Day 52 no vicodin, now scared re my Xanax abuse!

[Lindsay_T]

For 13 years, vicodin abuse was a big deal. 52 days ago, I quit CT. I was so focused on my opiate addiction, I
ignored my Xanax abuse. I have been taking it for years, but never really craved it, like vicodin. I'd randomly take xanax - anywhere from a 1mg XR to a .5 fast-acting maybe every day (off and on for years), and also every day up until recently!
I honestly can't tell you what my pattern was, though. Very unlike vicodin which I'd take like clockwork at certain times of the day.
Anyway, I'm now  OFF vicodin and reading up on xanax and I'm worried. I decided to stop xanax totally, probably less than a week ago.  So I've not had ANY for maybe 5 days. I sure don't want seizures (!!!!) jungle drums are starting in my chest at the thought, but I don't know if I should taper at this point. The more I read up on it, though, I think it may be wise. I don't have a doctor in on this, but I have unlimited supply to both XR and fast acting.
Argh. Pills STINK. How could I be so ignorant. I thought xanax was no big deal. Fing-A-Johnny it's a big DEAL.
Any xanax advise (that won't give my an anxiety attack) would be appreciated.
~Lindsay

[Lindsay_T]

Dominosara: "using is only a symptom of our addiction." I'm going to have to think about that one. I know it is true, I just am not sure what it means.
I haven't REALLY wrapped my brain around "addiction," other than to believe that vicodin has a tenacious, sinister grip on me.
Everyone,
To close the loop on my Benzo "scare" from this a.m., I got some great support from folks here and my hubby found a very good layman's terms article about Benzo risks written by a doc with the Ntl Anxiety Institue at Univ of Kentucky. If you all think it is appropriate, I can put it on the health pages.
I am going to stay the course and stay off xanax since I'm on day 5 anyway. Yoga breathing here I come. I want my body to produce as much of its own GABA as possible, and then see if I'm chillaxed enough for life as I know it.
Love and hugs to you all,
Lindsay.

[dominosarah]

Using is only a symptom of our addiction.  Yes our families are the ones who get the worst end of this.  It will get better.  Our actions speak louder than words........sara

[LeaAnn807]

Hi!  I said a prayer for you, sweetie!  And hubby!  I would say not to go back on it now to do a taper.  BUT....you need to ask a doc about it, ok?  Get some professional opinion!

Good luck!

[Lindsay_T]

Thanks Sara, Pray for me. And My Dear Husband. He's getting the brunt of this. I can't believe the layers and layers of addiction. Either way, i'm peeling this stinkin onion. I couldn't be more serious. And more pissed off. Truth is no one is going to look out for you like yourself. Married, single, with kids, or without. It's up to me.
Good thing I'm busy. gotta go buy donuts for the kids.

[dominosarah]

I dont have alot of experience with this med so will leave that for someone who does!!  Do you have a good relationship with your doctor?  If you do i would discuss this with him and after you have a plan i would get rid of that unlimited supply.  You never know when addiction will call your name.........sara