3688816 tn?1358478897
so confused.
Well today has been a very hard day in more ways than one. My great grandmother passed away today and my husband told me he doesn't trust me and doesn't kno if he can. I am in such a bad place right now. And I'm not thinking of using bc its sooo important to keep my clean time and not prove my husband right but I just can't understand after 6 months of being clean what I can do to gain his trust back. I feel like this is going to end my marriage. If tht were to happen I think I'd give up on everything. As for my great grandmother I love her but I kno she's in a better place now and no longer in pain or suffering. I'll always miss her as well. :(
Cancel
4 Answers
Page 1 of 1
3688816 tn?1358478897
Sry didn't mean to post twice
Comment
Cancel
3688816 tn?1358478897
Comment
Comment
Submit Comment
4626633 tn?1382600722
I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss. I detest that word, sorry, it's not appropriate, but even having lost my own parents, and all my grandparents, I still don't know what to say to someone.

I hate that about your hubby. Does he bring it up everyday? It's almost like when a spouse cheats, and they decide to stay together, but end up apart in the end because the cheater can't take having it constantly brought up, etc.

Have you sat down and ask what more you can possibly do? Maybe send him to counseling? He needs recovery too, and it doesn't sound like he is recovering at all.
Your clean time is amazing. Congrats on that. You have that, don't let him take it away.
Comment
Cancel
4626633 tn?1382600722
Comment
Comment
Submit Comment
Avatar universal
Sorry for your loss Maria, it's been a rough day for you on two fronts. Congratulations on your tenacity in guarding your sobriety like you do and knowing that using won't make anything better.

I go to Al-anon and have done tables with people exactly like your husband. Many of them are in constant fear their loved-ones will relapse and they'll lose them. They live like some doomsday prophecy is going to come true, constantly fearing the future. But they love their addicts and alcoholics. I hear them week after week and I know them pretty well. I went to Al-anon because of my daughter's addiction. I thought I was going to lose her. I just wanted her well again. I love her to the ends of the earth. (she's been clean for 9 years now)  Of course I don't know your husband. Do you feel his mistrust is what I describe above, or  just judgmental badgering like a critical parent? Both scenarios are absolute fodder for a full fledged membership in the fellowship of al-anon; so he can turn the focus on himself, go to work on changing for the better, and trust that you're in God's hands not his!  You certainly don't need what's going on in your life, especially now. Our sobriety is very fragile and we're blessed each night when we get to bed not having used today. I hope things change for the better in your life soon Maria. Keep posting.
Comment
Cancel
Avatar universal
Comment
Comment
Submit Comment
3197167 tn?1348972206
How odd....I was just wondering about you today......watched a movie w/my hubby tonight..... just logged on....and here you are girl!!  This lack of trust thing seems to be lingering, huh?  Are you still going to outpatient and/or therapy and weaning down on the subs?  Can someone you know there recommend or facilitate some "couples" counseling and/or recommend one for your hubby to see that truly understands living w/an addict, codependency, and all that entails?  It would help him A LOT (which would in turn, help you of course lol)
I know....I always flood you w/questions....I'm sorry bout that....but I'm just thinking outloud w/you.  Because addiction is a family illness....your hubby REALLY needs to talk to somebody......is he at ALL willing.....maybe even to read or talk in a chat room at Al-Anon or Nar-Anon sites?  He needs to learn how to overcome his fears, too.  
All I can say for sure is you HAVE to stay focused on you and your recovery plan, Maria.  The weaning off the subs and working on new life coping skills is enough on your plate right now.....you can't work his program for him anymore than he can work yours.....that's the only reason I thought couples counseling and some individual for him would help.
Hang tough girl....you've been thru A LOT since Thanksgiving and you're doing this!!
P.S.  Are you doing meetings still/yet?  Can't remember...but that would help, too, since he's projecting this doubt on you for so many weeks now.
Comment
Cancel
3197167 tn?1348972206
Comment
Comment
Submit Comment
Your Answer
3688816 tn?1358478897
Answer
Know how to answer? Tap here to leave your answer...
Answer
Submit Answer
A
A
Blank
Weight Tracker
Weight Tracker
Start Tracking Now
Addiction: Substance Abuse Community Resources
RSS Expert Activity
233488 tn?1310696703
Blank
Marathon Running Done Over Many Yea...
05/15 by John C Hagan III, MD, FACS, FAAOBlank
233488 tn?1310696703
Blank
New Article on Multifocal IOL vs &q...
05/15 by John C Hagan III, MD, FACS, FAAOBlank
748543 tn?1463449675
Blank
TMJ/TMJ The Connection Between Teet...
01/15 by Hamidreza Nassery , DMD, FICOI, FAGD, FICCMOBlank
Top Addiction Answerers
1235186 tn?1339127464
Blank
on the beach, NJ
495284 tn?1333897642
Blank
City of Dominatrix, MN
Avatar universal
Blank
phoenix, AZ
4522800 tn?1459192030
Blank
406584 tn?1399591666
Blank
1970885 tn?1435864028
Blank
Sacramento, CA