sorry i gave every one the run around

[kris123]

It's me Kris123, so for the past two weeks i have been on here saying I am stopping pills and trust me I really have tired.  I haven't been very truthful in some of my posts and I feel like a hugh loser and hope that all of you forgive me.  Now that I have come clean, I start my sub tomorrow in the comfort of my own home, my kids are with their dads and I will have peace.  I will suffer through most of the withdrawels tonite and into the early morning.  I just hope you guys forgive me and will talk to me.  I called the OB and the Sub Dr and they both agreeed it was ok to start at home and they are on the same page.  I do love my baby and she deserves are chance and I should have jerked every one one here around for two weeks.  I am sorry

[dominosarah]

Glad you finally got honest with yourself Kris....Now we start from here and move forward.  sara

[kris123]

Yes, it is very hard, maybe you should ask about sub

[reneemikey]

I'm new to this and I am 15 weeks preggo and I have fibromalgia and every day is a struggle for me. I take hydrocodone and want to stop. Every month I run out and go through the withdraws,or I try to borrow some. I go to my first doc appt. Monday to see my ob and I will ask what she thinks.

[Leee70]

YOU CAN MAKE IT! i don't know you but i've read thru these posts & wanted to offer my support....sounds to me like you are really trying to do the right thing & you deserve to be well again....i am 4 going on 5 days clean & i feel ok but it's a struggle....well worth the effort not just for ourselves but our children....take it easy & concentrate on the big picture...that is you healthy & happy enjoying your pregnancy & being a happy mom to your other kiddies.....GOOD LUCK
Leanne :)

[kris123]

I didn't sleep well last night.  I got my sub ready to take.  My kids are gone and I am alone but don't want to start the sub by myself so I will go to my mom's.  I plan to wait as long as I can till the end of the day, just to make sure all the percocet is out of my system, last use was yesterday early am, so I am sure it is clean, but I don't want to mess around.  I hope it makes me feel better and get stable.  I can't keep stopping pills for 4 to five days and then do then and do it all over again.  I am 28weeks perggo and I got to take control.  I don't want social services knocking at my door.  OB knows and regular dr knows.  So all 3 drs I have are all on board for this one.  So I am going to suffer till 6 please tell me i can make it

[CATUF]

Dogs bark, fish swim and addicts lie.

I lied to EVERYONE.  I even had to lie to my dealers when it got to the point that even they thought I was using too much.  I'd tell them that I split what I was buying with my brother and act like there was no way one person could use all that they sold me.  In fact, I used every single pill that I got from four or five dedicated sources, plus all the pills I could find on "the spot market."

I would not steal your money, but with everything that had anything to do with my use (or its affects on my life), I would look you straight in the eye and lie with academy award winning sincerity -- and I would feel 100% justified, no matter who you were or how much you deserved honesty from me.  That's just the way it was.  Period.

In recovery I can look at all those lies and see them as simply a part of active addiction -- just like a fever or throwing up is part of the flu.  They stand as important proof that I suffered from the disease -- a reminder that I can never let that beast back into my life.

You're not a bad person who needs to become good again, you're a sick person who needs to become well again.  

It's not about being bad or good.  It's about being sick or well.

Have compassion for yourself, you deserve it.

CATUF
1726

[jen2331]

Kris - I am so proud of you!  You are doing the next right thing for you and your baby and you're getting honest.  Way to go!  You are in a tough spot and you need to be good to yourself and surround yourself with goodness...not shame or punishment.

Get thru this night of w/d so the sub works well for you when you take it in the a.m.  I'm sure you know that's vital to the success of the treatment.

I'm on my 3rd week and feel so much better...message me in the a.m. and let me know how you are doing...
jen

[corey411]

Honey, we all have. Recovery is not easy. The most important thing is that you keep on trying. Do whatever it takes until you get it right. Lying goes hand in hand with addiction. It is us that we hurt and we lie to ourselves. Coming clean and telling on our addiction is a great way to gain power over it. Keep talking to other recovering addicts. Tell on your feelings and desire to use before you do it and most importantly keep trying new things until you find what works for you. You will do this if you don't give up. Keep posting and making connections. Hugs to you and your baby. Corey

[leeisgettingclean]

you are big enough to come clean about what you have done, I  would certainly hope everyone here would be big enough to forgive you. As addicts we all lie--its a symtom of our disease...dont be ashamed...sounds as if you have a plan---now go for it, give it your all and i think you will come out on top. Just remember that addicts suffer forever, not just till" this problem is fixed" there is always a relapse, another drug, a new addiction, something waiting around the corner, stay on top of your game--dont forget  to work a program of recovery everyday--and start looking into aftercare now. Good Luck, Lee

[avisg]

We will support you threw this ...its going to be ok keep your chin up tommmrow you will be back on track ... Chat with ya in the am ....

[Xcalibure]

Well we stumble in life, its how we learn.  Honestly like stated before its the nature of addiction.  Sounds as if your on the right path now.  I would like to know how it goes for you and I will pray for the best.  If you ever need to talk feel free to message me.

[kris123]

i tired and failed and tried and failed and lied some and I am sorry forgive me all

[GA Guy]

Rigorous honesty, to yourself and others is the cornerstone of recovery. Addicts lie, it's the nature of the disease...but people in recovery come clean..literally and figuratively. That's a big step for you to admit being wrong and ask for forgiveness. Nobody considers you a loser...because your disease is no different from mine. As my sponsor says..everytime you point a finger...three are pointing back at you.

[Xcalibure]

Did you jerk everyone around or did you make attempts and fail?  There is a difference.  It's ok to try to get clean and relapse, stuff happens.  However if your saying your clean or so many days clean etc when in fact you aren't that's a little different.  None the less Im new here and don't know you.  I myself am trying to become sober and today was a bit of a failure but I suck it up and look to tomorrow.  So feel free to talk away to me, I have no issues with you.