Aa
helplessparent
Help has there been formal charges filed yet against your daughter?
If push comes to shove you asked me about unconditional love a couple of days ago........
I know you will always love your daughter the problem is the daughter that you knew is
trapped way down deep inside herself totally lost...........
Heroin is a powerful opiate add the application of a syringe and you get a very powerful addiction....
Whats makes a Heroin addict different is not only the physical addiction but a very powerful psychological addiction not just because of the drug but the application as well...........
Unconditional love is always a part of a mom but with this addiction Tough Love may be more
appropriate......when it comes to saving lives.....
The charges coming or existing may be a blessing and in many cases are when defendents
are deep into addiction.......
Jail is not a good place, correction officers are not always nice people and the food can be
pretty bad too but for some it can be like the Hilton and it saves lives........
Many will focus on the charges but Mom none of that matters when you look at the big picture
of your daughter and the kids and there health and happiness........
One of the keys to sobriety is to stop seeing any friends in your life who use when it is your
husband that is a big problem......
As long as she is with a Heroin addict husband she has no chance and right now she won't
leave him so jail in many different ways could also be a blessing.....
After some dry time in jail your influenece and maybe some help from a judge can get her into
a drug rehab where she will have to stay......dry and clean time along with some professionals
in addiction may be the only way to save lives here.......
It will be tough for you but be patient and let things play out but when opportunities present thereselves be ready........
If push comes to shove you asked me about unconditional love a couple of days ago........
I know you will always love your daughter the problem is the daughter that you knew is
trapped way down deep inside herself totally lost...........
Heroin is a powerful opiate add the application of a syringe and you get a very powerful addiction....
Whats makes a Heroin addict different is not only the physical addiction but a very powerful psychological addiction not just because of the drug but the application as well...........
Unconditional love is always a part of a mom but with this addiction Tough Love may be more
appropriate......when it comes to saving lives.....
The charges coming or existing may be a blessing and in many cases are when defendents
are deep into addiction.......
Jail is not a good place, correction officers are not always nice people and the food can be
pretty bad too but for some it can be like the Hilton and it saves lives........
Many will focus on the charges but Mom none of that matters when you look at the big picture
of your daughter and the kids and there health and happiness........
One of the keys to sobriety is to stop seeing any friends in your life who use when it is your
husband that is a big problem......
As long as she is with a Heroin addict husband she has no chance and right now she won't
leave him so jail in many different ways could also be a blessing.....
After some dry time in jail your influenece and maybe some help from a judge can get her into
a drug rehab where she will have to stay......dry and clean time along with some professionals
in addiction may be the only way to save lives here.......
It will be tough for you but be patient and let things play out but when opportunities present thereselves be ready........
When it rains, it pours...
Glad I could actually help.
If she panics at the idea of doing this against her husband, remember to suggest it as a "plot" to win.
If she still won't do it...then like you said, it's probably the truth and she IS really afraid.
Let me know how it works out.
Glad I could actually help.
If she panics at the idea of doing this against her husband, remember to suggest it as a "plot" to win.
If she still won't do it...then like you said, it's probably the truth and she IS really afraid.
Let me know how it works out.
You hit the nail right on the head and it is my belief as well as her ex employer's belief, especially due to the phone calls she overheard, that the husband was pressuring her and she is under some kind of threat. If I could only talk to her alone and if she would only open up and be honest. I will try to find her today. In the mean time, my husband is coming around to the porobability of three kids here not just the 7 year old that we had for six months. That will be har as the 5 yr od is autistic but at least he will be in special ed this year for half a day! The first hurdle is to get my husband through his surgery this coming wednesday so I am trying hard not to stress him out - he had his angiogram 2 weeks ago and it revealed he requires 2 more stents and we are hoping he will be able to dodge the bypass bullett again, one last time as he has 12, 14 we have lost count, stents already......... his cardiologist did say this is really the last time they will be able to dodge it.
In the mean time, I will be trying to talk to my daughter, find out what side of the fence she is sitting, if she is on the right side then together we can make the plan for her defense, sobriety and children's safety. The only way this will work is if she is onboard, otherwise...............
I bow to you Savas, thanks.
In the mean time, I will be trying to talk to my daughter, find out what side of the fence she is sitting, if she is on the right side then together we can make the plan for her defense, sobriety and children's safety. The only way this will work is if she is onboard, otherwise...............
I bow to you Savas, thanks.
Yeah...contrary to what people say, I DON'T think jail is a helpful environment in ANY way. I see very little good in putting a good person with, perhaps, bad luck, an accident, or drug/emotional problems Yes, people have risen above all the jail experience and bettered their lives, but at what cost?
Okay, well, it sounds like you've got cross purposes here. If she just refuses to change her situation, than maybe you are better off letting the system take her and keeping the kids yourself (will the husband allow it???)
Stalling the trial with a not guilty plea is an easy route to go. But it's a loaded gun. If she doesn't stick to her treatment, clean up, and show tangible improvement by the time the check fraud comes up, when she changes her plea to guilty it could go badly.
I grew up in a family of lawyers, started working in the offices at 12, etc... so even though I'm not a lawyer, I grew up with the system and KNOW how it works. And what I'd suggest here I doubt she'd even go for. With just a public defender (unless you get lucky, and even then) her best bet would be to claim some sort of implied domestic threat that made her fear for her and the children's safety if she didn't write the check. Plead out on that with a guarantee of separation from the husband for treatment.
They may insist she take charges against the husband, which she could agree to and then later on back out of (a chancy thing, but generally they don't press it. They expect it, they will think she's afraid of him.).
But if she won't see the logic of a temporary separation from her husband to please the courts, especially when she's facing separation due to jail, well...
It's a lie (assuming there isn't abuse), but you can't deal with the legal system in terms of "honesty". Sadly, it doesn't quite work that way. It's been turned into a game of bargaining and half truths, and if you don't play it, the worst tends to happen. This defense would work, but getting a public defender to go along with it is tricky (there's an implied "honesty" clause in the client-lawyer contract, if the lawyer KNOWS your lying, he can't submit the defense. So you'd have to present it as truth, hold back the lies, and hope he'd work it.
I know lies and treatment don't go together, but this is the legal system. It's not totally interested in truth. It's all about winning!
Okay, well, it sounds like you've got cross purposes here. If she just refuses to change her situation, than maybe you are better off letting the system take her and keeping the kids yourself (will the husband allow it???)
Stalling the trial with a not guilty plea is an easy route to go. But it's a loaded gun. If she doesn't stick to her treatment, clean up, and show tangible improvement by the time the check fraud comes up, when she changes her plea to guilty it could go badly.
I grew up in a family of lawyers, started working in the offices at 12, etc... so even though I'm not a lawyer, I grew up with the system and KNOW how it works. And what I'd suggest here I doubt she'd even go for. With just a public defender (unless you get lucky, and even then) her best bet would be to claim some sort of implied domestic threat that made her fear for her and the children's safety if she didn't write the check. Plead out on that with a guarantee of separation from the husband for treatment.
They may insist she take charges against the husband, which she could agree to and then later on back out of (a chancy thing, but generally they don't press it. They expect it, they will think she's afraid of him.).
But if she won't see the logic of a temporary separation from her husband to please the courts, especially when she's facing separation due to jail, well...
It's a lie (assuming there isn't abuse), but you can't deal with the legal system in terms of "honesty". Sadly, it doesn't quite work that way. It's been turned into a game of bargaining and half truths, and if you don't play it, the worst tends to happen. This defense would work, but getting a public defender to go along with it is tricky (there's an implied "honesty" clause in the client-lawyer contract, if the lawyer KNOWS your lying, he can't submit the defense. So you'd have to present it as truth, hold back the lies, and hope he'd work it.
I know lies and treatment don't go together, but this is the legal system. It's not totally interested in truth. It's all about winning!
As it stands now she is not formerly charged with the checks cashing events and we do not have an attorney. For her drug posession she had a court appointed attorney. At the moment she is homeless, living in and out of different motels with the 3 kids and the husband and I really do not know which motels. The owner of the office where she worked is a friend of ours and was willing to let it go if she had been honest with to her and left her husband. She chose the husband. The stalling of the case until she finishes the drug classes sounds like a good idea and with the heavily loaded judicial system here it may just fall like that. The problem is that we fear for the children's safety and her getting arrested will help us get them into a safe environment. I will try to talk with several public defenders I know and are also friends of the woman she stole and forged the checks from. When I manage to talk to my daughter I will bring up the not guilty plea to help stall the case and then take it from there depending what the public defenders I know say about how it would be best handled.
I just want her in treatment and the children safe and I don't want her to detox in jail either.
Thank you again.
I just want her in treatment and the children safe and I don't want her to detox in jail either.
Thank you again.
I have to ask, are you using a court appointed lawyer or have you hired your own?
Also, how soon after start of the drug course did the crime happen? (If the crime was committed previous to the judge's issuance of the drug treatment decision, then that's not to hard to work out.)
A friend went through something similar years ago. The lawyer I was working for at the time took the case. Now, they did the same thing (reduced the sentence in her case, "closed" the file for a year, if no trouble, wiped from the record, if any trouble reopened original charges installed). Now he did have, ironically, a felony check charge come up. The lawyer stalled the case until the year was up, so it could be dealt with separately (don't know how THAT turned out). My understanding was that until she was actually found guilty, she was presumed innocent and allowed to continue treatment (This stipulates a not guilty plea, of course). Isn't this how here was done? Or did the judge specify even accusations?
As far as your actual question...well, it's entirely up to the judge's discretion. In part, it depends more on the prosecution's willingness to plea down so the judge CAN do this. With mandatory sentencing, if this doesn't happened, the judge can't do to much. So it doesn't HAVE to be drug charges, but it's less likely with other crimes. Drug charges indicate a solveable problem. But the prosection's view will be that she's entered a new ballpark, forgery shows a criminal mind and a willingness to commit crimes casually (their words, not mine!) so he'll probably say leniency isn't appropriate.
Did you offer to cover the charges for the forged check? It MAY help (but, forgery is a crime where you don't need an actual "victim". But if the victim speaks either indifference or even in favor of leniency, it can help.
The best thing you can do is get a lawyer who has lots of contacts/friendships and associations with the courthouse the case is being tried at. My wife had a drug charge years ago. It cost me $2,000 dollars cash to get this type of lawyer to show up and plead her out. The charges were pleaded down to "disorderly conduct" from buying on the street all because the lawyer schmoozed with his "friend" the prosecutor, chatted with his "pal" the D.A.,, and rather reluctantly took a pro bono case of some kid who stabbed and killed someone as a "favor" to the court (I told him if that would bloody well end this, than do it!)
My wife's plea was actually part of the arrangement for him taking the pro bono case (I over heard them talking). Fair? No. But how the system works.
Also, how soon after start of the drug course did the crime happen? (If the crime was committed previous to the judge's issuance of the drug treatment decision, then that's not to hard to work out.)
A friend went through something similar years ago. The lawyer I was working for at the time took the case. Now, they did the same thing (reduced the sentence in her case, "closed" the file for a year, if no trouble, wiped from the record, if any trouble reopened original charges installed). Now he did have, ironically, a felony check charge come up. The lawyer stalled the case until the year was up, so it could be dealt with separately (don't know how THAT turned out). My understanding was that until she was actually found guilty, she was presumed innocent and allowed to continue treatment (This stipulates a not guilty plea, of course). Isn't this how here was done? Or did the judge specify even accusations?
As far as your actual question...well, it's entirely up to the judge's discretion. In part, it depends more on the prosecution's willingness to plea down so the judge CAN do this. With mandatory sentencing, if this doesn't happened, the judge can't do to much. So it doesn't HAVE to be drug charges, but it's less likely with other crimes. Drug charges indicate a solveable problem. But the prosection's view will be that she's entered a new ballpark, forgery shows a criminal mind and a willingness to commit crimes casually (their words, not mine!) so he'll probably say leniency isn't appropriate.
Did you offer to cover the charges for the forged check? It MAY help (but, forgery is a crime where you don't need an actual "victim". But if the victim speaks either indifference or even in favor of leniency, it can help.
The best thing you can do is get a lawyer who has lots of contacts/friendships and associations with the courthouse the case is being tried at. My wife had a drug charge years ago. It cost me $2,000 dollars cash to get this type of lawyer to show up and plead her out. The charges were pleaded down to "disorderly conduct" from buying on the street all because the lawyer schmoozed with his "friend" the prosecutor, chatted with his "pal" the D.A.,, and rather reluctantly took a pro bono case of some kid who stabbed and killed someone as a "favor" to the court (I told him if that would bloody well end this, than do it!)
My wife's plea was actually part of the arrangement for him taking the pro bono case (I over heard them talking). Fair? No. But how the system works.
She has formal charges of felony drug posession and is currently enrolled in the Drug course to remove it from her record. Kicker here is that she must not be involved in any criminal behavior while completing the course be it drugs or other type, and now she has another felony charge coming up for check forgery/theft. When the DA does press charges all her hard work for removing the drug felony will be wiped out even if she pleads not guilty and has to wait months for a trial. The officer who came and took the forgery/burglery report says that when her warrant comes out he will try to find where they are staying and have CPS involved at the same time he or another officer go to pick her up.
My question is, in CA will it matter if the charges are drug related in order for the court to appoint her to a rehab program? I know she did the check forgery/theft thing to supply her husband with drug money - however stupid that may be. At the moment the DA has not formerly pressed the forgery, etc., charges but I would like to have an idea of what to expect so if there is the rehab alternative she should ask for it. We will of course take the children in at that time if it is allowed. (See my last post under Unconditional love, how far to take it). Thanks
My question is, in CA will it matter if the charges are drug related in order for the court to appoint her to a rehab program? I know she did the check forgery/theft thing to supply her husband with drug money - however stupid that may be. At the moment the DA has not formerly pressed the forgery, etc., charges but I would like to have an idea of what to expect so if there is the rehab alternative she should ask for it. We will of course take the children in at that time if it is allowed. (See my last post under Unconditional love, how far to take it). Thanks
I missed the details of your daughter's situation. Could you put them in again? I don't know if I can help but I've got a decent background in the workings of the legal system and its associated links. I'm not familiar with the specifics of the california system but perhaps I know something that can help.
In either case I hope it works out!
In either case I hope it works out!
Was the Addiction Behavior Rehab in CA? Would her court appointed attorney know of these programs?
Do you or anyone else out there know about the laws in CA work regarding what, when & how a judge will place a person who has committed a crime in rehab? Do they have to be drug offenses? Who pays? All that kind of info, if not where would one go to find this out?
Yes I am very experienced I was court ordered into drug rehabs 9 times in my life.......I also have a degree in Social Work and work with others in Child protective services............
There are more than one kind of rehabs.......for instance my last time in front of the judge in 2005 the judge stated in court that I needed to have my behavior worked on first so he sent me to a six month addiction behavior inpatient rehab and then sent me to a inpatient drug rehab........his reasons were that If he sent me first to a inpatient drug rehab I would listen but not hear anything and with my previous 8 rehabs of experience today I know he was correct........100%
I think with Heroin addicts this applies more than most addictions........
Heroin addicts don't go to doctors or get Heroin perscriptions to get filled..........
you constantly dealing with low class people most of the time very low life people and sometimes in many dangerous places and situations.........
Also there is always the possibitiy that your not buying what you think and die from poison in the injection........
You need to start documenting her activities and keep any evidence like syringes, burnt tin foil etc...
You also have to get on the same page with her lawyer...............
Because of her age she is also protected and has rights....it is a very up hill battle and most of the time Heroin addicts usually are thrown into jail and that is where they stop using first.......
Yes I am very experienced I was court ordered into drug rehabs 9 times in my life.......I also have a degree in Social Work and work with others in Child protective services............
There are more than one kind of rehabs.......for instance my last time in front of the judge in 2005 the judge stated in court that I needed to have my behavior worked on first so he sent me to a six month addiction behavior inpatient rehab and then sent me to a inpatient drug rehab........his reasons were that If he sent me first to a inpatient drug rehab I would listen but not hear anything and with my previous 8 rehabs of experience today I know he was correct........100%
I think with Heroin addicts this applies more than most addictions........
Heroin addicts don't go to doctors or get Heroin perscriptions to get filled..........
you constantly dealing with low class people most of the time very low life people and sometimes in many dangerous places and situations.........
Also there is always the possibitiy that your not buying what you think and die from poison in the injection........
You need to start documenting her activities and keep any evidence like syringes, burnt tin foil etc...
You also have to get on the same page with her lawyer...............
Because of her age she is also protected and has rights....it is a very up hill battle and most of the time Heroin addicts usually are thrown into jail and that is where they stop using first.......
You are so right about this forum. I have learned more thes past 2 weeks of reading here about addiction and by asking questions that have helped me understand the behavior and mindset as well as drug interactions, etc.
My heart goes out to you and your sons, all 4. I too have spent lots of time and energy with rehabs, counseling, therapy for all of us and to date, I think this forum is one of the best places besides the lat therapist I just found. She has been overwhelmed in the last 2 years with parents like us and she has helped a lot. No sugar coating either - said letting her go along with the grandkids would be the hardest thing I will ever do and that it would hurt and that the reality is you just learn to live with the pain of the truth and how to deal with it because you are a parent who loves your child and that will never change. No magic bullets.
You hit the nail right on the head about being successful and sometimes not regarding having to turn your back. I think we just have to get better at knowing when to step in or not. I know I will always be here for the grandkids but on Friday when I saw her at my sisters picking up some of their things and the hurt and defeat and hopelessness I saw in her eyes about her situation so that I said you can always leave him, her reply was he doesn't hurt the children, implying never hits, and I replied back there are so many ways to hurt children..... she just turned away. I could have followed her in my car to see where she went but why, it would not be her choice so nothing could ever come of it.
Yes it hurts, but I will survive to be here when and if she wakes up and the when the grandkids need me.
Take care and hugs back.
My heart goes out to you and your sons, all 4. I too have spent lots of time and energy with rehabs, counseling, therapy for all of us and to date, I think this forum is one of the best places besides the lat therapist I just found. She has been overwhelmed in the last 2 years with parents like us and she has helped a lot. No sugar coating either - said letting her go along with the grandkids would be the hardest thing I will ever do and that it would hurt and that the reality is you just learn to live with the pain of the truth and how to deal with it because you are a parent who loves your child and that will never change. No magic bullets.
You hit the nail right on the head about being successful and sometimes not regarding having to turn your back. I think we just have to get better at knowing when to step in or not. I know I will always be here for the grandkids but on Friday when I saw her at my sisters picking up some of their things and the hurt and defeat and hopelessness I saw in her eyes about her situation so that I said you can always leave him, her reply was he doesn't hurt the children, implying never hits, and I replied back there are so many ways to hurt children..... she just turned away. I could have followed her in my car to see where she went but why, it would not be her choice so nothing could ever come of it.
Yes it hurts, but I will survive to be here when and if she wakes up and the when the grandkids need me.
Take care and hugs back.
i know that at one time, my son was sentenced to a drug rehab prison. there, he was drug tested several times a week...and had to attend counseling and AA/NA meetings pretty much all day. i don't know if your state has such a thing but you might talk to your attorney or the DA about this.
i know the anguish that you are going through...i personally know this. i also know who hard it is to turn your back on your daughter...i really had a hard time with that. sometimes i was successful...some times not. when you love someone, as much as you do your own child, it is almost unbearable to watch them do the things they do to themselves. it is also hard on us...ppl who are not addicted...to understand exactly the "why" of addiction. i have been putting my children in and out of rehab for years...and have been to counseling with them and by myself...but it wasn't until i joined this forum that i think i might have really started to understand the mind of an addict. i never could understand this: if you're addicted to something (anything)...and it is interfering with your life and the lives of the ppl around you...then why not just stop? how can someone who is already in trouble with the law (as my kids have been)...continue to do the same destructive behavior? just doesn't make sense, does it? well...i think you have come to a good place. interacting or just reading the posts here will certainly open your eyes to addiction...as it has mine.
i also know first hand the darkness that you are feeling...wanting to escape it...no matter what the cost. dealing with three addicted children has been a nightmare and i cannot tell you how many times i wanted to just load that gun and blow my freaking head off. the mental anguish and pain was too much and i felt that the only way to stop it... was to just stop it. i knew that my killing myself wouldn't do anything to change their behavior...probably only worsen it...but i also knew that it would hurt other innocent ppl. thank God for my youngest son...who is not an addict...because if not for him...i can truly say that i more than likely would not be sitting here typing this to you. so...just like my youngest needs me...here and healthy...those grandchildren need you too.
you have been in my heart...on my mind...and in my prayers.
hugs to you,
kim
i know the anguish that you are going through...i personally know this. i also know who hard it is to turn your back on your daughter...i really had a hard time with that. sometimes i was successful...some times not. when you love someone, as much as you do your own child, it is almost unbearable to watch them do the things they do to themselves. it is also hard on us...ppl who are not addicted...to understand exactly the "why" of addiction. i have been putting my children in and out of rehab for years...and have been to counseling with them and by myself...but it wasn't until i joined this forum that i think i might have really started to understand the mind of an addict. i never could understand this: if you're addicted to something (anything)...and it is interfering with your life and the lives of the ppl around you...then why not just stop? how can someone who is already in trouble with the law (as my kids have been)...continue to do the same destructive behavior? just doesn't make sense, does it? well...i think you have come to a good place. interacting or just reading the posts here will certainly open your eyes to addiction...as it has mine.
i also know first hand the darkness that you are feeling...wanting to escape it...no matter what the cost. dealing with three addicted children has been a nightmare and i cannot tell you how many times i wanted to just load that gun and blow my freaking head off. the mental anguish and pain was too much and i felt that the only way to stop it... was to just stop it. i knew that my killing myself wouldn't do anything to change their behavior...probably only worsen it...but i also knew that it would hurt other innocent ppl. thank God for my youngest son...who is not an addict...because if not for him...i can truly say that i more than likely would not be sitting here typing this to you. so...just like my youngest needs me...here and healthy...those grandchildren need you too.
you have been in my heart...on my mind...and in my prayers.
hugs to you,
kim
Do you or anyone else out there know about the laws in CA work regarding what, when & how a judge will place a person who has committed a crime in rehab? Do they have to be drug offenses? Who pays? All that kind of info, if not where would one go to find this out?
I really hope things work out in the end.....it will probably be a year or two down the road but if it all works out it will of been worth it.........
The important thing is your daughter finds her way to recovery and fixes herself first.......
Then once again she can be a mother and her kids will have a chance they will need their mother a mother that manages her own life and is not contolled by drugs.......A mother who can give all her love to her kids and has their best interest at heart first and foremost........
I hope that one day she can sit and eat dinner with her family again and around the table are smiles and laughter.......
The important thing is your daughter finds her way to recovery and fixes herself first.......
Then once again she can be a mother and her kids will have a chance they will need their mother a mother that manages her own life and is not contolled by drugs.......A mother who can give all her love to her kids and has their best interest at heart first and foremost........
I hope that one day she can sit and eat dinner with her family again and around the table are smiles and laughter.......
Please give Al a Non or Narc a Non a chance, even it's online. There are other parents out there who can help you. My mother went through it with me and by the grace of God I am ok, today.
Miracles happen every day and I will pray for you.
God bless.........
Miracles happen every day and I will pray for you.
God bless.........
She has formal charges of felony drug posession and is currently enrolled in the Drug course to remove it from her record. Kicker here is that she must not be involved in any criminal behavior whuile completing the course be it drugs or other type, so when the DA does press charges all her hard work for removing the drug felony will be wiped out even if she pleads not guilty and has to wait months for a trial. The officer who came and took the forgery/burglery report says that when her warrant comes out he will try to find where they are staying and have CPS involved at the same time he or another officer go to pick her up.
I actually saw her on Friday when my brother in law called me to say she wanted to pick up some of her things that were still at the house. I came over and she did not look good. She said she was there for paperwork to finish getting the 5 yr old into school (special ed he is autistic), but she also took all the things she could easily pawn DVD player, game boy player, DVD's. She said she had been picking up cans and plastics for money for gas money, said the kids were all right but would not leave the husband or tell me where they are staying. The biggest threat to her and the children is that they are with a using addict and how long will she be strong not to use again?
I agree, tough love is the only light through this tunnel and it is a true waiting game with prayers and hope the kids will be ok when we can get them safe.
Thank you for your insights and caring enought to respond. Sometimes I am so despondent over this I want to take myself out. At one point I actually thought that if I did it would make my sister, my husband and all the rest of the family so angry they would stop enabling her and thus be the soloution to getting her to a point she would clean up. I did realize the flaw in my thinking and talked to a wonderful therapist. The point is, I love my daughter and her kids that I would be willing to do whatever it would possibly take to help her and no one can do that for her except herself. The shambles, insanity and kaos addicts leave in their wake is immense. I have to leg go and I am it is really, really hard but I am. I will be here when I can pick up the pieces for the kids and if she is willing give her moral support through the tough times she is going to be facing ahead.
Peace be with you keep on writing. Gbless.
I actually saw her on Friday when my brother in law called me to say she wanted to pick up some of her things that were still at the house. I came over and she did not look good. She said she was there for paperwork to finish getting the 5 yr old into school (special ed he is autistic), but she also took all the things she could easily pawn DVD player, game boy player, DVD's. She said she had been picking up cans and plastics for money for gas money, said the kids were all right but would not leave the husband or tell me where they are staying. The biggest threat to her and the children is that they are with a using addict and how long will she be strong not to use again?
I agree, tough love is the only light through this tunnel and it is a true waiting game with prayers and hope the kids will be ok when we can get them safe.
Thank you for your insights and caring enought to respond. Sometimes I am so despondent over this I want to take myself out. At one point I actually thought that if I did it would make my sister, my husband and all the rest of the family so angry they would stop enabling her and thus be the soloution to getting her to a point she would clean up. I did realize the flaw in my thinking and talked to a wonderful therapist. The point is, I love my daughter and her kids that I would be willing to do whatever it would possibly take to help her and no one can do that for her except herself. The shambles, insanity and kaos addicts leave in their wake is immense. I have to leg go and I am it is really, really hard but I am. I will be here when I can pick up the pieces for the kids and if she is willing give her moral support through the tough times she is going to be facing ahead.
Peace be with you keep on writing. Gbless.
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