please God help me !!?

[kme17]

I am emotionally f$*$3d I swear I am trying my best. I am here alone. I go outside n I feel wrong! I want to sit in a dark room and watch movie after movie to pass this day! I think maybe I will go get my little girl from daycare but then I know I can only handle her for so long alone before I just cry. I know if she's here I won't put here thru that 3 hr drive tho! I don't know what to do but I wish God didn't think I could handle so much!

[clean_in_ks]

The POWER OF CHOICE...how great is that!  W/drawals are the pitts...for all of us.  My family.....especially my hubby.....says my personality is back, I laugh again, I get passionate again, I get really angry too.  I talk fast again and type fast, my body still has a lot of healing to go.  Lots of medical history and have a lot of pain, still, but I'm believing it will go away too.....as soon as my body gets strong enough to do more than it is able to right now.  Anyway, I feel like reaching out to those I love now, I really do laugh a lot and am happy when I'm not letting myself go back to "stinkin thinkin" if only I could take something stronger for this pain.
It is definitely an endless cycle.....You CAN do it; all these addiction friends on here are living proof.  My hubby really enjoys me now....even tho not all of me "is back" and we're not sure all the physical stuff will return.  God knows though.  I just trust HIM WITH MY LIFE!!  

[kme17]

I have made it to 5 o clock. I am getting blown up by a call for percs and have ignored it. I m pushing thru but have work tomorrow then off till Mon. I hope I can make it tomorrow! I'm so sad

[selfinduced]

Thanks Nursegirl!

[nursegirl6572]

Check this out.  This is listed under panic disorder, but the types of negative thiking applies to everyone, especially addiction.  There is some AWESOME info on this site.  Also, google "CBT", you can really learn ways to stop that negative self talk.  Right now, you're just struggling to get through the detox, but this info will really help you down the line.  I bet you will identify with MANY of the items on the list.

http://panicdisorder.about.com/od/livingwithpd/tp/Overcome-Your-Negative-Thinking.htm

[selfinduced]

Hi Smiles , just tapping in to tell you your killing this thing even if if doesn't feel like it now. Be careful of the adderall as that is a stimulant and will mess with your sleep. exercise for energy and drink shakes with protein in it. Hot tub and warm tea for sleep. Keep it simple at this phase. No more hard work, just go with the symptoms and calm them as they rear their ugly heads. Keep reaching out for support. Addicts are the most wonderful compassionate people around. We care for you,

[kme17]

Music helped me a lot last time. I need to find my ipod and get some good stuff on it. I like the sound of this book. I am doing this for myself too. I have become a different person and I had a life lesson to help me to this point. I was even told by a therapist " I am afraid this is going to change you" well I got back on the pain pills and it helped me thru a rough time. But like all pills they turn on you. And here I am asking myself if I am going to ever be the person I used to be. I didn't take so well to motherhood. I love my daughter to death. She makes me laugh but the demanding work to be a mom and work and a wife and clean the house n take care of the cats. Well let's just say I didn't want it. But I have it and I know people who would kill to be where I am. So why can't I love life without help from a pill?

[smiles4eva]

The mental is a B no doubt. I am reading a book called Unchain Your Brain. It talks about loving your brain and healing your brain through music,  50 top brain foods and getting rid of the negative self talk.  You are an awesome Mom because you are breaking the cycle of addiction!

[nursegirl6572]

Just sending you support.

You WILL be that fun awesome Mom....but you'll be that way NATURALLY.  How awesome is that?

You're overwhelmed with emotions, it's normal.  Your brain is used to being chemically happy.  Those chemicals are gone...you're not filling up those opiate receptors anymore.  Like others have said, it WILL pass.

Celebrate your 3 days.  3 days is amazing.  4 will be more amazing.  Pretty soon, you'll be counting weeks and months, then years.  Your daughter needs you...she needs you to be you...without the help of pills.  You can do this.  It's you addicted mind messing with you...tempting you.

Hell...go get her.  If that makes you less tempted, then do whatever it takes.

You're in my thoughts and prayers.

[ImGettingClean]

I had the SAME EXACT fear - i 'wont be the same person'...but then I thought, "wait, what person have i become with these demon pills?...short, angry, anxious, happy one minute, bitter the next...etc etc"

I am @ Day 19 and i feel great overall - i feel like i turned a corner a few days ago and am slowly becoming that fun dad i always wanted to be...you can too, fun mom of course ;)

Aside for doing it for yoru daughter and your husband, you need to do it for yourself. Your life is important!!!

Spend your day on here, watch movies, etc...just get through it and tomorrow will be day 4...slowly it will get better!!

[kme17]

I am going to start taking some vitamins. I have the vit b and the t lyosine. My lower back hurts a lot n I am crying all the time. Just reading Ur post I cry. I am not the crying type. I don't know when is a good time to start the lyosine. I have slept the last few nights w 3 pms and i m afraid i will stop sleeping. I didn't take them for a week. I replaced the precs for adderall an then took the percs again for a few days. Not real high amt. I don't know if it help but I don't feel as bad physically as I know I could but mentally I am screwed!

[kme17]

I am having a harder time with the mental. I know if I go get pills I go In a circle. I feel like I won't be the fun awesome mom she always sees. I m really really trying here. I know I need to do this for her and my husband. I know what I need to do but I can't say I am that strong. Esp right now. I am not going .. I come here and feel hope. Thanks u guys

[smiles4eva]

Cry, scream, kick a laundry basket and keep posting.  It is so hard but try to be nice to yourself. Make a list with all the reasons this is worth fighting for.  My child is on the top of mine.  A week or month of suffering is much more bearable than a lifetime of addiction.  

[solost170]

hang in there it gets better for the first few days I diddnt even get up i was in bed with the t.v. remote glued in my hand I would only get up long enough to go to the bathroom and see what was going on. then back to the bed. I wont lie it is awful but it does go away. and like everyone said you are at the hump the physical will start to subside and wont be as bad. hang in there you arent gonna feel like doing much and that is ok. dont be so hard on yourself everything you are going through is normal honestly if you look at everyones older posts you will see we all have been where you are right now. and it really does get soooooo much better keep reaching out to us. we are here have you tried the thomas rec. vitamins and keeping nurished as much as you can and hydrated helps soooo much. right now your body is healing and needs the time to do just that heal. always your friend solost.

[ImGettingClean]

If thats all you can do, thats fine.

I locked myself in a room and watched NetFlix Movies all day and night.

The guilt, shame, feeling sorry, etc is part of this process.

You're doing great - KEEP FIGHTING!

[kme17]

Thanks smiles. I am on day 3 and I'm losing it. I feel like I want/need to get up n do something but as soon as I get up I will walk to another room n hit up the tv. That's about it. I hate myself for this. I know I am feeling sry for myself right now and I need to stop but that isn't easy either!

[ImGettingClean]

You have 2 choices here:

1. Make that 3 hour drive - keep taking pills. @ That rate, sorry to say, your daughter may be left without a mom. Which is a very selfish choice if you ask me.

2. Hunker down, watch movies, take a bath, do whatever you need to do to kill time. The physical WDs are bad - we've all been there...it'll pass.

You def need a plan for aftercare - NA/AA - that'll help you stay clean.

I too have a very young daughter - and 19 Days ago, i said i'm not going to be selfish anymore and just think about me. I have her depending on me now as well as my wife - keep fighting. If you are at day 3 - you're at the 'hump'. Just hang in there....freedom is around the corner.

[smiles4eva]

You are on day 3 right?!  I take my frustrations out on cleaning but if you want to sit in a dark room and watch movies do it!  Whatever you decide don't make that drive!  You can do this!