how am i still alive?

[moonykb]

I have an extreme addiction to pain pills. I was taking 30-40 10/325 Norcos for a few months & now I am up to 70-80 a day. Shouldn't my liver have failed by now? I kicked a Meth addiction & also overcame severe alcoholism. So why cant I do the same with these pills? I want to stop. I don't want to die. But these pills are just to easy for me to get. I need professional help but I have no insurance. Does anyone know of a treatment center in southern California that offers a sliding fee scale? Are there any prescription medications that can help protect my liver? I'm already takinh iron pills, LiverAide & a ton of Vitamin C. I don't want to be this way & I am so ashamed of myself :(

[Elmijack15]

Hun, if it was me I'd show up at the ER and tell them you have chest pain, they cannot turn you away and tell them about your medical conditions, lupus, fibro, spine, etc and tell them you've been in so much pain you started taking the narcotics but you're up to 70 or 80 pills a day and it's not working and you don't know what to do. Where you got them? From friends, relatives, etc it hasn't been but a few months but you need help now. Your option of suboxone shouldn't be the money as you're spending way more than that on your pills but you have to be in withdrawls to start on them and I don't see how you can do that on your own. If you don't want to go to the ER call for a detox center and tell them where you're at or even a pain management doctor who can work with you. You have real medical issues but you can't just stop with the amounts you're taking. If you decide against the ER call doctors or detox places tomorrow before the weekend gets here, don't wait until Monday you may not make it. Sorry I really hope you get some help quick.

[Sonrissa]

Just show up at the door! I do not think they will turn you away!! I can't remember, do you have med insurance? If not then get on Medicaid or whatever it's called! If that doesn't work, then trip and fall in the lobby and threaten to sue em!! I'm just kidding, but don't make excuses! Get your butt some medical help! Cmon Moony, you can do this! Get off the roller coaster, cause I'm scared for you and your ticket is just about up! Am I scaring you? God, I hope so!

[moonykb]

Thank you alk for your prayers. I called the hospital & told them the truth but they were a bit rude & curt so I didn't get an answer :( I was trying to find out if they could help me

[ladybug97]

Honey you need to go to ER or talk to a doctor and be very honest with them, you are going to die taking such high dosages. My Brother in Law is in Liver Failure for same reason, and nothing can be done for him, You have to quit one way or another, you are crying for help, and you need to reach out to a Medical Professional. Yes you are going to be sick from w/d but that is better than dying a slow death.  Good Luck, and I will be praying for you

[selfinduced]

Listen to sonri, she's got your back! Please do keep us updated. You will make it, but only if you get help asap. A detox center sounds like the most reasonable choice. Remember, as long as your reaching out you can receive the needed help. The alternative six anyway ya look at it. Sooner you start your recovery, the sooner you can get on with your clean life. Keep posting...

[Sonrissa]

Moony! You have now got me invested in you! I think you have made a good decision! I'm going to be praying for you! Please feel free to private message me if you want! I will help in anyway I can through moral support! Please keep posting here, and best wishes! Let us know what happens! Be honest with them! Try not to think of anything else but stopping this insanity! Your life is worth saving! I will be waiting to hear from you! Take care, OK?

[moonykb]

Thank you for the suggestions. I'm going to go the county hospital...it's quite a drive but I believe they might have a detox center. I know that I deserve to go to jail for the crimes I have committed but I just cant handle that on top of everything else. I will keep all of you updated on my progress.

[Sonrissa]

Moony, I am not a lawyer nor an expert on all things legal and illegal, but first and foremost we are talking about your life here! I don't think a doctor or the ER will call the cops on you! Do you have any prescription at all? I would just say that you've been getting them from friends, or that they were old prescriptions from old family members! See if you can find, or possibly the ER can refer you to a free or low cost detox facility? Plus I'm sure they see this issue on a pretty regular basis! Im Hoping someone will reply with info about the legal thing, cause I just don't know! I just want you to stop this insanity before you die! But you must want to stop this too, no matter what the cost! Maybe make an anonymous call to an ER, say my friend blah blah blah.... Find out about their policy regarding drug abuse/intoxication! Please just find a way to stop, please!

[moonykb]

I don't think my last comment posted. If I tell the doctor at the ER the truth about how many I am taking he's going to realize something fishy is going on. Is he obligated to report to the police if he knows I am doing something very illegal? Thank you again from the bottom of my heart. You guys are an amazing group of people.

[moonykb]

Wow... thank you so much! Your caring support to a stranger on the internet is giviing me hope that i can do this. I guess the biggest reason I am afraid to tell the doctor the truth is because I don't want to go to jail. If I tell them the true extent of my problem they will probably want to know how I am getting all of these pills & what I'm doing to get them is a felony. So if I told them the truth wouldn't they be obligated to report it to a law enforcement agency?

[Sonrissa]

You absolutely blow my mind! Honey, you have to stop this and now! I still say, get yourself to the ER! You need medical intervention! Don't try to do this by yourself! Don't be ashamed! It is, what it is! Your life is worth it! Find the strength and get to a doctor or the ER, be completely honest, and begin the process of getting well, and healthy! Where are you getting Xanax? I don't think that is the route to go! We will be here with love and support every day! You are worrying me so much! Take some action today! I'm praying for your strength! You can do this Moony!

[moonykb]

I am so thankful I found you guys. I have some Kratom & Xanax so I am going to try to sleep all weekend with the Xanax, then switch to the Kratom on Monday. I feel like a waste of air. How could I ever allow myself to get this bad? I have lupus, fibromyalgia & a degenerative spinal cord disorder. I think I might go to the ER on Monday & see if they can check my liver. I'll probably tell them i think my Lupus is flaring up. How long do opiates stay in the blood stream? I'm not ready to admit to the doctor how many pills I have been taking(almost 90 yesterday). It is hard enough telling strangers on the internet about it. So basically I am a selfish lying addict. I wish I had my mom here to help me get through this. But if I don't stop being a piece of crap, I'm going to be up in Heaven with her soon. Please don't think I am saying these bad things about myself hoping to get sympathy from you all. This is truly how I feel. Thank you all again. Your advice & kind words mean more to me than I can explain.

[Pat1956100]

Wow that is a ton of pills but god only knows how many I would have taken if I could get that many that cheap.  I am so grateful that I couldn't.
Please listen to the advice and get some help right away. You are so worth it.  I am sure there are people in this world that love you very much and you really don't want them to have to go through losing you.
Also we care very much.
Please let us know how you are doing.

[Dixiechick72]

Ok so I have to agree with everyone else.... Stop the damn pills. If ur liver hasn't failed u I'm sure ur on ur way to something called gastroparesis ... These pills damage our stomachs. If u aren't feeling it yet it's only a matter of time!!! Cut off ur supply!!! Get help. If u can't stop CT then do ur homework and have a dr help u..but stick with a plan. If u continue abusing u will destroy ur body. U are living on borrowed time. So take that and turn it into something positive ok!!! Please get help!!!  

[forgottensick]

If you don`t stop taking so many pills you WILL die. It`s that simple. Suboxone is a good drug for somebody that has a problem abusing, so it sounds like a very good choice. I don`t live in cali. so I don`t know if the doctor fee are high. They would be where I live for sure. Most pain doctors I`ve seen and heard of usually charge around $150 a month plus med costs, and Suboxone isn`t cheap either. I would keep looking around. Many Phsyc. doctors will prescribe suboxone too. Keep looking but don`t cancel the appointment you already have until you find a cheaper doctor. You HAVE to get off the drugs or you will be dead soon, either from OD or liver failure. How bad do you want to live?  We are always here to help you get through it, but you have to want to do it too.

[IBKleen]

$700  month is ridiculously high. Did you look at the Suboxone website for other doctors? Also, if you decided to go this route, please do your homework. There is no magic pill and more often than not you will yet again trade one addiction for another. Suboxone i shard to detox from so again--make sure you do your homework.

Getting clean is the easy part. Staying clean is where the work comes in. The fellowships of NA and AA are free and many have found them a blessing for their recovery. It has been for me for many years. If you are interested in a meeting and I think you owe it to yourself to try it, here is the link that will find meetings near you:

http://portaltools.na.org/portaltools/MeetingLoc/

In the meantime, stick around here and talk. It helps to admit that you have a problem and to hear suggestions from other members on what worked for them.

[moonykb]

Thank you both. I made a few phone calls & found a Suboxone doctor about 2 hours from where I live. His fee is $700/month plus the cost of medication. Is that a good deal? My financial situation isn't great but I am getting 180 pills every few days for $40. Perhaps I should also mention that I have had severe unipolar depression since the age of 14. Thanks again to all of you for allowing me to tell you about my problem & for your honesty. Is it safe to assume that I have done permanent damage to my liver or will my liver possibly be able to mend itself if I can stop abusing it?

[Free2agoodhome]

Welcome....

thats pretty high amount...no one really knows how addiction begins but a certain percentage of us will abuse pain killers if we take them. sooo we accept that about ourselves and make the adjustment to live a happy drug free life......

LIv52 is very good for liver. milk thistle as well....

When i go i want to go sober with some dignity and self respect. not stiff in some hotel room.......

.hope that wasn't too harsh....


Theres a lot of options if you want to detox at home...formal detox may be more effective for you as well...I am not from CA so cant help...


when you're ready,,,and sounds like you are....you will find help here....



~Free

[Sonrissa]

Welcome, and I will tell you how to protect your liver! Stop taking those pills! Goodness, I would think that much would be deadly! I think you desperately need medical intervention, and now! If it were me, and you really want to stop and save your life, I would get my butt to the ER immediately! I believe they will help you no matter what your financial situation! By the way how are you affording the pills?? Don't be ashamed! Do something about it now! Others will be along to probably offer some better advice, but I think you are staring down an oncoming freight train, and you will lose that standoff! Your life is worth saving!! Please do something now! You are living on very borrowed time!