'twas the night before detox

[groundhog_day]

Hello everyone, it is Sunday evening here in Australia and I took the last of my tablets about an hour ago - tomorrow is my umpteenth attempt at going cold turkey off approximately 400mg of codeine per day, bought over the counter here in australia (about 10mg of codeine per tablet, mixed with 200mg of ibuprofen or 500mg acetominophen).

I don't really know why I havn't been able to make it during the past 10 months of pretty regular trying, except to guess that the addicted side is stronger than the side that wants to stop - I know and admit that I have not fought hard enough to stay clean, either because the consequences of the pills have not been severe enough yet or because whatever they "give" me is sufficiently compelling that I am willing to put up with the pain. I think its the second option - I have developed health problems, my work and life have suffered, I feel like I am pi**sing my life up against the wall, I hate my guts more and more - yet that five minutes of fuzzy warm "happiness" when the pills hit, and the sense of knowing that no matter what happens in my day, I have my pills to look forward to or comfort me somehow, keep me hooked.

The one benefit of having tried so often and failed so often is that I know what NOT to do. So my instructions to myself for tomorrow are very simple: I have all my vits/supplements/immodium/magnesium etc organised, I am dressing in layers to accommodate the hot and cold flushes, I am going to work all week but I have cleared all big projects so it will be just busy work to remain occupied. And most importantly, as soon as a pill thought comes to the brain, kill it, immediately. I always come undone becase at some point in the detox I begin to negotiate with my addicted brain - it suggests a tablet, and I engage in the debate, and so of course I am gone. My instructions for tomorrow are to not think about anythign tablet related - if a thought or craving comes, slap it down and keep busy and distracted. No matter how ill I feel, no tablets. No matter how bored, restless, hopeless, pessimistic etc - no tablets. Avoid entering any pharmacies. Don't think.

Wishing everyone who is currently detoxing a restful night, may you notch up another day clean, hang in there.

Alexandra Fox

[groundhog_day]

Yes we do have NA in Australia and I have found it very helpful.Thank you so much for your good wishes

[groundhog_day]

Thank you so much everyone, it is now morning of day 1, and as soon as I opened my eyes, I could feel the thoughts nibbling on my brain, but at least there was not that screaming panic that often accompanies waking up on the first day without drugs. I am actually surprised at how ok i feel mentally, and of course physically it hasn't started yet.

So all that I am going to concentrate on is just for today I will not take any drugs, no matter what happens or how I feel, no drugs. And I will not think of tomorrow, or anything other than this immediate moment.

As I was reading through some of the other posts the thought came to me that I need to replace the pills with something, and I think for me that needs to be a healthy lifestyle (good food and exercise and stress management) - it is something that is the opposite of the pills (pills = passive inaction, avoidance, poor lifestyle and self care, lots of physical harm, not taking part in life) so it might just work.

Off to work now, will check in later, hope you all have a great day

[corey411]

Wishing you luck on your decision to get clean and strength to get through your detox. I also relapse over and over. I'm almost sure it is because I run into pain meds almost on a daily basis at work. It's usually unexpected and I thought I was getting stronger but I cave. I hate the thought of changing my job...I love it but I'm hurting myself and the people I work with so I know I need to change this. I can't imagine just being able to go to the store and get what I want wo a script. We had a member on here from India that had the same trouble. I guess folks addicted to alcohol have that problem too Recovery would be sooo muck easier for me if I could snuff the source. I'm sending lots of prayers and positive thougths across the ocean. Hope you catch them. Try to think the worst should be over in less than a week.Keep posting and let everyone here help pull you through. Do they have NA in Australia? They say that once the pain of using gets worse than the pain of change you will change. I hope that's not true. I don't want a rock bottom. The way I feel about my addiction resurfacing and the way that I feel when I use is bad enough. Congratulations again on your willingness to get clean. GBU, Corey

[sadinmichigan]

Congrats on your decision..you sound like you have a good frame of mind and that is so important. Although there is physical symptoms for sure our mindset plays such an important part in this. I think many under estimate that. When the thoughts come in..you have to not only push them out but replace the thought with something good. Good luck to you ,You can do this. It takes work and commitment but it is well worth it..take care..Lisa

[gizzy32]

Good morning, well it is here anyway.  i read your post the other day and it sounds like you know what u have to do this time. I always say getting clean is the easy part, staying clean is tough. I agree with you totally, when those thoughts enter the mind, you need to take action so that craving dosen't grow, talk about it, seek support and do whatever u have to, to stay clean. Wishing you luck in your recovery, this fight is worth it to be clean and free. Good luck