hi again

[dede2121]

I don't write much on here but I read everyday just hoping to find some encouraging words. I am still struggling. I am only taking 4 or 5 percocets a week. And they really don't do much for me. The problem is the mental part. I don't understand why my brain tells me I need them when my body is not affected by them. Although I do feel tired when they are not in my system. You know I find that when I am not taking the pills I feel lost. Like I don't know who I am or what to do with myself when not chasing down the pills. I have good insurance at work so I am considering going to an addiction counselor. I just don't understand myself. I have been on this site I guess maybe 2 years now. I am  ashamed to tell that I can't seem to let go of this addiction. Anyone that can help is sure appreciated. I just feel like such a failure.

[Shauna13]

Hi dede,  i think you and i are boing through the same stage, i know i want to bedone with these pills but am desperate for support and encouragement. Maybe we can help each othr through....

[perco13]

I understand exactly what your feeling because i went through the same thing. The thing with opiates is that they are mind altering, they connect to receptors in your brain and basically rewire your brain to deal with things differently. Being that you've been using for over 2 years, your brain is wired to tell you take a percocet and youll feel great. The worst part of it is the longer you do it the more your brain recognizes and accepts it, and your basically just feeding your addiction. Believe me when i tell you, you cant stop alone. To me, your lucky because your not taking that much. If you can stop taking them without feeling physical withdrawal you should stop right away. Then you have to go see a therapist and talk it through with your counselor. He will help you put things into perspective while your brain rewires itself. I also recommend going to meetings, and building a positive support group to prevent relapse, and just to talk about your feelings. There is nothing to be ashamed about. There are millions of people addicted to this terrible drug and it is virtually impossible to do it alone. You need the support. Nobody takes a drug saying they want to be addicted or dependent. These things happen. Whats important is you go out and get the help that you need. Thats why there are so many doctors, specialists, rehabs. nobody can do it alone. The most successful people check themselves into rehab and get help because these pills start controlling you. right now your not in control. you need to reclaim your life. I know its not an easy thing to do, but believe me after its totally out of your system and you start thinking clearly again you will feel so much better. Get the help! after a month or 2 you will feel so much better about everything. Good luck! if you need to talk im here.

[vicki595]

Hi Dede!   Finding an addictionologist is a good idea. You've done so well but I understand all about letting go.

You've gotten yourself down to such a small amount per week and you should be commended for that!  We just need help sometimes so look around and I'm sure you'll find someone!

Good luck and glad you checked in!

[ricart70]

Not a failure.THe simple fact is that these percs are working on your mind 24 hours a day whether or not you have taken any that day.If you can just give yourself a month of not taking these you will lose that "lost" feeling and gain back your identity outside of the pills.I know its hard and I am not looking down upon the great unwashed here believe me.I have had every kind of habit from chipper to hard core round the clock user.h,opana oxy,etc. you get the pic.   I know you can do it. Just give it a chance because they are not going to stop making pills any time soon.   I know it's not easy but you can take advantage and walk away easier from the short amount that you are on while you can.

[dede2121]

thanks kyle. the mental part of it is much worse than the physical. i just want these thoughts to be gone from my head. i am tired of not wanting to do anything except when i have a pill. i am surprised i am able to work. i am trying to start today and not use anymore. it is just so hard. i want so much to be free of this. like i said i really dont understand myself.

[kyle505]

You are not a failure, you are addicted. And I agree - the mental aspect of addiction, at least for me, was / is much more difficult than the physical detox. Your head is used to getting the meds; finding them, using at certain times of the day, planning your life around them -  has become a very important part of your day to day.  Once you are clean for a while, you eventually break that old pattern and start new ones. An example - I'm going on a trip in April. A long flight and then lots of time in the car, far away from my pharmacy. Before I stopped using, I would put more effort in to planning my daily pill usage than I would in to the trip itself. Hell, I even kept the meds with me when I flew just in case the airlines lost my bags.
This upcoming trip is soooo different, because I'm not having to deal with that, and it is really liberating. Keep posting. We are here to help. And don't beat yourself up. I fought my mental demons for over ten years. I beat them, and it is great.