Day 1 of drastic taper... Success but not easy

[Nomonorcs]

Dusted myself off.. Hugged myself with all if the amazing support and got through day 1 of my taper plan.

It wasn't easy.. I didn't jump back to my regular 20--30 pills - not even close! For someone who's been at an excessive level for so many years, I wanted to truly challenge myself. 8 is my starting point. And, let me tell you, it's not fun! I have no energy but I'm not going to go any higher. This taper will be strict and no count for something! I've given myself a few weeks, but really want to push myself as hard as I can.

I've been reading other posts and am really encouraged!

God willing, the jump will come sooner, rather than later!

On a good note, i actually ate well today. Although I'm on a time table for my dose, I've been pushing myself as long as I can go :) no more watching the clock, just looking forward to a brighter day!

I am praying for each of you and your journey and look forward to the day I can return the same as you have all done for me :)

Blessed, and thankful for His mercy and grace ~

[Ariel0894]

Hi, I'm tapering too, I've only been on here a few days but have been following your story because I feel like I can relate to a lot of it.  I too have been blown away by the outpouring of love and support on this forum.  Anyway, congratulations on your progress, it's inspiring to see that you picked yourself up after you fell and are now feeling better for it.  I need to keep reading these posts to remind myself that it is possible to come off of these evil pills and that even if the process doesn't go perfectly it can still be done.  Great job :)

[PurrfectlyKrazy]

Thanks for the California Hug :-).  Keep us posted and remember, every day look in that mirror and remind yourself that you deserve happiness, love and a good life.  Remind yourself that you are worthy of your own love and that learning to love yourself is the first step to having that wonderful life!

I know that's a hard one...even for me it is still hard...we tend to be filled with self-loathing...which is why aftercare is SO important.  For instance, I know my husband loves me.  There is no doubt in my mind...but it isn't enough if I don't love myself.  How can I expect someone to love me if I can't love myself?  So I'm trying, with the help of my aftercare, to feel deserving of that love.

My pastor reminds me twice a week that God loves me and if he loves me then there is no reason why I can't love myself.  It is hard to unlearn something I've believed since I was a little girl (which is that I wasn't worthy) but I'm sure trying :-)

You, beautiful lady, are worthy...no doubt in my mind :-)

Hugz from the Gulf Coast, where we have bugs that haven't even been named yet...that's how many bugs we've got...and they ALL love to bite me lol

[LadySailor86]

Warm wishes to ya! Keep posting. The folks on your thread dragged me thru it kicking and screaming but I got thru it. Don't rely on you will power. It's not enough buoy are smart to let someone else control the meds.  

[Nomonorcs]

Ladies, you bless me beyond words!

I'm sending a big hug from California and just appreciate you all!

[PurrfectlyKrazy]

You are going to be fine...you just have to resign yourself to not feeling the best for a while...but I can promise it will get better.  It will take time but you WILL feel better.  Just keep your eye on the prize.  One baby step at a time...one day, one hour, one minute at a time.  Don't try to rush anything...you've got so much support and a loving hubby which is awesome and more than most have when they go through something like this.
  Just think....soon you will be putting your name on that monthly roll call list for your sobriety...and you have a wonderful life ahead of you.  It is so good that you are doing this now.
  Hang in there girl....we all are behind you 110%

[msdelight]

Wow girl you are just blossoming like a flower right in front of our eyes! It looks really good on you! God bless your journey.

[Nomonorcs]

Yes! Yes! He brings home only the amount for the day and leaves the rest at his office.

I'm learning that I may not be as strong as the next, but I do know that I am tired. Just sick and tired of the chase, the deception, the lies.. Being on here, I've been able to freely express myself and it feels so good! I'm so thankful I found m new MH family :)

I will keep journaling and posting.

Today was blah.. Peering and taking them now isn't fun for me. Boy, what a different it makes! It definitely has a whole new meaning and I'm still feeling yucky.  But, I'm thankful I'm here and still have my eye on the prize!

Thanks for checking in :)

[jifmoc]

Hey, there. You sound good. You know as much as you were taking there is always someone who takes more! So, don't judge yourself.

Just checking, your hubbie is in charge of them, right? And listen, it's not a willpower thing, it's an addict thing. So don't be hard on yourself if the taper doesn't go exactly as you want. One day at a time, yes. And if you decide, eff this I just wanna make the jump to ct and be done, we will be there every step of the way!!

Keep checkin in, girl!

[Nomonorcs]

Chevy_123:

That will be my new mantra: "love myself; and be fair to myself"

May sound silly but for me, this is profound! If there's one thing I haven't done in a long time, it's liked, let alone "love" myself... Wow.. You have no idea. I've devalued my own self worth for so long!

Thank you! And I will look back one day and read my posts. Didn't even think about that :)

Hope all is well with you and your journey..

Thanks, for posting!

[chevy_123]

That's wonderful! When you feel yourself having a not so good day come back and reread your post! One day at a time! Remember your not just controlling your doses you are taking control of getting your life back! I used to get mad when people would tell me I would always be an addict until I finally understood. There is not one day that goes by that I don't think about my addictions but it's the choices you make each and every day . I finally have learned to accept that in my life it's what defines who I am today. Love yourself and be fair to yourself! None of us are perfect but we can work on ourselves a little bit at a time :)

[Nomonorcs]

Hey gnarly, how are you these days? I know yours is a tough one, yet, you always seem to find time to encourage others.

You're right! This isn't a race. And, I'll definitely consider what your saying.. I know I'm stronger than I give myself credit for. Who doesn't cringe at a little pain, eh? In the end, I don't want to fool myself and think it's going to be unicorns and rainbows either.

If there one thing I've learned in the last week from all of you, it's that I am not going to lie to myself anymore. It feels so good to be able to be honest for a change. Truly, I've been able to let some of this heavy baggage go.. By simply being honest. And you all have taught me that!

Wow! My first big "a-ha" moment :)

I pray all is well with you and you're in my thoughts as well.

#teamsoberlife

[gnarly_1]

Hey Girl good to see you post...well we never shoot our wounded rather then try to do this mechanically or mathematically I would keep to the plan but let your body be the final judge this is not a race you dont want to be living in a constant state of withdrawal so ez does it keep posting for support we all want to see you make it  p/m me if your need help...............Gnarly......................