me and joe and you, till Christmas

[KeepTheHope]

Are you ready?

[KeepTheHope]

Trying to start this thread for anybody who is in the same range of hydrocodone use...50 to 100mgs per day. We want to be happy and feel good clean by Christmas. I hope Joe is in. report back here and lets get a game plan!!

[KeepTheHope]

I'm starting tomorrow. Please join me. Try to take exactly half a pill tomorrow than what you did today and stick with that the next few days. No matter what happens, REPORT IT! Gonna be a tough day, its my first day back after a 4day weekend, its gonna be tough. but then it should be easy cuzz I only gotta work 3 days this week, and then only 3 days next week. So I should be able to work soemthign out...maybe work my big tapers on my 3 and 4 day weekends coming up. And then try to maintain the hell from that cut back up to christmas continually reducing slower to none and be at zero a week prior to Christmas. How does that sound?
Also, its time for me to start writing my EXACT amount for the day. ===5.5=== was my total for today....tomorrow I will try 5. and I know its gonna be tough!!

[joe19]

I don't know exactly what I took today, but tomorrow I am going to try to take 5 pills only. I want to go to 4 a  day for a week or so, so let me see how I do tomorrow on 5 and if its tough I'll stay there for a few days. By Friday I'd like to be on 4 pills and see if I can do that for an entire week. If its easier than I think I'll do it a bit sooner. Good luck everyone!

[joe19]

Yes tomorrow we'll both only take 5!!!!!! I can't wait to hear from you tomorrow! How many days are you going to stay at 5?

[allaboutmary]

Hi Joe,  Just want to remind you that with an ileostomy, you will need to take many vitamins. Not sure if your doctors explained this to you. Your body does not absorb them as well without your colon. I read that you had this done 10 months ago, it took them a year to give my mother all the information she needed.  We all should take vitamins during detox but you might need to take more than most. I cared for my mother for the first year after her surgery, she lives with me now but does it all on her own now.  We were amazed at how many nurse's and doctors didn't know anything about ileostomy's. If there is anything I can help you with let me know.   Mary

[jenny8575309]

good luck guys, my hats off to you if you can do it.   Just another idea, you could all quit now,  and be super clean  by christmas.. It takes awhile to get your head right after you stop...  I believe the quicker the better.  Of course this is my opinion, and I would never try to hurt only help...  If you guys think i'm full of ****, then I have to respect that also.   If you want to taper, ask FLaddict how to do it.  I know this your will must be fkn strong if you have pills in the house and you not take them when you feel like it.  Good luck, and if you don't make it, you do have other options, you could sweat it out together for a week or two, and then you'll start to have FREEDOM....  One more thing, have you guys though about counting your pills out and allocating them for certain days?  Are you going to go back to the doc when you run out?  What are you going to do with the excess pills when your taper schedule is over?  Are you guys taking them to feel good, or just to take the w'd's away???  How are you going to stay clean?  Wouldn't it be better to be yourself at christmas, completely free from the little pills?

[Magpie70]

Hey you two (and whoever else)

Definitely count me in.  I'm dropping to 50 mg today.  Or 55 if I'm too uncomfortable to work.  We'll see.  

My plan is to stay at that level until the weekend.  

Mag

[KeepTheHope]

g'mornin. I'm starting by changing my morning routine..usually it is take pills first, and then get up and get ready for work. this time I'm at least posting on here first. So I have not taken any for 14hours, I'm super sensitive to the cold morning right now. every other morning I've been just kidna numb of course cuzz I usually take pills first thing? So anyway, I will take 5 today. I actually feel ok right now. Wont be able to post until later this evening. Sometime soon (this week) I need to go to 4.5, that will be huge for me.....
I havnt thought about counting pills or nothing, supply has never been an issue for me....I have access to plenty at all times...always have probably always will. this is partially true because i never jumped up to twentywhatever per day. always just five or six. they are not in the house though so thats probably a good thing. Esp for the middle of the night cravings. I am taking them to take away the w/d icky feeligns and to just feel normal, although I do admit that I hope each time to get the "good" feeling, but at the same time I realize I havnt really had the "good" feeling for quite some time now...thus its really time to give it up and just try to get off them totally.

[Magpie70]

Boy do I hear this:

"I am taking them to take away the w/d icky feelings and to just feel normal, although I do admit that I hope each time to get the "good" feeling, but at the same time I realize I haven't really had the "good" feeling for quite some time now..."

I hear you about the cold, too.  I turned the heat on today, which I *never* do.

Good that you changed your routine this morning.  I'm doing that too - heading off to work early.    

Catch ya later.  Good luck today!

Mag

[joe19]

Hi guys! It's 5pm here and I've only had two pills so far today. I'm having major neck stiffness, don't know if that's due to the w/d or not.
In reply to Jenny, I'm also taking the pills to avoid the major w/d's and to feel "normal" but also because I do have legitimate pain. I'm nervous about how much actual pain I'll have due to my disease w/o the pills.
I also feel like I should  be completely honest with you two, I haven't really wrapped my head around the whole "quitting" thing. I'm really excited to taper and be at a very low dose, but I'm not sure how committed I am to actually being free of the narcs. I know that in order for this to really work I HAVE to be committed 110%. I'm hoping that I'll reach that point soon. Any motivational comments here would be really appreciated. I just need something to push me over the edge and really commit. My family is VERY excited and when I told my sister about the three of us doing it together she cried. She's been praying so hard for me. I hope you all are having a good day. Smart idea to change up the routine, I did the same thing myself, without even realizing it!!

[joe19]

Thank you for your advice about the vitamins and supplements. I'll take that into  consideration, and talk to my docs about it. And thanks for leaving the door open for me to ask any questions I have. It really is hard to find knowledgeable people in this situation. Most people have never even heard of an ostomy.

[Magpie70]

I *wish* I had never heard of an ostomy, lol.  The last one I had left the weirdest scar. . . a constant reminder.  Will yours be permanent or temp?

Anyhow.  As for getting down to zero mg. . . maybe that doesn't have to be the goal for you.  Maybe cutting down - and staying down - as low as possible is a more realistic goal.  

Not that I want to talk you OUT of quitting.  I just don't want you to set yourself up to fail, y'know?  All of us here have enough to beat up on ourselves about already, right?  

Maybe staying on 2-3 pills a day through the holidays is good enough.  Or maybe you keep cutting down until you figure out what is the least amount you can use and still keep your Crohn's pain within a bearable range.  Only you can know what the right goal is at this time.

On the other hand, there is simply NEVER a good time to quit.  I learned that when I quit smoking cigarettes.  There was ALWAYS something stressful going on (or coming up) that allowed me to rationalize continuing to smoke. . . Finally one day I just threw my cigs in the garbage, not really expecting that it would be for good, but I never went back.  It wasn't a good time and I hadn't made a plan, done a countdown or anything.  But here I am, three years later, still not smoking.  

So. . . I dunno.  I think that cutting down is a laudible goal, and if you're not ready to quit, then that's okay.  When you are down to a lower dose, quitting may seem more feasible.  

Just my $.02

Mag

[KeepTheHope]

good posts yall....just wanted to write something so you know I am still in this. Today was a success, i took five, just finished with my last. Amazing how dificult it is though...cuzz I've been tellin myself lately that I am at 5-6 per day anyway right? what does this really mean though? Well for me it has meant usually 6, with a couple 5.5s and maybe a 5 on some rare freaky occasion. but mostly 6. lol. So today keeping it at a definite 5 was a challenge. And I definitely feel it. And I pulled a muscle in my back. haha but no excuses. Tomorrow? 5 again. thanksgiving is definitely too soon that I coulda been tapered down much...I know this now.  I still want to see 4.5 soon here though, and I will.  I got a 3 day weekend, and then a 4 day weekend coming up. If I come out of those long weekends still at 5-6 per day I'm gonna be so pissed. So I need to do this.


Magpie, how are you today? I'm glad I wrote soemthing that somebody else can relate to. Actually I'm glad that I wrote anything halfway coherent at 7am. And i'm glad Its not just me who secretly hopes to get the "good" feeling still. Well we need to drill it into our head and accept the concept of NEVER feeling that "good" feeling ever ever again. Can you deal with that? I cant. But I'm trying! Thats why I wont try subxone or whatever cuzz I dont trust that I'm done with trying to feel "good" FOR good!!!

Joe19, what timezone? 5pm you had only had 2 that is awesome....I'd had 2 by noon. That is awesome about praying too, I love it. Try not to binge after a good day of only 2....I'm notorious for that....only have 2 all day...and then take 4 within a 2hour period at night lol...And then still not feel much. know what I'm sayin? Sorry you got health problems....You sound like you are strong and want to beat this! Stay strong. Keep posting. dont miss a day. I may not post every morning..but I'm gonna do everything I can to post every day. Even if I have a bad day. I've been trying to keep posting. Its all I got really. When I dont post I dont care as much......

Magpie (again) try to get and stay to 50mg......maybe till saturday or sunday?

[joe19]

Eastern time US. Where are you? Yesterday by noon I'd had 2.5 already, but I was up late last night and I avoided my early morning urge. So my first pill was at 10:45 am. I had already started feeling the cold and sweaty feeling and sooooo achy, but my steroids help with the aching. Second dose was a half around 1pm and another half around 3pm. I hear you on the binge thing for sure! I'm thinking, ok, I'm still allowed to have 3 more pills today. My mental struggle is, just because I said I'd take five doesn't mean I NEED to take five. So it looks like I'm actually going to come out at 4.5 for today!!!

I'm going to keep posting for sure, it keeps me in check.

Will you let me know which days you're going to do the cut? I want to do them with you. Knowing someone else is right there with me is helping immensely.

[KeepTheHope]

hey Joe, I was thinking about soemthing and had to come back on just to post this to you...some kind of logic conflict in my brain I just wanted to remind you dont let the health or pain thing be your excuse unless it is for really really reals!. Something tells me that you really want to be done with this pain killers, maybe you are using pain or a disease for an excuse to keep using? Only reason I say this is the fact that your sister was so happy for you and praying for you, this tells me that you deep down want to quit. Right? Why if you had any "legitimate" reason to be taking these things would your family be so happy to tears and praying for you to quit? I dont know. just some straight talk. hope you dont mind....anyway,please please please understand my logic. I just wanted to point something out...only you know for sure whats real.....

I am on the pacific time west coast...Saturday is the day I think I want to go to 4.5. Sleep in late as possible and then try to work the hours in my favor....know what I mean? again, I just wanted to point out my logic I was thinking about your situation, please dont take offense. I'm in this with you.

Goodnight. 11/13/07

[KeepTheHope]

Ok, I'm back up, cant get to bed for some reason. I also wanted to add to what I believe is a success story for today....I took my target amount of 5 for the day. It seems like it was dificult, but not really...mainly my back hurting. Advil helped that. other then that I admit it was easy, once I accepted that I aint gonna get the "good" feeling. My mind was a lot clearer today actually. I sneezed twice and it was orgasmic again, awwww I love a deep hard sneeze. geez thats almost sexual. LOL then later on I had a laugh attack! could not stop laughing! It was all quiet amongst the cubicles at work and I'm sittin in mine rollin out loud!!Just hysterically laughing my a$* off!!!! LOL It was embarassing!! Well it was a good day overall a success I think.Tough at times, mainly cuzz the back pains. and the bitter cold this morning. but I got it.


Goodnight for sure this time. Maybe. 11/13/07

[Ellie777]

Hi...I was just reading your post.  I posted also if you'd like to read my story..to keep it short..i am 34, diagnosed with Lupus, a very painful auto-immune diseas- for which there is no cure- in March 07.  I have been taking vicodin and ultram since then.  The amount varies.  Sometimes I would just take 1 vike...then if pain was intense...2 vikes and then eventually it got up to 2 vikes plus 2 ultram about 2-3 times a day..sometimes more.  I want soooooooo bad to get off of these things.  I would love to follow your program to be clean by Christmas....gosh, that would be so wonderful...can you keep me posted so I can learn from you guys what to do?

Ellie777

[joe19]

Hop on board! The more the merrier I say. Although this isn't really a "merry" venture, hopefully it will give us all a merry Christmas!

[joe19]

I was really looking for a kick in the pants. I really appreciate your honesty and value your outside perspective. Thank you for being brave enough to say that to me. Gimme all the straight talk you've got. I need it. I'm stubborn, and that isn't always a good thing. My family and I don't really know if I still need these drugs for legitimate pain or not, because I haven't been completely off of them for two years. So they really feel that I might be ok without them and its now just a dependency issue. I can't say they're wrong, because I just honestly don't know. My surgeons, my family, and I all talked very openly about the use of these drugs and the detox my body will need to go through. Again, I thank you for confronting me. Something for me to have shoved directly in my face, so I cannot avoid it ;)

[joe19]

Keep the hope I'm so proud of you for sticking to 5 today. I know it isn't easy by any means. And that you actually giggled!! That's major. I can hardly crack a smile and I've bitten off way too many heads today. Sounds like you are really proud of yourself, and despite the back pain are actually in a better mood knowing you're doing this!

[KeepTheHope]

Hello...I actually found some sleep last night. I guess on this train that if we get anything five or more hours of sleep that we are doing good. So I'm doin good.
Hello Ellie777, you sound like you want to get off these things, also despite any health issues. Thats good. Keep posting, let us all know how you are doing. My goal is to be down another half a pill by end of the weekend and still be able to sleep. My short term goal for today is only take  5. Actually me very very short term goal is to not go out and go to the house where i keep them and grab a bunch and take 3 at a time. Geez I'm bad.
magpie, joe19....have a good day ok? Joe i thought of some other kind of logical thing to tell you but I forgot what it was! grrr I hate it when that happens.
later everybody. wish me luck on 5 today....no, I dont need it. i'm GONNA do it!!

[joe19]

Day two! Lets do it!

Mag, how was yesterday for you?

KTH - I hope you remember what you were going to say to me!! I could use all the logic you can give me.

[Magpie70]

Hi all,

Glad to read your updates.  Welcome, Ellie!  

I'm doing okay.  Moody and irritable, kind of spacey, feel like crying.  I made myself go running last night, and was really short of breath.  Mostly I walked, lol.  (I live in San Francisco and there are a lot of steep hills, so that's not unusual.)  But it helped with the mood thing.

Like Joe, I have chronic pain due to Crohn's/Ulcerative Colitis (and adhesions brought on by 13 surgeries to treat the aforementioned), so I'm definitely feeling that.  I know that there's some rebound effect, and that the pain I feel today may be "false" to some degree.  We'll see how it goes down the road.

How's everyone else this afternoon?

[jenny8575309]

your not crawfishin are you?

[joe19]

What's that?

[joe19]

so far I've had more abdominal pain today, but am sticking to my schedule, still. I want to think it will get easier, but in reality I know its just going to get harder. Not feeling so hot right now.

[KeepTheHope]

OK I made it another day at 5. The day was longer, and I admit that if I wasnt keeping myself in check by posting on here, I'd probably take another....heck I feel like taking one and a half more. but no, I'm sticking to five. At least if I say I'm gonna do it, by golly I'm gonna!! I'm having no withdrawls right now, I'm all good but I WANT to take more!! Back to the'ole "I wanna get buzzed" feeling.

Joe, yea I did remember what I was thinking....it just made me curious that you asked me to let you know what day I plan to cut again (down to 4.5) so that you would have peace of mind that somebody else out there is doin the same exact thing.....I got no problem with that. I'm looking at saturday just to let you know. Then my point is A) you need to do this yourself, yea I'm right here but the real answer is its all about you. So again, i'll post everythign I can, but you gotta do it for you. And also you said you only did 4.5 for the day anyway so why would you care when i'm making my cut? Sorry i sound like a jerk, I aint nuttin but an addict myself. So I just wanted to remind you to try and stay consistent....that is the ultimate goal, to be consistent. Not to take them because we need or want them at certain time of the day (and amounts) Again, just try to be consistent consistent consistent....Be willing to accept that you are never going to get the "good" feeling ever again. I still cant accept this. I admit it. In fact, here is how bad my thinking is...I am considering the day that I get down to 4 or less, well on that day I want to wait all day and then a large dose just to "reward" myself with the good feeling after all that "work" Well I know fundamentally that this is the WRONG way to approch this. I know this! So the number one thing I have to keep in mind is that I can NOT attack this problem while still thinking I can get the "good" or "relax" feeling from them. EVER! My only purpose needs to be to ease withdraws and enjoy life normally without ever getting buzzed ever again. (yes I'm reiterating that) cuzz Anything else is just fooling myself and playing with the numbers just doesnt work.


Magpie, I went and jogged (mostly walked) the other day too..and its all flat here. I'm out of shape but the exercise definitely helped me start this! I gotta keep excercise in mind. Its very important. I absolutely dont ever ever wanna go exercise, especially when I compare it to kicking back and "feeling good" from pills, exercise is the LAST thing o my list. But it helps. it helps it helps it helps. I cant even emphasize this to myself, let alone to anybody else.

Everybody: Good feelign for the day? Yesterday it was a laugh attack. today I havnt laughed at all, but today I felt a bit of sex drive that I havnt felt in a LONG time....not that it mattered, but the feelings of being alive and human were kinda nice.....I've been totally solo for many years. no interaction with anybody at all. maybe the pain killers are contributing to why I'm soooo single...I have no drive to go out and get it!!! know what I mean?


I'll try to think of a good feeling for tomorrow......cuzz with all the bad feelings there is always something good. Sneezing for example! I love it!!!

Tomorrow, 5 again.

[KeepTheHope]

what the heck is crawfishin? hehehe what did I miss? Hey is that a song, your number?

[joe19]

I'm actually doing 4.5 today since that's what I did yesterday. I don't want to backtrack. So when you go to 4.5 I'll go to 4. I promise that your comments are not offending, only making me think. Which I appreciate. I posted on here earlier, because I so desperately was craving, and having some pain, but I didn't want to take my last pill too early, as it would set me up to want another one later. The people here really helped me get through that craving and I even made it longer than I was trying to!! My family and my new friends here, are really keeping me strong. I'm a strong person, but when I get weak it helps to have you guys here to pick me up and dust me off and send me on my way again. You can read my "I need help NOW" post if you want to! Just to see how I was doing earlier, without me having to rewrite about it here. You are awesome, and I am looking forward to your next thoughtful question, to cause me to take a look at myself. There are things that I haven't thought of yet in this process and you are helping me answer questions I didn't even know I had.
The sex drive thing is kind of funny to me, as I have been alone for a long time too. And suddenly I want companionship RIGHT NOW, if you know what I mean!! It must be the numbness of the pills wearing off! I'm feeling much more alive already.
So 4.5 again tomorrow for me! Wish me strength.

[joe19]

I was just rereading your post to me and I wanted to say something else. I have to also accept the no longer getting the "good" "buzzed" feeling again. I can't accept it either. In a sense I think tapering is so hard because we are still taking them and we as addicts know how to work them in our favor. Wait a certain amount of time, add that extra half in there, take it on an empty stomach, all these tricks to feel it hit you a little harder. And the goal in tapering is to keep a constant level of the drug in your system at all times and slowly reducing, so that you brain chemistry adjusts. So "dumping" like we try to do is still as harmful even if we are taking the same number of pills we said we would. Its like lying to ourselves saying, "Yeah I only took 3 today like I'd planned,"  but in reality it wasn't spaced out well and we were really seeking that high. That's just another bit of wisdom you've caused me to unveil from your inspiring posts.

[KeepTheHope]

Joe, its good to feel alive. even if we cant do anything about the feelings (like suddenly have companionship, after years of nothing)  I'll go read your I need help now post. 4.5 is awesome dude, sorta make me wish I could be there. I'm still dealing with 5 and I think even by Christmas I'm gonna have to taper pretty fast...esp if I want to be at least a few days cleana nd feeling ok on Christmas. I'm not quite sure how it'll work out, I'm thinking about a schedule right now. if I dont make a cut soon, then I might as well forget about Christmas clean. So here is a tentative schedule for two of my cuts:
Sat 11/17 - 4.5
Fri 11/23 - 4.0
I'll see how these treat my body....if I can get through them without too much pain (I know there will be pain) but without too much, then after that I'll have a week to make another cut, and then December is all I got left. So let me just get through these next two cuts, and then I will need to make 8 more cuts (half each) and I'd be done. And I'd want to take my last on  dec 16th. So that gives me 16 days to make 8 cuts. thats a half less every other day. And then after the 16th, I'll have a week to start feeling better without any in my system for Christmas. Doesnt hardly seem possible. Thats too far in the future anyway, I doubt I'll make it through my 11/17 cut. So if I'm still in the game after that, then we'll talk. If I cant make these next couple cuts.....I'll start looking at new years or later. I just want to at least be cutting back right now cuzz I dont want to completely be numb to the holiday feelings. CT is out of the question.

[joe19]

Sounds like you're getting a little nervous. Don't give up.
A little advice on your tapering schedule:
If you think of it in percentages, tapering faster now and slower later it will be better. I've learned this tapering prednisone. If you are taking 50mg right now, then you cut out 1/2 pill, your cutting a much smaller percentage of your overall intake, 10%, but when it comes down to you taking 2 pills a day and cutting out a half, then you're actually cutting 25%. The withdrawals now will be so much less compared to the ones down the road. I strongly suggest you taper faster right now, and save the slower ones for later. You'll be so thankful you gave yourself these extra days to adjust. And towards the end you may even want to begin cutting your pills into quarters, and taking them down that way.

But, seriously, you may be having doubts right now, but I KNOW you can do this. I'm going to be right here doing it with you. No more talk of "If you're still in the game" alright? You're in it. Let's do this. You will make it through your 11/17 cut. As long as you set your mind to do so. And we all may decide that its too fast and New Years is a more realistic goal, but think about what I said and let's see how we're feeling on Saturday, ok? Goodnight. I look forward to hearing from you tomorrow.

[KeepTheHope]

thx..I'm up a little early gettin ready to goto work. your words helped me cuzz I dont feel good this morning. Thanks for writing that and I know what you mean about cutting more now, a half is only 10% cut right now, whereas toward the end it will be a 25% cut. heck when I get down to one per day a half is a 50% cut! Kinda a differential, an equation that changes over time! haha
So I'm sittin here at zero right now, stiff and achy and tired, I just woke up. Here's another classic addict thinking, Morning is the most important dose of the day! LOL Just like breakfast is right? Honestly morning is the one that probably will be the hardest for me to cut. I'm over 12 hours at zero right now and feeling it. So anyway, yea thanks for the encouragement, yes on the 17th I WILL make my cut. Either that or the 16th. I think I'm gonna make it the 16th, gives me more of a full weekend to get used to it. So thx again.

[joe19]

Morning IS the most important dose of the day!!! Today I made it to 5pm with only 2 pills again!! I may make it through on only 4 today. We'll see. I went 13 hrs at zero and was feeling rough when I woke up, too. I'll talk to you later. Hope you're having a good day.

[KeepTheHope]

i just typed one of my long posts and then CLOSED THE WINDOW! D'ohhhh!! Good thing i'm lookin for somethin to do. Anyway, today I did 4.5 and I'm done. Its early yet, so I need to keep myself occupied for a bit longer. (Then I accidentally closed the window, maybe a blessing cuzz now I stay occupied typing again???) :-) So yea, I am done for the day at 4.5. it wasnt easy like I hoped, I had minor symptoms, minor runny nose, minor having to goto bathroom, minor aches, minor anxiety. These were all very minor though. Not like I was dying at the sh*tter or anything. LOL. Probably the worst symptom is that my last doses that I took didnt give me any head change. THIS IS WHAT I NEED TO LEARN TO ACCEPT!!! But all in all i'm glad that i'm tapering. I'd hate to feel that full blown wd's just continue to get worse and worse every hour for several days! Cold turky is like glutton for torture! I'd rather drag it out for 2 months! LOL. Anyway, I am taking these symptoms and trying to use them as "logic" - reasons I really want to be done with this!! I know after a while logic doesnt matter though. So I need all the help I can get. I'm at 4.5 now hope tomorrow, saturday, and sunday at 4.5 is easier than today was...I'm gonna post this now so I dont lose it.....i'm already confused enuff

[KeepTheHope]

Good feeling for the day:
My good feeling for the day happened VERY early on, while driving to work a song came on the radio and I had tears of happiness in my eyes and I dont know why...a country song:

I know I'm a lucky man
God's given me a pretty fair hand
Got a house and a piece of land
A few dollars in a coffee can
My old trucks still running good
My ticker's ticking like they say it should
I got supper in the oven, a good woman's loving
And one more day to be my little kid's dad
Lord, knows I'm a lucky man


Actually, I've never won a hand of poker, I dont have a few dollars, or a woman, or supper, or a house, or a peice of land. I aint had these things in years! haha But for some reason the song still got to me :-) Maybe cuzz my truck is still running goodl? LOL

[KeepTheHope]

So I had 2 cups of coffee and 2 advil today.....if nothing else it helped me psychologically or whatever....in the last six months i've really been getting in to coffee drinking. it is definitely vice #2 for me. how do you feel about coffee? how u feel about advil for the aches? just curious.

[KeepTheHope]

joe I see no response from you...I'm up late and was hoping to see such a response. Hope ur doing ok....regardless of what you are doing, at least post to me cuzz I'd like somebody to "chat" with on here. hope to hear from you soon....

[joe19]

Sorry, I couldn't get on the computer last night. I am doing well, I made it on 4 yesterday! I'm going to try to stay there today, and not go back up. I think Advil is good for the aches. I can't take it due to my disease, but I would try it if I could. Are you going to cut today?

I'm glad you had a good feeling yesterday. I hope you get one today, too!

I'll try to post more today, let me know how you're doing throughout the day if you can.

[joe19]

Somehow I missed your post that you cut yesterday. Good for you! Keep going. Its funny that we both ended up cutting yesterday without even knowing the other was! I know when I start feeling a little w/d I think, "this could be so much worse." And I try to remind myself to tough it out, it will be over soon. I think that lack of energy is my main w/d symptom, and just mentally wanting to feel "better" But, just like you, I have to get over that and realize I'm done with getting artificial good feelings. I want to feel that joy from my real life.

[joe19]

Where are you? Are you still in this with us?

[jenny8575309]

joe, crawfishin is backing out.  I asked because you said this...I also feel like I should  be completely honest with you two, I haven't really wrapped my head around the whole "quitting" thing. I'm really excited to taper and be at a very low dose, but I'm not sure how committed I am to actually being free of the narcs"  Anyway I hope you've changed your mind about that.  Also quit saying try, the word try is weak... say your going to... there no is no try, there is do or do not.  yeah jenny is a song, but i messed up the #'s... what can i say?

[joe19]

Oh, I'd never heard that term before! I am not backing out, I just don't think I'd ever fully committed, and I wanted the others to know where I am at. You're right, I should stop saying "try" but thats just what I am doing.

[seriouslyscared]

If you all have using for a while then I am not trying to be negative, but the goal is unreasonable.  I am not saying it can't be done, but what I am saying is that it is not fair to you or your family to feel like death at this time.  I am a 16 yr addict.  I have tried several times to do the same thing yall are tryin to do.  Let's be real.  We did not become this way over night and are not going to reverse it over night.  Don't set yourself up for a fall.  I ssay enjoy your Christmas with family and friends and make detoxing a New  Years resolution.. Christmas isn't a time to feel bad, it is a time to feel good.  This is just a suggestion.  Not trying to blow the wind out of your sails or anything.  Good Luck!!  I am in the tapering process too, but I refuse to feel bad or even possibly feel bad on Christmas..Like I said it is not fair to us or to the ones who love us to see us feeling this way, esp. if you have kid(I have 3).  My prayers are with ya, and I hope you reach your goal if that is what your hearts TRUE desire is to do.

[jenny8575309]

its' a TX thing, best of luck to all of you, I admire your determination and your will-power

[Magpie70]

Hey Joe,

I'm still here.  Having a pretty hard time though.  

Gonna go see my doc, and talk about some options for detox.  I really want to do this - but I have to be able to function at work while I do it.  I started a new job (my dream job, actually) three months ago after completing my Master's degree, and still have another 90 days of probationary status left here.  Cutting to 50 mg was really hard, and this week was pretty much a wash for me at work.  I can't have another week like that and expect to remain employed.  

So, I'm still here.  But not feeling real hopeful about the "by Christmas" detox, unless I can get some help from my doc.  I've been on these meds for over a year now, and it's gonna take a little time to get off of them.

How are you doing today?  How are you feeling about the goal?

[joe19]

I, too am starting to get scared. Today I'm at 3 and am planning to only take 4 total, but it hasn't been easy. Yesterday I did it, but today is a cut day for my prednisone, which I am also tapering. So I've been very achy and tired all day. I'm also having a lot more spasming in my rectal pouch, which is painful AND inconvenient (having to run to the toilet). I spent the afternoon in the tub with my daughter, to help ease the aches and stiffness. Which before I sound creepy, I should probably tell you that I am a single mother to a two year old, so if I want a bath in the middle of the afternoon, she has to come with! I just picked the name Joe the first night I posted, because I wanted complete anonymity, and it was the first name that came to mind. I also felt that people were a little tougher on me as a "guy" in their minds, which I kind of need! But, no, I'm just a girl (that No Doubt song just popped in my head:)

Anyway, I am beginning to realize that soon, I'll be taking only three pills and then 2 and so on, and I'm getting scared. I think we were all so excited to do this, but now reality is setting in, and we're getting nervous. Its probably pretty normal, if we're all beginning to have these thoughts about the same time.

Let's just do what we can, encourage eachother, and see how we do. The reason we chose to go this tapering route is because we think we have the willpower to limit ourselves and stick to the schedule, but in all of my experiences tapering other meds, the best schedule is to listen to your body. Don't make yourself sick, or unable to function. As cheesy as it sounds slow and steady wins the race. As long as you don't go back up on your dose, but gradually reduce and continue on the next smallest dose possible, eventually you will be off of them. It may take us longer than we had originally hoped, but in the long run we will still have achieved our ultimate goal, of being drug free!

[KeepTheHope]

yup, in fact today I'm back at 5...well I will be by time to goto sleep anyway. at 4 already and I got a few hours until bedtime. So yea reality is definitely setting in!! The reality here for me is that  yesterday I had a cut day and cut to 4.5 but the w/d feeling was just unrealistic for me to be able to goto work all the time that way. Having to goto work is just my excuse though I guess...cuzz I'm home from work, and I'll probably still take one more! what can I do? All I can do is keep posting on here, hopefully I can find somebody, even if its only one person (joe) to stay in this with me and KEEP POSTING!!! What are the other options? Cold turkey is WAY out of the question. I think I'm doing the right thing here, its about my only option.

[joe19]

Can you try to take a half before bed, instead of a whole one and take a tylenol PM or something? When I'm up late and already had my pills for the day I have valium from my pain doc for w/d and I take that and just go to sleep. I really think you can do this. We'll take it as slow as we need to. I'm making it today at 4. I am past due for my last one, and haven't taken it yet. It got pretty tough this evening, but I got out of the house and walked the mall with my kiddo, then went to a friends house. Please keep posting here. I'm here for you and having you here is helping me so much!! CT is waaaay out for me too, so lets do this together and we'll just be patient, taking it one day at a time.

[joe19]

Just felt compelled to confess. I had to take an extra half after I got home tonight. Severe pain and spasms. I feel a little defeated, but it truly was for pain and not a buzz or anything, at least I feel some comfort in knowing that.

[KeepTheHope]

thanks man...you know really I'm just being hard on myself, and thats something we gotta watch out for, dont be too hard on yourself. the good news is even a day like today if I "oops" and take too many, still am at a  lower dosage overall...and staying conscious about it is very important. To be honest it had been a LONG time since the last time I had less than 6 in a day...and these past few days I've done that. So that feels good. Just makes me want off these things even more, realizing  how much power they have over me. Another thing I gotta start doing is spreading out my doses...When taking six, I would just go 2 morning, 2 noon, 2 night...well now that I WILL be gettin down to 4 per day and less, well i gotta realize that this means I cant take 2 morning 2 noon. Then what? Know what I mean? Its all in the numbers....I gotta accept the fact of not taking 2 at a time and gettin a head change, ever again. I've said this so many times now. So my goal for tomorrow, when I wake up take ONE...not two. This will be huge for me. This is my nxt small goal. To take ONE in the morning instead of two. No more jumpstart in the morning, its all about consistency. Why cant I just follow my own logic!!!

[KeepTheHope]

at least we are being honest...I told you I was gonna go over 4.5 today before I even did, and I knew as soon as I posted it that I would.
Hey another thing I'm doin is going to Church this weekend....and I'm gonna go to the recovery meeetings as well. I feel kinda weird going to those cuzz I take so little, and there are people there who take 6 at a time while shooting up heroin...or whatever. I know for a fact there are people there who are on pain pills because they told me they use them to take the edge off from withdrals  from their drug of choice, similar to me taking advil I guess. Kinda makes me feel like a wimp cuzz I have always been sooooooo afraid to try any drug. I never have. Literally, I am petrified of any chemical! And somehow this **** got ahold of me (cuzz a doctor gave them to me)

[KeepTheHope]

hey there "seriouslyscared" you are right, we did not get this way overnight and we can not expect it to reverse over night. That is why we are trying this over a month and a half time frame....Worse case is that we cant make it by christmas for whatever reasons (not wanting to be miserable) but still we are trying and if nothing else it gives us a good start on the new year....I tell you what, I'm already glad I've been doing this cuzz I am already starting to be able to feel the season, maybe not full blown but I can tell you that I sure do MISS it!! Lets see what else...i've sneezed a few times, I've had a laugh attack, i've enjoyed music, i've had tears of joy, and I've been horny (lol sorry)....Not only that but for some reason the girl that I like who I see at the resteraunt that I goto every day suddenly has started talking to me, and I got invited to a party.....all this  in the last few days!!! I havnt experienced none if it in years! So with all the cruddy feelings, I can at least say that I already have got back something good.

[joe19]

Try to take 1 1/2 in the morning, and then in a couple hours take another half or something. When I take halves closer together it keeps me going longer without feeling like total ****. And overall I end up taking less. Don't just automatically try to take half of what you normally do, or you'll feel it, hard, and get really discouraged. I guess this is just my humble opinion, and I don't want to talk you out of it if you've already made up your mind, but I'm just trying to help you not set yourself up for failure.

On my way home tonight I heard the song you posted about on the radio. The "Lucky Man" song.  It made me think of you, and it also brought a smile to my face. I also heard "The good stuff" the one about the guy who goes into the bar and asks for the "good stuff" and the barkeep says, "You won't find that here, its the first long kiss on a second date, Mommas all worried when you get home late, and dropping the ring the spaghetti plate, cuz your hands are shakin' so much." You know the one? It gave me a really good feeling, like, yeah the good stuff isn't a substance its all the special moments in my life I share with my family, my daughter, and my friends. That's the good stuff. Soooooo, drink it up, man!!!

[KeepTheHope]

ok i'll try 1 and 1/2 in the morning...this actually is perfect for the day for me...since I need to keep on my cut at 4.5, I can do 1.5 in the morning, 1.5 at noon, and 1.5 in the evening...so that is theoretically easy....1.5, 1.5, and 1.5 is 4.5 perfect. So how do you do 4? whats your schedule like?
I think when I do four I will do 1.5 morning, 1 noon, and 1.5 evening. Gosh it looks so easy on paper!
And then it should be easy numerically to follow to 3... 1 morning, 1noon, and 1 night. Wow that sounds like its gonna be rough!! but I'm gonna do it! I gotta!! and I think once I get to 3 I'm gonna hold for a while. I dont know. Will see how it all plays out. I've been sorta torchering myself by saving my amounts for a large dose at the end of the day, rather then stay steady amount. Thats what I need to do though, none of those only take one in the morning and then take 3 at night. that just aint working. I need to stabilize, stabilize, stabilize.

[joe19]

At 4 pills I take 1 in the morning, one at noon, one around 4 and one at 9pm. Sometimes, I'll take 1 in the morning then 2 hrs. later I'll take a half and then around noon, just a half. It depends on my pain level. So far I'm at 1 1/2 at 11am. But I should only take one more half until 4 or 5 pm. When my prednisone is in my system my pain level is much lower, so my hardest times are morning and later in the evening, usually 7:30-8:30 pm is when I struggle to not take more. Once I make it through that I know its almost bedtime and can usually bear it. Last night was just too uncomfortable. I couldn't move, so I had to give in and take an extra half.

Yes, its so important to stabilize. I know you keep saying that , but you really have to act it out. The tapering process is all about keeping a consistent level of the drug in your system at all times, and slowly reduce, so that your brain has the opportunity to rewire itself slowly. If you keep dumping like that it defeats the whole purpose and you may as well go CT cuz you're gonna have w/d anyway, if you aren't allowing the drug to slowly come out of your system and give your body time to get used to having less and less.

[KeepTheHope]

very well said...I like the "dump" term....thats what I been doin, but no more. Today I took 1.5 in the morning and i never got the head change that I been crave...I didnt get any kind of immediate feeling, but after about an hour I realized that I feel kinda ok. Especially after my coffee my headache seemed to go away. Only having 1.5 in the morning I'll be in a better position to cut today, I gotta keep morning in mind, especially if I'm gonna keep cutting I cant be taking 50% (or more) of my daily allowed right away in the morning....that just doesnt make sense. Its got misery written all over it!  

Do you goto work? I use that as an excuse why I dont give these things up but really honestly I was unemployed for a while a year ago or so and did I use that time wisely and cut back and endure the w/d? No I used more!! I can remember having 7 or 8 per day back in those days. All while doing what? sittin around!!! I have used every excuse, like not having a nice place to live...sleeping on couches and (thats what I'm still doing) but even so, a while back I was given a house sitting job and I had an entire quiet nice house to myself, for weeks at a time, did I quit? no, I used more. So I write this for myself and anybody using "work" or "home life" as an excuse, I myself had no job to go to and at the same time had an entire house to myself, and still I used, more even!!!

[KeepTheHope]

I feel like I aint made much progress, but its only been not even a week. If nothing else I’m keeping myself in check.
progress:
Forever –6 per day.
11/08 - 6
11/09 - 6
11/10 - 6
11/11 - 6
11/12 - 5.5
11/13 - 5
11/14 - 5
11/15 - 4.5
11/16 - 5
11/17 - 4.5 I hope. LOL

Kinda puny, but its somethin. I think the REAL progress is in the "good" feelings I've had the last week...I already wrote about that.

[joe19]

I like this idea, it gives us something to look at and see how far we've already come in such a short time.
Forever - As many as I wanted, usually about 6
11/12 - 6
11/13 - 4.5
11/14 - 4.5
11/15 - 4
11/16 - 4.5
11/17 - 4 So far! I Plan to make it, unless last nights pain comes again.

No, I don't work. I am a stay at home parent, so it is work, but I don't have a job to go to. I was on my own this week as far as caring for my daughter, so I thought that would be my excuse to not be able to taper, because I needed the energy to keep up with her, but to my own amazement I managed to taper and still take good care of her. My help is back at home tonight, so I am hoping to be able to withstand more of the aches and pains, not having to be on the go constantly, and having someone here who is supporting my efforts and helping pick up the slack for me when I'm feeling really exhausted and achy. So hopefully I can cut even more this week. I'd like to be on 3.5 by Friday.

[joe19]

Where are you? Hope you're doing alright. Please post.

[joe19]

I'm worried about you. Please let me know how you're doing. Today has been rough for me, so I can only guess its been that way for you, too! We seem to be on the same schedule that way, good days and bad days together. Hope to hear from you soon.

[KeepTheHope]

hey i'm here...couple things though...I dont ahve internet access from home anywhere, so I'm kinda uncomfortable spilling my guts from this randomn computer....I'll get it back though. Anyway, I ended up taking 5 again and again. I did find however though that my morning cut worked out pretty good...I will try that strategy tomorrow a full day at work I should be able to hit 4.5. I just knew that getting to 4.5 was gonna be super hard for me. But i'm still here. hope you are still supporting me.

[joe19]

I am still supporting you! I am having a super hard time getting to 4. So I hear you on that. I am still trying to find a strategy that will work for me. Talk to you tomorrow!

[joe19]

Keep posting man, I need to hear how you're doing! Please don't bail on me. I know its getting tough, but having you do this with me is helping so much. Please let me know how today was for you.

[KeepTheHope]

hey there, i came to somebody elses house so I can post....so yea I'll keep posting one way or another. Today I took 4.5, all day long with a full 12 hour work day was a success!! Not without feeling it though.....then I broke and went to 5. So today is like the completion of our first week I think. And the only success that I can report is that I'm doin mostly 5s instead of 6 every day. That really helped me feel good but I guess that dont mean much if I'm still stuck on 5 yo. I'm trying to think of somethin new to report....the 1.5 in the morning and then 1.5 at lunch seems to curb the withdrals....maybe next I'll try just ONE in the morning, one late morning, and then another early noon. Better chance of tapering if i'm spreading my doses out as much as possible without ever taking a large amount at any one time.....hoping to just get used to NOT having as much in my system at any one time. Also, I'd rather be concerned about my lack of cutting than to be concerned about increasing!! What a horrible feeling that is, them days where I'd take six and still feel horrible and want more! So I think of every day that I dont INCREASE as improvement! Anyway, happy one week. Keep up the good work! Stay positive!

[joe19]

Happy one week to you too! I am also feeling kind of stuck. My only real success seems to be going from 6 or so a day to 4.5 and today only 4. I am trying to also keep a constant level in my system. And really, the same as you, just not increasing is a victory. And it really is! In order for our bodies to get use to less and less we have to fight the urge to increase on a bad day. So just doing that IS a huge victory. Keep on posting and letting me know how you're doing, even if its bad news.

So, for me today was ok mentally, but physically it sucked. I'm having a lot of pain. Things that aren't related to my illness, but I'm assuming are just w/d's. My foot is killing me, its actually hard to walk on, and my back is really stiff. My sister sent me a package today as an encouragement and to let me know how proud she is of me. It was a complete season of my favorite sitcom, some of my favorite candy, a sudoku book, a Starbucks giftcard (my other addiction!), and some aromatherapy bath foam for stress relief and also to soak away these aches and pains. She's been reading on here and checking up on my progress, and saw how much baths were recommended so she got me that! It made my day! So all in all today was a good day and it looks like I'll make it through on only 4.

I'm really proud of you for staying at five. I think that at first when we estimate how much we're taking its not always as accurate as we think because we are just used to taking them when we feel like it, and not really counting. So picking 5 and sticking with it for a week is great! I hope you make it at 4.5 tomorrow. I'll be rooting for you!

[KeepTheHope]

nope, 5 again! dangit I'm trying though....good news is that in the morning where i've been used to always taking TWO well today and yesterday I only took one in the morning. thats pretty good I guess. Hey starbucks is my thing too...thats crazy. americano, verona, or caramel machiatto. Those are my favs. Back a long time ago it was always frap and mocha frap...but not anymore. other then the machiatto, i like just black coffee as much as or more than sweet stuff anymore. anyway, well I got a long weekend....I got so many plans already though I dont see much cutting back happening, but still I will try. Still to this point, over a week later, not a moment has gone by that I dont think about this "problem" I guess the moment we quit worrying about it is when we really start to lose the battle. probably in the begining there were times where a whole year went by and I didnt hardly think twice about my daily amount. Now I'm very self conscious about it.

[KeepTheHope]

ps, thats freaking awesome at 4 for the day....did you make it? be honest....:-) what are your plans for thanksgiving? how old are you? Did I already know that? We seem to have a lot other in common, we have a daughter, like starbucks, listen to country songs, take norco, post on here, etc..just courious what your age group is.

[joe19]

I thought I'd lost you! I'm so glad you're still here and still conscious of your amount. I have found a way to make it through the day at 4. I did it for 2 or 3 days, I can't remember, but today its only 3.5. I really feel like my leg was crushed with a sledge hammer, but that's the only real pain. Everything else is minor discomfort. I'm battling a little bit of a nagging headache, but even that's not too bad. As long as I make it to bed soon, I won't be taking anymore meds for the night. I'm 25, BTW. I'll be out of town with family for the next few days, so I don't know how much posting I'll be doing. But I'll try to check in and I'll be thinking about you. Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

[KeepTheHope]

Yesterday was crazy, I woke up late and by noon I was already at 4.5 It wasnt lookin good yesterday I was thinking that I'd go way overboard, to like 6 or 7.  I ended up taking another half, knowing that it wouldnt do much for me, and then I had an extra one allocated for the day and flushed it! LOL So yea I kept myself at 5 that way, I knew that if I didnt flush it that if the right moment hit me that I would take it!! You see, I knew that I couldnt get any more until the next day. I couldnt just show up where I get them on thanksgiving day! No way.  And so with like 9hours left of awake time I made it on 5 for the day. Which sucks cuzz I remember wondering if I could be DONE with these by thanksgiving, no way huh? Anyway, so then today I got more but all day today (friday)  I was up and doing physical stuff and by late in the day I had only two. So today is looking good, its gettin later and I admit that I'm lookin forward to taking more, but today should be a cut!! I'm pretty happy about that. Hope ur doin alright, have a good time out of town with family? Well, its hard to have any good time with this burden. But then again if ur like me you cant have a good time anyway, no matter how many you take! So keep nagging on this problem! Dont ever give up always Keep The Hope!!! Hey that sounds familiar? :-)

[joe19]

Yesterday I had planned to take 3.5 again, but I woke up in the wee morning hours writhing in pain. So at 5:30am I finally decided to take one. So I took four the rest of the day because I was afraid to wake up in the middle of the night again in a hotel in that much pain. So today I'm at 3 at 10pm and I hope to take another half, but again, I'm afraid of that pain. But we'll see how it goes. All in all I'm doing well, except yesterday when I took 5!! But that was for real pain, so I don't feel too regrettful. I know it wasn't the drugs talking to me.
I'm really proud of you for flushing yours and sticking to 5. That could not have been easy. I know, I was thinking about thinking I'd be done by Thanksgiving and seeing how wishful that thinking was. Even Christmas seems unreachable at this point, but I hope to be on a much smaller dose by then. I hope that the rest of your weekend goes well. Keep on "Keepin' the Hope!"

[joe19]

Hey man. Just checking in with you. I have a new plan, kind of. Let's talk.

[JONNYSS06]

i just wanna say i feel for ya.  I was taking 1.5 roxicet 30 mg in the morning and 1.5 around seven at night.  thats 45mg in tha mornin and 45 mg at night.  I cut it down to just 1 in the mornin and at night.  At 7 pm on 11/23  I  took my last dose and said hell with it.  Cold turkey time.  Bring it on!!!
I am too trying to be clean and feel good with the family for christmas.  Please hit me back up.   Hope ur doing good.

[KeepTheHope]

Hey Jonnyss06, how are you? thanks for posting on here...we are a couple weeks into it now....basically just getting in to the habbit of trying to post as much as I can, and I'm also trying to limit myself still at least from going UP if nothing else!! I think I had a day where I took 4.5, but mainly i'm proud to say that i'm keeping it at 5. Which means 50mg hydrocodone (norco, vicoden, etc) Honestly I never have admitted this, but before trying this I always wrote how I take 5-6 every day, but do you know what 5-6 really means? It means definitely 6 every day, but worse thing is that there were worse days for me, like 7 and 7.5 maybe. I dont know if i've hit 8, but you can see how its easy to just keep gettin up there. So keeping myself in check and having 5 per day is a big enough challenge for now. know what i mean?

Joe, whats goin on? Whats ur plan?

[KeepTheHope]

whats the new plan? something i can invest in? or is this for you....?
when you talk about being in real pain makes me sad. i wish you didnt have that just as much as I wish that I wasnt hooked on these things. I think maybe your goal should be 3/day every day for the next month? Maybe. I dont know. I have been pretty socialable and somewhat friendly and back to a person who doesnt just sit and wait for the buzz. I've been almost a good person hehe, even though I'm still using. I hit 5 today again. But I just feel ok...I havnt really gotten any type of buzz from them in a while now. I guess thats the objective here, I am obviously living without getting the SUPER GREAT EUPHORIC feeling....cuzz I aint had it in a long time. Today started bad though, I had 2 in the morning, but still I ended up at only 5 for the day. 12 hour day at work too. Thats actually huge. Something is carrying me right now, like time is goin by and I'm not miserable. I dont know why but today I felt great, somehow after only couple hours of sleep and having to wake up at 5am and goto work until 6pm. Still i'm feeling ok (granted I've had 5, but this has been easily a 6 or 7 day for me before) So I dont know. I hope we are still doing this...maybe slowed down, but still at it, no? two weeks now?

[JONNYSS06]

hey, how ya doin.  Im almost halfway through day number 4 of c/t.  Last night fell asleep around 12 and woke up around 3 am with the sweats till about 6 am when i went back to sleep for an hour.  It is getting better though.  Little by little.  Seems like the worst though is anxiety or something like butterflys in my stomache.  I hope this goes away soon.  I know what you mean  when you say 6 or 7 a day some nights id take 1.5 roxi 30 mg  and one hour later take the other half of the one i cut.  it was taking over my life.  had to quit man.  I remembered back years ago when i was clean for the holiday season and never experienced pills before.  I had great times with my family!!!  Why do I need these pills i said to myself?  I was addicted and its a ***** now.  My family is coming down to stay for christmas time and I plan to be clean and mentally and physically better no matter what I have to do.  Mostly all mental now with small physical withdrawal such as restless leg and sweats only at about 3 am.  Well see tonight how it goes,  maybe wont get them?  I pray for you and all on here trying to get clean.  feel free to talk to me buddy   god bless

[joe19]

I am so proud of you for holding at 5. I know those long days when its so easy to take more. You are going through an amazing process right now, learning about how you were deceiving yourself about how many you were taking, and learning to really be honest with yourself. That is a very important step. All the things you are gaining right now are just as important as decreasing your number of pills.

My new plan is to just cut to 2 pills. I have help this week with my daughter and no real plans, so I figured now was as good a time as any. So yesterday I decided to do this at 1pm when I had just taken my second pill, so I ended up taking halves two more times, instead of wholes. So yesterday I ended up at 3. Which seems like a victory, but I was really aiming for 2. So today Its 11:15am and I've only had one half. I am prepared for this. I have most of the Thomas' stuff and I just got really tired of the counting and the dreading running out, and all the stuff that goes along with it. So I just want to be done. And so far, the actual pain has been minimal.

[KeepTheHope]

hey joe, guess what? another 4.5 day!!! again it wasnt easy, but I did it....i always use having to go to work as an excuse why i cant ever quit, but really my increases always seem to be over time off from work. i admit that completely quitting coldturkey while having to goto work is otu of the question, but at the same time keeping on a work schedule every day having to goto work and be disciplined I seem to be able to control my amounts better. it boils down to knowing that I gotta be at work and knowing that I cant really enjoy myself while at work anyway, might as well taper...but over the weekend I want to feel good and I have a lot of idle time I dont seem to ever cut back. I dont know, its weird.
jonny, keep posting....hey what is the ss06? I my friend had a chevrolet 2006 super sport or whatever.....so when i saw your name it made me wonder hehehe
later

[joe19]

Congrats on your 4.5! That is great, Keep it up! I seem to have a harder time controlling my taper when I'm out with friends or whatever. During my regular day I am able to control my usage better. I don't go to a job, but I think I get what you're saying. Working at home is the same for me. I have a routine and am able to avoid those cravings, but when I'm having down time or whatever I just get that instant, I think I'll take another half thought, and I don't have the resolve to resist it. I made it on 2 today! My headache has gotten worse in the last hour, but I'm hoping to fall asleep here pretty soon. Glad to see you post, I hate not hearing from you. I'm always wondering how you're doing!

[KeepTheHope]

hey joe, thx for caring.So guess what...I got the flu.I feel aweful, it aint just withdrals for sure I got a virus. Not just an excuse I promise that if I ever get feeling back normal I want to get right back into the game. But yesterday was 5.5 and today is 5 already (its late I should be good at5) Another reason I want to just be done with these things is cuzz I dont remember getting sick ever feeling this horrible. It makes everything worse having this crutch. Thank God I dont have much a fever, being that I already take acetaminophen every day(325mg each right?), I dont know what would happen if I ever needed it for a fever reducer yet I alreayd take it. I tell you the truth, health reasons are my main motivation....I'm scared how bad I have already messed up my body (which keeps me going back to taking them to "mask" the fear) So its like a viscious cycle. ONe thing though, getting sick like this is motivation to get clean (someday, not today)  I sure hope I'm ok otherwise...I really dont ever remember feeling this bad, I aint had the flu probably in 5 to 10 years. I hope i'm healthy and that I dont have anything life threatening! I cant go to the doctor cuzz I'm a hypocondriac. I remember most my life people saying that getting the flu feels like death...well I have been pretty tough cuzz I never thought it was THAT bad...maybe thats part of getting older. But then again, i'm only in the same age group as you 25-29, and dont smoke or drink or do any other drug...why is it that I feel like really really old??? I wonder if the pain killers are making me feel old and beat up?
So you are down to 2 per day now? WOW i am like jealous....you seem to be kicking this better than me. Good job. I am only posting now cuzz I wanted to stick with this. I feel sorta like a failure right now.

[KeepTheHope]

i just realized I havnt posted for almost 48hours. It wasnt last night but the night before that I posted. Just wanted to apologize. Sorry about that I'll try to post more often...It was yesterday that this bug hit me but I fealt it coming the day prior....I had to leave early from work. And i have to go elsewhere for internet so I aint had much a chance to post.

[joe19]

I'm sorry you're sick I'm feeling pretty bad, too. I had a 2.5 day yesterday, which sucks because I've been holding steady at 2 all week. I know its a virus, too. Not withdrawals. I won't post all the disgusting reasons, but I'm sure I'm sick. So I'm hoping to make it through at 2 today. I think I'll be able to do it. I'll be thinking of you. Feel better soon.

[KeepTheHope]

thx for the reply. im still not better, and i'm not tapering while having this. i think i should be gettin over this bug soon though because i'm losing my voice now and that always seems to happen at the tail end of it alll....maybe. hopefully. shoot I hope so! I'll tell you what, I only wish I could go back to when we first started, or maybe a few weeks prior, when I was totally "healthy" otherwise and really put this pain killer **** to an end. Now i'm worried that I wont be healthy ever again. LOL but if I do ever get back to where my only problem in the world is you know what, I want you to remind me of how horrible getting sick is while being a regular user of pills. so let this be a written reminder that I not only want to get off this ****, I NEED to!! I come from pretty healthy stock family, I shouldnt be this bad off.

[joe19]

I just wanted to say that I hope you feel better soon. I'm doing pretty well. Today I got some energy back and a little bit of an appetite. Eating has been painful for me with the crohn's disease. I hope it gets easier as time passes. I don't blame you for not tapering while sick. Its hard enough doing it healthy! Just try to limit yourself, and not go up. Then you won't have to go right back to square one when you're better.

[KeepTheHope]

well as it turns out, I think i'm gonna get better soon...being a hypcondriac I figured that was the end for me...that I'd never get better. But I think I'm getting better now. So that means I gotta get back on track..and I will have new motivation...my new motivatino is to be clean because getting a fever is scary when you already take acetaminophen which is only fever reducer that works for me. So that coulda been real bad. And the feelings of being sick are WAY worse then they ever have been, and I wasnt tapered, I was just sick! It felt bad. Now I know what thats like..I also can tell what cold turkey must be like, and I dont think they compare....Cold turkey the problem there is the anxiety cant sit still unable to sleep while being tired ****. I was just sick as hell, but at least I could sleep when needed. I wish I could just sleep off Withdrawls in a weekend like I slept off this bug....I'm over 50% today feelin ok.

[KeepTheHope]

i just looked at my last post, i need to spell check. :-) unless motivatino is itallian for motivation hehehe

[joe19]

Just checking in. I've been really busy. I'll write more at another time, I just wanted you to know I'm still around!

[GoingToMakeIt]

I think that I want to see a 107yr old kick the habit. I assume that's not your correct age.

Let's see. If you do the math and cut back 1 pill every 5th day and hold...you won't make your Christmas deadline. If you c/t you'll be well on you way to being a new person by Christmas. Either of the choices are very good ones to make! I wish you well on your journey.

[KeepTheHope]

i'm still around too. not doing anything really....I guess my goal is to just try and stay at a constant amount through Christmas. I am down a little bit, and I can feel the season and I am enjoying it and I'm not taking  too many like I did last year. So I'm doing good...I dont know about quitting though. Starting to think about cold turkey again...but I know that wont work. Gosh this is so hard. I'm still stuck on 5 per day. Once again i'm gonna attempt 4.5 tomorrow. Whether or not I post on here, I'm staying on this...I prefer to keep posting but its really just the same'ole failure stories. At least after being sick I'm not back up at 6 to 8 per day..that happened to me last year! so I made it through that and I'm feeling pretty decent. Getting sick like that should be motivation though because it was the worst

[KeepTheHope]

well today I had 3 all day I did so good!! but then i took another!! Then another!  Grrrrrrrr. Well should I keep posting or not? I cant seem to get over this. I need a little more help. I'm feeling pretty good at this amount, but any less I feel so horrible.

[KeepTheHope]

you still there?? I'm still hanging in there believe it or not...I have been maintaining still...even have had a few 4.5 days mostly 5s though. When I got sick I jumped up to 6 and just felt worse. I'm feeling good today though and I'm definitely feeling the Christmas season....So my progress is that I've cut back a little tiny bit, but mostly that I've maintained and have been feeling good. Oh and I've even jogged a couple of times and I been trying to get back in shape. Its hard though after basically sitting around for 10years, not to mention I have numbed all my senses for the last 5-7years. And I wonder why this is so hard?
Where you at Joe? I hope you are ok!! Is there anybody else watching?