need advise about talking to family

[strugglingmomma]

I have a question about contacting family members.  My father and I do not speak to each other for many different reasons.  First he thinks I stole one of his wifes pain pills which I did not, but he only assumed that because of my addiction.  Also we have never had a very good relationship because he drinks alot and gets very verbally abusive towards me which makes me want to go grab a pill and not feel the hurt.  Anywho, I was wondering if I should try to get in contact with him again and explain that I am clean or should I just end ties.  I don't know if any of you have gone through a similar situation but I would love some advise and opinions.  Sorry for giving so much info.  but I don't really have anyone else to talk to.

[corey411]

That's so sad and such a hard call. I know from experience that you have to watch what expectations you put out there bc you may get hurt. You are clean now, but is he(with a drinking problem). You have to make sure that your strong enough to put yourself out there and take the rejection if that happens. It also might be the beginning of working things out but if you don't think that you can handle the worst case senerio in your recovery, I would wait. I'm sure that the problems in the relationship aren't all your fault. Do you have a family member or friend that could talk to him or can you write a letter? This might not cause a blow up with you getting hurt again. Sorry, I have no experience, just want to give support. God bless. These things do need time to work out. Corey

[owhatamistake]

All I can tell you is I have a similar situation...although no one has ever accused me of stealing anything.....surprisingly.  My father drinks a lot....shoot, the truth is that he's a full blown alcoholic in denial.  He can be so nasty that I have gone as many as 4 years (maybe more) without speaking to him.  I have only just started speaking to him again by phone (he's in IL and I'm in TX), but I don't trust him and will never again set myself up for the ugliness he can dish out.  I've had enough!  Are you wanting to contact him to let him know that you didn't steal the meds?...or do you just want him to know you are clean...or are you just looking for his approval in some way?  With my dad, I finally, finally reached a point where I understood that I didn't cause his problems and I couldn't cure them.  I could only take care of MY own problems.  I no longer needed his approval.....something that I could and would never get no matter how hard I tried.  I realized he is a bitter, miserable, mean, sick old man and he has to live with himself....not me.  Only you can decide if you want to try to make contact with him, but don't be surprised if he is nice in the beginning, then turns around and kicks you in the teeth.  I hope I'm wrong, but be prepared and good luck on whatever you decide.