should I leave him?

[abbygirl1181]

My 28 yo husband has been on methadone (80 mgs max a day) for around 3 yrs now for back pain. he took suboxone for a few months but didn't like it (we forced him into detox and 20ish days rehab) and went back to the narc pain meds. I have seen him take over 200 mgs at one time, well in one day and be super stoned and walk out alive. He's still abusing pretty much any rx that will give an immediate affect (adderall, xanax, klonopin, ambian, all opiate pain pills - you get the idea) he's been addicted for 4 yrs and it's been up and down w/ how heavy the abuse is. for yrs I tried to put meds into lock boxes (he broke into 3) and dole meds out to "help" him. he's stolen my adderal (I have add and take my 2 pills a day like clockwork, i'm hyper aware of abuse bc of him so I'm really careful). He took 4 30 mg quick release at one time a few days ago and is mixing them with god know how many klonopins. he stole my percs when I had a miscarrage. he's blamed me for steeling his methadone when I've tried to check it and it's short. Well, he's pretty much blamed everyone but himself anytime mine or his comes up short.  well to the point, he is getting on suboxone again in the next few days and telling me and everyone that he will be just fine once he gets that and that he won't get any scripts for the addys or zannys. i think he's full of crap and i'm tired of him lying. he was nodding out all night (prob frm klonopin) after spending the whole afternoon tryng to convince me to give him ONE more chance. UGHHHHH i can't do this!  I think he's just stringing me along cause he was supposed to be at the suboxone appt. at two today and didnt leave til like 4! that was my final straw so when he comes home FOUR hours later, i told him I was done.  Wht else can i do? we have 2 baby boys, 2 and 3 years old.  they are starting to get it when daddy is "weird" I'm thinking I did all I could and it's time to go, he's the only one who can fix it, not me......................right?!?!?!?   :(

[abbygirl1181]

Thanks everyone. I will keep you posted. he's rambling on right now about nonsence. thank you thank you again.

[Katrina81]

Such a tough question to ask. I know you want to help. But he has to take the first step. Until then take care of YOU. Get into therapy to learn how to live with an addict or to help you build up the courage to leave. You have two boys that need atleast 1 stable emotionaly available parent. Can you give the boys that when trying to help an addict that doesnt want it? Keep posting here. We are here for support but you REALLY need outside support as well. Good luck

[dominosarah]

Until he is really ready to get some help this behavior will continue.  There is nothing you can do to change him, all you can do is change you.  I would highly recommend getting into some sort of counseling or Alanon for you.  It is time you take care of you and those babies.         sara

[Ballgame]

I think you know the answer.  We can share stories and advice from our own relationships.  But this is like an addict trying to get clean. You have to want it.  If you are unsure then this behavior will continue.  
So you want to live like this? Or is it manageable?
I hope it works out for you. Let us know

[ANewLife4Me]

Hi,
I am so sorry you are having to go through this, you and your children.  It is very, very dangerous to mix methadone and/or suboxone with bennys or xanax.  He is playing a very dangerous game doing that.  At this point I would advise you to look out for you and your children.  He can't be helped unless he wants to be helped and it doesn't sound like he wants help at all.  Using that many different drugs and at that amount, he could leave something out around your children and that would not be a good situation.  I wish you the best of luck, probably didn't say much different than the above posters did, but just wanted to give you some support.

[atthebeach]

hello, i have been there done that. i lived with my addict husband for 14 yrs.he was on xanax,oxys, drank , morphine pills and whatever else for 4 yrs.then went on methadone to stop the cravings , well then was addicted to methadone for 10 years. and still used xanax and drank. they will blame everything on you, they get so high they forgot they took the pills, they lose them, i would find them laying on the ground and he would swear they weren't his. i have 4 children and he became my 5th. being a caretaker for an addict is exhausting. they are abusive, angry, deceitful, their whole life is a lie can't really believe anything they say, they actually twist their own words and make you think you are losing it, you are the crazy one, i was on effexor, anxiety medication and xanax for years, ( i took my as prescribed) i had severe panic attacks where i had to be hospitalized ,they thought i was having strokes, or heart attacks i couldn't breathe , couldn't walk and had slurred speech. all panic related. i was in a toys r us parking lot one time with my 2 and 4 yr old and passed out. the ambulance took me and left my 2 boys in my car with a cop.  my children have also been through hell.
they are now 11 & 13 and sometimes still recall that. so sad. as many times as i confronted my husband and found  bottles and pills  according to him i imagined it and it wasn't his. dah. they manipulate. i had him arrested a few times . and he got his scripts from the doctors and he got off. we lived in separate bedrooms for 5 years. as many times that i asked him to leave he said no i pay the bills. i didn't work outside the home and had nowhere to go and wouldn't leave my children. my two oldest children who are now 25 and 19 had also started to use. we lived a secret life no one knew. we had our own business and he always worked, was very functioning. finally in feb 2009 he became violent and i made him leave and he did. we were separated for one year. he was sinking lower and lower became suicidal . i took away all access to the bank accounts and forced him to go to rehab. he was ready, sick and tired of being chained to his bottles. praise God he has been clean now for 11 months. we are healing, day by day, i definitely still have times when i get so angry because there are consquenses to his sins of addictions, we have fiancial problems, the kids emotional issues, still trust issues, i know i enabled him, i tried to keep everything together the best i could. as first i feared he would od, have a car accident, get shot or stabbed coping, i did see lawyers about divorce, but keep thinking it would get better.and where would i go with 4 children. then as time went on and there was so much hatred i secretly wanted him to die just to stop the insanity and i would have a way out. no one can tell you what to do about your marriage. he can stop but has to be willing to, first he has to admit he is addicted. until then not much you can do. do you have somewhere to go to with your children for awhile? if you do that wouldn't be a bad idea. do you have anyone who you can talk to a pastor, his family, your family. two years before he went into rehab. i did expose his addiction to my family, his family, friends and our pastor. i called the doctors and pharmacys and asked them not to give him any more scripts. then he had to buy from the streets. he finally agreed to let me go to the methadone clinic with him to have the doctors detox him. i will be praying for you. God is able. my husband went to a christian drug and alcohol program. i believe drug addiction is really spiritual bondage and not a disease.
God bless you
debbie

[gnarly_1]

HI Welcome to the forum.....theirs a lot of husbands and wifes come her looking for help so come to this post every few hr right now it slow  it 1 30 Arizona time....I spent 6 1/2 rys on methadone and know it vise all to well he must be getting it from a regular doctor because at the clinics they check for other narcotics and especially benzos....mixing clonapine and methadone is dancing with the devil himself you can get away with it for a long time then one day you take a little to much methadone or an extra clonipine and you WILL go into respiratory failure if noone is there it will kill you....I blanked twice but someone was there both times to revive me....theres little you can do untill he wants to stop if he gose on the sub it has something to inhibit other narcotics from working so it will be usless taking anything else as far as the clonipins go you need to be tapered off them slowly by a doctor with all of this he is going to need some consoling to get past this N/A or A/A offer free programs IF he is willing to give it a go with the meetings and go on the sub mabe you can work it out right now you need to take care of yourself alanon has meeting for people with addicts in the family it would be good if you could get to a few and if he is serious about getting clean bring him to our website he will feel right at home here I wish you all the luck in the world with this I always hate it when kids are involved
do whats right for you and the kids......God bless.....Gnarly