heroin addiction

[vicki01]

why why why after almost two years , when the relationship got tough , did he resort back to the use of heroin? and when not using heroin, he thinks uppers are ok? why cant he understand he needs some other positive legal kind of help? why the drug? what could I have done?

[Francoise]

It wasn't, isn't you.

It's him.

It's him and his problem. And if you stay in this, it's gonna be your problem, and it's gonna be a BIG problem and it's gonna be a BIG problem that's likely to last a LONG time. And grind you up into a fine dust in the process.

How can I say all this? Statistics. Likelihood. Probabalities. Experience.

Do yourself a favor. Get out. Get out now.

Francois

[The Dude]

I think Francoise's statement is a little overboard.   How much do you love this person?  Try and get him help, be there for him for a little while.   DO ANYTHING YOU CAN TO GET HIM OFF HEROINE.  I went through it with my brother, and I'm glad I stuck with it, he's been off for three years now.  Francoise is correct to a point when she said, "It will become your problem."  Not if you let it.  

You think leaving him would make him better?  Nope, it would probably make him go out and O.D.

Good Luck, start making phone calls to Re-Habs, Doctors and anybody else that will help you out.  Somebody needs to take control of his life, it's sure as hell not going to be him.

[CASEY]

Tell me how you helped your brother get off heroin. I have gone to NA meetings, researched rehab, checked out detox options and shared all of the above with my 20 year old son but he '"doesn't have a problem". He is just depressed so don't expect him to hold a job or function like everyone else. I assure him I know he needs help before anyone, even himself, has expectations but he hides behind his depression, denying that heroin could possibly have anything to do with it. I love him. I will never give up on him but I feel like I am stuck half way up the escalator. Any ideas? thanks, Gina

[Telby]

No one makes anyone "go out and OD" - heroin addicts don't let anyone have nearly that much power over them, if they did they'd allow others to help them.  There are times when all one can do is let go and go on with their life.  It makes no sense for those who love the addict to jump into the same pit the addict is falling into.  It's possible to love someone and not let them destroy your life, in fact when the loved ones really let go and move on that often causes a miraculous change.  The addict has good radar and when significant others aren't walking the floors at night worried sick, they pick there heads up and notice even if its hundreds of miles away.  There is always the chance that a heroin addict will die, a good chance. Worrying will not keep them alive, but there is no such thing as a hopeless person and often just when everyone has thrown in the towel and drawn the line in the sand the addict will finally make some changes - it's scary to realize that others who love you have gone on with their lives and now it's really only you and the drug.       Hey Gina, we are both having trouble sleeping tonight - if I could make it happen for anyone it would be your son - not just for him - but for you.  love, Telby

[CASEY]

I always look for your posts. You are so sincere and insightful. I am so hungry to get what you have to give that I forget that  you are fighting your own battles. Please be as kind to yourself as you  are to all of us. Take care, Gina

[irishmom]

Hi Gina!  Sorry I haven't posted this week.  It has been very
busy going to doctors, therapy, the clinic (he tested negative
for HIV, thank God, more testing in 6 months), many conversations, a couple of arguments, lots of tears & hugs.
I don't think any of this would be possible without Dan wanting
to go thru detox, no matter what we would of said, done or hoped for.  He's clean for right now, this minute.  He will have to
deal with this addiction for the rest of his life.  
We started out at the doctor who specializes in addiction.  The
kindness in this man's eyes grabbed us as soon as we walked in.
He's retired from his family practice & had a friend who died of an alcohol overdose and decided to devote the rest of his life
learning and treating addiction.  My husband & I met with him for
about an hour giving him background on Dan. It was a very emotional meeting. He explained that he would need to treat Dan's
emotional, physical, spiritual & intellectual being.  He also discussed getting neurological testing (6-8 hours long). We left
knowing that if Dan wants help, this man is the one to give it.
Dan met with him the next day for about an hour & half.  He has lots of homework to do.  Take 20 minute walks everyday no matter what, he has 6 drawings to do for the next visit, he was given a prescription for riviea (sp?) to help with cravings, he has to attend 6 different meetings in the city to decide which will be best for him, he had to call & setup an appt for a physical & for the neurological testing, he also has to take a lot of time
to think about his relationship with his girlfriend and stay
away from her for the time being (he is), he's to continue the B-1, 1mg. of folic acid, and the multi-vitamin with phosphorus, magnesium & potassium & he also has to make sure he eats decently  
at least 3 times a day and drink lots of water & gatorade. (sorry
tried to remember everything but know I'm missing something)
The last 12 days have been  ???  I don't have the words.  His arms have scars but his eyes have lost the haunted look. I know
this is very hard for him and also know that he's giving it his best effort for which I am so thankful.  We don't know what tonight or tomorrow holds but for right now he's clean and trying
and that's all we can hope for.
Gina, please don't be so hard on yourself.  Your son knows you
are there for him.  He needs to be there for himself.  That's the only sure thing I learned in the last week.  No matter what or how, I can't do this for Dan.  He has to do this for himself.
I know from reading your posts that he knows that you will do
anything for him to help him help himself. That's what he needs to do.
What's that saying, 2 steps forward, 3 steps back.  I'm preparing
myself.  This is one nasty disease and it is a disease, not anyone's fault.  
I hope this helps and you don't take this post wrong.  
Keep the Faith!  
Kate

[Telby]

Things sound so good for Dan and as I read your post I was fascinated by what sounds like excellent treatment planning by the Doctor.  I wonder if you would mind emailing me with whatever specific assignments (homework) and daily routines that he has to participate in.  As you know I am trying very hard to detox and begin my recovery from oxycontin addiction.  For many reasons I am not able to work with a professional so I must develop a plan for myself and follow through with it.  I feel bad asking you for this favor and certainly I will understand if you have much to much going on to spend time on this. Kate I mean it - the last thing I want is to be another addict pulling from you so don't give it one single second of a thought if it's not possible.  But if you are able I would appreciate knowing what tasks Dan is assigned and/or any information you could share- including the vitamins/supplements.  Your posting was already very helpful and got the juices flowing in terms of creating my own plan of action.  I am a huge fan of both you and Gina and appreciate the kindness you have always shown me and others on the boards.  Gina's post to me brought tears to my eyes as she with few words melted my armor and touched my heart.   I remember before my addiction took hold being in contact with a crack addict who really had become someone that was hateful, dishonest, and just very difficult to even be around because the drug had just destroyed any apparant goodness or redeeming qualities. In a word he was awful in every way.  But he had a mom - he had stolen from her, humiliated her, physically and emotionally abused her and lied with every word that came out of his mouth. This woman was almost dead from the years and years of heartbreak, it was unbelievable. But when ever she spoke of him or saw him her eyes would light up and although she was clear about the disease that had caused them both so much pain - she loved this guy with every fiber of her soul. She sat through court cases, traveled hundreds of miles to visit him in prison the whole bit. She never gave up and she never ever let him stand alone.  Seeing them together one day it dawned on me that she was proof there was a God.  No one but her could love this person, there was nothing left to love - no one but her and God. I thought this is proof there is a devine Being which was the essence of love and the enormity of her love was just a speck of Gods love for all of us.  I'm afraid I'm not saying this very well but when I hear you and Gina it reminds me of the power of love and that by giving total love to anyone is our conection with the source of love. Gods love for us is so huge and awesome we only get a glimmer of it when we see it in action like that mom and her son.     Don't mean to lay a heavy God trip out on this board, it's just a specific thought and message that Gina and Kate brought to mind. Don't let it make anyone uncomfortable I don't usually talk about this stuff.It's just a story, not meant to intrude on anyones beliefs or non-beliefs.    Anyway - Kate if you can send me some stuff my email address is ***@**** (Gina of course your welcome to write also).  much love, Telby

[IrishRose]

Kate- I am so heartend to hear Dan is seeking recovery! You and Gina are in my thoughts. Sounds like you are in for the long haul but Dan is fortunate to have a loving and supportive family just as you are blessed with your lovely child! Gina, your son too is blessed to have a rock of a mom there for him! Take care. IrishRose.

[CASEY]

You all carry me  through. My son told me today that he has a $300 to $400 dollar a day speedball habit. It is becoming easier and easier for me to do what I need to do to save myself and him. Lines in the sand are really hard for me but I can't wait for an epiphany on his part. I felt like I didn't even recognize this person sitting next to me saying he feels he has no hope of ever getting clean. Telby, what you said about addicts sensing when people quit participating in the game helped me detach in a healthy way. Rather than feeling like I am abandoning him, I felt like maybe I was contributing to his health by stepping back a bit. I used to have to get angry to do that. Now I can do it calmly. No matter how old we get, we all need someone to  give us unconditional love. I hope there is someone in your corner, You all give so much. I am still stuck on the comment that Patricia said about her father calling her a *****. How can you give birth to someone and abandon them like that? Your kids are lucky to have you all. Take care, Gina

[irishmom]

Hi Telby!  Sorry I haven't checked in for a few days. I will
email you today after attending another doctors appointment.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.  Hang in there and keep
the faith in yourself. Kate

[irishmom]

Dear Gina,  It was so hard for me to recognize that Dan had
a problem.  I noticed the weight loss, the lack of eating,
the physical condition of both his girlfriend & him, his lack of any moods with the exception of anger (when he needed the drugs).  
I have been recovering from numerous surgeries and colon cancer and knew he was stealing my pain meds but still didn't want to see it for what it was.  I wanted to believe that he took the meds for his girlfriend.  I didn't want to see the selfishness
of his actions. Now I wouldn't hesitate to call the police and report the theft.
Why did I not act sooner?  That's the guilt that I have been
trying to work through.  All doctors involved have explained
to me that I should let go of any guilt I have.  Dan has made
certain choices and now lives with the consequences.  I can
help, support and be here for him but it's up to him period.
If love was the answer, no one would have this problem.  It
is a disease just like my colon cancer and has to be treated so.
Like my colon cancer, I had to go to get medical treatment.
I will continue to pray that our sons will seek the medical
treatment that they need.
Please Keep the Faith!
Kate

[irishmom]

Thanks so much for posting that Dan is a lovely child.
I missed seeing the light in his eyes, his humor, intelligence,
his laughter and sharing.  So many things...
All I want is to see him healthy again.  To know that he loves himself.  
I will be here to support, love and try to guide him as long
as I live and hopefully these things will live in his heart
forever. I'm the same mom I've always been but I think he
realizes that I'm here no matter what.
He's been 16 days clean and we are all so very proud of him.
We hope and pray that he continues searching for himself drug
free.
My best to you and all on this board.  You have all helped
us with your stories, strength and sharing.  Thank you!

[tce37]

i am writing to tell anyone who needs to talk or needs help
  in there drug detox that i am a professinal detox helper
  i have been doing this for over 20 years and have basicaaly
  seen it all so if you need help please email me or post a note thank you   email address is  tce37 @attbi.com

[sadness]

i was reading your stories, and thought it might help to hear from someone on the other side, i am currently a heroin addict, i have been doing it daily for about a year, but i slowly became addicted over 4 years of occasional use. most addicts don't care about anything but drugs, i have lost contact with freinds, spent all my savings and owe money, and all i think about is how i'm going to get the next fix.  fortunately i know i have a problem, and have managed to keep a full time job and retain some kind of life, but i can see how easy it would be to let go and give up on the rest of my life. I refuse to let myself become what some of my friends have become - thieves, liars and lowlifes. Addicts will lie to get what they want, and it's sad, because you still see the old person inside and you think that if you could say or do the right thing they'll snap out of it. I was the last in my group of friends to become an addict, and for a long time i belived what they told me "you won't get addicted if you only do it once and a while" "i can quit whenever i want" etc.. Only after i had become addicted, did i find out that my friend did it on purpose so he would have someone with money (since i had savings and he was in huge debt) to pick up and share drugs with him. This guy was my best friend for 10 years, and he used me, lied to me and dragged me down with him. There is NOTHING you can do to make someone quit, they have to decide for themselves, and even then it's not easy. I have quit 3 times, and the longest i made it was 5 days. the physical suffering is nothing compared to the mental aspect. I had gone through the pain and was feeling normal again, but all i thought about was getting a piece and doing some hits, and i made excuses to myself to make it seem rational. I would never wish this on anyone, and unlike my friend, i tell anyone who asks "don't even try it once!!" because it does make you feel good, and it is enjoyable(hence the high addiction rate!)and you will lie to yourself until it's to late to stop. I try to help people understand what it's like to be an addict, so if anyone wants to ask questions, feel free, i'll answer anything.  I am currently trying to quit again, this time i went to the doctor and got some prescriptions to help, but not methadone.  Methadone is a joke, it's like saying "your an alcoholic, so to cure yourself, drink beer instead or whiskey". I have 3 friends who are not herion/methadone addicts! I wouldn't go on methadone if it was the only choice i had, i'd rather suffer and quit cold turkey. Well, i've been pretty long winded, so i'll end this. If you want to know anything, just ask, or if you have any tips to help me quit, i'd love to hear it!

[CASEY]

TCE, what would you tell my 20 year old son about overcoming  his heroin addiction?  He has the chance to detox inpatient but he keeps putting it off. Following that, he can go into a 20 day inpatient. He is so convinced that he won't be able to stay clean that he doesn't see the point. Do you know of any success stories I can pass on to him? How can he avoid relapse? Any tips for detoxing? He is stuck in his addiction and forgets that life can be better. He is so depressed and lethargic that he doesn't dare hope. Help! Gina

[tce37]

dear gina,
sorry if i didnt reply real fast been out all day sorry.
first off trying to make someone quit is tough gig.
although talking to him instead of fighting with will work better
just dont give up on him. if he wont detox in a hospital maybe try slowly detox at home?
if you have pictures of drug addicts that o.d. that might get his attention?
but you will have to not fight with him about quitting he is 20 years old so he will have to make this decision if he really wants to quit.
as far as staying clean thats the million dollar question!!!~
if a person really wants to quit and stay clean then they will
have to use all the will power they can find.
staying clean is the hardest part. detoxing will end after a few days or so but staying clean thats the trick. will power,willpower. and the real feeling that the person wants to quit!succes stories are out there althought he needs his own succes story because one persons deal is probally someone elses
nightmare.so hang in there i will mull this over and try something to better help you and your son.so be watching.
by 200 on sunday i will post a message.
                  

                       stay clean
                         tce

[IrishRose]

Sadness- thank you for sharing your story, please keep posting, you are welcome here. There is a way through. IR.

[abusa]

I can somehow relate to your son except i get my drugs legally. I am nineteen , a girl, and very hopeless. I used to get 200 mlg to 240 of oxys which are heroin in a pill. Now this sounds terrible but i had a friends brother who quit heroin after doing or shooting it for 6 yrs non stop by going to jail. your son loves you more than anything and you need to put him in a program that detoxes him using methadone, i used that, and it was hard but now i'm off. And if he objects to that then threaten that you'll call the police. in his mind, heroin is the only way to get through the day. soon enough he'll need your help and deny it unless he gets help from professionals  I have incredible chronic pain  Fibromylgia degenerative disk disease constant infections around my privates which is not fun.

[CASEY]

Telby, your note to David was right on the money. I copied it and will put it on his hospital table when he goes into detox. He has been trying to avoid goind all weekend so I have quit pursuing him. The post where you said that addicts know when you quit making them the center of your universe has guided me many times  lately. I actually feel like I am doing a good thing when I am not so tightly focused on him.That used to make me feel guilty. All of you, thanks for you personal stories and suggestions. You are all an inspiration.  Today is my birthday. I have decided I am not going to spend one hour of my 54th year contributing to the addiction of my son. There, I have said it. My energies are only available to contributing t his health. Love, Gina

[tce37]

hey telby!
          hi, how are you? i hope you are doing fine. how's life been since the last time we've talked? i would really like to hear from you to see how you are doing, and hear what is going on. may god bless you, take care ,

                                  your on line friend
                                          t.c.e.
      p.s. email me if you wish!

[tce37]

Hey Gina,

     How are you and your son doing?  Sorry I didn't get back to you when I said I would. I have worked two doubles in the last three days. Anyways, have you had any success with your son?  May the lord be watching over both of you.
     If you would like to give me a update my e-mail address is ***@****. Hoping to hear from you soon.

                             On Line Friend,
                                T.C.E.

[CASEY]

He finally went to the hospital to detox at 10:00 last night. It took me all weekend to get him there. Once he realized that he could have no visitors or family support, he freaked. He said he wasn't ready for it, heroin was the only thing that gave him relief from depression and he doesn't want to give it up. I let go and said the help is there when he wants it. I am exhausted. Had to get up at 5:30 am after getting home at 2:00 am from the hospital. I don't know what to do now. Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing. I just want to collapse. He was afraid I was mad at him. I was just sad. Sorry you are working so much. Take care! Gina

[IrishRose]

Whew! He finally went? My prayers are with the both of you as always. This I hope will be a beginning for him. You are right, sometimes the best thing to do is not a thing, just rest and take care of yourself now. Keep us posted on how you both are doing. Take care. IR.

[CASEY]

He went but he only stayed 1/2 hour. He panicked and checked out AMA. I am afraid we are back to square one. Gina