A Story

[StayingClean25]

Thanks so much for the advice, its very hard in my life rightnow, i went through a few days feeling suicidal cuz of what ive been through, from agae 14 ive had an amazing life, i got my first car and always had 2 new cars up until 2014   so ive been on opiates for 5 years and tryed a few times to quite, only becuase i ran out of meds and was going crazy, now ive decided formyself to quite, ive cut off all my supplyers including my doctor, im just a week into it but i believe i can keep pushing through these days    i relapesed on tramadol and that **** really screwed me up!!  big time, i gave my last script of 120 away, trams were not my drug of choice  oxys were, anyway so here i am, i went a month and half back in december with no car, bought a ford explorer just to get aressted for a suspended licence and they took my truck, so im working paying tickets i have in Georgia and getting another car, problem is, i always take the hard way, becuase in the mists of all this, i am withdrawling from opiates, again.. aka tramadol, that **** is visious,, so im a week into it and still sneezing, very bored and dont have energy, i bike ride every morning 3 miles to eat, I live in a weathy comunity so have lots of help getting around otherwise, but all becuase of the pills im in this situation, I used to have such a very very great life, now i feel like a person on the street trying to find myslf, its hard, very hard  im scared of picking up opiates in the future becuase thats the only thing i loved after my 6 year relationship with my partner, anyways how do i stay strong, my family has passed on so its me and my sister and afew close people i know...  Im trying guys.

[gnarly_1]

Hey Dude glad you back and so happy to hear you quitting again.. it is time to emerge your self in to N/A get to as many meeting as you can then pick out a sponcer and work the steps  the steps will set you free
you need to get a new set of friends that dont use the meetings are a grate place to start keep posting for support we all want to see you make it..................................Gnarly.....................................

[StayingClean25]

thanks for your response, you should follow me on FB   your on mine ;) anyway im getting there, im just to impatant..  i made my rent up in 4 days and thats almost a G..  so im proud of myself 4 that, i dont hav any connects anymore as for a while but did have a DR who i personally know and recently fired him as my doc

[StayingClean25]

hey thanks for the post! It tought me a few new things! and to answer your questionyes my famitly has passed on, on april 30th will be a year from the last pasing which was my father, i do have a sister in ga i see often.

[msdelight]

Awesome posts above! Hi Tim! So glad to see you again although i wish the circumstances were better for you. Its good you came here. So my friend here you are back where you were when we first met. Car issues and all. We  talked about the Trams, the antidepressant component and how much harder to get off than oxys. We talked about aftercare. Your desire to be free.   So what's holding you back? That is the question you must answer. You must deal with the underlying problem. And the people, places and things. You know Im here. You gotta want it. Love, MsD

[weaver71]

I relate to your story. I had a new long bed 4 door dodge diesel, tractor, bunch of guys working for me, it was when I decided to quit that all that changed. 7 acre farms is gone, 10 years of Capitol was gone, I couldn't take drugs anymore, but couldn't juggle as much anymore, ever again. A couple years ago I would of gone into great detail about how unfair and horrible everything had become. Been through a few spells of that off and on, but memories like the UCBerkley Taekwando competition with my kid yesterday, I was always working to have money for my truck, and property, I wasn't present if I had the time to invest in good memories. So, I say this to explain that I was not as happy as I thought I was in this better times, and all the things I thought were so intense were not nearly as tragic as they felt. The drugs changed my thinking, but time and new memories makes me realize that all te changes I went through led me here, there is no place I would rather be. Longer good times keep coming, I handle the issues logically and ethically, now I feel better about myself as a poor man than I did at the peak of my Capitol building.

Your question was, "How do I stay strong?" That's a custom build job right there. I used to repeat to myself, "There is no problem so huge drugs can't make it worse." And "Be here now." I used to have to tell my kids I was anxious and could think about anything but recovery. I would just sit and remind myself, the drugs can't help, if I only do one thing today, then I felt I achieved the most important thing I could do, everything else was trivial, it had to be. When I was mad or scared, depressed or resentful, I blabbed like a whimper baby. I let myself be humbled and waited. Also lots of education about myself has helped. I'm a tough read, but I about have a rough draft of "A Sober Me." Keep doing your research, you will find tools and a power that will give you strength.

[VICourageous]

Keep a Good Positive Attitude. Write down All the things that you have lost besides yourself and keep reading it over & over everyday. This will remind you of how evil the pills can be if you go down that path again.
Staying clean takes a lot of work. You have to do a lot of Changes. Make a whole New Life for yourself and a Whole New World out here. It does not happen over night but if you keep at it you will have some Blessing come in. TIME & PATIENCE MY FRIEND!!
There are ALL kinds of different Support groups out here too. I know you go to NA but try AA too..Go to Church or get involved with some volunteer work that the meetings have to offer, or even look into some group counseling.. Being around POSITIVE people will make it much easier on you..Negative will just s*ck everything out. No more playing in your old play ground.
I have some friends that I have known for over 40 years, but I can not be around them because of there Drama which brings on Stress. Those 2 right there will put you in a Red Flag area. Life will always have its Ups & Downs but working with others at those meetings will help give you Support..Even clean friends or your Sister.
Now..This is kind of off the subject, but did your Family just pass not to long ago? I have a BIG reason for asking this questions..lol
Hang in and just keep on trucking down this road to freedom.
Bless

[Merri123]

You have to take it slow. One thing at a time. Make a list  and work on them one at a time or so. Otherwise you will get discouraged like you are now. Get yourself clean and feeling good. Get aftercare and maybe some therapy to help with all the thoughts that run rapid.

You can't change your past. You can do what you need in the present and work on the future. Then your future will become your present. You are doing good. Set a goal and move toward it, not away. But remember, you may not get back everything you had - don't live for that, live for what changes you are making and what you WILL have then.

[jugglin]

I do remember you talking about NA...but are you really working the program or just showing up to check the box?  You were doing so well the last time.  You need to want this and it sounds like maybe this time you do. Keep pushing forward.  Get to as many meetings as you can...go to AA meetings as well.  What about counseling?
You re a strong, young man with a great life ahead of you.  A great sober life ahead of you!  Keep fighting!

[Pantx]

Hi hun. I highly recommend after care like NA meetings. Getting involved on boards like this is useful also and if you nearest NA meeting is too far away call them and see if you can get a ride or assistance with at least a sponsor. You will get through this and you will be victorious!  You will need to pick up a hobby to replace the boredom triggers

[StayingClean25]

i do i go to NA meetings, its helps alot, but im still not where i need to be in life.

[IBKleen]

Can you engaged in any form of aftercare hun?