Vicodin obsession and guilt! Help!

[helpjen]

Today my pain is out of control!   I'm actually really excited for my injection in my disc on thursday so that I can really get down to business about getting off these things.  The injections have helped before and have been med free for months at a time before.  But now haven't been without at least one dose of vicodin now for over a year, and now over the last 3 months more and more, for the wrong reasons now. Not always just the pain, sometimes to help get through the anxiety of work, kids, just life.

When I take them my pain gets better so I can function, but the emotional toll they are taking on me now is worse than the pain ever was. I believe that the obsesing over getting off of these has not only increased my pain, but is creating some paranoia that I'm not sure is warrented.  Well or maybe it is, the more I read in this forum, the more afraid I get.  

Desperately need some advice about how to get over this constant guilt and worry about these things.  I feel like such a failure letting myself overuse.  I obsess about how I've let my family down ect. ect.  All I can think about is getting off of this stuff so that the guilt will go away.  How did I let myself get here?  I have a loving family and great support system for my pain.  I have tried to quit/ taper twice in the last week, but keep relapsing d/t the pain.  Then the guilt is worse than the pain in the end though.  For the first time in my life I hate myself.  Truley hate myself.

[cathy5841]

eagle is right.  the time to quit is now.  our minds have a way of creating more and more pain in order to be fed the opiates it craves.  most here will tell you that after some time with out the pills their pain significantly improves...thats a apart of the addiction...sure quitting is hard...the detox for some is rough...but worth it i promise.  stop stressing it and just do it.  if i can i know that you can...it takes determnation and will power....and lots of strength.  you can get support here, but the work has to come from you.

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

My advice would be to quit the hydrocodone as soon as possible.... and that doesnt mean to take six months to think about it .... Asking yourself questions about the past is counter productive ....You are here now .... I am also a very legitimate chronic pain patient .... I originally would justify use by saying that... even though it is true...... And I also have a premium family - thats probably what made me get real and face the reality of the situation.....You dont need to wait for any injection to quit taking the pills .... The time to quit is whenever you notice that the pills are impacting your life in the negative ... Sounds to me like you are there right now ..... the hydro's will stop doing anything for you before long .... and it sounds like they may be a negative already .... Be open and truthful with yourself ......  and good luck to you....the pills were never meant for emotional pain ......  and they do  not work for that ........