Now I realize that if I had sought help before the pain festered and consumed me that I might have avoided the disaster I created in active addiction. But hindsight is 20 20 right? We can't do anything about the past except make amends to those we hurt when we can. We need to live in the here and now so that we can work on making our futures better and look forward to making our lives something we can be proud of. It won't be easy but it will be so worth it.
I have started making amends with my kids. They were second to the pills for a long time. Oh sure I did stuff with them and they were always fed, taken care of etc but I was out of it the whole time and not really connected to them. And they knew it, they sensed it. Now that I'm working in recovery I notice a big change in my relationship with them. Much closer, stronger bond and although I'm not perfect and still have lots of work to do I no longer am racking up the guilt. I know in my heart I'm making it better and although I still have to truly forgive myself for the time I wasted away, seeing the positive changes happening makes that easier for me to do. I learned that my kids weren't being rotten just to spite me, they were hurting over my addiction too and letting me know the only way they knew how. Being bonded is a huge deal and it takes steps at a time to create it. You will begin to feel much better about yourself and confident when you get recovery going and see for yourself how much your capable of. Your kids will be so happy and you'll know just looking into their eyes how much better life is when your not consumed with pills.
Your can do it!! Throw yourself into recovery and anything is possible. Stay strong and post often!
Those kids look up to you and love you. You are their whole world right now. Work on getting clean and building a strong bond with them. They are young for such a short time and believe me, you'll be so happy you changed now while they are still very young, You'll have years and years to make up for lost time and show them that they have a mommy that loves them, a great role model and a mother they will be so proud of. I know that losing a baby must have been completely devastating. In therapy you'll be able get help to come to terms with that loss. You'll always mourn but you can learn to let go of any deep hurt you have and focus on the chilldren you have who mean the world to you. I have a feeling that the loss of that child was part of why you felt the need to numb yourself. Dealing with that in therapy will help you live life clean and be ok in your own skin.
I lost my mother to this addiction 6 years ago. She was only 47 and it was after losing her to the pills that I became an addict myself. I couldn't deal with the incredible pain I felt and using was the only way I could make it bearable. Now I realize that if I had sought help before the pain festered and consumed me that I might have avoided the disaster I created in active addiction. But hindsight is 20 20 right? We can't do anything about the past except make amends to those we hurt when we can. We need to live in the here and now so that we can work on making our futures better and look forward to making our lives something we can be proud of. It won't be easy but it will be so worth it.
I have started making amends with my kids. They were second to the pills for a long time. Oh sure I did stuff with them and they were always fed, taken care of etc but I was out of it the whole time and not really connected to them. And they knew it, they sensed it. Now that I'm working in recovery I notice a big change in my relationship with them. Much closer, stronger bond and although I'm not perfect and still have lots of work to do I no longer am racking up the guilt. I know in my heart I'm making it better and although I still have to truly forgive myself for the time I wasted away, seeing the positive changes happening makes that easier for me to do. I learned that my kids weren't being rotten just to spite me, they were hurting over my addiction too and letting me know the only way they knew how. Being bonded is a huge deal and it takes steps at a time to create it. You will begin to feel much better about yourself and confident when you get recovery going and see for yourself how much your capable of. Your kids will be so happy and you'll know just looking into their eyes how much better life is when your not consumed with pills.
Your can do it!! Throw yourself into recovery and anything is possible. Stay strong and post often!
my situation i kinda strange.. let me try and nutshell it. jealous girl called CSB on me said a bunch of lies. ended uphaving to sign my kids to my parents. i dont have custody, but i live with my parents. problem my mother is also an addict tryin to get clean. i have no car but im workin on child care and i think ive found one. my emotions r gettin better. im able to tell myself i have to do this alone and i CAN do it. this is the hardest thing ive ever done in my life and i feel terrible for saying that because i had a still born son. but i CAN do this.
Hey Ashley how you holding up......any luck with daycare for the kids??....just know your in my prayers and everything is going to work itself out ....you will get past this good luck and God bless......Gnarly
Hi Ashley,
I am the mom of both a 2 and 3 year old and can relate to your struggle. Being a mom is a tough job but being an addicted mom makes it much more complicated. You need help and you need to try to find a way to free up some time to get help. I applied for and got pretty quickly subsidized daycare for my kids. Being a single mom you probably are also low income and would qualify. This has given me the chance to work on my recovery. I'm starting out with therapy and having them in preschool has given a much needed break.
I had been a single mom from the start. My kids dad is an alcoholic and spent more time partying with his friends then with us and I was doing it all on my own with no help. So believe it when I say I know what your going through.
Kids sense when we are "tuned out" (high) and they will go to great lengths to get our attention. Sad thing is their attempts at getting mums attention often results in frustration for the child and they begin to feel the only way they can get you to "tune in" is to act up. My kids acted awful when I was in active addiction. I yelled a lot and that only fueled them. On pills we can't see it ourselves but we are truly in our own worlds and not living in reality. We become self absorbed in our addiction and lose sight of what's important. Our kids. Your kids are pleading with you to get help in the only way they know how.
Since I've gotten out of active addiction I've noticed a huge change in my kids. We have a stronger bond, they no longer have mommy running to the washroom every hour to do a pill and mommy isn't so consumed with how she'll get her next pill that she's not actively engaged with her kids. So they have settled down a lot. Don't get me wrong they still know how to push my buttons but hey, they are 2 and 3 and that's what toddlers are great at.
You need to get help. Getting clean is one thing but after learning the hard way, enduring a couple very painful detoxes only to go back a month later, I know it's not possible to do it alone. I was doing anywhere from 160-200 mgs of oxy a day and I knew my life would be over if I didn't act quick. Your life is at stake and you have to get a plan together to recover. I decided to do a taper with sub and it's gone well. It's allowed me to get out of active addiction and I think it's been a good tool to get recovery going. It helped me to save my life.
Your kids love and need you. You don't want to look back and have just blurry memories of these years. They are little for such a short time and the sooner you get on track the better for them and you. You can do this!! Your not alone and there really is hope. Are you still using or are you in wds now? Do you have anyone who can help with the kids for a few hours, a relative or someone so you can maybe get to a meeting? If not that's ok, I have had to forgo NA because I have no one to watch the kids. My own mother died from this addiction 6 years ago and my kids dad has proven himself unreliable so like I said, instead I'm doing just therapy (I had planned to both NA and one on one therapy) because I've gotten the subsidized daycare I can attend therapist appointments during the day. Start taking some steps and you'll get things set up where you'll be able to throw yourself into recovery and get your life back and give your kids back their mom. Stay strong, you can do it!
I am the mom of both a 2 and 3 year old and can relate to your struggle. Being a mom is a tough job but being an addicted mom makes it much more complicated. You need help and you need to try to find a way to free up some time to get help. I applied for and got pretty quickly subsidized daycare for my kids. Being a single mom you probably are also low income and would qualify. This has given me the chance to work on my recovery. I'm starting out with therapy and having them in preschool has given a much needed break.
I had been a single mom from the start. My kids dad is an alcoholic and spent more time partying with his friends then with us and I was doing it all on my own with no help. So believe it when I say I know what your going through.
Kids sense when we are "tuned out" (high) and they will go to great lengths to get our attention. Sad thing is their attempts at getting mums attention often results in frustration for the child and they begin to feel the only way they can get you to "tune in" is to act up. My kids acted awful when I was in active addiction. I yelled a lot and that only fueled them. On pills we can't see it ourselves but we are truly in our own worlds and not living in reality. We become self absorbed in our addiction and lose sight of what's important. Our kids. Your kids are pleading with you to get help in the only way they know how.
Since I've gotten out of active addiction I've noticed a huge change in my kids. We have a stronger bond, they no longer have mommy running to the washroom every hour to do a pill and mommy isn't so consumed with how she'll get her next pill that she's not actively engaged with her kids. So they have settled down a lot. Don't get me wrong they still know how to push my buttons but hey, they are 2 and 3 and that's what toddlers are great at.
You need to get help. Getting clean is one thing but after learning the hard way, enduring a couple very painful detoxes only to go back a month later, I know it's not possible to do it alone. I was doing anywhere from 160-200 mgs of oxy a day and I knew my life would be over if I didn't act quick. Your life is at stake and you have to get a plan together to recover. I decided to do a taper with sub and it's gone well. It's allowed me to get out of active addiction and I think it's been a good tool to get recovery going. It helped me to save my life.
Your kids love and need you. You don't want to look back and have just blurry memories of these years. They are little for such a short time and the sooner you get on track the better for them and you. You can do this!! Your not alone and there really is hope. Are you still using or are you in wds now? Do you have anyone who can help with the kids for a few hours, a relative or someone so you can maybe get to a meeting? If not that's ok, I have had to forgo NA because I have no one to watch the kids. My own mother died from this addiction 6 years ago and my kids dad has proven himself unreliable so like I said, instead I'm doing just therapy (I had planned to both NA and one on one therapy) because I've gotten the subsidized daycare I can attend therapist appointments during the day. Start taking some steps and you'll get things set up where you'll be able to throw yourself into recovery and get your life back and give your kids back their mom. Stay strong, you can do it!
Hey Ashley, I hope yer winning the battle. Let us know what's going on, did you look into some help, or aftercare? I tired kid is a good kid!
Hi Ashley.. I'm sorry to read what a tough time you are having.. getting high will not solve fix our make your situation any better.. it would actually compound what is going on with you and your kids.. I agree with the above poster. pack a lunch dress them warm and get them to a park The walk would do you wonders and them running around will blow a lot of steam.. in the beginning of our journeys we have to force ourselves to do a lot of things.. after awhile it does get easier. Have you checked into a free our sliding scale pre-school for the kids ? my daughter works at a Head Start and believe me they know how to handle and prepare them for kindergarten giving you a much needed break.. if this is not doable get them involved in helping you to clean do dishes vacuum folding cloths what ever. they actually like to feel useful.. In the evening after a bath and a full day they will be tuckered out and give you some much needed down time.. Hang in there ok. It gets better.. Go to county and see what they can offer you.. as suggested even joining a church would be a great support for you and your family.. Try to change things up ok it will throw the kids for a loop and do you a world of good.. Hang in there and post as much as you need for we all want to see you succeed and have a Happy family experience along with enjoying life on life's terms. You can do this.. Put your mind to it and stick it out.. sending warm hugs. lesa
One of the hardest things is giving up and living with that. Then almost immediately right back at the beginning. Nothing about being an addict has gotten any better since trying to be clean. Kids are tough, nobody said it would be easy right. It just seemed easier to deal with while using, it numbed you. But their behaviour won't get better while your nodding out or on top of your game. My friends dog book says " a tired dog is a good dog", I feel the same about kids, they need exercise. No sugar to wind them up. Let them or get them to run circles or whatever it takes to get them tired enough for a nap, or a long hot bath for them as well as you. It is not pleasant, but it's worth it. Come on girl, you got this.
im losing hope.. struggling with the recovery and trying to deal with a 2 and 4 year old is impossible...i need help with my children right now and i have no one but this site.. :'-(
HI Ashley.....yes I do understand how much this forum help I was once the struggling addict with no hope this forum was priceless to me when I detox off methadone it was a long and grueling taper then withdrawal then post withdrawal it was this forum and God that got me threw it when it gets tuff pray for what you need you will be surprised how God will go about filling your needs most of the time it come in the way we lest expect it im glad your still hanging in there this wont kill you but it will make you wish you where dead most of us delt this way I know it hard right now but try and stay postive as you go threw this it helps a lot dont look at what you dont have look at what you do you have a warm house for you and the kids you have food granted your going threw withdrawals but in a few days you be threw the worst of it
as for material things in time you will get them back but one thing at a time lets get you clean otherwise nothing else maters .....good luck and God bless.....Gnarly
as for material things in time you will get them back but one thing at a time lets get you clean otherwise nothing else maters .....good luck and God bless.....Gnarly
u guys dont understand how much u r helping me. wish death would come seems so selfish but as i read online its normal, but my god how much can someone take
HI Ashley....first off dont loose hope or give up the human spirit can go threw amazing thing when it has to....with a little looking you can find a sitter especially if your honest and tell them you want to get to a N/A meeting because your working on beeting a serious drug habit
it might not be ez bet if you look long enough you will find help you may wat to join a local church there is usually people coming out of the walls willing to help somebody as yourself get well as for the kids being tuff to handle ....they watched you be abused and they pick up on that im going threw tihs with my own daughter right now and kids will act out im the father of 5
I know what im talking about here...your kids will be fine with a sitter its usually mom or dad that has the problem....everything will fall into place...if it seams impossible give it over to God
when we are weak he is strong please dont give up trying you dont have to live like this your kids deserve better and so do you...good luck and God bless......Gnarly
it might not be ez bet if you look long enough you will find help you may wat to join a local church there is usually people coming out of the walls willing to help somebody as yourself get well as for the kids being tuff to handle ....they watched you be abused and they pick up on that im going threw tihs with my own daughter right now and kids will act out im the father of 5
I know what im talking about here...your kids will be fine with a sitter its usually mom or dad that has the problem....everything will fall into place...if it seams impossible give it over to God
when we are weak he is strong please dont give up trying you dont have to live like this your kids deserve better and so do you...good luck and God bless......Gnarly
im ok i found a friend who has been sober and he has been helping me alot. the problem i have is im alone and have no sitter and no one willing to watch my kids. im doing all the c an to be strong. ive been through alot at my age, not saying i have it worse than anyone but i lost a child at the age 17, i was psychically and mentally abused by the father of my children for almost 10 years. my kids r only 2 and 4 and they r bad they dont listen to me and when im at my worst i just dont know how to handle it. im still stuck at home and i feel worthless. im doing my best to find ways to have my kids watched so i can attend meetings but im so scared to have others watch them, i mean they r bad and im not sure anyone else can handle them, at times i feel like i just cant. im just lost...
Hi Ashley... will you please post something so we know you are alright? Honest to God...people CARE!
Ashley don't give up! I'm saying the same thing & trust me with a 120-160mg/day oxycodone habit & oxycontin as well I know all to well the desperation you feel, the hopelessness that these darn drugs induce. But think of those 2 beautiful souls that call u mommy, draw your strength from them, from the people on this site, from God. A life with pills is no life at all. I've been on them for 9yrs due to chronic pelvic pain, but a day ago I said enough is enough. I feel your pain in the few words you wrote, but we have to believe that there is life after addiction & there must be or why would we all be doing this. You did the 1st step & asked for help. Rely on these wonderful people on this site...their insight, advice & encouragement will help you pull through when you decide to quit. I'll be praying for you & if you need to talk write me, I'm always here & being in my 1st 24hrs of withdrawal don't sleep so don't hesitate. Sending you love & prayers! Mel
Listen to "wantouttahell" there are people who care. I am quitting an oxy and percoset problem cold turkey. I'm on day 2 and it has not been pleasant but I couldn't have done it without the people on this site. People here are so great and you just have to open up and share and a lot of advice will follow.
I promise I will share my whole story with you as soon as I can (still detoxing, not feeling well) but Just let me say, I started off with percosets and just on weekends, then that graduated to daily use, then I needed more each day to sustain the same high, and then I started adding Oxycontin to the mix. Now I'm trying to quit an 80 mg oxy and approx 12 percs a day habit. Since I started the Oxys the last two years have been a living hell. I did percs five years prior to that and though it wasn't as bad as the last two years, I wasn't living a dream. I lost a total of 7 years of my life. Please don't let this happen to you. Open up and ask for help, it wont hurt any. Anyways good luck and hope to see you keep posting.
I promise I will share my whole story with you as soon as I can (still detoxing, not feeling well) but Just let me say, I started off with percosets and just on weekends, then that graduated to daily use, then I needed more each day to sustain the same high, and then I started adding Oxycontin to the mix. Now I'm trying to quit an 80 mg oxy and approx 12 percs a day habit. Since I started the Oxys the last two years have been a living hell. I did percs five years prior to that and though it wasn't as bad as the last two years, I wasn't living a dream. I lost a total of 7 years of my life. Please don't let this happen to you. Open up and ask for help, it wont hurt any. Anyways good luck and hope to see you keep posting.
Hi Ashley. You just did ask for help and it wasn't pointless. We're here for you. What is going on that you feel is more than you can bear? Don't give up!!! Sending you love and strength. People do care. Just let us know what is going on.
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