i guess it time for my story

[brandino34]

ive been on this board for about 2 weeks reading up on just about everything I can.  I have been down this road before and that is what scares me the most.  I have chonic back pain from multiple spine problems.  im 28 and work a very labor intensive job.  lifting, bending, the whole nine yards.  when I was 20 the pain became too much for me to bear.  I went to my doctor crying because of the pain.  cant sleep when all you can to is think about how bad your pain is.  my doc started giving me tramadol, then Darvocet, then it was norcos, then Percocet.  it was about the time I was getting the Norco when I found out I had a problem.  I would run out of the Norco early so I would go buy oxycontin, methadone, or morpheine illegally on the streets.  just whatever I could get my hands on.  by this time I was 24.  just graduating college and wanting to get out of the job I am still currently at so I knew I had to fight these demons and get clean so I could pass a drug screening.  well I never got the job but I did get clean.  up until about a year ago that is :(  I went though a major bout of depression and staring using pills again.  this time all illegally because in my mind if I was paying for them and not my insurance I wouldn't get addicted again.  bad decision.  the girl I was dating I thought was amazing.  I was in love.  we worked together and were together with all out free time.  life was good.  then she started cheating on me and the depression kicked in.  it was bad enough that me and her worked together but the other guy worked with us too.   everyday I got to see those two together and it ****** with my head.  the opiates numbed the pain.  I transferred plants I was so upset,everything about it just wrecked me.  I cleared my head, I still see the girl once in awhile cause we go to the same gym but ive got her out of my head.  now its time to fix the opiate problem.  its been pretty bad for about a year.  what I would concider heavy use but not as bad as some.  drug of choice this time was methadone.  basically the best bang for the buck I would take about 50 mg a day.  about 2 weeks ago I decided to do my detox of methadone.  only lasted about 5 days.  the RLS was so bad that it was driving me crazy.  I went and bought a bottle of opana it was 30 10's and they lasted me the last 10 days.  in my mind I got the methadone out of my system and the oxymorphone detox should be easier.  from what im reading its a little more rough but is much shorter in duration. plus I would think over a year of methadone would be easier that a few days of opana.  

so today is day one of being opana free and thankfully the WD's aren't too bad.  just cant sleep, cold chills and I didn't eat today.  I can deal with that.  I have to be to work in 4 hours and I haven't slept yet.  I do have 2 Norcos that I can take at work if the Wd's get too much worse but I don't want to take them.  I just want all this to be done.  I think i got it this time.  I feel really good.  reading all the positive messages on this board has really helped in me getting through these tough times.  as soon as my energy levels come back to normal and my happiness levels return to normal this will be great.  might be a few rough weeks but its all worth it in the end.  hopefully in a few weeks I can be on here helping people and giving good advise or just some comfort.  wish me luck :)

[brandino34]

that was awesome.  thank you everyone for your responses.  I do appreciate everyone opinions and kind words :)  I wasn't sure since I know I read a lot of people don't get on here as much on the weekends.  you are very right kyle about taking the Norco.  it would just prolong things and that doesnt really help me.  its only 2 of them probably just gonna flush them.  and you are very very right on how its gonna be tough when the mental stuff kicks in.  Im lucky to have a few friends I have told about this that are gonna help me and a few I have had to cut ties with to stop the temptation.  going to work in about an hour on virtually no sleep.  I keep thinking about taking my dog for a walk to the lake in the morning when I get off work.  being walking distance from lake Michigan is great....the lake-effect snow, not so much so.  I think keeping my pup in mind and having all you great people and stories to read is keeping me in positive spirits :)   thanks again

[kyle505]

OK - first thing right out of the gate...You don't (speaking in general terms) take Norco to help with your withdrawal. That's just shooting yourself in the foot. If you do, then the next day you get to start all over again.
Reading your story it's clear that you've been around the block a couple of times, so what I'm saying probably isn't coming as any big surprise.  
Detox isn't easy; in fact, mine was hell. And that's the point. As the old saying goes, if you dance with the devil you have to pay him his due.  
Wanting to quit is great; knowing that you have sources can make it hard, but I admire your deciding that it's time. But be very careful; you've got to change your attitude and your approach, and if you have a source, then when the mental crap kicks in, you will struggle, and that's the point where many of us relapse.  
K

[nini301]

Hi brandino34 and welcome to the forum! As Bubbleguppie said there are alot of amazing ppl on here to get great advice from and to help you get through things like this. I'm proud to hear that you are making the best decsion with getting clean. It may be hard at first but you can do it!! Don't ever tell yourself that you can't because you can and you will!! Good luck with everything and i wish you the best. :)

[Bubbleguppie100]

Hey brandino! First off, congrats on getting your life back!! Welcome to our forum. Their are a lot of amazing people on here that will give you incredible advice and support. Most of us have chronic pain, that's how we got on pills in the first place. I broke my back 8 years ago. Got on Norco. The last year and a half, I became so addicted to them. I've been clean for 20 days and my back pain is minimal. You should be really proud of yourself by during what you're going to do, getting clean! You got this!! I just wanted to stop by and give you my support. If you need anything, please feel free to PM me. Good luck and god bless!!!