Aa
norco withdrawal again.. yeah I know
Hi everyone. Im a 33 year old female with three kids. I went cold turkey three weeks ago even got to day six and stupid me I got my 90 norco refill. That was filled on the 23 I took my last one yesterday around 6:00. I have not done the math yet but im sure its well over a couple a day. What the hell was I thinking? So now im starting over 21 hours in. Does anyone know if my withdrawal will be as bad? Im willing to do this and I know how stupid I am so please don't tell me about myself.
I even said before I got them " ive got another buzz in me but I don't have another withdrawal. " so what the hell is wrong with me. Im done. I can get more but I don't want this anymore. Y he six days I had clean my life was so clear and I realized how much I missed out on ny kids life. I think the guilt overwhelmed me. Of course I have no health insurance so counselling isn't an option. I just want to make it. Does anyone know if this will be the same hell I faced not even a month ago or will it be easier because I didn't use for about a week? Not going to quit if it is hard just a question. I know I was addicted for a long time so I do deserve this. Thanks for the help
I even said before I got them " ive got another buzz in me but I don't have another withdrawal. " so what the hell is wrong with me. Im done. I can get more but I don't want this anymore. Y he six days I had clean my life was so clear and I realized how much I missed out on ny kids life. I think the guilt overwhelmed me. Of course I have no health insurance so counselling isn't an option. I just want to make it. Does anyone know if this will be the same hell I faced not even a month ago or will it be easier because I didn't use for about a week? Not going to quit if it is hard just a question. I know I was addicted for a long time so I do deserve this. Thanks for the help
Hi welcome to the forum glad you found us your detox shouldent be as bad but your going to still feel it my bigest consirn is your relapse you lucky you dident O/D our tolerance goes way down after you detox that was a lot of pills in a short time for me as well as most our members with a yr or more clean we use aftercare consoling helps but it cost money churches do it for free for me I tryed both but it wasent till I hit the rooms of N/A that I was able to arrest my disease and find recovery the best part of it is its free you will be able to share what your going threw with people that understand it you wont get that ''deer in the head light stare '' that the normies give you once your there a wile you can pick up a sponcer and work the steps that will give you structure and help you face the train reck of living in active addiction I cannot over efasize who important this is so google a meeting near you keep posting for support we dont shoot our wounded your not a failure your a addict time to do something about it...........Gnarly
Way overly emotional I guess. I started crying when I read YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE I was ready for everyone to bash me. Thank you. I am googling those NA meeting s now. The withdrawal s don't seem as bad but I don't remember it being bad until day two. I really hope some how it won't be as bad because i honestly don't know how I will explain this. Last time a couple weeks ago I said I was sick.
Keep your head up, the guilt part is tough, that's something I struggle with the most too. I actually don't have any health insurance either and would love to get counseling as I go through this process but can't, so I'm trying to use other supports as best I can. For what it's worth, I've only been on this forum a week but it's been great, people are so supportive here.
Hi. I always say that the detox is the easy part (hard) but is it working on staying clean that takes all you got..Like Gnarly says we can not do this alone..Support-Support and all the Support you can find. Addiction is a disease that affects the brain in many ways..The Willpower alone does not work for most. In fact I put in some info regarding this in my journal, in a more Scientific way..One of them is "Addiction and the Brains Pleasure Pathway beyond Willpower" SO do not go on a guilt trip because that is the Bad guy trying to bring you down.
You know what you want, so now it is time to do it again and this time with Support.
Did you ever tell your Dr, Dentist or All that you have a Addiction issues??
That right there is a must. You will find that your Dr will be one of your biggest Support system here.
Just get back up on that Horse and Ride again but this time take a New Path. Staying clean takes a TON of new Life Style Behaviors. Out with the Old and in with the NEW.
Wishing you the Best!
Bless
You know what you want, so now it is time to do it again and this time with Support.
Did you ever tell your Dr, Dentist or All that you have a Addiction issues??
That right there is a must. You will find that your Dr will be one of your biggest Support system here.
Just get back up on that Horse and Ride again but this time take a New Path. Staying clean takes a TON of new Life Style Behaviors. Out with the Old and in with the NEW.
Wishing you the Best!
Bless
We don't bash here honey. We are all addicts and we know exactly what you are going through. I have been through it so many times myself.
I don't know what your withdrawal will be like. I don't think any of us can predict that. There are so many factors. Take it as it comes and do what you need to do to get past the physical stage. Stay here and talk with us and we will support you all the way.
This time you need to do something different so that you can STAY clean. Agreed? How about you begin by setting yourself up for success this go round. By that I mean CANCEL any refills. Tell your doctor that you have a problem. Tell your family members so they can hold you accountable. Ask for help and keep an open mind to any and all suggestions. Remove the word "can't" from your vocabulary.
You have a disease honey and all too many people don't understand that and believe that drugs are the problem. Not so. Drugs are the end result of the issues. Regular people do not get up in the morning and swallow 20 pills, stick a needle in their arm or a straw up their nose. We are different..we are addicts and we have the disease of addiction for which there is NO CURE. What we do have is a choice. I wake up each day and make the decision whether or not to use. Some days I have to make it more than once. That's okay as long as I keep doing that. You need to do that.
I know that someone here, probably more than one person, has suggested aftercare. Right away you are saying "I don't have insurance". What you should be saying is "I don't have insurance..can some help me to find aftercare that is free?" Ask for help. Work for your recovery as hard as you worked to get your pills.
Counseling was one way for me and I did that for 3 years. I also dove into the fellowships of NA/AA and THAT saved my life. Here is a link to find a meeting near you. No excuses. Get to a meeting. You don't need to talk. In fact, I suggest that you take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth. Take it all in.
http://www.na.org/meetingsearch/
Make a commitment to go to just that one meeting right now. that is a huge step in the right direction. Let us know how you are doing.
I don't know what your withdrawal will be like. I don't think any of us can predict that. There are so many factors. Take it as it comes and do what you need to do to get past the physical stage. Stay here and talk with us and we will support you all the way.
This time you need to do something different so that you can STAY clean. Agreed? How about you begin by setting yourself up for success this go round. By that I mean CANCEL any refills. Tell your doctor that you have a problem. Tell your family members so they can hold you accountable. Ask for help and keep an open mind to any and all suggestions. Remove the word "can't" from your vocabulary.
You have a disease honey and all too many people don't understand that and believe that drugs are the problem. Not so. Drugs are the end result of the issues. Regular people do not get up in the morning and swallow 20 pills, stick a needle in their arm or a straw up their nose. We are different..we are addicts and we have the disease of addiction for which there is NO CURE. What we do have is a choice. I wake up each day and make the decision whether or not to use. Some days I have to make it more than once. That's okay as long as I keep doing that. You need to do that.
I know that someone here, probably more than one person, has suggested aftercare. Right away you are saying "I don't have insurance". What you should be saying is "I don't have insurance..can some help me to find aftercare that is free?" Ask for help. Work for your recovery as hard as you worked to get your pills.
Counseling was one way for me and I did that for 3 years. I also dove into the fellowships of NA/AA and THAT saved my life. Here is a link to find a meeting near you. No excuses. Get to a meeting. You don't need to talk. In fact, I suggest that you take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth. Take it all in.
http://www.na.org/meetingsearch/
Make a commitment to go to just that one meeting right now. that is a huge step in the right direction. Let us know how you are doing.
Take it easy on yourself...you haven't failed, you aren't a failure. Just look at this as a bump in the road...get over the bump, start fresh and hang on for the ride. There is a phrase that goes something like "anything worth having is worth fighting for". Well, you are in a fight for a healthy long life and that is worth fighting for. As in any fight, we lose some we win some....but we keep at it until we do win!
I've been told that each time a person goes through detox it can be worse. All I know is the months that I did run short...well it did seem like it was a little worse progressively.
I have to tell you, if you want to get and stay clean, the very first thing you need to do is tell your doctor AND your pharmacist. You can just tell them you want off of them and are quitting and please do not prescribe any more. You've got to cut off your supply.
Our wonderful DominoSarah has been helping me put together a posting that we can give to anyone who is detoxing. This posting will help with detoxing as far as being able to alleviate some of the symptoms...just make it so you can bear it easier. I'm going to post it here for you. It IS a bit long but read it all through. There are some great suggestions on it from past and present members who have been in your shoes :-)
Good luck to you...keep posting and remember we are here to support you NOT judge you.
Withdrawal Symptom Relief:
****PLEASE NOTE: Before using any of the vitamins, medications or supplements mentioned in this list please consult with your doctor. We are not doctors and do not know what medications you are taking, it is important that you make sure that there will not be any adverse effects to using even something that seems as benign as a multi-vitamin****
First, use the Search MedHelp and search for the Thomas Recipe.
Restless Leg Syndrome: Hylands Restless Leg Tablets (make sure it is the kind with Quinine in it)
or
Tonic Water (Schweppes is a good one) that also has quinine in it, sip on it until bedtime. Add something to it if you don't like the taste. I used sugar-free Crystal Light Tangerine flavor in mine.
Orthopedic socks, the tight ones for the lower legs
Ace bandages for the upper legs and arms, wrap tightly or use towels wrapped tightly
Before wrapping everything up rub some Ben Gay or Tiger Balm into the skin
or
Heating Pads
Achy Legs: So your legs aren't going a mile a minute but they are still achy and a little bit restless...use the ace bandages on them, have your dog lie on your legs or even your kitty cat stretching out...just something a bit heavy.
Big bag of Epsom Salts: A good 15 to 20 minute soak in a really hot bath with salts in it will relieve a lot of your symptoms like anxiety for a while in addition to helping get toxins out of your skin. Take as many per day as needed, definitely take one before you wrap up for RLS for the night.
Water, Lifewater with Electrolytes, Gatorade, anything to make sure you don't get dehydrated because that will make your symptoms worse. If you have a juicer fresh juice would be terrific as long as your tummy can handle it. Pedialyte can be made into popsicles...maybe not quite the same as the name brand but healthy and will feel good on your throat while giving you those great electrolytes! Because detoxing means you will be sweating out a lot of the toxins this means you will be sweating out all of your fluids...so drink a ton of liquids...at least double to triple what you normally do.
Protein shakes, bananas, toast, rice, applesauce, pudding snacks...whatever your tummy can handle. We never want to eat but the same thing goes here...if you don't eat a little bit your symptoms will be worse.
Sleep and Anxiety: Chamomile Tea, Melatonin, Sundown Super Melatonin (has Valerian, Passion Flower and other items good for sleep and anxiety). You can go the Valium route IF your doctor prescribes and you would only want to use it for maybe 7 days because you don't want to wind up addicted to benzo's.
Vitamins: Cal-Mag-Zinc 3in1, Good Multi-Vitamin, Super B Complex, Amino Acids like L-Lysine, B-12 injection or sublingual (this is for after the insomnia part of WD is over) for energy. Try to get these items at Walmart...you will save at least 50% over a drugstore like Walgreens.
Bathroom Issues: Immodium....you don't want to stop things up completely because this is part of your system voiding the toxins so please follow instructions on the package.
Tummy Issues: Zantac or any OTC tummy product. You can also talk to your doctor about Zofran if it is really bad.
Dark Chocolate: Chocolate effects the pleasure center which opiates also does. Dark chocolate is best because it helps with cravings AND it is considered to be healthier.
Clonidine if your doctor will prescribe it. It is a high blood pressure medication so you need to talk to your doctor first. It is also used for opiate, nicotine and alcohol withdrawals. It does help reduce the symptoms quite a bit. One of the main benefits is it helps with cravings. It is only used for 7 to 10 days otherwise you would have to taper off of it (like most medications of this sort).
A local couple who provide fresh raw honey swear by bee pollen sprinkled on cereal, salads, vegies...pretty much whatever you want to put it on will help. One of our members commented that he just ingested it by a teaspoonful...I checked with the couple and they said 3 times daily. Our member said it helped a lot!
Sunshine and Exercise: Even though you won't feel like it getting outside for a short walk, soaking up some sunshine, feeling the breeze on your face. Light exercise will be very beneficial.
I've been told that each time a person goes through detox it can be worse. All I know is the months that I did run short...well it did seem like it was a little worse progressively.
I have to tell you, if you want to get and stay clean, the very first thing you need to do is tell your doctor AND your pharmacist. You can just tell them you want off of them and are quitting and please do not prescribe any more. You've got to cut off your supply.
Our wonderful DominoSarah has been helping me put together a posting that we can give to anyone who is detoxing. This posting will help with detoxing as far as being able to alleviate some of the symptoms...just make it so you can bear it easier. I'm going to post it here for you. It IS a bit long but read it all through. There are some great suggestions on it from past and present members who have been in your shoes :-)
Good luck to you...keep posting and remember we are here to support you NOT judge you.
Withdrawal Symptom Relief:
****PLEASE NOTE: Before using any of the vitamins, medications or supplements mentioned in this list please consult with your doctor. We are not doctors and do not know what medications you are taking, it is important that you make sure that there will not be any adverse effects to using even something that seems as benign as a multi-vitamin****
First, use the Search MedHelp and search for the Thomas Recipe.
Restless Leg Syndrome: Hylands Restless Leg Tablets (make sure it is the kind with Quinine in it)
or
Tonic Water (Schweppes is a good one) that also has quinine in it, sip on it until bedtime. Add something to it if you don't like the taste. I used sugar-free Crystal Light Tangerine flavor in mine.
Orthopedic socks, the tight ones for the lower legs
Ace bandages for the upper legs and arms, wrap tightly or use towels wrapped tightly
Before wrapping everything up rub some Ben Gay or Tiger Balm into the skin
or
Heating Pads
Achy Legs: So your legs aren't going a mile a minute but they are still achy and a little bit restless...use the ace bandages on them, have your dog lie on your legs or even your kitty cat stretching out...just something a bit heavy.
Big bag of Epsom Salts: A good 15 to 20 minute soak in a really hot bath with salts in it will relieve a lot of your symptoms like anxiety for a while in addition to helping get toxins out of your skin. Take as many per day as needed, definitely take one before you wrap up for RLS for the night.
Water, Lifewater with Electrolytes, Gatorade, anything to make sure you don't get dehydrated because that will make your symptoms worse. If you have a juicer fresh juice would be terrific as long as your tummy can handle it. Pedialyte can be made into popsicles...maybe not quite the same as the name brand but healthy and will feel good on your throat while giving you those great electrolytes! Because detoxing means you will be sweating out a lot of the toxins this means you will be sweating out all of your fluids...so drink a ton of liquids...at least double to triple what you normally do.
Protein shakes, bananas, toast, rice, applesauce, pudding snacks...whatever your tummy can handle. We never want to eat but the same thing goes here...if you don't eat a little bit your symptoms will be worse.
Sleep and Anxiety: Chamomile Tea, Melatonin, Sundown Super Melatonin (has Valerian, Passion Flower and other items good for sleep and anxiety). You can go the Valium route IF your doctor prescribes and you would only want to use it for maybe 7 days because you don't want to wind up addicted to benzo's.
Vitamins: Cal-Mag-Zinc 3in1, Good Multi-Vitamin, Super B Complex, Amino Acids like L-Lysine, B-12 injection or sublingual (this is for after the insomnia part of WD is over) for energy. Try to get these items at Walmart...you will save at least 50% over a drugstore like Walgreens.
Bathroom Issues: Immodium....you don't want to stop things up completely because this is part of your system voiding the toxins so please follow instructions on the package.
Tummy Issues: Zantac or any OTC tummy product. You can also talk to your doctor about Zofran if it is really bad.
Dark Chocolate: Chocolate effects the pleasure center which opiates also does. Dark chocolate is best because it helps with cravings AND it is considered to be healthier.
Clonidine if your doctor will prescribe it. It is a high blood pressure medication so you need to talk to your doctor first. It is also used for opiate, nicotine and alcohol withdrawals. It does help reduce the symptoms quite a bit. One of the main benefits is it helps with cravings. It is only used for 7 to 10 days otherwise you would have to taper off of it (like most medications of this sort).
A local couple who provide fresh raw honey swear by bee pollen sprinkled on cereal, salads, vegies...pretty much whatever you want to put it on will help. One of our members commented that he just ingested it by a teaspoonful...I checked with the couple and they said 3 times daily. Our member said it helped a lot!
Sunshine and Exercise: Even though you won't feel like it getting outside for a short walk, soaking up some sunshine, feeling the breeze on your face. Light exercise will be very beneficial.
I read every comment and you all told me exactly what I needed to hear and know.
Sorry for the typos for some reason my vision is extremely blurry.
Im taking my eight year old to a birthday party today. Only the will of God is helping me with how I feel.
The post talking about doing different things and telling it really really made me terrified. I am number twelve of my mom's fourteen children and my little sister under me has seemed to be my partner in addiction. We are pretty close considering I grew up in fifty two different foster homes and she was only in one with me. The last four of my mom's kids were taken due to extreme neglect and lots of sexual abuse. Orphanages were not bad for me. I am positive I got good therapy and moved past a lot if issues. By the time I saw my other siblings when we were out of the system I remember my other sister who I was very close to before being taken had been Sent to a mental institution. She was a healthy twelve year old. She was nnineteen when I saw her again. She was 90 pounds and severely anorexic . I remember feeling so much guilt. My little brother when I saw him again I remember nothing but guilt. Even as an adult. Hes on crack but I still remember that little boy forced to sleep in a bath tub and tied up. See I have taken those pills because I have so much guilt and now I have to break the only relationship with the only sibling I speak to. I don't know how to do this but I will. These things I have never ever talked about but I needed to. Thank u guys for helping me get where I need to be. This is hard and I feel bad emotional and physical
Sorry for the typos for some reason my vision is extremely blurry.
Im taking my eight year old to a birthday party today. Only the will of God is helping me with how I feel.
The post talking about doing different things and telling it really really made me terrified. I am number twelve of my mom's fourteen children and my little sister under me has seemed to be my partner in addiction. We are pretty close considering I grew up in fifty two different foster homes and she was only in one with me. The last four of my mom's kids were taken due to extreme neglect and lots of sexual abuse. Orphanages were not bad for me. I am positive I got good therapy and moved past a lot if issues. By the time I saw my other siblings when we were out of the system I remember my other sister who I was very close to before being taken had been Sent to a mental institution. She was a healthy twelve year old. She was nnineteen when I saw her again. She was 90 pounds and severely anorexic . I remember feeling so much guilt. My little brother when I saw him again I remember nothing but guilt. Even as an adult. Hes on crack but I still remember that little boy forced to sleep in a bath tub and tied up. See I have taken those pills because I have so much guilt and now I have to break the only relationship with the only sibling I speak to. I don't know how to do this but I will. These things I have never ever talked about but I needed to. Thank u guys for helping me get where I need to be. This is hard and I feel bad emotional and physical
I don't have any better answer for you. But I can tell you that I DO have insurance and also personally financed some expensive "unique" brain based treatment to deal with all this.....and I struggle still with the same type of stuff as you are struggling with. So.....I gotta believe...its an inside job. We have to dig deep within for the strength and willpower to fight this demon. I have found support here and after reading this thread ..into am going to look to support group of NA. Thanks for posting. Gave me new food for thought. I wish you strength. Embrace those kid moments and make them matter.
Ok I made it exactly 24 minutes at the kids birthday party. Thank goodness my son is spending the night with his best friend who was having the party.
I was faced with the reason why I thought I needed the pills. I don't understand how people go through life talking to other people without feeling so beneath them. The pills made that feeling so small or even gone. So I made it 24 minutes in a room full of parents feeling like trash. Like I remember always feeling. Like every single person is looking at me wondering why Im there.
Clearly it will be something I will have to deal with in another way but today's not the day. Im home and still norco free. Maybe some one can remember me in they're prayers. I really want this. Thank you all.
I was faced with the reason why I thought I needed the pills. I don't understand how people go through life talking to other people without feeling so beneath them. The pills made that feeling so small or even gone. So I made it 24 minutes in a room full of parents feeling like trash. Like I remember always feeling. Like every single person is looking at me wondering why Im there.
Clearly it will be something I will have to deal with in another way but today's not the day. Im home and still norco free. Maybe some one can remember me in they're prayers. I really want this. Thank you all.
I will remember you in my prayers soon as I finish this post cliner. you are doing great! your still clean!!! wow girl parties are hard even on years of recovery! take it easy on yourself. what a story you have my heart goes out to you I am so sorry. it will take time to feel good about yourself. but you can start now! you are doing this! what a wonderful thing! you are giving this gift to yourself and taking care of you. that is great! that makes you a helluva lot taller than all those people at the party stacked one on top of the other in my eyes! :)
I wonder why those people at the party could not read my face. Like those charts in the hospital. Number one is happy and great and number ten is terrible and in pain. Lol im pretty sure I looked like I wanted to just melt away. If u guys see some one else who feels like me may b you could help them feel better. Its not anyone s job but some people need it.
I spoke with you yesterday about going to a meeting. Just one. I gave you the link to find one near you. You want some self worth? We can try and do that here for you hun but nothing replaces that one on one hug you will get at a meeting and sitting with a group of people you just met and finding out that they know EXACTLY what you are feeling and going through. My fear for you is that you won't hang on unless you do something right now. I can see you slipping and it hurts me to see you like this. It does not have to be this way. Please, please get help.
Awe Sweetie my heart goes out to you.
So many people post on here that they don't understand how other people can just talk to each other without being under the influence. It's just because this is the way that addict's cope with uncomfortable feelings. It honestly just takes a lot of practice and a lot of work in aftercare learning to let go and to love and accept yourself. Getting clean and staying clean gives you tremendous confidence. And every time you go into a scary situation and make it through the other side you conquer a fear and it FEELS GREAT! You may feel terrified and awkward for awhile. But the longer you are clean and the more you put yourself out there, the better you feel.
Addiction is a disease but it is also a learned behaviour. You have to unlearn those behaviours and replace them with healthy ones. I know things seem dark and lonely right now but I promise there will be light.
You need to practice what we refer to in yoga as Mytrie. It is the art of being one's own best friend.
I will tell you that I don't think I ever really loved myself until I went through the hell of getting addicted and then getting clean. About 2 years into my sobriety I was going through something very scary and hard. I was sitting out on my deck thinking "Oh my God, what if this doesn't work? What if I lose everything?" And then deep inside me I heard a voice that has always been there, but was drowned out by other loud voices for a long time. It said
"It doesn't matter what happens. You will always be okay. As long as you are honest and true, you will ALWAYS be okay"
And that voice was/is right.
You just need the clarity of sobriety to hear your own inner voice.
Self love, kindness, compassion, forgiveness. These are the cornerstones of healing.
You take care of yourself, I mean REALLY take care of yourself- and the Universe will support you. Always.
Have faith.
We are all here cheering for you!
Lu
So many people post on here that they don't understand how other people can just talk to each other without being under the influence. It's just because this is the way that addict's cope with uncomfortable feelings. It honestly just takes a lot of practice and a lot of work in aftercare learning to let go and to love and accept yourself. Getting clean and staying clean gives you tremendous confidence. And every time you go into a scary situation and make it through the other side you conquer a fear and it FEELS GREAT! You may feel terrified and awkward for awhile. But the longer you are clean and the more you put yourself out there, the better you feel.
Addiction is a disease but it is also a learned behaviour. You have to unlearn those behaviours and replace them with healthy ones. I know things seem dark and lonely right now but I promise there will be light.
You need to practice what we refer to in yoga as Mytrie. It is the art of being one's own best friend.
I will tell you that I don't think I ever really loved myself until I went through the hell of getting addicted and then getting clean. About 2 years into my sobriety I was going through something very scary and hard. I was sitting out on my deck thinking "Oh my God, what if this doesn't work? What if I lose everything?" And then deep inside me I heard a voice that has always been there, but was drowned out by other loud voices for a long time. It said
"It doesn't matter what happens. You will always be okay. As long as you are honest and true, you will ALWAYS be okay"
And that voice was/is right.
You just need the clarity of sobriety to hear your own inner voice.
Self love, kindness, compassion, forgiveness. These are the cornerstones of healing.
You take care of yourself, I mean REALLY take care of yourself- and the Universe will support you. Always.
Have faith.
We are all here cheering for you!
Lu
Hi there! I read this whole thread. That worthless feeling you have is constantly talked about by people in meetings. I can't tell you how often I've heard people say just what you've said. The ones who have recovery have self-esteem.
Please listen to IBKLEEN. She knows her stuff:) We don't make it w/o aftercare, honey, we just don't. One tiny step at a time. Can you find a meeting?
Please listen to IBKLEEN. She knows her stuff:) We don't make it w/o aftercare, honey, we just don't. One tiny step at a time. Can you find a meeting?
Damn it breaks my heart to read this. You are in my prayers and I hope you feel the strength we are all sending out to you.
Make sure you post whenever you feel like it and don't hold back.
Hugs
Pat
Make sure you post whenever you feel like it and don't hold back.
Hugs
Pat
I've read your posts...and I know that if you go to a meeting, pick up a big book and read it along with other addicts your self esteem will improve..after you get some clean time down, and work a program your gonna build yourself up. It's just the way we are. Addicts have a way of feeling about oneself that is a little different than the normal person. When we have a hard day we numb our pain...and that's not healthy. And we all want to be healthy.
Addiction doesn't make a person bad...addiction is a disease.
It sounds like you've got a lot of feelings still left in you regarding the past. Especially when you mentioned your siblings. I'm sorry to hear about what you went thru..
Don't spend too much time dwelling on why you didn't stay clean. Just get back on track and try again. That was just a practice run...
Addiction doesn't make a person bad...addiction is a disease.
It sounds like you've got a lot of feelings still left in you regarding the past. Especially when you mentioned your siblings. I'm sorry to hear about what you went thru..
Don't spend too much time dwelling on why you didn't stay clean. Just get back on track and try again. That was just a practice run...
I did find a meeting. I told my sister about it and she said it would be too much. I think we both were addicted so long that we stopped developing emotionally and stuck back at age Maybe 16.
I feel like she does but im willing to do what I have to do.
When we were sent to the same place she and I were in a rehab facility. The state of tx sent the oldest and youngest to Bryce and other mental institutions. My little sister and I begged to be together so we were in rehab.
I know her disgust at the mention of NA meetings. We were not drug addicts and were forced to say the hi im an addict not in the NA meetings but in the rehab center but I automatically did it there too.
My behavior was good so I was out in two and a half years and adopted by my older sister who was never a ward of the state. I was sixteen when I was adopted the sis who adopted me was eighteen and the judge would only let her have one of the four. I had the best behavior so I was chosen.
I tried to reason with my sister. I told her no we didn't deserve it then but we damn sure did earn our place in the meeting now.
I can't deal with her issues tho. I have too many myself. I went by my little brother s house about two hours ago. He lives with my 72 year old mom. Its actually a crack house. I told him im sorry I won't be able to help him or mom with money that im changing and not enabling or using. My brother used to also get me pills. I told him I love him of course he didn't say it back because no one in my family ever says that. It shows weakness so it took a lot.
My mom was just her regular self calling me a ***** and a ***** because I wasn't there to do whatever. I don't really care how she feels she has never cared about any of her 14 kids. But I still never disrespect her because out of all those kids only one which is my brother talks to her.
I think you people are right. I will relapse if I Don't start something different but what I did with my family today takes a lot.
I hope my siblings will forgive me one day but I can't do anything about it now.
I feel like she does but im willing to do what I have to do.
When we were sent to the same place she and I were in a rehab facility. The state of tx sent the oldest and youngest to Bryce and other mental institutions. My little sister and I begged to be together so we were in rehab.
I know her disgust at the mention of NA meetings. We were not drug addicts and were forced to say the hi im an addict not in the NA meetings but in the rehab center but I automatically did it there too.
My behavior was good so I was out in two and a half years and adopted by my older sister who was never a ward of the state. I was sixteen when I was adopted the sis who adopted me was eighteen and the judge would only let her have one of the four. I had the best behavior so I was chosen.
I tried to reason with my sister. I told her no we didn't deserve it then but we damn sure did earn our place in the meeting now.
I can't deal with her issues tho. I have too many myself. I went by my little brother s house about two hours ago. He lives with my 72 year old mom. Its actually a crack house. I told him im sorry I won't be able to help him or mom with money that im changing and not enabling or using. My brother used to also get me pills. I told him I love him of course he didn't say it back because no one in my family ever says that. It shows weakness so it took a lot.
My mom was just her regular self calling me a ***** and a ***** because I wasn't there to do whatever. I don't really care how she feels she has never cared about any of her 14 kids. But I still never disrespect her because out of all those kids only one which is my brother talks to her.
I think you people are right. I will relapse if I Don't start something different but what I did with my family today takes a lot.
I hope my siblings will forgive me one day but I can't do anything about it now.
Yes Hun, you will relapse if you do the same thing as you did before. Gotta try so,etching new and different this time. I can feel that you really want to get sober. I think you'd do best to do what's right for you right now....you've gotta do you. I know you love your family...you love your sisters and brothers. And yes, it might be easier with your sister by your side. But, it will be easier to think of just yourself right now. It was explained to me by my friend Lu.....think of saving yourself first before you can save another person. Just like an oxygen mask on a plane, you put your mask on first then help others...
This is a hard enough disease to fight in the first place....but, when your really really ready nothing will stop you from getting sober...it will be like that. Nobody or nothing will or can stop you from reaching your sobriety. Unless you want them too...cause the first part of recovery starts within yourself...
Nobody is ever too lost to get help. That's the beauty in this disease....we're never too sick to get better. And that's a great and powerful thing.
What do you want to do? This is your life and your choice....if you want it you can have it...meetings are free....
This is a hard enough disease to fight in the first place....but, when your really really ready nothing will stop you from getting sober...it will be like that. Nobody or nothing will or can stop you from reaching your sobriety. Unless you want them too...cause the first part of recovery starts within yourself...
Nobody is ever too lost to get help. That's the beauty in this disease....we're never too sick to get better. And that's a great and powerful thing.
What do you want to do? This is your life and your choice....if you want it you can have it...meetings are free....
Edwin McCain ... his song "solitude. " guess this didn't post earlier but my sister sent me that via text. That's the song we used to write back and fourth when we were growing up in different homes. It tells our life to a t ..I think she's trying to put me on a guilt trip. I refuse to deal with these people who want me to stay sick. I have to do something different. Tired of this sick game and even how I got my pills. Im tired of feeling like crap. Im done. She will have my prayers. I know she has issues but I can't do this with her now. I wish she would have been able to get the therapy I did.
Hi- I'm touched by your story and it seems to me you just never caught a break...But now you can give yourself the life you want, the home life you want; you have freedom!
Your family is toxic to you so you need to stay away. It's hard but you need to or you'll continue to get sucked in to their sickness. So, go to that meeting, seek out people who are like minded. You're bright and have much to offer; especially to your son.
You can do this because you know how to be healthy and you are strong. Stay in touch!
Your family is toxic to you so you need to stay away. It's hard but you need to or you'll continue to get sucked in to their sickness. So, go to that meeting, seek out people who are like minded. You're bright and have much to offer; especially to your son.
You can do this because you know how to be healthy and you are strong. Stay in touch!
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