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[bill12345678910]

i have just be told i have been on an old tread and can anyone tell me if im in the right im not very good with a computer. i want to talk to people that are going through what im going through today is 1-21-14

[bill12345678910]

WOW this is great thanks im going to start reading all that tonight Thanks

[bill12345678910]

thanks yes im hanging in there i am thankful for all of yall sharing with me i check all day to c if anyone has posted anything i have never done anything like this before and i am loving being able to talk with everyone

[bill12345678910]

wow thanks for sharing. its sounds like we are in the same boat i still am blown away with all of the comments i have. i am not good with this computer so im real slow but i will respond to all post sounds like you have a good doctor i know i do but because my wife was a director of surgery for some many year we know most of these doctors on a personal level im embarrassed and feel like i am making my wifes good name and reputation tarnished. i know this is not true but it is how i feel she worked hard and was well respected. The doctor that i see she sent me to because she respected last time i seen him i started to tell him and just couldnt do it so im working on dealing with that i started my plan today so far so good but i know it wont stay that way ill keep in touch

[bill12345678910]

yes but what is it they have to offer me that i dont already know that is what goes through my mind so thats what stops me i know that sounds crazy but i have been around death my whole life so in my mind its a waste of time and again i am just saying what my mind is thinking   any thoughts on this?

[Dane74]

WOW Vic, your words are heart felt, you are so right "up our support"  i am getting to the point where i need support.

Bill, any updates to share with us? Just letting you know that we are here for you:-)

[VICourageous]

Bill..You are sounding a bit better..I just want to let you know that Clean & I and others have been on the same page about Addiction & the Brain. If you can find your way around you can click on my name and go into my Journal where I have put in a few. One is "The Nature of Addiction" and the other is "Addiction and the Pleasures Pathway beyond Willpower" There is also a Grieve cycle we will experience too. This one I just said on the heading..Good Info or something like that. This will give you a heads up a bit. Clean has some more web sites too!!! This disease is not a fun one and the hardest is working on getting all the Support you can to stay clean. I 100% agree with maybe talking to a Profession or Grief counseling too..This is just where I am at today. With some of the Hurtful things that Life will throw at us we come to a point that we must UP our Support so we do not run and use Drugs or Booze to hide under.
I want to tell you again how my Heart really reaches out to you and your Loss too..I deeply, deeply feel your pain.
Bless

[Whollymolythathurt]

Hi Bill

Took me an hour to get to this point (long thread & i'm a slow reader) mostly because at 45 my eyes aren't what they used to be.  And i'm to stubborn to ware contacts or glasses.

Your story hit hard.  I cannot offer anymore than what those before me have offered other than my support as well.  I'm so glad you have a friend to help you through this.  I look at my 3 & 6 year olds for strength when times are tough & that seems to help...hopefully it does for you with your new grandson.

I think Clean mentioned the HIPPA  & physician/patient privilege laws & i can understand your distrust of the system.  I too am a C&C gun holder and i simply told my doc i wanted to ween myself off the hydro.  He said good.  One thing he didn't do that i respect (others may not) was to offer me other meds to "calm" the WD's.  I've read about Suboxone, Tramadol, or Methadone & those sound worse.

Anyway...i'm rambling here.  Good luck big guy i'll be following ya.

[atthebeach]

bill have you considered a grief support group?

[bill12345678910]

yes please

[kyle505]

Me too. I've gained and lost weight since I was in my teens. When I was in my twenties my friends used to call me OD because I tended to over dose on everything. Even by their extreme terms I always did too much. I got involved in things and went way over the top. Now I'm riding my harley again and am in to that - but at least it helps keep me from pills. You have recognized something very important, and that will help. Keep on keeping on.
K

[clean_in_ks]

Are you open to reading, watching, learning more about addiction?  And what happens to addict's brain chemistry that doesn't happen to NON-addicts?  Let me know and I'll share a few links with ya~

[bill12345678910]

very well said Unfortunately i have a addiction type personality. i have always been addicted to one thing or the another this has just been the worst one  of all the others have other stopped or are done at a "normal" level and i i guess thats the real answer im looking for.  

[Dane74]

Bill, knowledge is power, and the more you read up on addiction, you will soon be able to understand and process why.  We didn't ask to become addicts, it happened, society in general numb up emotions in some sort of way and some of us unfortunately with misuse of drugs and or alcohol become addicted.  Its a process Bill, and it takes time to understand it all, first is admitting that you have a problem and you did, then its getting past the wd's and then finally its about "peeling the onion"  getting to the root of why.  For me i fought so darn hard to NOT accept the fact that i am an addict, i hate that word, hate that title, you name it,  but after sometime and tough love i learned to accept that i am an addict, and learning to love life free.  Learning to feel again, learning all the emotions that i have numbed for so long.  And yes, its one hour, one day at a time, as long as you move forward you are making progress.  

[kyle505]

No worries...We've all been through the same thing. And even though I don't know you, I understand how an addict's brain works, thus my comment. You'll find a lot of great support here, so stick around, ask your questions, and don't be afraid to post something that you think sounds weird. I'd lay you odds that it's already been posted somewhere. Unfortunately there's not much one of us hasn't heard, or lived through. Keep posting.
K

[bill12345678910]

yes but being around the medical industry all my life i have seen where that is not always the truth i have seen professionals talk out of school more then once so i know how people taik so im not going to worry about all that right and i will deal with it if i have to so for me now its one day one hour at a time and i feel that way will help me i would like to know why i have done this to myself and how to keep it from happening again.

[bill12345678910]

you have giving me so much to think about i keep going over all of these post and each time i do i get more out of them thanks to all of you

[Dane74]

Look at you, you are already opening yourself up, and being mindful!!  Thats great.  Just know that we all care and want to help and when someone says anything that "STINGS" its for a good reason.  Believe me i know,  i have had my feelings hurt multiple times and was told that if it hurt then they did there job!!!  Now at the time i was all defensive and pi$$ed off, but now i know it was from the heart and i needed to hear it.  Sometimes hearing the ugly truth from a stranger is better than a loved one.  I understand your love for guns/protection as i have guns too, and my doctors are aware i have an addiction to opiates and its documented in my charts but with HIPPA laws, all my information stays with the doctor.  Keep posting, we are all here to help

[bill12345678910]

thanks yes im very careful and i hope to never have to use it but i have strong feelings about guns and all my other rights but getting off the meds are more important to me and my family and i forget that others do not feel the same way i never expected so many comments on my story so i have so much to process that it take time i will do this i know i can

[bill12345678910]

well it came off that way im sorry if i had said anything else was just as important would you say the same thing what it means to me is so my feelings are all over the place so im sorry to have snapped  im big on gun rights i now am sorry i said anything you are right about it all it was just hard to hear from someone who dont know me but you sound like a real good person and i see you mean well so im sorry i jump at you i look forward to input  

[bill12345678910]

im still thinking about all this i still dont know what to do so many people have offered advice i need time to think which is good hurting today but i am try hard to deal with it its a start one day at a time  all of you have been kind thanks

[bill12345678910]

thanks you have given me a lot to think about

[bill12345678910]

Thank you , I see after reading and thinking you are so right. So far for the most part everyone here has been very understanding. I now know this will be a very long and hard road.At this point in my life I feel that it ok to live. I im having a hard time with adjusting to life without my love.I walk through life just numb.i know i have to but it is what it is. From here forward i shall take it on day at a time.Just sharing here has been hard but it has forced me to think and start to i guess heal?

[selfinduced]

G'morning Bill, That is a very high dose. I think a taper plan will be your best bet. Try it with your friend and if you go off schedule in the least,I'd get your dr. on board. Is there anyway you can do an inpatient detox for a few days? They will give you meds to ease this process.

[bill12345678910]

yes