me and joe and you, till Christmas

[KeepTheHope]

Are you ready?

[KeepTheHope]

you still there?? I'm still hanging in there believe it or not...I have been maintaining still...even have had a few 4.5 days mostly 5s though. When I got sick I jumped up to 6 and just felt worse. I'm feeling good today though and I'm definitely feeling the Christmas season....So my progress is that I've cut back a little tiny bit, but mostly that I've maintained and have been feeling good. Oh and I've even jogged a couple of times and I been trying to get back in shape. Its hard though after basically sitting around for 10years, not to mention I have numbed all my senses for the last 5-7years. And I wonder why this is so hard?
Where you at Joe? I hope you are ok!! Is there anybody else watching?

[KeepTheHope]

well today I had 3 all day I did so good!! but then i took another!! Then another!  Grrrrrrrr. Well should I keep posting or not? I cant seem to get over this. I need a little more help. I'm feeling pretty good at this amount, but any less I feel so horrible.

[KeepTheHope]

i'm still around too. not doing anything really....I guess my goal is to just try and stay at a constant amount through Christmas. I am down a little bit, and I can feel the season and I am enjoying it and I'm not taking  too many like I did last year. So I'm doing good...I dont know about quitting though. Starting to think about cold turkey again...but I know that wont work. Gosh this is so hard. I'm still stuck on 5 per day. Once again i'm gonna attempt 4.5 tomorrow. Whether or not I post on here, I'm staying on this...I prefer to keep posting but its really just the same'ole failure stories. At least after being sick I'm not back up at 6 to 8 per day..that happened to me last year! so I made it through that and I'm feeling pretty decent. Getting sick like that should be motivation though because it was the worst

[GoingToMakeIt]

I think that I want to see a 107yr old kick the habit. I assume that's not your correct age.

Let's see. If you do the math and cut back 1 pill every 5th day and hold...you won't make your Christmas deadline. If you c/t you'll be well on you way to being a new person by Christmas. Either of the choices are very good ones to make! I wish you well on your journey.

[joe19]

Just checking in. I've been really busy. I'll write more at another time, I just wanted you to know I'm still around!

[KeepTheHope]

i just looked at my last post, i need to spell check. :-) unless motivatino is itallian for motivation hehehe

[KeepTheHope]

well as it turns out, I think i'm gonna get better soon...being a hypcondriac I figured that was the end for me...that I'd never get better. But I think I'm getting better now. So that means I gotta get back on track..and I will have new motivation...my new motivatino is to be clean because getting a fever is scary when you already take acetaminophen which is only fever reducer that works for me. So that coulda been real bad. And the feelings of being sick are WAY worse then they ever have been, and I wasnt tapered, I was just sick! It felt bad. Now I know what thats like..I also can tell what cold turkey must be like, and I dont think they compare....Cold turkey the problem there is the anxiety cant sit still unable to sleep while being tired ****. I was just sick as hell, but at least I could sleep when needed. I wish I could just sleep off Withdrawls in a weekend like I slept off this bug....I'm over 50% today feelin ok.

[joe19]

I just wanted to say that I hope you feel better soon. I'm doing pretty well. Today I got some energy back and a little bit of an appetite. Eating has been painful for me with the crohn's disease. I hope it gets easier as time passes. I don't blame you for not tapering while sick. Its hard enough doing it healthy! Just try to limit yourself, and not go up. Then you won't have to go right back to square one when you're better.

[KeepTheHope]

thx for the reply. im still not better, and i'm not tapering while having this. i think i should be gettin over this bug soon though because i'm losing my voice now and that always seems to happen at the tail end of it alll....maybe. hopefully. shoot I hope so! I'll tell you what, I only wish I could go back to when we first started, or maybe a few weeks prior, when I was totally "healthy" otherwise and really put this pain killer **** to an end. Now i'm worried that I wont be healthy ever again. LOL but if I do ever get back to where my only problem in the world is you know what, I want you to remind me of how horrible getting sick is while being a regular user of pills. so let this be a written reminder that I not only want to get off this ****, I NEED to!! I come from pretty healthy stock family, I shouldnt be this bad off.

[joe19]

I'm sorry you're sick I'm feeling pretty bad, too. I had a 2.5 day yesterday, which sucks because I've been holding steady at 2 all week. I know its a virus, too. Not withdrawals. I won't post all the disgusting reasons, but I'm sure I'm sick. So I'm hoping to make it through at 2 today. I think I'll be able to do it. I'll be thinking of you. Feel better soon.

[KeepTheHope]

i just realized I havnt posted for almost 48hours. It wasnt last night but the night before that I posted. Just wanted to apologize. Sorry about that I'll try to post more often...It was yesterday that this bug hit me but I fealt it coming the day prior....I had to leave early from work. And i have to go elsewhere for internet so I aint had much a chance to post.

[KeepTheHope]

hey joe, thx for caring.So guess what...I got the flu.I feel aweful, it aint just withdrals for sure I got a virus. Not just an excuse I promise that if I ever get feeling back normal I want to get right back into the game. But yesterday was 5.5 and today is 5 already (its late I should be good at5) Another reason I want to just be done with these things is cuzz I dont remember getting sick ever feeling this horrible. It makes everything worse having this crutch. Thank God I dont have much a fever, being that I already take acetaminophen every day(325mg each right?), I dont know what would happen if I ever needed it for a fever reducer yet I alreayd take it. I tell you the truth, health reasons are my main motivation....I'm scared how bad I have already messed up my body (which keeps me going back to taking them to "mask" the fear) So its like a viscious cycle. ONe thing though, getting sick like this is motivation to get clean (someday, not today)  I sure hope I'm ok otherwise...I really dont ever remember feeling this bad, I aint had the flu probably in 5 to 10 years. I hope i'm healthy and that I dont have anything life threatening! I cant go to the doctor cuzz I'm a hypocondriac. I remember most my life people saying that getting the flu feels like death...well I have been pretty tough cuzz I never thought it was THAT bad...maybe thats part of getting older. But then again, i'm only in the same age group as you 25-29, and dont smoke or drink or do any other drug...why is it that I feel like really really old??? I wonder if the pain killers are making me feel old and beat up?
So you are down to 2 per day now? WOW i am like jealous....you seem to be kicking this better than me. Good job. I am only posting now cuzz I wanted to stick with this. I feel sorta like a failure right now.

[joe19]

Congrats on your 4.5! That is great, Keep it up! I seem to have a harder time controlling my taper when I'm out with friends or whatever. During my regular day I am able to control my usage better. I don't go to a job, but I think I get what you're saying. Working at home is the same for me. I have a routine and am able to avoid those cravings, but when I'm having down time or whatever I just get that instant, I think I'll take another half thought, and I don't have the resolve to resist it. I made it on 2 today! My headache has gotten worse in the last hour, but I'm hoping to fall asleep here pretty soon. Glad to see you post, I hate not hearing from you. I'm always wondering how you're doing!

[KeepTheHope]

hey joe, guess what? another 4.5 day!!! again it wasnt easy, but I did it....i always use having to go to work as an excuse why i cant ever quit, but really my increases always seem to be over time off from work. i admit that completely quitting coldturkey while having to goto work is otu of the question, but at the same time keeping on a work schedule every day having to goto work and be disciplined I seem to be able to control my amounts better. it boils down to knowing that I gotta be at work and knowing that I cant really enjoy myself while at work anyway, might as well taper...but over the weekend I want to feel good and I have a lot of idle time I dont seem to ever cut back. I dont know, its weird.
jonny, keep posting....hey what is the ss06? I my friend had a chevrolet 2006 super sport or whatever.....so when i saw your name it made me wonder hehehe
later

[joe19]

I am so proud of you for holding at 5. I know those long days when its so easy to take more. You are going through an amazing process right now, learning about how you were deceiving yourself about how many you were taking, and learning to really be honest with yourself. That is a very important step. All the things you are gaining right now are just as important as decreasing your number of pills.

My new plan is to just cut to 2 pills. I have help this week with my daughter and no real plans, so I figured now was as good a time as any. So yesterday I decided to do this at 1pm when I had just taken my second pill, so I ended up taking halves two more times, instead of wholes. So yesterday I ended up at 3. Which seems like a victory, but I was really aiming for 2. So today Its 11:15am and I've only had one half. I am prepared for this. I have most of the Thomas' stuff and I just got really tired of the counting and the dreading running out, and all the stuff that goes along with it. So I just want to be done. And so far, the actual pain has been minimal.

[JONNYSS06]

hey, how ya doin.  Im almost halfway through day number 4 of c/t.  Last night fell asleep around 12 and woke up around 3 am with the sweats till about 6 am when i went back to sleep for an hour.  It is getting better though.  Little by little.  Seems like the worst though is anxiety or something like butterflys in my stomache.  I hope this goes away soon.  I know what you mean  when you say 6 or 7 a day some nights id take 1.5 roxi 30 mg  and one hour later take the other half of the one i cut.  it was taking over my life.  had to quit man.  I remembered back years ago when i was clean for the holiday season and never experienced pills before.  I had great times with my family!!!  Why do I need these pills i said to myself?  I was addicted and its a ***** now.  My family is coming down to stay for christmas time and I plan to be clean and mentally and physically better no matter what I have to do.  Mostly all mental now with small physical withdrawal such as restless leg and sweats only at about 3 am.  Well see tonight how it goes,  maybe wont get them?  I pray for you and all on here trying to get clean.  feel free to talk to me buddy   god bless

[KeepTheHope]

whats the new plan? something i can invest in? or is this for you....?
when you talk about being in real pain makes me sad. i wish you didnt have that just as much as I wish that I wasnt hooked on these things. I think maybe your goal should be 3/day every day for the next month? Maybe. I dont know. I have been pretty socialable and somewhat friendly and back to a person who doesnt just sit and wait for the buzz. I've been almost a good person hehe, even though I'm still using. I hit 5 today again. But I just feel ok...I havnt really gotten any type of buzz from them in a while now. I guess thats the objective here, I am obviously living without getting the SUPER GREAT EUPHORIC feeling....cuzz I aint had it in a long time. Today started bad though, I had 2 in the morning, but still I ended up at only 5 for the day. 12 hour day at work too. Thats actually huge. Something is carrying me right now, like time is goin by and I'm not miserable. I dont know why but today I felt great, somehow after only couple hours of sleep and having to wake up at 5am and goto work until 6pm. Still i'm feeling ok (granted I've had 5, but this has been easily a 6 or 7 day for me before) So I dont know. I hope we are still doing this...maybe slowed down, but still at it, no? two weeks now?

[KeepTheHope]

Hey Jonnyss06, how are you? thanks for posting on here...we are a couple weeks into it now....basically just getting in to the habbit of trying to post as much as I can, and I'm also trying to limit myself still at least from going UP if nothing else!! I think I had a day where I took 4.5, but mainly i'm proud to say that i'm keeping it at 5. Which means 50mg hydrocodone (norco, vicoden, etc) Honestly I never have admitted this, but before trying this I always wrote how I take 5-6 every day, but do you know what 5-6 really means? It means definitely 6 every day, but worse thing is that there were worse days for me, like 7 and 7.5 maybe. I dont know if i've hit 8, but you can see how its easy to just keep gettin up there. So keeping myself in check and having 5 per day is a big enough challenge for now. know what i mean?

Joe, whats goin on? Whats ur plan?

[JONNYSS06]

i just wanna say i feel for ya.  I was taking 1.5 roxicet 30 mg in the morning and 1.5 around seven at night.  thats 45mg in tha mornin and 45 mg at night.  I cut it down to just 1 in the mornin and at night.  At 7 pm on 11/23  I  took my last dose and said hell with it.  Cold turkey time.  Bring it on!!!
I am too trying to be clean and feel good with the family for christmas.  Please hit me back up.   Hope ur doing good.

[joe19]

Hey man. Just checking in with you. I have a new plan, kind of. Let's talk.

[joe19]

Yesterday I had planned to take 3.5 again, but I woke up in the wee morning hours writhing in pain. So at 5:30am I finally decided to take one. So I took four the rest of the day because I was afraid to wake up in the middle of the night again in a hotel in that much pain. So today I'm at 3 at 10pm and I hope to take another half, but again, I'm afraid of that pain. But we'll see how it goes. All in all I'm doing well, except yesterday when I took 5!! But that was for real pain, so I don't feel too regrettful. I know it wasn't the drugs talking to me.
I'm really proud of you for flushing yours and sticking to 5. That could not have been easy. I know, I was thinking about thinking I'd be done by Thanksgiving and seeing how wishful that thinking was. Even Christmas seems unreachable at this point, but I hope to be on a much smaller dose by then. I hope that the rest of your weekend goes well. Keep on "Keepin' the Hope!"

[KeepTheHope]

Yesterday was crazy, I woke up late and by noon I was already at 4.5 It wasnt lookin good yesterday I was thinking that I'd go way overboard, to like 6 or 7.  I ended up taking another half, knowing that it wouldnt do much for me, and then I had an extra one allocated for the day and flushed it! LOL So yea I kept myself at 5 that way, I knew that if I didnt flush it that if the right moment hit me that I would take it!! You see, I knew that I couldnt get any more until the next day. I couldnt just show up where I get them on thanksgiving day! No way.  And so with like 9hours left of awake time I made it on 5 for the day. Which sucks cuzz I remember wondering if I could be DONE with these by thanksgiving, no way huh? Anyway, so then today I got more but all day today (friday)  I was up and doing physical stuff and by late in the day I had only two. So today is looking good, its gettin later and I admit that I'm lookin forward to taking more, but today should be a cut!! I'm pretty happy about that. Hope ur doin alright, have a good time out of town with family? Well, its hard to have any good time with this burden. But then again if ur like me you cant have a good time anyway, no matter how many you take! So keep nagging on this problem! Dont ever give up always Keep The Hope!!! Hey that sounds familiar? :-)

[joe19]

I thought I'd lost you! I'm so glad you're still here and still conscious of your amount. I have found a way to make it through the day at 4. I did it for 2 or 3 days, I can't remember, but today its only 3.5. I really feel like my leg was crushed with a sledge hammer, but that's the only real pain. Everything else is minor discomfort. I'm battling a little bit of a nagging headache, but even that's not too bad. As long as I make it to bed soon, I won't be taking anymore meds for the night. I'm 25, BTW. I'll be out of town with family for the next few days, so I don't know how much posting I'll be doing. But I'll try to check in and I'll be thinking about you. Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

[KeepTheHope]

ps, thats freaking awesome at 4 for the day....did you make it? be honest....:-) what are your plans for thanksgiving? how old are you? Did I already know that? We seem to have a lot other in common, we have a daughter, like starbucks, listen to country songs, take norco, post on here, etc..just courious what your age group is.