please help me

[unheard70]

I am a 37 yr old female. I am a single mother of a 13 yr old boy. My parents died (murder,suicide) when I was just 14. I have no extended family. My son's father is in a different state and has no contact with us at all. I couldn't even find him if I tried. My problem is that I have borederline personality disorder, I am bipolar, and I have lupus. I have prided myself on relying solely upon myself and I must say that I have done quite well for the most part. 9 years ago I made the worst mistake of my life by getting involved in a relationship with a man who owns a few well established businesses with a very well to do income. He got me into cocaine...BAD MOVE on my part...we were married 2 years later. We have been married for 7 years. I do cocaine every day of my life. He still lives with the mother of his kids whom he was never married to because he says his 21 year old daughter, who at 12, didn't get along with my, then 4 yr old son, will run away if he moves in with me..so he comes every morning and leaves cocaine at my bedside....he feeds me when I wake then gives me cocaine til he leaves at 7pm, then he leaves me a pile of cocaine to get through the night. I am in no physical condition to work, I can no longer care for myself and I have gone over the edge many times......I have LITERALLY BEGGED HIM....not to give me anymore cocaine....I have BEGGED to go to REHAB.....We have no medical insurance, so I have been dealing with my lupus and mental illnesses on my own.......I don't know what to do...If I was handed a miracle of being able to get medical attention and rehabilitation..I am faced with another dilemma...no one to care for my son while I recover....I do not want him in foster care....I refuse that as an option.....HELP ME PLEASE..............I have lost my independence, my confidence, my beauty, and my will to live...... ALL OF MY CRIES HAVE FALLEN UPON DEAF EARS............................

[Shattered]

LOL

[Savas]

War huh? Quite a name to live up to. I'll have to paint my face blue and give a rousing speech to the celtic warriors out back. :)

[unheard70]

it means war

[Savas]

Huh, I didn't catch that. I guess it could be a Turkish name. :)

Actually, for those wondering, I tried to log on as "Sav" but the name was taken (old high school nickname). So In a fit of originality, I did "Sav"  and then did it again backwards. I wonder what the name actually means in Turkish?

[imanaddict]

I was wondering the same thing!

[mousey25]

ok maybe i am wrong about this being really and i am sorry to unheard in advance if i am but look at what she posted back to savas does that not seem strange to anyone?????

[avisg]

We are trying to help you but you are going to have to help yourself as well. If you really want out of this ,call NA hotline they can help.... You have a child mixed up in this as well . !!!!!
avis

[bigfred4ever]

Hmmm, Sounds like you got yourself in quite a pickle!...... Do have a telephone? 911 You'll get plenty of help. Trust me.

[anotherfinemess]

it sounds as though you're being held prisoner in your own home.  And you've Never lived with your husband?  but he lives with his girlfriend and mother of his children? and he keeps you high all the time?  Somethings Very wrong here, on so many levels.  I think you need to save yourself and your son.  I also think calling NA would be option.

[unheard70]

see i take painkillers all the time also everyday....but there are times when he doesn't get them and i go sometimes upto a month without them but that don't really really bother me much except the first one or two days.....i just don't know how to get help right now.............

[mlconnell]

I am sorry to hear your situation. Your story reminded me of my cocaine addiction in the late 80's. My sister had a rich friend that would bring it everyday and give it to us. We were smoking it and snorting it and I started shooting it up. I overdosed once and both of my arms went num and I fell to the floor. It was by the grace and glory of god that I did not die that night. I never called an ambulance. I just layed there and slept it off. It was the worst hell I have ever been in. The insane part about it is I was up the next morning smoking some to fell better. If thats not crazy, I don't know what is. Anyway I finally just quit it cold turkey. Withdrawls were more mental than anything else. Depression real bad but I would give anything to be going through those w/d instead of my pain killer w/d.

[unheard70]

NO WAY...........MY HUSBAND IS SAVAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!FROM TURKEY............

[Savas]

If I was you I'd take a chance and pick up a phone and call one of the NA hotlines. Try talking to them, be cautious if you want to at first. You'd be surprised at how helpful they can be. That's one of the points to their existence, they provide "family" support for those who don't have it.

Keep in mind that coke is not that hard a drug to withdraw from physically (well, it wasn't for me...it was harsh, but mostly over in a day, and I used ALOT). Your other issues will make the mental aspects harder, though.