I want to stop the Oxy's... again.

[WantMyLifeBack88]

Hi guys.. My name is Paul and to fully understand my situation, let me give you a little background.  About 6 months ago, I was using opiates to get high.  Perks and Oxys were my choice but 9 out of 10 times I was using Oxycoton because they were the easiest pill to find.  I was using 80mg a day, sometimes more (up to 120mg of oxy).  At first it was fun.. the feeling I got from these pills made me feel amazing. I was going to school FT and working PT and these pills would help me get through my day.  After about almost a year of using, I tried to stop and reality set in.  I could not stop and I knew I had a serious problem.  I knew the only way to kick this addiction was to confront my parents.. so I did.  Obviously, they were very upset and could not believe that I would do this.  Although they were mad, they knew that I needed help and took me to the doctors (5 days later, after going through the w/d with my family).  They prescribed me Suboxine and I thought my worries would be over.  I was clean for 5 months.. feeling great and so happy because I finally got my life back.  My parents were proud of me, my friends that knew I had this addiction were proud of me, and I was on top of the world.  About a month ago, the doctors lowered my dossage to 1mg of suboxine.. I was feeling great but at that point, I was starting to get cravings for the OC again.  I do not know why but as the dosses of suboxine got lower, my craving for OC began to get higher.  I made the horrible mistake of buying an 80 about a month ago.. thinking it was going to be a 1 time thing.. and now I feel like I am right back to square one again.  I have been using an 80mg of OC a day for about the last 3-4 weeks.  I want to stop but I am afraid of going through the w/d again.. especially without my family.  I do not want to tell them because I know I will break my mom and dads hearts.  I feel like the biggest ******* and I can't believe I would get myself back into this place.  I need help but I do not know what to do..

[snowflake620]

Weel Paul you fell of the horse now get back on you know how to do this so you know what to expect telling your parents will be hard but they have a right to know don't underestimate the love of a mother I know I am one! Also know you are not alone many of us on here have relapsed,most of us pick ourselves up dust ourselves off and start over you can do this and we will be glad to help post often and ask questions,read the health pages and go for broke buddy. I will be pullin for you
snowflake

[mom_of_two136]

Please do not beat yourself up. It has happened to many of us. You can get back on track! Can you talk to your doctor? I am on suboxone and am currently going to AA and am starting to go to a suboxone support group tonight. Suboxone is just a tool, you need a good support system in place before you wean yourself off. I know how tough it is. Suboxone is great. I mean it will put your withdraws in remission but that does not mean you will not withdraw. You can not escape that bear. You can do this! Do not give up. Try to get some help. I really wish you the best of luck.
God Bless

[cathy5841]

hi paul and welcome to the forum...you really need to check out some aftercare...look into na/aa or an addiction specialists..you need to learn the reasons you use and de4al with them....any dr that prescribes sub should not refill it if you dont get the proper tools to deal with addiction when the sub ends....good luck and keep posting

[SophieShine]

Hi Paul,
Welcome! Relapse is unfortunately part of the story too. Don't beat yourself up. You had a taste of what life is w/o drugs. You can do it again. I would tell my folks if I was you, but that's me! If I was your mom, I'd be even more hurt not to be told and finding out afterwards.
So chin up, get your act together and go for it, go find your freedom.
Best of luck to you. sophie.