Aa
Well, it sounds like you need to do something. And when you feel like you need to do *something*, even if you feel you aren't able to, the best thing to do is do something small and meaningless. That way there's no possibility of failure.
It's why I said walking. It doesn't cost anything, and anyone can do it (alright, if you're in a wheelchair, you roll instead. :) )
Everything you describe is absolutely tied up in your addiction, but it probably goes beyond that now. the addiction is a symptom and it's own huge problem, but the feelings of depression and hopelessness are something you can try to take small bites of. It's a rolling stone-moss syndrome. Depression feeds itself. The trick is to find a way to break out of the pattern.
Try starting out with not even deciding you're going out. Just do something like; I'll get in the bath. Don't think about it, just go through the motions of setting up to take a bath, no pressure. Then just...get in. Do the same thing with getting dressed...and then putting on your coat. Take your keys. Then realize you're ready to go out, so you may as well. There's a tree four blocks over that's particularly nice this time of year. Head that way, perhaps you'll take a look.
The trick is to NOT think. Thinking too much is what got you where you are. This sounds so much easier than it is to do, but in a way it also is very difficult. I would go so far as to say don't even think about your vicodin problem right now. Decide you aren't gonig to think about it for a few days (after taking precautions not to have your hubby steal them!) and then forget about it! You're to depressed right now and just circling around the same bad thoughts. Put it out of your mind.
It's not going anywhere.
It will still be there in a few days.
But hey, that's okay...you can deal with it then. There's nothing wrong with taking the time to PREPARE to deal with a huge problem, and part of that is not letting it get the best of you. Take away it's power to pull you down. Tell it to bugger off for the moment.
I hope your food is as yummy as mine was. I find dinner time goes better around here when I don't cook (I'm rarely allowed to. :) )
It's why I said walking. It doesn't cost anything, and anyone can do it (alright, if you're in a wheelchair, you roll instead. :) )
Everything you describe is absolutely tied up in your addiction, but it probably goes beyond that now. the addiction is a symptom and it's own huge problem, but the feelings of depression and hopelessness are something you can try to take small bites of. It's a rolling stone-moss syndrome. Depression feeds itself. The trick is to find a way to break out of the pattern.
Try starting out with not even deciding you're going out. Just do something like; I'll get in the bath. Don't think about it, just go through the motions of setting up to take a bath, no pressure. Then just...get in. Do the same thing with getting dressed...and then putting on your coat. Take your keys. Then realize you're ready to go out, so you may as well. There's a tree four blocks over that's particularly nice this time of year. Head that way, perhaps you'll take a look.
The trick is to NOT think. Thinking too much is what got you where you are. This sounds so much easier than it is to do, but in a way it also is very difficult. I would go so far as to say don't even think about your vicodin problem right now. Decide you aren't gonig to think about it for a few days (after taking precautions not to have your hubby steal them!) and then forget about it! You're to depressed right now and just circling around the same bad thoughts. Put it out of your mind.
It's not going anywhere.
It will still be there in a few days.
But hey, that's okay...you can deal with it then. There's nothing wrong with taking the time to PREPARE to deal with a huge problem, and part of that is not letting it get the best of you. Take away it's power to pull you down. Tell it to bugger off for the moment.
I hope your food is as yummy as mine was. I find dinner time goes better around here when I don't cook (I'm rarely allowed to. :) )
I read what you posted about your 16 yr. old. Typical 16yr old, even if you weren't on drugs, they find some reason to think they don't need to listen because they are smarter (ya right). Where is your 22 yr. old? Would it be possible to get this one to take care of the family and you for a week while you go thru withdrawels? How about a close friend? Would it be possible for you to go to an inpatient clinic? Would you concider the Suboxone?
I am not sure I understand what you are saying. I am saying that as you get more and more clean. You will be more clear headed and able to make decisions better. Right now, everything is hitting at you and it is hard to see clearly.
I know what you mean, I was one of those kids too. I decided that I would be the Dad that my dad wasn't Ilove my kids with all my heart, luckly they love me too, but there were many years I wondered.
maybe I should be in a hospital. How will i know I don't have anyone to take care of my kids for that
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