ok, i think i finally get it :-(

[BeyondScrewed]

To all of you who are frustrated with me, I understand. I think I finally accept that this monster has grown to the point of being WAY out of my contril and I need help. What changed you ask?
Ummmm, wow I am so so ashamed and embarrased. One of my, um, friends that I see every so often has a different DOC than me. Something that I haven't mesed with since I was a teenager. For whatrver reason, it just sounded really good to me last week. So, to my extreme shame, I tried it. And oh man, all the old love that I used to have for it instantly came flooding back. And before I knew it I had smoked 2 grams of blow. And now, with my horrible terrible addict brain , all I can think about is taking another pull.
So here is my question. I am willing to admit that it this point I may need to go to a 30 day program.  I simply cannot do it , however, until the middle or end of March. Please do not tell me that it can't wait and then it has to be done now and then nothing else important. I know how important it is. It just simply cannot be done now. So in the meantime, I know that there are n/a meetings, counselors, I just don't know what wud be the best or right for me. I wud appreciate ur opinions, but please don't tell me how stupid that was, pr that I'm going to die, etc etc. I know it was stupid. All I seem to do nymore are stupid things. I don't know where to even start with making decisions that aren't stupid.

[maria920]

Brit, he has been here since I have been and its been a roller coaster with him. I doubt its some bored teenager . I'm afraid ur missing the point of this community. Most of the time I don't feel like I'm talking to someone I've never met. I feel like I'm talking to friends . They have helped me thru A LOT of stuff over the past 5 months. I don't kno where id b without everyone here. Please don't judge us or this forum by this post bc honestly u don't kno how hard we try every time he posts here to get him to understand he is going to die and he has a little boy who he is going to leave behind. If u want to get a feel for this site than look at the many many other posts where tough love isn't needed!! And just to let u kno everyone gives AMAZING advise no matter if their clean time is 2 days or 10 years. And as for u beyond u need to wake the he!! Up and stop shi*ting around. U kno how we all felt with u just smoking the polka noe ur adding coke into tht?!?! Do u want ur son to have a father? If u think ur wife doesn't kno ur using u are dead wrong   I thought my husband didn't kno but I was wrong everyone knew by looking at me!!! U NEED TO GO GET HELP NOW!!!!!  U don't have until march. And let's say u somehow make it till march what excuse is it going to b then as to y u can't go??? Come on ...

[Fireby29]

Everything that can be said has been said already, but I do want to add that you ARE looking desperately to have your actions validated by us.  Not going to happen brother.

And as far as responding to him, all I can do is speak to own reasons.  It is important to ME to try and help others, no matter that I have only 6 months clean or that the poster make be some teenager.  If I can help even just one person then I am giving back to the community that has helped me.

This place helped me get clean, just a fact.

Bryan

[weaver71]

You remind me of my last two years of use. I had to push it until my organs started failing, and I was twitching on the floor gasping for air. I had to almost die at least 4 times for my lack of control to really sink in. I hope you are as lucky as I was. I lived through it, barely. Drugs will take everything, even to the last breath. Eventually, there's nothing left to lose. If you don't push it to the very end, you will know when drugs have taken enough, and you will know what to do.

[BeyondScrewed]

I am looking up meetings, amd looking up and calling programs. I'm so broken. Sad. Lonely. Ashamed as I can possibly be. Take joy in almost nothing at all anymore.  ;-(

I am not trying to excuse or justify my behavior...... but no, I do not do anything in front of, around, with, or anything else with my son.

[kyle505]

Very good point; I'm guilty, but the guilt is mixed with frustration. Many have come and gone, telling various tales of relapse and recovery, but this guy worries me more than most. I'm concerned that his story will not have a happy ending. And then there's the issue of the child. That hits close to home.
As always, thanks for your insight.

[britbrit88]

I don't know that lol..but yes after reading all his posts..it just seems..like maybe thats whats going on. Everyone has given him advice, ALL kinds of advice..and its like hes coming back here and bragging about it, or dangling it in front of you. We cant FORCE him to do what we think he should do.