letter from daughter to family from jail,on the way to rehab.

[hopeful mom]

Mom, I just want you to know that I appreciate everything that you have been doing for me. I am looking forward to rehab. I really want to change. I might seem ungrateful,I am sorry. I know that you drive yourself crazy trying to help me. Though we don't always agree, I do listen to what your saying. I am trying to work on certain things, I know that alot of what you say is true but I can only work one thing at a time. One thing I can say is that I do want to staighten up, I don't want to go back to jail.I am sorry for the pain I have caused you and I wish this never happened.
(LETTER FOR HER BROTHER)
I got your message from christmas. It meant alot to me. I miss you too. I wanted to call, but it bothered me to much. The letter made me alot happier. I was feeling a down,but your message put a smile on my face.I'll be going to rehab in a couple of days. I am looking forward to trying it.I am sorry for everything I have done to you in the last year. You have always been there for me.  Wish I could take back the hurtful things I did to you, Mom, Pop-pop. I really want to change. I am sorry I lied to you. It wasn't intentional, I would never screw you over on purpose. I know what I did was wrong. I hope to earn your trust back. I'm sorry I embarassed you at your job. Honestly, I didn't think they'd find out.That's not an excuse. Thanks for being the Best Brother. I am working hard to be the best sister. Love you.

MY DAUGHTER ENTERED REHAB ON TUESDAY 9TH. LAST NIGHT I GOT A CALL. SHE LEFT. 11:30 PM SHE CALLED ME. SAID SHE'D GO BACK BEFORE 72 HOURS.WHAT SHOULD I DO? SICK, ANGRY

[hopeful mom]

Snarky, Thanks so much for your inspiring story. Thanks to all that are praying for "hopeful moms daughter". I am posting a new update, since this is a few day's old post. Some technical problems. I was unable to post responses.

[snarkyaddict]

My mother in law went through this same thing with her youngest son in the late 90's (sadly me & hubby lived out of town then and weren't much help).  He lied, cheated and stole from his own mother, but it was the addiction doing it.  

He went to rehab countless times in four years.  My brother in law was finally able to get clean, but not until he himself had had enough.  Only then he was able to find the strength to go to rehab and stay off.  His biggest problem were his friends, who I think really loved him and each other, but they were dealing with their own crippling addictions.  He always got sucked right back in through them; if he showed up anxious and miserable after detox, they tried to ease his pain the only way they knew how.  More heroin, naturally.  He finally broke away and made a new life, and is happily married now with 2 kids.  

I'm praying for your daughter and your family.

[orangefyre]

Of course you WANT to believe what she says, and that she has good intentions, she is your daughter and you love her. Well, from what I know, as long as HE is the one enabling her habit, she gonna go "with" him, not you. She will see you as someone who wants to FIX her. Until she wants to fixed, there really isn't anything you can do. But, from what I read, it doesn't seem to me like you have been HARSH enough on her. BE BRUTAL!! She Has to understand what she is doing to herself, and your family. If you believe she is there now, GO GET HER. Try to take her from him, if she goes then she is ready to stop. If she stays, she is not. I don't know how risky that would be for you, sorry. But that is what I would do, if that were my baby. She WOULD BE COMING HOME WITH ME!!!! YOU WILL GET YOUR LIFE STRAIGHT, AND YOU WILL NOT RETURN TO IT. THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE TO CONTINUE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME. YOU CHOOSE NOW.
That's what I would do, Honey. I know tough love is hard, but at some point YOU are gonna have to consider her a consenting adult and let her go...
Lisa

[hopeful mom]

No, we never received a letter like that before. She has apologized in the past. She was in jail, so she wasn't using for 2 months when she wrote that letter. Prior to the letter her and I had a bad visit in jail. I told her of the horrible pain she is causing us. I usually try to stay very positive with her, but I was not feeling recovery in her voice. She still wants to stay with her boyfriend a heroine addict, he introduced her to the drug in the first place, and has done a great job in training her to be a me first person.(lies so well, I sometimes beleive her and him, until I process it later on). I think she's probably at his house now. (not with a girl she met a rehab) as she told me last night. I am not ready to leave her. I want her better so bad. I do get really sick from the stress, my dad is 87 yr. old dialysis patient. I am his main supporter. I work about 50 hours a week. I am diabetic, for the past 4 days I have a blood clot in my leg (supposed to have leg up resting). Seems to me that the only way for her to do the right thing is behind bars. I can't understand why her conscience can't be her own bars. Does she really not care about anyone but her boyfriend?? This is what I want to ask her. Should I tell her I beleive she's lieing to me, or just let it go. She told me last night that she's not going to use during her little rehab break, just needed to get out for a break. (she said, I could have her tested to prove it.) My response to her about that was that I was concerned about her thought processing. That the way she thinks is so not healthy.  I do beleive her intent is to visit the boyfriend. I don't know the balance of supporting or enabling???? Should she be allowed to dissapoint me like this, without me saying so. I suppose she already knows. Probably not the extent of the hurt. I feel like I have pain from my head (spinning), pressure in my chest,heart, and stomach. She said she didn't think, it was just an impulse. Any addicts reading this PLEASE CONSIDER THE PAIN IT CAUSES THE PEOPLE THAT LOVE YOU.  I don't mean to guilt you, that's not healthy. Remember that people that really love you,will forgive and help you. But, they need you to be honest, even when the honesty hurts you and us bad. Even though my daughter left the rehab, causing me great dissapointment and worry,and even though I beleive she lied, I still appreciate the phone call from her, so at least I could get some sleep, after hearing her voice. Thanks for reading my story. It helps to get this out, and also I have heeded some of the advice I've gotten in the posts and the emotional support is a great help.

[orangefyre]

You have 2 options (the way I see it)...Support her or wash your hands of her..
What I would do, support her NO MATTER WHAT, but in the right direction. If this means hard love then you gotta for her own good. Obviously her actions have taken a toll on your whole family. She sees that, from the letter. And she regrets that.
Give her that 72 hours, maybe that was something SHE needed to do. Becoming aware of the things you have done that hurt your family so much, is so hard to swallow.
Have you EVER received a letter like that before, any signs of noticing what she is doing to the family?
Lisa

[hopeful mom]

Thanks, sort-of like an inoculation, it stings but is benificial. I am not able to get her tonight.  I have a blood clot and have to keep my leg elevated, also am taking care of my Dad tonight. Also, I already know the choice she'd make between me and the boyfriend (not me). I've done the tough love and confrontations in the past, actually pushes her toward him and all the things no-good. A sign that she is not ready for fixing. I do thank you for your response, I think you may have given me the strenghth to be brutally honest about my feelings about her behavior when I see or speak to her. Maybe she'll hear some of it. I want her to know that I am not willing to sacrifice all for her. I won't tolerate the lieing stealing etc. in my house again. I am only as happy as my saddest child, so it would be unbearable not to know where she is and how she is. I sincerely hope it does not have to come to that.

[shorty1978]

I really don't know what to say,But I did want you to know that I care,WE ALL do.I am not a mom,but just found out today that I am expecting so I really don't know what you are going through but i am here,If that helps any.God Bless and all my prayers are with you.Hang in there.lol.
DENISE

[vee108]

So sorry for your pain...I can definetly relate; I have a sister and two brothers left that are struggling with addictions; lost 2 brothers partly to addiction so I know how helpless u feel right now.  My little brother was almost killed on New Years eve while he was hanging out with his friends that use...I prayed for him and he is getting better; I usually bail him out of his troubles but b/c I am struggling with my issues w/the pills I havent been able to travel to help him so I prayed for him...all I can do.  I'm know that its gotta be harder to watch your child go thru this.  I'm going to pray for you and your daughter and that she goes back to the rehab.