open fourm. what is our goal here.

[hippy]

my own personal experence here at this fourm has been a great help to me ever since i stumbled acrossed it back in feb /02
whhile i have been here i learned how to deal with the probleem
of getting off a 10 to 20 a day vike habit.
the good folk's here welcomed me ,and pointed me in the direction of the vitamine receipe here at the fourm known
as thomas's receipe. i started taking it right away and it helped
greatly in the area s of depression during withdrawls and lack of energy due to withdrawls.
along with the supportof the people here at the fourm i was able
to kick cold turkey. i still read the post everyday , and i try to reach out and answer any questions that i can.
there are other people here who have to take meds for severe pain issues. the people here at the fourm in this situation
are a great help to anyone dealing with such issues.
i have been around addicts that are clean an some that use,
and they all do there best to get along, we are a sensitive
lot. one of the hardest things for us to do is to ask for help,
amit when we are wrong, ask for direction. and sy wer are sorry.
these are secondary issues, the primary issues are geting off the drugsand dealing with pain and taking meds responsably for
real pain issues.
peace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[puma]

Mrs. Rat,

I don't like calling you that because it seems so negative and you are a good human and don't deserve that title.

No, I did not give my son for adoption. The drug addict father abducted him from the daycare after I left him after he told me he killed someone.

I told the police, how useless they were. Since he was the birth father and went out of state they refused to track him down. I never allowed drugs at that time. I was really sraight as an arrow. I did not even drink caffiene even though I loved iced tea. I was an athletic health nut so to speak.

The ex-boyfriend, was straight until one year after residing with me. He started on weed and went on from there but only at his buddies as I told him never to bring it to the house. He was in the LSD days and stayed away for three days after I had my son then not quite 1 and 1/2 years old. He came home in a panic and told me he thought he killed someone. I said ,you either did or did'nt. No details but I called crime stoppers. They even came out here over 10 years later to ask questions. I had left him shortly thereafter he told me that with my son. Two months later, boom, I went to pick him up after work from daycare and they said OH, your husband came by and picked him up.

I haven't seen him since. I told the police. What useless trash they were. I have spoken with him about eight months ago, he contacted me at 22 years of age. He said he would call back and give me his cell phone when he got it. Nothing. I offered him my land in Florida. I saved it for him, on a lake. I offered him to come here and have my lawn service and plant nursery half/half and share my house and offered to put him through college. He was too confused and overwhelmed. I don't want to write a book so it's not all in complete order, but no, it was a kidnapping.

Thank you for asking. If you have any suggestions I am open to your comments anytime. If not on the forum. I will get a HOTMAIL Address to discuss it considering the things here lately.

I would like to hear your story too, I am not clean now, so don't think I one of those holier than thous. Take care, you are not a rat, maybe a cat! I love cats they are so intelligent and love their babies. I have 10 cats, four kittens, 1 dog.
Take care and and God Bless you.

Chatahan.......wildcat

[puma]

Hippee,

This the the most intelligent post I read today, thank you. You are so correct. We need to support each other in sobriety and not bicker especially these petty things. I admit my share yesterday. Remember once I said something to you, I cannot even remember now but I apolgized the next day and posted to you sensibly and you returned a pleasant post. We should try to get over these little glitches I call them and move forward.

Yes, I drank two days ago after having a seizure. My mistake. But yesterday I did not, but had w/d's of course. You know the viscious cycle, you've been there. I am so depressed today I don't even feel like going to church. I know that's the devil wispering with all this negativity here lately.

I am glad to hear of your soon to be adoption. You are so lucky to be sober and have a good wife to help you. I wish I could find my son. I looked his name up the other day on the net from where he last told me the last state he resided in. I wanted to call, but there were several listings as the father changed his last name to a really common one. His first name is not too common though. I may try calling,

[puma]

Hippee,

Sorry but my cat jumped on the keyboard and blammo, a post.
I was almost finished anyhow. I was just saying I may try calling him. I pondered it all week. and that is probably one of my triggers. I have to get my butt to meetings. They helped in the past, so I should go with what worked before.
Thanks for your inspirational message on what we really should be discussing on this board.

I should go now and hopefully others will post positive and drop all that entire last thread, including the one a little ways down. Take care and God Bless.

Chatahan........wildcat

[MrsRat]

Chatahan, reading your post, am I correct in thinking you are a birth mother and your son was given up for adoption ?  I'm a reunited adoptee if you need to talk about any part of the adoption triad to help you thru this time in your life.

I'm on day 5 here today and hanging in there.  I have times where my brain is clear and those are the times I will be using to talk with others.

MrsRat

[hippy]

good to hear from ya, yes we did a small tiff but we both
said we were sory about it and moved on. i know we all
need ech other help. you never know when you will need that
person to talk with,.
one addict helping another is without paralel, sorry for the
mis spelling.
i hope everyone is doing and feeling well, pax and love.
hippy/  michael

[lisabet]

Chat - your life story about losing your baby really hit me hard. I was divorced when my little boy was 5, (now 16) and I tried to imagine myself in your shoes if the same thing were to happen to me.  I don't think I would have been strong enough to survive it!  I can't help but think that one day you will connect with your son again; he will one day seek your truth. It's hard to tell what his father has told him, but honesty will prevail in the end.  You are right what you said in an earlier post---you are a survivor, and despite your addictions your heart shines through. Please believe in yourself and stay strong; I respect your strength and your frailities; you are what you are and don't try to hide that. I'm just a regular person fighting addictions, also, but I have to admit I'm cushioned with a lot of love from my son, family, lover, who are totally clueless about my addictions.  (I keep thinking it's just a matter of time before I'm busted, but good)..Sorry, I've gotten emotional and am rambling - just know my prayers are with you.  Love, Lisabet

[MrsRat]

Chatahan, no, I'm not a rat in that sense.  I'm MrsDataRat, the wife of The DataRat.  That's how I got that nickname.  My IRC nick I haven't changed, it's still BikerBabe, but everywhere else online I am known by my married nickname now. :)  We aren't sewer rats, we are online data packrats.. both net addicts in our own areas.  We met online in a usenet group, I flew to meet him, stayed 10 days, went back, packed my stuff and came back to him and we married.  I then got sick 6 months later.  I've talked about my medical problems in other posts so won't go into them here.

My first thought after reading your post, even in this brain fog of day 5, tells me your ex sounds like a few of my ex's with the 'I killed someone' bull**** talk.  They do that to scare you into staying with them.  I, like you, didn't fall for it and left.

I also have an ex who has my youngest son.  He will be 13 in a few months.  Just got my daughter back after she raised enough hell her dad was tired of her and she had found me by going thru her grandma's addy book when she wasn't around.  She just turned 16.  I also had custody of both of them, but after a divorce had no choice but to let them go to their dads. I had no job to take care of them and no where to live.  Was recovering from a head on car crash too.

Oh how I wish I could talk to your son.  He's young yet, please give him more time to come to you dear lady.  It sometimes takes till our kids have children of their own, before they see things as we, their parents, see them.  Then they understand and do come back to us.

My birth mother when I found her and to this day, is an alcoholic.  I never let that keep me from loving her.  She gave me this beautiful life that I'm trying to get back.  The Crohn's Disease comes from her bloodline, not my birthfather's.  I still have to love her as she is.  I can only pray that one day she will get to the point where she doesn't need to cover the pain of her lost kids any longer with the alcohol.

To find your son right now is up to you.  Only you know for sure how he will react to you if you are not yet sober.  You may or may not want to wait until you are sober before you try for contact again.  We all are different in how we view others and what personal traits of theirs we may or may not agree with.

I will happily email you if you get a hotmail addy or any of the tons of free types of webmail there is available today.  I do know that hotmail has not had the best of security in the past.  You may wanna try another free service for email.  I'd hate to see your email get read by an employee sitting in an office somewhere, just cause he's bored and he can.

MrsRat or BB, if you prefer to call me that :)

[puma]

Lisabet,

You were not rambling at all. It must be tough to hold a secret. That has to be just as hard in my opinion. You are waiting for the axe to fall so to speak. I will be praying hard for you to able to find the right time in God's will to let your family know the truth. Then you will have full support.

That's my problem, lack of support. Always winging it on my own. With all the responsibilities of life we need support, I don't mean financial, but emotional. Financial doesn't hurt either!!!! LOL.....  JUST KIDDING THERE. You know I am listening to the songs I referred to and came back and saw your response. I am one of those that always survived and believed in isolation. I am really isolated here on Guam, I'll tell you that. LOL. Maybe only the arctic would be more isolated, but I despise cold weather!!!!!

Right now I hear, I saw you on the radar scope, your eye was more than what I expected. We are in double jeapardy, double jeapardy.

I need to change the song some, because it was referring to Pakas double eyewall. I will rewrite it for Chatahan and Halong five days later.

Off the wall, sorry, first time I listened to music in a while due to depression.

OKAY, THIS IS FOR YOU, .....WE ARE BACK ON THE ROAD AGAIN , WITH OUR EYE TO THE SKY, THE DRYLINE IS FIRING HIGH, SHE IS ON THE GROUND...... AND SO ON............ Sorry trying to get myself in a better mood. The addiction songs and resulting consequences are a little more intense and serious.

You now I have two tornado songs that would have been better suited for Twister. But I never sent them. Talk about babbling, I really am showing my true love,,,,,the wind......

I need to email you, I saw it twice, can you post it again, I would like to share more. We have so much that can be done if we put more than one mind together. Talking here as you've seen lately is wierd at best.

Take care and God Bless.

Chatahan.........wildcat

[lisabet]

It's funny you mentioned "Twister" - I saw it on cable the other day and thought of you and your love of storms.

My e-mail address is ***@****.  I would be glad to hear from your anytime.

Love and good-nite, Lisabet

[puma]

MrsRat,

Thank you for your comments and suggestions. It is very comlicated like I said and sobiety is not my real issue here as I've tossed a full unopened just obtained bottle more than once.

Right now I am in full confusion. It may be the low grade Klonopin for my seizures, or the fact I had a seizure a couple of days a go. Plus I stopped the Ultram and need to run if you know what I mean? I think I just want to rest. I skipped Church and need to do other things. I don't know why I am still on here. I don't feel good. I need to go. Sorry, but thank you for your concern. Take care and God Bless,

Chatahan.......wildcat

[MrsRat]

Chatahan, get sweet sleep tonight.

You did make me laugh, yes, a Crohnie knows what 'going' a lot means.  LOL.  I'm on a first name basis with my toilet, have been for most of my life.

Due to time zones I'm hours ahead of you, so I have hours yet before I will sleep I'm afraid, even with all the drugs I have to knock me out.  They don't work real good during the withdrawal time I am finding out.  Not being able to get warm isn't helping me any either.  The cold makes me flare :(

I am unable to go to church for some time in the future.  If you are like me, can you call your Pastor on the phone and talk with him ?  That's what I have been doing with mine.  We pray over the phone when I need it.  I hope that's an option open to you.

Hope tomorrow when you are up and posting, it finds you feeling better than you did today. Heh, hope that for me too.

MrsRat

[puma]

mrsrat,

It's only 6:40 pm here. You must go to sleep really early. I can go anytime. All I have to do is lay down and boom, asleep. That's except during withdrawal. I have to get up early tomorrow as I have two of my cats to be spayed. Or I will have fifteen soon.
I do not discus my really personal life with anyone, so don't bother asking please. The church thing. Gotta go, I don't feel well and the tape player is screwing up. TAKE CARE.

Chatahan........wildcat

[MrsRat]

I'm in Arizona.  We are 3rd shifters, so bedtime for me is about 5-6 a.m. and I get up sometime in the afternoon.  That's why my posts are probably always behind everyone else's in here.

We have 'Arizona' time here.  We never change our clocks, so half the year we are Pacific time, the other half we are Mountain.  Once I was here a couple of years I pretty much got the hang of it.

By your time that you said, it sounds like you aren't in the states, yet I thought you said you were in Florida (OHHHH, how I miss it).

Forget where you posted it at, but I also don't discuss religion on the net.  That's something my hubby enjoys, but I don't.  I am sad I am gonna miss communion tomorrow though.  *sigh*

Gonna go now for awhile.  My daughter brought me home a banana and I am gonna try to force myself to eat it.  Read y'all in here say it's good for the leg shakes and I get them when I lay down.  I haven't eaten since monday, yes, it's saturday, I've been staying on a liquid diet because of my Crohn's.  Hopefully eating it won't cause me pain and it will help the legs.

MrsRat

[suzieneedshelp]

If ya up then do u have yahoo to chat live?
Suzie

[puma]

Suzie,

Yah, your as good as anyone to blow off some steam. I just went out for a peaceful dinner at Wendy's. As I was coming out, This girl said. "Hey, remember me from mental health?" She was all smiles and happy. The guy with her just sat and looked stunned.

I said yah, "aren't you the one that pushed me on the floor? She said yes. I said, "yeh, I have had a permanent lower back broblem ever since."  She just giggled. I said, "You know, if I wasn't on 12 mg's of Klonopin at that time I would have thrown you through the wall." She giggled again. I said,"Really you are lucky, I was on 12 mg's of Klonopin. DO you know what that means?' She just looked starry eyed, I said, "I have had a f#$%d up lower back ever since. If I was not on 12 mg's, I would have probably killed you then."

She just giggled and didn't even seem to be coherent of the consequence of her action. I told her bluntly, "Don't ever introduce me to yourself again in the future or I may klll you and maybe anyone with you".

I know there I made a threat, but she broke confidentiality as well as I still could sue her for injuring me. I said,"If you don't believe me, I have a machete right here waiting for you." my dog was waiting too!!! Good Bart!!! She had nothing more to say and and I heard the boyfriend say let's go. Then we both drove away. Man, I still wish I had thrown her at the wall. I called the cops back then, but pffffffffff, useless ****. I was just another f#@kin psycho to them.

The theme here, maybe the ***** will think next time before getting violent. I was detoxing and could not do anything except call the police, a waste. But I warned her of next time, don't think you are a friend just because we shared an in-patient unit. I WARNED HER FOR NEXT TIME. Man, people are nuts. It's a good thing I took my meds before leaving the house. Thank God.

Chatahan...............wildcat...............

[puma]

Mrsrat,

I don't trust you. How about that. You said I got wierd listening to music. Do you have something against music or just don't like storms? Jealousy perhaps? I will always make a living on my own.......you try it.......

Chatahan......wildcat

[MrsRat]

Chatahan, honestly, no, there isn't music in our house.  I like country music, my hubby likes techno.  The two don't mix I guess.
We don't even have a T.V., all our time is spent online if we are awake.

What I may have seen as you speaking strangely, perhaps was you quoting a song ?  If that is what I was reading, I am sorry I thought you were getting overtired and needed sleep.  We sound like we have both been thru a whole lot of the same things in our lives and I did not post that to offend you.  Please keep in mind, I'm only in day 5 here and doing the best I'm able.

In fact, I took my meds early, at 4 a.m. and I hope to fall asleep soon.  Sleep helps take the pain away.  I got 3/4 of the banana down me (first food since monday) and a few sips of ensure I had here (disgusting stuff that it is).

I'm so sorry to hear of what you went thru when you went out to eat.  No one should have to go thru that when they are going thru what we all are in here.  We need kindness, not people in our faces who have brought pain into our lives in the past.

I've been homebound for the majority of the past 4 years.  My way out to the world is online.  All my friends are in here in different areas.  I do hope to get out again in another month once I get a new wheelchair or maybe by then my legs will regain some of their lost strength, no one knows till the time comes.  I don't say anything to anyone ever in offense, unless they are a troll, I know you aren't that, you have been posting in here for quite some time from what I've read.  I posted to you from concern, not from contempt.  I'm sorry I made a bad day for you worse, I didn't intend that.

MrsRat

[southernbelle]

Good Sunday morning to all of you.  hope everybody had a decent night.  i have a question if anybody is interested....has anybody ever taken skelaxin (muscle relaxer)?  is it addictive?  i'm supposed to be taking it for my back.  mainly just need to know if i need to be worried or not. i've managed to stay away from my "poison" for a couple of months now, but i'm still in some pain and the doc gave me skelaxin.  anything anybody could share would be appreciated.

[groovygirl]

Things, obviously, got way out of control yesterday and I'm sorry.  I behaved like an ass, and I wish I could take it all back.  My original posts that got a couple people riled up were not meant to anger...my intentions are usually good, but I guess I need to work on my delivery.

Looking back on the posts yesterday sickens me.  I think that I have become way too cynical, and the help this board offers has done all it can for me. Instead of people's posts inspiring me, I feel more angry that they aren't better yet.  I've been here a long time, and the same people post the same sad stuff over and over...the struggle continues... it never goes away here. Instead of recognizing it is what it is, I let the ugly anger out here...obviously that doesn't help anyone.

I am not cured, and I have to live with the ugly fact that this addiction will haunt me forever.  It pisses me off.  I will take my anger elsewhere - like into a kick-boxing class or something.

Again...I am sorry.

[puma]

Lisabet,

Hi, I hope you don't think I am off the wall. Those two
tornado songs I refered to are more county and western style. Most other music is island cha cha and rock style. No Rap.

I am really tired, it is 2:00am here, (Takuusa) I have a bad headache and fell asleep with my cats with my computer still on. Weird, I have always turned it off in the past. I guess it was one helluva day. I have to wake early to take two cats in for spaying. (Taakka). I had better run for now as I am about to doze off at the keyboard. Take care. I'LL EMAIL YOU.

Chatahan...........wildcat

[puma]

Mrs,rat,

I forgot to add you but did explain the music you asked about.
I am in Guam, not Florida although I lived there seven years as a Vet Tech. I own land there too in Punta Gorda. I have been on Guam going on 19 years this DEC,3

Also the 16th anniversary of Super-typhoon Kim on Saipan!!!!! (One of my best), I might add, I went there for it even though the stupid military weather service here at the time said it would miss by 200 miles. I think direct eye passage over northern Saipan is close enough, ney? I have great video. You've probably seen it on TLC, they say it's Paka though. That's the British for yah. They used alot of my stuff without paying. I could sue, but too lazy right now. Maybe someday. I need a new roof. Mine is rusted metal on solid concrete. It leaks like a strainer. My typhoon check was embezzelled by some ***** along with 386,000.00. of others deposits. I hope she enjoys her chushy jail cell.

Anyway, that is minor stuff for now.....Take care and God Bless.

Chatahan................wildcat

[bmac]

I understood the apology.I wasn't angry at you yesterday,I was just having fun with this.That's until 1fortheroad popped in.
All of this doesn't matter antway..Just like a couple of months ago remember I tried to apologize many times and you just kept coming back at me.Well,I think as I said if you want to be here without having to be concerned about me being here too then just say so.I am sure Medhelp isn't going to ban you.Why would they?
The only profanity used was by your idiot friend last night.
I think your apology was genuine but you don't need me to tell you that.So how about it,TRUCE?
                    Bill

[Chezz2]

Hellbent. Your point is well taken.

To Everyone :

The bottom line though, is forgive and forget. Live and let live.

This place should be for everyone. Regardless of past issues or whatever. As long as they come forward...

That is my opinion.

The bottom line is she obviously needs help and support and was going about it the wrong way. I can assume most of us has done that in some way shape or form.

Also, due to this being a public forum. I guess the only way to get along is to not post to whom you can not help. Or whom you do not truely care to help. If someone posts something you don't like, let it ride.

To bring more anger and hatred will only wear you down......
Chezz

[groovygirl]

I thought it was kind of funny at first...then I got way out of hand, and I feel really guilty and stupid.  I deserve to get banned, and it will probably be good for me.  Like I said, this forum has served me well until recently.  It brings me down...I want everyone, myself included, to get better - the posts are sad, and I tend to wallow.  I'm very depressed right now, and I need to get away from this computer...it has become yet another bad habit.

My friend meant no harm - it doesn't matter if anyone believes it was or wasn't me.  Anyway, I think a truce is in order...at least I can leave knowing I apologized and meant it.