Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
so confused.
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so confused.

Well today has been a very hard day in more ways than one. My great grandmother passed away today and my husband told me he doesn't trust me and doesn't kno if he can. I am in such a bad place right now. And I'm not thinking of using bc its sooo important to keep my clean time and not prove my husband right but I just can't understand after 6 months of being clean what I can do to gain his trust back. I feel like this is going to end my marriage. If tht were to happen I think I'd give up on everything. As for my great grandmother I love her but I kno she's in a better place now and no longer in pain or suffering. I'll always miss her as well. :(
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3688816_tn?1358478897
Sry didn't mean to post twice
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4626633_tn?1382600722
I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss. I detest that word, sorry, it's not appropriate, but even having lost my own parents, and all my grandparents, I still don't know what to say to someone.

I hate that about your hubby. Does he bring it up everyday? It's almost like when a spouse cheats, and they decide to stay together, but end up apart in the end because the cheater can't take having it constantly brought up, etc.

Have you sat down and ask what more you can possibly do? Maybe send him to counseling? He needs recovery too, and it doesn't sound like he is recovering at all.
Your clean time is amazing. Congrats on that. You have that, don't let him take it away.
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Avatar_m_tn
Sorry for your loss Maria, it's been a rough day for you on two fronts. Congratulations on your tenacity in guarding your sobriety like you do and knowing that using won't make anything better.

I go to Al-anon and have done tables with people exactly like your husband. Many of them are in constant fear their loved-ones will relapse and they'll lose them. They live like some doomsday prophecy is going to come true, constantly fearing the future. But they love their addicts and alcoholics. I hear them week after week and I know them pretty well. I went to Al-anon because of my daughter's addiction. I thought I was going to lose her. I just wanted her well again. I love her to the ends of the earth. (she's been clean for 9 years now)  Of course I don't know your husband. Do you feel his mistrust is what I describe above, or  just judgmental badgering like a critical parent? Both scenarios are absolute fodder for a full fledged membership in the fellowship of al-anon; so he can turn the focus on himself, go to work on changing for the better, and trust that you're in God's hands not his!  You certainly don't need what's going on in your life, especially now. Our sobriety is very fragile and we're blessed each night when we get to bed not having used today. I hope things change for the better in your life soon Maria. Keep posting.
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3197167_tn?1348972206
How odd....I was just wondering about you today......watched a movie w/my hubby tonight..... just logged on....and here you are girl!!  This lack of trust thing seems to be lingering, huh?  Are you still going to outpatient and/or therapy and weaning down on the subs?  Can someone you know there recommend or facilitate some "couples" counseling and/or recommend one for your hubby to see that truly understands living w/an addict, codependency, and all that entails?  It would help him A LOT (which would in turn, help you of course lol)
I know....I always flood you w/questions....I'm sorry bout that....but I'm just thinking outloud w/you.  Because addiction is a family illness....your hubby REALLY needs to talk to somebody......is he at ALL willing.....maybe even to read or talk in a chat room at Al-Anon or Nar-Anon sites?  He needs to learn how to overcome his fears, too.  
All I can say for sure is you HAVE to stay focused on you and your recovery plan, Maria.  The weaning off the subs and working on new life coping skills is enough on your plate right now.....you can't work his program for him anymore than he can work yours.....that's the only reason I thought couples counseling and some individual for him would help.
Hang tough girl....you've been thru A LOT since Thanksgiving and you're doing this!!
P.S.  Are you doing meetings still/yet?  Can't remember...but that would help, too, since he's projecting this doubt on you for so many weeks now.
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