oxy addict

[nat1114]

hi everyone,
I have been reading this forum for a couple of hours and so much encouragement god bless all of you.
I need to share my story and hope to get some advice from anyone.
I have been married for 17 years to a man that i loved more than life itself, and knew that he felt the same about me.about 3 years ago my husband started taking oxys. for a shoulder injury. I did not know much about the medication, but after a couple of months where i saw a change in his personality i started researching the med. after all that i read i was terrified that my husband was going to loose his life from these pills. so i started to beg him to stop the med. i became a nagging wife. that caused a lot of fighting in my house so after a year i decided to take a new approach and spoke to him and to him that it is up to him and whenever he is ready i will be there for him, i worried everyday but kept it to myself. 2 years later he had come to me and said he had enough we went to detox, my husband took buspar which helped him get off the oxys. 3months after that his father died and 2 months later my husband is back on oxys. worse than ever, he became very angry, very into himself, he pulled back away from me, he tried to be out of the house as often as possible which made me upset with him greatly, our sexlife has been terrible for 2 years now and at this point i felt so unwanted, a few days ago i asked my husband to move out, because of a huge fight that we had that my daughter had to witness, and i just cant have her exposed to this. my husband and his family cant understand why i did this, but i had to. I am a mess about it i have been withmy husband since i am 17 years old and i am scared. i hope i made the right decision. i hope someone can give me some advice. thank you

[LateAugust]

I am sorry for what you and your family are having to experience.  As the mom of an oxy addict the cycle seems to run the same course regardless of your relationship.  As you said your physical relationship with your husband has been sacraficed for the past few years,  him wanting to be out of the house, and away from his immediate family, is the classic symptom of the guilt an addict will feel,  and think they are hiding the hurt, and their shame from their loved ones.  When the addiction  is really bad, sometimes addicts feel they don't deserve our love due to the lies, manipulations, and behaviour that is pretty hard to understand when you do not use, nor are dependant on drugs.

You do need to take care of yourself, and there is Al-Anon which is free of cost,  and I highly recommend,  depending on your insurance coverage, a councelor for you may be covered, and it is very important to have someone to talk with  that is not prejudiced,  not connected to either you, nor to  your husband's family.    You mentioned your daughter, I am not sure if she is his daughter too,  or has just raised her for a very long time, based on the fact that you have been together 17 years, I am assuming they are close?  You need to watch her emotions and reaction,  she may very well also need to see a councelor.    Drug addiction does not just impact the addict,  it impacts everyone in that person's life, and as his wife, you will be hit the hardest.....as your children may be also.

Everyone deals with addiction differently.  And you need to find what in your heart feels the best for you and your children,  and what you hope for the future with your husband.  This will truly be one of the hardest times of your life....  and trust me,  I have experienced tragedy, but fighting for my daughter's life (and that is stricly my choice and my decision, as I said we all have to do what is best for us) has been harder than I ever imagined.

I'm sorry dear, but you have some very serious decisions to make,   and ensure that you are willing to follow thru with any and all ultimatims,  as hard as it may be,  your decisions need to be made when you are not consumed with anger.  We all say so many things that we truly don't mean when in an agitated state and you don't need to add that destruction to what you are already dealing with.       I strongly recommend you get as much support as possible during this entire process.  Educate yourself via the web, or the library on oxy addiction, and how it effects the addict.  

My heart is with you,  and I hope you will have   a lot of support and help to find  some answers to guide you thru this confusing time, while you make some very serious life decisions.

Please let me know if  I can help you in any way.

[gizzy32]

im sorry your going through all this. like sarah says addiction affect the whole family and unfortunately we put that drug #1, sad, but the truth. most times it takes someone to hit bottom before they open their eyes and maybe by throwing him out, will help him. i think you handled this very well and with much patience, but there comes a time when enough is enough. i hope he get the help he needs.  there is only so much you can do, so take care of yourself and your daughter right now, and pray he is ready to stop. good luck to you

[broknbck]

well it sounds like you are doing what you think is best for your daughter. but yes you will have to look at the whole picture. people get divorced everyday now. but that does not make it any easier for the kids to adjust. you will just have to weigh everything.

if nothing else you have gotten the message accross clear that are tired of fooling around and putting up with him. he will start to see what the drugs are taking from him.

[dominosarah]

Welcome to the forum.  I am sorry things have gotten so out of hand at your house.  Addiction affects the whole family.  You have to take care of you and your daughter first and foremost.  Your husband has to want to stop taking these pills and nothing you can say or do will change that until he is ready to stop himself.  I take it his family doesnt know about his addiction??  All the things you explained is something that happens to us addicts.  Pleas stay here as there are other family members of addicts who are on here and have really great advice also.  We are here to help so glad you posted.   sara