Anyone else feel this way...?

[MikeInFrance]

I have been clean  (in life) alot longer than I ever used. I'd imagine most of us can say that.  But I haven't been clean for as long as I've used, since going CT back on January 16 from a one year oxynorm habit. To me that's a significant point to reach. one year clean....psychological or not... It's something I look at.

I've realized that I never abused the narcotic I was taking. I never abused the oxynorms.  I feel that "abuse" is misplaced here. So I'm gonna divert "abuse" to where it applies to me and my journey.   I abused my brain, I abused my body, i abused my nose and in a nutshell I abused my life!  The oxynorms got love and so much attention from me....and anything but abuse.

Today along with so many of you i stopped abusing myself and I am a better person all around because of it!

Anyone can do this .... As long as you are secure in the knowledge that Failure is Never an option!

[Shauna13]

If this was Facebook, Id click "like"    :-)    s

[MikeInFrance]

It definately gets better...seriously!  although sometimes i get mentally reminded of it all I have had some pretty good days these past couple weeks where my prior using didn't even come into play....those are the days I try to duplicate! ;) great job Amber!! You're doing this!

[amber22245]

I felt the same way I wanted to get high and now i dont even know why I did in the first place and all i want now is to be normal ( well my kinda norm) Thank you for your posts they are very encouraging to me :)

[MikeInFrance]

I never posted my reasons I dont think...at least not all together. Great question though...so thanks! There definately wasn't any one reason or any one moment,  per se. as I look back now there were a couple things. One thing that scared me was what I wrote about in my 3rd week I think...remember seeing my post "The Junky Factor?"  one day I looked in the mirror and I asked myself what is different between me and the Hardcore users (junkies)  i see each day on the street or in train stations etc? I didn't find much. The look , the feelings, all impressed on me the need to change.

I was also destroying my social life and dedicating an insane amount of time juggling dr's appts, pharmacy visits moving around to different cities to do this all the time. I needed 2 or 3 scripts a week sometimes.  And I run businesses put here that realistically I need to be here for.

Overall I asked myself why I started and the reasons that I was still using werent the same anymore at all. I wanted to get high and at the end I wanted to get normal. So I did.

On January 16,  I woke up and decided not to go pick up my usual ten boxes of 14 oxynorms that were ready at the pharmacy. I packed a bag,  left that city, called a friend on the way said I needed his help and showed up there with my story that gained me a place to detox the best way I thought I could. And it worked.

I was destroying everything I had become. Little by little I new I had to stop and I had enough of it on January 16th

[sandstone27]

Hi Mike,

Interesting  post....although I'm responding with a question rather than a response - I wonder about this in general - what was it that made you want to stop abusing yourself to finally say ENOUGH and just quit?   Was it something or someone very specific? Did something happen that caused the lightbulb come on?   What happened on January 16, 2012, that was the catalyst for your new life?   If you've posted your reasons already, my apologies...

Thanks,

Sandy ♦

[NorthEast213]

Mike I agree with that feeling 100%.  I was at it for about 8 months and recently that number is stuck in my head.  I just keep thinking I feel this good now( not great but good) I'll feel awesome at 8 months.  That thought keeps me going every day my friend..