hi, im completely embarrassd and i dont know where to start....i m in my 40's and up until 10 years ago i had never even taken an asperin.. I became addicted to perc's and for the last 4 years have been taking 3 to 4 80's a day. I never injected or snorted just took them orally. Ive quit cold turkey 3 or 4 times because i travel quite frequently but as soon as i come home i want to use again. This time i quit at home and im 12 days clean tom. HOWEVER ive been taking T3"s to help with the withdrawl...i started taking them after the first 3 days of being off oxy's. I know that I've gone thru the worse...MORE LIKE WALKED THRU HELL AND BACK...i did it alone no doctors ..no medications for 3 days and then started the t3's. Im going to taper down the t3s now cause i dont want to go thru withdawl again...actualy that is one of my questions...will i go thru withdrawl from t3's after taking about 10 a day for 6 days?...and the other question i have is how long goes the insomnia last for? im taking some perscription sleeping pills...but i dont know if they will work once i stop the t3's too... does anybody know what i can u to sleep with when withdrawling for oxy? im on day 13...but if i start not sleeping again..i know it'll drive me nuts..and put me in a danger zone...can some help?
Thanks for your quick reply Nad, but with these pills..the sleeping ones at least im sleeping..without them ..its happened before where i didnt sleep for 8 days...i was out of town and FORGET ABOUT IT! i almost died. Anyhow, im worried about both..the T3's people say you dont withdrawl from...but im not too sure...as for the sleeping pills i have no option right now.. Ive tried melatonin but it doesnt work on me . My tolerence is wway to high for that to work on me yet.
but thank you so much anyways!
What worked for me was a combination of Clonidine, a blood pressure medicine (to help with withdrawal symptoms and anxiety) and Melatonin to help with sleep. The Clonidine also helped with the sleep though. I was taking about double what you were, so if you give it an honest shot, it might work this time. Also look into some other natural sleep aids, GNC sells quite a bit, most have Valerian Root, Rose Hips, etc.
Have you talked to a doctor and let them know that you are trying to get clean and would like to try to do it without addictive medicine? They can usually find stuff that works for you. Hope you get clean for good, I'd lose the T3's, after that level of oxy use, they can't really be doing much for you. Let us know how it goes!
Hi and welcome. So you are coming off oxys and taking T3's to ease the wd's right? Are you taking the sleep meds as directed? You are going to feel wd once you are off the T3's. As for the insomnia, it varies from one person to the other. Sleep and energy are usually the last to come back and interrupted sleep can last for a couple weeks or longer. Have you thought about getting any type of recovery care? Please try and not feel embarrassed as we understand what you are going thru. I didnt get clean until i was 46. You are never to old to start a new life~~~~sara
Well if there's any opiates In the t3s I'm sure you will have some withdrawals from them.. Not to give you bad news but sometimes you just need to be prepared for the worst. I stopped cold turkey and I'm on day 30 something I kinda forget. But that just goes to show that it gets better! You eventually lose track of what day your on because your not thinking about it every 30 seconds.
It's hard to put a time on the sleep coming back cause it comes back very gradually.. I'd say by my third week quit I started to sleep like 6 hours a night... I still like to get my full 8 which is finally starting to happen
In my experience, the ONLY thing that works for sleep is time my friend. i would ditch the prescription pills. If you are going to take something make it natural like the guy above said: melatonin, chamomile tea, stuff like that. As far as the t 3's go, I understand what you're trying to do, you want to soften the blow a little. I guess the worst case scenario is you're just prolonging your drug use. You're not going to make withdrawal any worse, but in the end you will have to experience some pain. I think you know that though. Try to use the thomas recipe, it exists for a reason.
I agree about the sleep issues. It's by far the most severe symptom and it is so frustrating. You have to just give it time though. Try to take comfort in the fact that it will eventually end and your body will sleep when it absolutely has to. Take naps if you can get em, whatever you have to do to try and get some rest. I know that's tough when you have to work, but you know what I mean. You said you're on day 13? You are on the home stretch man! You should cut the t 3's out though, because if you stay on them too long you're going to undo all the progress you have made.
Keep up the good fight...and really, don't ever be too embarassed or ashamed to come on here and speak about how you feel. No one is going to judge you, because we are all addicts!
Percs, Oxys, T3s, slleeping pills...ALL NARCOTICS. Your post doesn't really sound like you are wanting to stop the meds, as you have not once mentioned getting into a program to help do such OR a facility. Once off ALL the drugs, it will take anywhere from 6 months to 1 year to sleep normally again. That doesn't mean you will not sleep; just that your sleep will probably be restless and in short 1-3 or 4 hours at a time....part of relying on prescription drugs and how they alter our sleep patterns and brain.
I wish you the best of luck.
Gosh im overwhelmed with the replies.Ive had no one to talk to for sooooo many years...ok..so YES i am taking the sleeping pills as perscribed..i even skipped on yesturday to c if i could sleep...i almost killed my daughter..i was UP all night! Anyhow..the only thing thats keeping me going is i want MY LIFE BACK!..im only 40 and i look 10 years younger again in only 12 days...but i still feel like CRAP!...i will start tapering the t3's tom...god help me!
Thank you so much for your input and your right...i should be in a program years ago...but unfortunatly it cant be an option. to much to explain on that one. However I have gotten some of the most important questions answered and I THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!...im stopping the t3's tom..and going to start trying velarian root, melatonin and hamomile all together. well c what happens....again...thank you everyone!
Uhh I like five 7.5mg vics a day... It wasn't much but still rough stopping.. Well for the first 3 days I got lucky and slept a lot during physical withdrawals. Then they passed and I couldn't sleep for the life of me. I spent my first 2 weeks tired as hell. Then I did my research and found melatonin.. I found you can't overdose on them or anything so I took like 3 of them and a half hour later I knew I wasn't gonna have a problem sleeping.. The only problem was I started waking up before I wanted to.. I was waking up at like 4am and couldn't go back to sleep... Then by week 3 it was like 6 hours per night.. I get a full 8 every now and then but it's still rare.. I'm getting there.
thanks Nad627...your insperational. However because of my job i cant take naps at work and then i have kids to come home to...u would think i would fall flat on my back especially after the day ive had...but i lay down tired i sleep for an hour MAX...and im up for 4...then i do that again but i have to be up in an hour to start my day at 7...so basically im only getting an hour of sleep..thats why i got the sleeping pills from my doc.
But..im gonna try what your saying. Thank you!
THank you. I appreciate your post. Alot of information i could use...and thanks for cheering me on. It really has been hell. I needed to talk to someone before i LOST my mind and i didnt even know these things existed. I think this forum will help me..again thank you!
THank you everyone!!!! anything else anyone wants to add...pls feel free...i could USE all the help i can get. I've been fight this demon alone for so long...and i would love to go to NA..i did once in cap and glasses...there was no way i could keep going..so this is the only way i can do it. THank you everyone!
Hi! I would stop the T3, and just get the WDs over with! Look on the health pages at the thomas recipe and amino acid protocol. As far as the sleeping pills, you definitely don't need to do that!!! You will get addicted to those really quickly. You are going to have some sleepless nights, but at some point you have to bite the bullet and do it in order to get completely clean. I used clonidine also, but you have to get it from a doctor. It is not habit forming. Is there not a doctor somewhere you could see?
Hi..what is the Thomas recipe and amino acid protocol? actually i will look it up. Im over with the withdrawl from the oxy's ..i didnt take anything for 3 days will i was locked up in a hotel room to get thru it..i only started the t3's when i got home to help me with my anxiety and edge. but i think im gonna stop those too now...i dont know if i will have physical withdrawl from the t3's ..but i dont think i will..anyhow there is no doc..this cant be on my medical profile for various reasons. but thank you!
I was going through what you are going through now about 6 months ago. Trying to get off oxy, vicodin, norco. I have or had a job like yours, but was recently fired from it for narcatic use. I was found out, and drug tested about 3 weeks ago. Good for you for doing this and I really hope you can get this done. I am losing almost everything right now, I still have my family and house (sort of on the house). I cannot take ambien or my klonodine that I had with all the urine drug screens that are required of me now in order to return to my profession. So there are people (companies) out there that say klonidine is a drug of addiction. So be careful with that one. Believe it or not, Evening Prim Rose, a natural supplement calmed my nerves, not quite like klonodine, but it does work. It does not put you to sleep though. It is for the day time. Now, they do have a melotonin sustained release out, or extended release. That might help you. It actually did work for me. Anyway good luck to you and do keep posting. Everyone on this forum was such a great help in my darkest days about 3 weeks ago, and still they are. Take care and God Bless You....Joy
I'm going cold turkey in 2-3 days when my script runs out (norco 10/660), so I can't offer a whole lot of advice but I have been through many withdrawals, I've been sober from alcohol for just over a year, and I can tell you you are doing great! I do agree with everyone about the sleeping pills, those won't help in the long run. The T3 is kinda just prolonging your withdrawal as you're still suffereing, and you probably will feel some withdrawal symptoms when you stop because you're taking a lot and it is a narcotic. If you can quit oxy cold turkey, I know you can get rid of the T3! If I couldn't tell my dr about the drug use I'd tell my dr I've read clonodine can help you sleep also, so you'd rather take that then the sleeping pills I don't want to tell you to lie to your dr, but clonodine did help me through previous withdrawals (although telling your dr really shouldn't affect your job, unless you work with your dr, it's all kept confidential, they can't tell anyone, it's a HIPPA violation). Good luck to you, and the people here can really help you through this!
Oh for the people who didn't know what T3 was, it's tylenol 3, tylenol with coedine.
Yes, the tylenol 3's hace to stop, they have codeine in them, and are addictive too. Especially the amount you are taking. Never take more than 6 in a 24 hour time frame, you can cause serious damage to your liver.
Yes, you will have discomfort when you discontinue T3's. How long (?) It's an individual thing. With your dose, probably a few days. Taper to nothing IF you can, then stop. My opinion (and we all know what those are like....) continue to use your sleeping stuff AS prescribed until no longer needed. I would not be awake at this hour with my dogs if I had same.......
There is no embarassment or shame in reaching out for help. I've decided to tell my friends and family what I've hidden for many years (addiction). The majority are very supportive. Those that aren't, screw 'em. They ain't friends anyway. Listen to Dominoe. She's a good soul.
Thank you EVERYONE for all your awesome advise. Im a single parent so there is no husband for support..( in reply to mzholly question )... Ok so I WILL stop the T3's this week too. BUt can anyone tell me how long the sleep amnesia would last? remember ive been taking 2 - 3 sometimes 4 oxy 80's a day for 3 to 4 years...so how long with the sleep thing last...its my biggest torture...its what made me relapse last time....
wow...6 months!!! Cant wait to get there! Ok soooooo...im getting off the t3's now...however...i was told by my doc that my sleeping pills are not addictive as long as i use them as perscibed and i have been. So im crossing my fingers cause it's true everone has a different opinion. I will be drug tested shortly as i have to start flying again, but im hoping everything will b out of my system by then. If not...IM SCREWED!...im being positive and removing myself from certain situations that i got into without even knowing it. Didnt know what oxys where, and like an idiot i started taking them...ignorance is not excuse but it just makes me feel totally RETARTED! until it was toooooo late. Anyhow hope all goes well for u and u get your life all back together...6 months clean is AMAZING to me! I only hope i can get to where u are! xoxo
keep me updated on how your doing cause it gives me hope..im very new at this..so i have trouble keeping up with everyone!
ive been taking notes on everyones advise so..just so u ALL KNOW! You have all helped me tremedously!!!!! From having NO ONE to talk to ....except my drug dealer...HE lost a great client...u can imagine how encouraging he was...to this has been amazing. I REALLY CANT EVEN BEGIN TO THANK EVERYONE ENOUGH!
Glad Your getting off the t3s.. Just think, a week from now when pretty much all the physical withdrawals have passed.. You'll just be happy you stopped now and got them over with.. As for the sleep, keep trying different things and you'll find something.. When I couldnt sleep I actually took my iPad into the vitamin and herb section of walmart to research different things I saw lol.
Make sure you stay busy too.. I actually spent 2 weeks vacation in Clearwater Florida. Didn't even really think about using while I was in a new place experiencing new things.. I just got back last week. So treat yourself good for a while! After all you deserve a reward for quitting, so reward yourself with anything but drugs. Go to a buffet with ur favorite foods lol. I lived on crab legs in Florida cause those are my favorite.
So ur starting flying? Are you a pilot? Or flight attendant?
ok so heres an update...yesturday i ALMOST relapsed. ALOT went down and ive realized i no longer know how to deal with stress. I cried all day and even said to myself maybe i'll just take half..(oxy 80) in the end I didnt! However i did pop a xanax which totally got me ripped, I didnt think it would have that effect on me cause ive used them in the past and they practically did nothing for me. But i guess my tolerance level is different now...anyways needless to say i wont be doing that again. I need to learn how to cope again...Im still taking the sleeping pills..(as perscribed) because i cant afford NOT to sleep. Being awake has been HELL and my only escape is sleep. Yes i hardly have any physical withdrawl left but mentally, they are now on my mind more than ever..im still taking the T3's and for the life of my i dont know why since they do nothing for me! Anyhow im confussed and feel lost...
Yesturday was a bad day, i can only pray that today will be better and the day after better than the last!
Take care everyoen!
Btw...ihave never been so honest about how week i realy am to ANYONE! everyone thinks im this really strong woman who has overcome alot, (not drug addiction, but other things) and that there is nothing i cant do. Howeve the reality is, im not that person. Im scared, vulnerable and being incredibly honest...i just want to crawl in bed and wake up 5 years ago when i WAS that person!
You are still that person you were 5 years ago, what I am continuing to learn during my opiate addiction struggle is the importance of being one of my greatest fans. I know how tempting it is too beat yourself up, but it is also very important to continue to encourage yourself and build on the positives. Not fool yourself, but also not to bury yourself in worry and stress eitherm, this is a skill we all must learn to stay successful in recovery.
Glad to hear of your progress, and sorry to hear of your 'almost relapse'...at the same time. LOL
Pilot are you?! I'll never fly again...Just joking. Humor is a useful tool also, make jokes, laugh, interact with friends and aquaintances-that aren't users, whenever possible.
The narcotics will be removed from your urine faster-3-6 days, if you drink alot of fluids. Within you blood stream it will take about 7-14 days, depending on your fluid intake and your individual body functions.
Mentally, you control your life. Some decisions are harder than others but basicly you are the one that says NO! And means it!!
About 5 days clean here, and doing great after 5-6 days of hard wd's. This site and the ones that responded and helped me thru it all are definately a big help.
*Note to self: Never fly out of Nevada ever again.
The post you just made about wanting to "crawl into bed and wake up 5 years ago". Why on earth would you want to do that? Then you'd have to go through all this again.
I've battled with this same dilemma myself: If I had never gotten a kidney-=stone, then I'd never have been exposed to pain-killers, then I would never have been sent to a pain-management doctor, then I'd never have gotten hooked on Dilaudid & Opana. My conclusion is... whether it'd been through my kidney-stones, or something else, I'd for sure still be in the same boat I am now, and still the same addict that I am now. Maybe a different time & place, but still an addict no less.
If you went to sleep and woke up 5 years ago, you'd still have a dormant addict inside of you and you'd still have all of this to go through. You need to embrace what you've been through and use it as a learning experience, and pass on your experience, strength and hope to other addicts. Pay-it-forward, so to speak. Ha, ha... and you're from Nevada to. That's a little ironic, given the Pay It Forward reference.
Anyway, congrats on your sobriety and keep posting.
Stop the codeine. Get rid of any opiate in the house. Keep up on the fluids and flush your system! You need vitamins and minerals. Also,there's a product called"Super Snooze Mealtonin". It has ingredients for sleep and restless legs. It works well!
You can really do this. You don't need the pills. You won't go crazy and die if you don't take them. You'll just feel better. The sleep will return.
HI Ive been following your story .....I can relate to your fear of not sleeping I detoxed off methadone and my sleep was messed up for 2 mo.....as for trying to ez the withdrawals with
t/3s your probably only prolonging it...you need to get all the narcotics out of your system to completely detox....sounds like yesterday was a ruff day if you cant go to N/A or A/A try a substance abuse conslor or an addiction therapist everything is confidential so no one would find out it will help you out a lot with the mental aspect of doing this hang in there
your beating this thing a little at a time but you will succeed good luck and God bless
ok this is getting funny...i literally go and hide to read everyones notes on here! You are ALL so INSPIRING! ....and funny! BTW..for those who are afraid to fly out of nevada...had a really good laugh...im not really in nevada...when i sighned up i just picked any zip code...wasnt even sure that i would post ANYTHING ...just wanted to see what this was all about. Prob was the best thing i ever did...YOUR all giving me strength ...and some of u even a good laugh. ANd i promise I am NOT the pilot in the cockpit! Anyhow today has been alot better...still doing the t3's...but not as bad...besides i have less then 10 days to get everything out of my system so they will b gone pretty soon too! Im still gettting familiar with this site so im trying to follow other peoples stories too, they actually help me. I LOVED MY OXYS! ....but i love the woman i was more!...so ive posted pics of myself and loved ones all over my home to remind me thats thats where i want to be again. This is going to sound corny but I feel all your posts from everyone are god sent...just when i kept asking god to help me...this forum came along..i didnt even know what a forum was! SO keep posting people..i would love to hear more of your stories...im on day 15...( i think) of no oxys..since im taking the t3's people may think this is a cop out...but believe me for me ITS A HUGE DEAL! Especially since they are still around me, ( due to certain circumtances ) and I've been able to just say "NO"...i feel like an 80's commercial. Anyhow today im happy and calm...and I thank you ALL.. There are tears in my eyes cause im not sure i'd be able to get even this far without everyones support, advise and stories...GOD BLESS YOU ALL! Hopefully someday i will pay it forward, Its in me to do...and i know I will. Im still in the woods, however i can see the light at the end of the tunnel. My humour is just starting to come back, which is just a little window for me of things to come! luv you all!
SlK--I have been following your posts and I want to say BRAVO. I went CT off oxys 132 days ago and it was the best thing I did for my life. You have been given some great advise by the fantastic people in this forum, who btw helped me through my journey to sobriety so there is not much more I can add otherthan keep on going you are doing great. You stated that you prayed to God for help and found this forum, well God answered your prayers. It funny you said that cuase I did the same, I prayed and prayed and then I came across this forum. When it is said that God works in mysterious ways, it is extremely true as you prayed and I prayed and we both wound up here. I am praying that God give you the strenght and fortitude to make through as I know you can. Also flush the T3's they are only going to prolong the w/d's---Peace & Love---Rick
Thank you for the bravo, it makes me feel like im a liar though. Im still taking T3's...i dont know if its habbit or what the hell! Its not like they do a THING for me. I think its just a mental thing ...like i need to take SOMETHING! it could be plasebo and i'd feel better. Anyhow today i went and bought all the amino acids from that theory...im gonna start all that tomorrow. however i have to admit...even though im still doing the t3's my brain DOES feel like its coming out of a fog! Im remembering things that i havent thought of in years! And im laughing again...not that stoned retarded laughing...but the real kind that comes from the heart. Im not saying that im home free and its a picnic now...in fact now that im not as sick im MORE scarred cause im thinking about the oxy's more. I wont do it....did that "just one" and i'll b ok....doesnt work...i need to keep reminding myself that. I think the better you start to feel the more it seems i miss it...does anyone else feel that?
keep posting guys...it gives me something to look forward to!xoxo
hi everybody.just a little update..kinda having a **** day..what do u do when your body is not as sick anymore but your mind is obsessing with the pills??? havent relapsed..dont think i will...but im sad...no real reason even. Is that just my brain withdrawling??? i dont even know...im getting tired of the fight. And what do u do when ur best friend is the biggest addict u know?? im always around her and she's a mess. Funny ...i was a functioning addict (prob still am) and she never has been..and its so clear to me now how messed up she is. I dont know..alot going thru my head. peace everyone..goodnite!
Slk--Now comes the hard part the mental issues with addiction. Are you getting any aftercare? Believe me it makes all the difference in the world in keeping sober. Are you still taking the T3's? If you are that may be why you are feeling confused about all of this. Please just get rid of the T3's if you made it through oxy w/d it should be a piece of cake to stop the T3's. As far as obsessing about taking pills it is normal. We have all went through it, you just need to keep your mind occupied and try not to think about pills. For weeks I had bizarre dreams about having and taking pills. This will pass with time. So hang in there we are all pulling for you and FLUSH the T3's. God Bless you and we are all here for you---Rick
I just started following this string, I've detoxed off oxy using perks once. They did soften the wd but prolonged it over weeks.
I felt ashamed too, I'm a professional, have a beautiful family. I had no idea how dangerous oxy was when I first starting using. I know herion is bad, crack, meth and so on. It amazes me now that I look back and see how I used to fool myself about it, thinking I could control it. But it had really become my master. I miss it a lot sometimes, but it's getting easier everyday to resist and I think less and less about it. 2 times now I've had oxy offered to me, and I suprised myself at how easily I said no thank you. Im also suprized at how may people that share our situation out there. Good people who stumbled down the wrong path quite innocently.
Having a BF who is using your DOC is going to make the situation very much harder. How does she feel about your decision to get clean? When I told a good friend that I used to buy off I'd had enough he expressed joy for me and wished me luck. I haven't heard from him since. But if I have to loose a friend or two to get my life back so be it.
I wish you the best of luck, and hang in there, brighter days are ahead of you when you win this battle to gain control of your life back!
Yes, your mind will go through a form of withdrawals too. And Yes, there is a mental exercise you can perform that will assist-not totally defeat; but help you overcome the mental withdrawals. Let me know if your interested, and I'll send you step by step instructions.
As for your friend, thats a user... Now comes the trials and tribulations of what I like to call 'life after the pill'. The value of your friend ship is tested here, along with the strength of your conviction to quit...
A weaker person should just 'ease' out of the friend ship, begin to realize that this probably wont work in your favor...
But, a stronger person that can be honest and share their conviction to quit with the friend, and actually get help in doing so... Maybe even help the friend come off!!! Think about it, there are many things to consider. Many possibilities abound.
How are you doing? I saw your recent post regarding mental withdrawl. Depression, Anxiety and Paranoia unfortunately are part of Opiate/Opioid W/D. They all work on the "Feel Good" receptors in your brain. When you stop it's like your brain losing GPS and having compass failure at the same time. It has to reset and it will at which point you'll be fine Mentally and Physically.
If you're taking this stuff as an RX from a Doc and you get pee tested positive for same your employer can't do jack as it is a medical privacy issue and they cannot even be told about what you are taking. Now if you have authorized employer access to your med records or you're getting stuff from a "Friend", you are correct you're screwed.
I'm day 23 now with no Subutex or Narcotics after at least 2.5 years of sustained voluminous consumption of same and have gone through Hell, mentally as well as physically. I feel almost Human today for the first time in the 23 days.
You can do this! Distraction is great for W/D relief. Do something that will keep you from focusing on your issues only. Whatever you like to do. Go throw the ball for the Dog, go to or watch movies, go to the shooting range and blast the crap outta something, listen to music, whatever. I think you get the idea.
Let me know if I can help in any way. Hang In There.
hi everyone...so i have good news and bad news...First of all thank you everyone for all your input. Yesturday i stayed off her cause i was ashamed and embarressed YET AGAIN! Since i cant be honest with anyone in my real life...i might as well be honest here. I relapsed yesturday..at least thats what i think i did. I took half of an 80...i dont know why..i wasnt even craving it. But it was there....and without even thinking i popped it. Talk about HATING yourself afterward. I was angry, disgusted..u name it...i felt it. I felt everything but GOOD!! This morning when i woke up iknew one thing for sure...(and i hope i feel this way tomorrow)...im done with them! Ive never felt worse than i did yesturday. I was 17 days clean of oxy and i FU! Im trying not to think about it..and just trying to move forward from it. But at least now i dont have the fear of "what if i do it again?"....i did it...and something tells me, something deep inside that i wont again. Either ive turned into a schizo and i may be feeling something else a week from now..or im really done with them. I let myself down ...and just when my mind is starting to clear up again, just when some of my discepline is coming back....i dont know..i just still cant believe i did it.
About my best friend...she is the only one that knows. However she is not apart of my family or friends. She is an addict like me so i keep her seperate from everyone because she doesnt function well. Ive tried to help her by throwing her in detox and then taking off to detox myself on my own. When i came back and got her out...we started using again almost immediatly.
THis time has been different, i always cared more about her recovery cause i was what u could say a functioning addict while she wasnt and her life literally fell apart. Her whole family knows and we've always tried to help her. But this time, i knew i had to take care of me and not her. Yesturday when i used it was cause i was getting her some so she would be ok. Its lame , and i know it...but thats how it happened.
She says she's happy i quit, and im hoping that she would c that if can do it so can she . And i WONT abandon her....if anything i want to do this so i can help her too. I know i wont use again...I JUST KNOW I WONT. I cant explain it..i just know. Anyhow so thats about it. People have asked my about after care and what my plans are...no matter what i say it'll sound like an excuse, even though i really do have a legit reason of why i cant go. Its a very long story and one day i'll write it as all this has been a little cathartic for me. But for now...its not an option. Im learning that when i feel like using or im having an anxiety attack...that if i just wait it out..it'll eventually go...im just starting to learn that again. And im praying...i know HE is listening...I know he wont ADANDON me so im gonna keep up my fight.
Thank you everyone for posting all your thoughts, answers to my questions, and advise. I read it all over and over again. Sometimes its alot for me to take in all at once so i may not answer right away.( I swear i dont think my brain is working right yet) .but i walk away with something that one of u may have said to me on here and then i think about it all day. So for that i thank u.
Pray for me as i pray for all u...
goodnite everyone! BTW question for anyone out there...since i relapsed on that one day..does that mean i go back to day one? i didnt take enough to w/d or anything..but im just curios to know if i can keep counting or im back to day one?
*Sigh*........Self loathing is a crappy feeling isn't it? It's not good for your physical or mental state. Do you see the correlation here? You were 17 days out, went to get dope for your "friend" and Bang there it goes. I guess she can't get it because the source is someone you can go to but not her? Let her get the sh** herself if that's not the case. It's VERY difficult go through W/D when you have ready access to what your brain and body wants, and even more so when it's in your hands staring at you.........I have not seen or used Heroin in over 30 years but as I type this thinking of you, I can smell it cooking down.
In answer to your question, no, falling down did not put you back to square one 17 days ago. You only lost a day, and that one day you felt good for a few hours and then felt Self Loathing, failure, anger and I'm sure a wave of other emotions. Was it worth it?
Keep Praying. Get your mind right and be strong. Also consider the company that you keep. An old friend was at a party that I attended over Labor Day. He pulled out his little magic box and offered me something for nothing. There is no such thing. There is a price to pay or benefit from for your every action. I politely refused and said "Thanks, I don't do that anymore" he just shrugged his shoulders and did some himself. I departed shorty after.
Sounds like you and your friend are toxic together. You enable her by getting her her fix and you end up relapsing......not a good combo. Gotta take care of yourself first and foremost. Aftercare my dear, aftercare~~~~~sara
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