I am completely at a lose with me boyfriend. We have been together for 5 years on and off. In the last 3 we have completely stayed together and it has been hell mostly. We have two kids together and he takes on the father responsibility of my oldest child. He is a great father and a great person. Most of the time he is a good boyfriend too. The problem is he has a drig addiction that I do not know how to deal with. Before we met I guess he was introduced to crack and then he sobered up. The first time I left him was because I was already a mother and he liked to drink too much. We split and got back together and he was okay for a while. Then he was always needing to pick up a beer or two. He started doing crack again. He would be gone at work all day and make lots of money, when he got home he would only have 20 or 30 dollars to give me, when he made way more. He would stay gone for nights and not contact me, coming home broke and then sleep forever after a long night of spending all our bill money on drugs. If he wasn't doing crack, he would do vicoden mostly. Then he started snorting heroin. We moved to a new town because I thought it would help, it did for a while, but only for a while. He went to jail and I got it together without him, I let him move in to my new house. It was okay for a while, but he started doing crack again. Stealing things from the house, stealing my money. I was having him stay home to keep away from drugs, but i was mad and told him to get a job to make up for the money he took. It only got worse he made lots and brought home nothing. At christmas he was gone for at least a week spending thousands on drugs. He never made it home for christmas, he got put in jail again. When he got out we moved to a new state for a new beginning. He was bound and determined to change. We were doing great. We both got jobs quick, and he was sober for a long time, then I got the same old feeling I always get when he is doing stuff. I gave him a drug test and he failed. He said ghe took some vicodin. He was sober again for a while, I got a feeling and gave another test and he failed, said he got a percacet from someone. I finally got him to admit he was doing roxy's sometimes after questioning him like a damn cop, and this is the way it always goes. He stayed sober for a long time then before christmas I caught him with some roxy's. This was 2 months ago. I can't handle it anymore. He told me he never broght it in our house and he was not snorting them, then about 2 days ago I was snoping around the bathroom, just to make sure. Something I do on a regular basis, and I found to cut straws. I confronted him and he said they were from a long time ago, which I do not believe because I checked that same spot last month. He was mad that i was mad b/c he said he has not done anything in the last few months. But the point is I should not have to deal with this crap in my house. It is not far to me or my kids. He also lied about snorting it. I was mad told him to leave but when he was going to leave I wouldnt let him. i took his phone b/c i was afraid he might call the dealer and leave with them or something. I am always mean to him. I always accuse him of doing drugs or being high. And lately I have been blaming him for cheating with this girl he works with. I feel like a crazy person. Sometimes we yell scream call names do whatever to hurt each others feelings. Sometimes it even gets physical. This last one got physical and i ended up with a really bad black eye that probably will tkae months to heal. I am not saying I am inoccent because i put my hands on him more than he does to me. The thing is I really love hi, but I don't know what too anymore. I feel like it is never going to cbhange. He will be sober for a while, but he will never quit completely. I have been reading books on codependency and it explains pretty much exactly what I feel. I feel lost anxious, obsessed with trying to keep him away from drugs. I have threatened him to leave, called the people that give it to him, threatened them with cops, go through his phone, pants, coat, anything. I am not myself. I do not know what happened to me I am going crazy. I feel like even if he is not doing anything I still will think he is. What should I do? I am so confused, I need help. Iwant to feel confident and live a normal life. If you have any suggestions, please help me out. I am at a lose and I don't want to have a braek down please help[