hi all

[dede2121]

It's federal again. I have been reading for quite awhile now and finally got the courage to post again. I am still struggling. Now what i don't understand is my need to take 3 to 4 pills a week. Yes I said a week. I can't seem to let go. I am fine when I take them but when I don't have them I am really depressed. I refuse to leave my house except to work. I have shut myself off from everyone except when I have to. I don't want to be around anyone or anything. I don't know what is wrong with me. Anyone have any suggestions for me?

[dede2121]

Forget that first sentence. It should say federal again. LOL

[dede2121]

Dede again. Not good at typing from a phone

[bama88]

Hey sweetie sounds like.depression. plain old depression. Why do you take the pills? Is it to.feel better? Or do you suffer pain? I know its hard to let go. I'm.glad you mustarded up the courage to post. What type of pills do you take. How do you get them. I take oxies. I love oxies. I hate oxies. We are here to encourge you. Tell me about yourself. I'm detoxing and can't sleep. I will.listen.

[bama88]

And like you typing on phone lol

[happyholidays]

Hi. I think 3-4 a week is better than what I am doing. Have you considered tapering and seeing a doctor you trust? That is what I am doing. I just posted my post. I hope you feel better.

[dede2121]

I get a few a week from someone I know. They are percocet 10/325. I take them just to feel normal a few times a week. Maybe I do need some anti depressants

[happyholidays]

I understand how you feel about the percocets making you feel normal. I would just take two to deal with a stressful mother, and all honesty, we had a terrible fight. So bad last weekend. I cringed at it. She told me "...not to come to her funeral" and then told me yesterday that she was "Sexually abused as a child by her uncle". My mother is nice and then mean. It's hard to deal with. I will be honest. I took the perc to deal with her. Now, I am doing that. I want off them and I'm going to do it.

[dede2121]

I guess I take them to deal with life. I was clean for 3 months and was going everyday to NA meetings until someone there offered me a percocet and I took it and haven't been back to a meeting since

[happyholidays]

You can do it! Just put your mind to it. Be positive! Stay away from stressful people. I have to due this for my sons. I have no way out, even how stressful my life gets. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I honestly believe so.

[dede2121]

I have a new grandson who is 6 weeks old and can't even enjoy him for being so depressed. Right now I see no light but I hope to soon.

[bama88]

How long have you been back on the one hear and one there. You've got to go back to na. That's where you get your innerstrength. We all have stress..the pills lie to us and give us a false since of security. Please go to a doctor you can talk to and get some antidepressents. You deserve to feel calm and happy. Well at least calm. And copping here and there is not the answer. With the holidays coming up you need an extra tool to keep.stress down..and to enjoy the holidays without those stupid lying pills

[dede2121]

I have a new grandson who is 6 weeks old and can't even enjoy him for being so depressed. Right now I see no light but I hope to soon.

[bama88]

There is light at the end. You had sixty days clean. So I know you can do it again. I know how easy it is to just take a pill to get comfortably numb. I've done that gig for over five years. But please go back to na. I bet people.there miss you. And there is no shame in getting an antidepresant. I read one out of four adults take them. If I don't take mine watch out the evil mean b*** will show up. Depression has many faces

[dede2121]

I plan on going to doctor soon. I want to go back to NA but will have to find another place because I feel uncomfortable at the one i did go to because of the fool who offered me hydros at the last meeting

[dominosarah]

You need to get to the doctor ASAP.  You are missing out on life right now.  Those pills are doing nothing for you.  They give us a false sense of security.  Talk with your doctor about your depression and tell him what is going on.  There are many good AD meds out there now and they are non narcotic.  Find a different meeting.  Most of them dont have jacka$$es like the one you ran into.  Do all of this for you, you are worth it~~~sara

[bama88]

Wow what an experience at na. Offer you hydro lol. Now you have to laugh at that one. Going to na to get clean and bam in your face. That's like having a as meeting at a bar. I'm trying to get you to laugh. If we don't laugh about it we would be crying in the corner. That is absurd. Were you strong enough to say no or did you cave? Either way what a rotten experience. I want to go to.na but I'm scared. Please please go to doc tomorrow. Don't wait it takes up to six weeks for antidepresants to start working. I know. I have to take two. One in morning and abilify at night. I've gotten so depressed today I wanted to find a cave to camp in. You are a beautiful human being who has something to offer us here. You deserve and have the right to be happy. I know you don't feel good right now but that will pass. Remember it never rains forever.....the sun will.come out. What type of hobbies do you like to do. And.I would give you a big hug now and tell you this too will pass. Tanya

[bama88]

I meant to say aa.

[dede2121]

Thanks Sara I will look for another meeting.         And bama that is kind of comical
I should have told someone at the meeting what he did.

[bama88]

Yes it is. That's the prob with depression you can't find any humor. How long have you been shutting yourself in?  I had a total knee replacement in may. I stayed home for six weeks.they sent a pt to my house. Then three weeks ago I got a blood clot under my new knee and had to stay home. Today was my first day out. I went to the mall with my daughter. On my second day of detox.  I had to do something anything to quite my mind. I'm detoxing from oxies. And I am wanting to cave in to my pain. These pills.are the devil. I've been on them over.five years. Five years. Hydro were my favorite such a energy booster. The oxies are evil. I look like a walking frankinstien. My eyes looked so hollowed out. Id give anything to go back to a few hydro a week. So I know you can do this.... you have the power

[dede2121]

Just the past 6 weeks or so. I just don't want to face the world except to go to work. And I work 7pm to 7am that is why I am wide awake now. I will call my doctor tomorrow

[bama88]

Well you also have a hard schedule. How long have you worked the night shift?  Or has the depression returned with the use of pills? Plus this time of the year can bring on depression. I read about something seasonal depression when we do the time change

[dede2121]

Been on nights 3 months so on my days off I still can't sleep at night. I have been dealing with problems from my son which has driven me nuts. He has moved away now. And I lost the one person who believed in me and helped me thru hard times. I guess he gave up on me

[bama88]

Ah the joys of kids. I've got two. 13 yr old daughter and a 19 year old son. What makes you say he gave up on you? Why would you think that? Its his loss. Tell me one thing about yourself your proud of. Or what's one thing you like about yourself. Just one thing.

[bama88]

I'm still waiting for you to tell me one little thing about what you like. What about your hair? Do you have great hair? Or are you a snappy dresser. Can you cook like a chief. Are you good at crossword puzzles. Hey I know. Your a great driver. A hard worker. Or maybe your my next best friend......do I see a smile? :)