mind over matter people! mind over matter.

[kme17]

If only it was that simple right? So i am a mother of a 10 month old and i am in a line of work that is zero tolerance for drug abuse. I will be jobless for sure if i was to look for help thru medical. I have been addicted to pain pills for some time now. It started with a situation that through me in to a deep depression. I was rx opana 60 a month for a neck injury. It turned in to doctor shopping. I couldnt aleays get my hands on some so i went some time wo them. But then i moved closer to my home state. I was only there a week before i ran in to my main supplier. Couldnt believe the one person i was hoping to never see again, i see in the first week. I was pregnant so i stayed on a very low dose. But after the baby its grew in to a monster. Now i am trying to stop. I hate the whole process. I dont know how i can do it. I have nobody to talk to about it. My husband who can do pills on friday n not touch them again until next friday or at all says he understands, but if he did then he would understand that i cant get out of bed to pee muchless help w our baby. I get these looks like wtf can u help w her. So the guilt i feel from the depression only gets worse when he looks at me like i am a sad horrible mother. I am completely alone. I get beyond depressed, irriated, arguementitive, irrational, cry alot. Thats on top of being achy, tired, restless legs arm syndrom, no disire to eat. I seriously need to stop n now. I am going to be traveling for work everyother week. I cannot be wd ing while i am at work. I feel like everytime i am ready to start the hellish process i cant cause i have commited to something. And of course i cannot do NE thing wo a pill! I am taking wellbutrin to help w the depression. I want to look in to NA but dont know how i can find the strenth to get up n go. I dont even want to b in public when i dont take ne thing!. I need help. Where do i start? How do i see it thru? When will i be able to feel like i hear everyother drug free addict.  When will i be able to say i love life and i am sooo happy wo a pill first?

[h12345620]

It's natural to worry and to feel guilty (I swear it's biological) but your daughter is going to be fine. She may call for you, but you know what? She's 10 months old, won't remember any of this, and she has her father. She is going to be just fine. Don't worry about her. Sounds like you've covered it and right now you are doing exactly what a loving, responsible mother should do. So, hey, you're doing it right. So don't worry about that.

Just hole up and get through it for yourself. You can do it. It's not too far away. And then you'll be on the other side and it will get better and better. You can do it.  

[milliemoo103106]

You can do this I did and I was in the same boat as you as far as the money aspect but I am now clean 53 days and never going to take a pill again. I found the best way to stop is cold turkey

Keep posting

[minn66]

Hi kme! You are definitely in the right place. Just look at the withdrawal like you have a bad bug that you have no choice but to suffer through. If you had a stomach virus or something, you would treat the symptoms and your husband would have to help out. Have supplies on hand and try to just take it as it comes. You can do this. Keep posting and we'll support you!

[kme17]

Welll thats it. Just took the last two. Here goes my hundredth atempt but my first real serious atempt.

[Blackwolfsgirl]

You can do this! I am on day 7 and it does get better.

[kme17]

I have put it flat out to my husband. He acutally thought i been clean foe almost w weeks. But i told him everything. I wish i could stay somewhere alone. And i already told him if he wants to go stay w his mom foe the long weekend i am happy to say go ahead. Or if he was going to pull the cards and make it hard for me then i would need to know now so i can go stay w my mom. Although i dont want my mom to know cause she is vicious and will throw it in my face down the line i was willing to just tell her if need be. But my husbamd said he was going to do everything i need him to do n he wanted to be here to help. It is hard hearing my daughter yelling mom and wanting to b w me. She is already walking n talking and i know she can sense something is up whenever i am out or tried to get off before. I want most al all to stao now before she is old enough to really understand whats going on. I dont want her to look back and remember all those time mom was sick n put two n two together. I did that w my parents.  I have tried to take everything i learnd from reading peoples post here. I have stocked up on foods that give u energy. I have vitiamins and imodiom. I am trying to keep a positive mind. I cannot use ne other pills because if i get popped on a **** test i am done for work. I have already played w fire trying to use adderall for 7 days hoping to trick my body in to thinking the opiates r gone n no wd. Didnt work really.  I have found this site and all u who have posted is more then helpful. I hope you all keep posting and help me thru this . And i hope i can pay it fwd to someone else when they are in the first stages.

[akitagurl12]

hi, my pill problem got out of control too and i was spending money like that too, and it was just getting worse because my dealer decided to start giving me 'credit'.  This is what I did- I took 5 days off work (2 were the weekend) I Did alot self talk and got myself to actually hate the pills and hate the dealer.  I had to get in that mindset because it wasn't a matter of just deleting his number, i knew i would still see him at work.  I told him I am done with the pills and since then have completely distanced myself from him.  I have put a mental wall up.  You gotta cut off your source to the pills. Then I just gave myself permission to be be sick, to have the flu.  I drank alot of gatorade and water.  I also had xanax so I didn't have the sleep problems really.  But now 47 days later I am addicted to the xanax and it causes me pretty bad depression at times, so if I had to do it all over again, I would skip the xanax and deal with the no sleeping.  The worst of the physical part was over by day 5-6.  Week 2 was hard with cravings and just getting used to getting through the day without being high.  Also, I had no energy.  But by week 3 I started to really start to feel relief.  This website has helped me alot, even though I am on it all the time.  I don't care at this point, it is helping me stay focused because this addiction is tricky and u always seem to have to have your guard up.  If I could do it, you can do it.  I must have relapsed over 50 times before making it through week 2.  It's worth it, but it does take time, so you will need alot of patience.  Keep posting & I am glad you found this site:)

[h12345620]

Can you husband perhaps take your baby somewhere for a few days? Or perhaps you go somewhere? It might be easier for you to go through it if you know she is well cared for but don't feel compelled to get up and help. When you can hear your baby, it's tough not to feel guilty. You need space to go through this. And it might be easier on your husband if he knows what to expect instead of expecting you to help and not getting it. Tell him what you need, flat out and plan for it. I hope this works. It's so hard feeling guilty like this on top of everything else.

I'm trying to detox from a lot less, but I'm on day 2 and have exactly 20 minutes to get up, shower and take care of my children. I'm very much hoping not to throw up. So, if you could perhaps get yourself a little bit of time, that would likely be very good.

And just imagine the end product of quitting. Waking up and not thinking about pills. Just having it be a nice day and you can hang out with your child and truly enjoy her. Laughing. No massive mood swings. She's going to start talking soon. Walking, all of it. And kids are super perceptive. Mainly because you rule their world. So, you being healthy will mean the world to her. And you'll be there for it in full.  Free. That's what I imagine. Waking up and being excited to just be here. To see them. No pills. Good luck. You can do it. For her but also for yourself because you deserve to be happy. You can do it.

[Pat1956100]

Put all the guilt aside.  It won't help you know. Your baby is only 10 months old and all he or she will remember is a great mom if you do it now.
Don't let anyone put you down for this. It is a hard battle and everyone here has been in your shoes.  It's easy to become addicted.  You show strength for coming here and posting and you want to quit.  You can do it and we will help.  I think you will do this.  

[Pat1956100]

Believe me I know.  I have been battling this for awhile too.  Every day I was going to quit.  I am on day 2 cold turkey.  I have tried everything.  My advice would be to go cold turkey.  Don't have any pills around because you will take them. I kept getting some to wean down with and ended up binging and thinking I would quit the next day.
Do you have all the supplies you will need to go cold turkey tomorrow?

[kme17]

I am already to that point. I am averging a 1000 dollars for a 3 to 7 day supply. I am in over my head. I am going to try and start tomorrow i have 9 prec 10s n my delema is do i take em all tonight or try not to take them n get this started now!? I have a short day fri and off monday. I am hoping that if i start tomorrow pill free then by tues i will be over the peek of the symptoms. And work will force me to get moving n not stay confined to me bed. I have read numerous posts n the encouragment if helpful. Its got me thru the 3 days i went last week. I did however try subs on day 1 of the 3 i went. I seriously have the biggest battle in my head everyday since i have been trying to ct this addiction. The guilt is unbearable

[Pat1956100]

You seem to be functioning now with the pills but that will change.  You will need more and more and then they won't do anything but allow you to function.  
Can you take a few days off work and make it a long weekend?  You have your husband there to help with the baby so that is a bonus.
You will be able to say you love life after you stop taking pills.  You will enjoy your baby who is still so young and be there for the baby through school and all the fun things that go with having a child.  There is nothing that makes a mother happier than to see her child's accomplishments.
You have a whole, beautiful, happy life ahead of you.  
Just do it drug free.  If you want to quit, everyone here will help you through it.
Good luck and keep posting.