Percocet Addiction is gonna be the death of me

[FBI29]

Tonight I was driving home from work, I had just called my supplier to get another supply of Percocets. And I guess I did an inventory of my life at current moment. And I guess I had what people call a moment of clarity. I realized I spent a grand in the past month on pills, not to mention I have been taking 12 10/325 Percocets a day...everyday for the past two months. I just drove home crying and crying, praying to God to help me, I just kept saying "God I need some *ucking help, I need some *ucking help" I know it's not thhe greatest to curse at the Lord while in prayer but that's all I could think to say.

This is my story, in April 09 I was in a car accident....make that 2 car accidents within 3 days of each other. The result is 3 ruptured disks two in my neck one in my lower back, as well as two bulging disks in my neck. This causes severe migraines, and back pain. I was able to get into a Pain Clinic that could help treat me long term as well as get me on a scheduled pain pill plan. They started me in July with 120 10/325 a month. At first this was plenty for me, I remember being excited about having that many (when i went in there I was not totally clean from opiates and knew that they did for me and was looking for a Dr. to validate my injuries knowing I would get more)  so when i walked out of my first appointment with script for 120 percs I almost passed out with excitment. Now 120 percs seems like childs play. Right now I take on average 12 10/325's a day and beings my perscription only allows me to have 4 a day I am taking 3x the amount as I should be, which means I am buying the rest from an illegal source.

Today I realized that I am spiraling out of control with all of this, there is no good ending to this addiction if I keep going the way I have been. I am spending money that could be used for much better things, like my son, and his Christmas toys, paying off outstanding debts, hell getting a better apartment and getting us out the hell hole we are in.  Not only do I want to save money I want to be a good law abiding citizen again. As  it  stands I have a job where I am required to pass a state background check and if I get caught buying pills I will lose my job, which in turn means I will lose my car, my apartment, my son....everything I have worked my butt off for. I don't want to lose it all, I have worked so hard to get to where I'm at in life. I started with nothing, a single mom....a girl trying to raise a man, living out of a trailer on my parents property. Now I have a life, a respectable job, I make decent money, my son is doing well, I have alot to be grateful for....except I have this dark dirty secret. I'm an addict. My name is Nicole and I am addicted to Percocets.

I came to this sight by accident tonight, and read about a girl named Mo. She was starting a percocet tapering plan and throughout her posts she wrote about the tough times the good times and the awful w/d she was experiencing. I cried and cried and I felt invigorated and sad all at the same time. This sight and the people on it helped her and I am hoping that they will do the same for me. I am starting my tapering tomorrow morning. I will keep you updated more for my sake than the readers. This is my legacy, my way of contributing to the success of not only me but of another young lady who may be reading this a year from now like I did with MO. And Mo if you are out there and reading this I want to let you know that you have inspired me to quit Percocets, I read your posts and just cried and cried and hollered and whooped at loud with your suscesses and cried with you when you relapsed and rejoiced in your good days even if they were only a few hours of good followed by a night time of bad. As oddly as it sounds Girl wherever you are, I love you. I hope that one day I can meet you and chat with you even if  it's online. Because you are the reason I believe that I can do this. I know it will be hard, but I remember your strength and your determination and draw my strength from that. If you are reading this please drop me a line and give me an update as to how you are doing. When the posts ended I was left wondering like losing the last half of a good book. Please let me know how you are....even if it's not good news.

To those of you who are going through this, I need all the support I can get. I will log on daily and check in and let everyone know what the day is going like while I am tapering down. A month from now I will be done with my tapering and I will get off of the Percocets for good, while taking 5 personal leave days from the office so I can get through this without affecting my work, they will just think I am on vacation. So until then....

[shrimpman]

Hey!
I just came off a  similar amount of percocet and want to let you know that if I can do it you can too. I'm 52 yrs old ----------you are much younger and that is in your favor -------Now  that you've made the decision to quit you need to prepare for the wd-------I followed the Thomas recipe which can be found on this site---------I'm not telling you to use it but it is an option and it helped me------Myself and many others are here to support you!!  Keep posting, Good luck!

[jt808]

hey i just wanted to tell u tht u can send MO a message either private or public an if sghes still around sghe can get back to u personally i thnk private message better cuz it goes to her email to notuify her that she has gotten a private message so try that if u wana get in touch with her. and good luck wth ur taper hopeflly u have someone to hold ur pilss cuz if not its gona be extremely hard for u and if ur already takinf 5 days off from wrk thats long eb=nuf to just go cold turkey and fell well enuf to go back to wrk on the 6th day so if i were u i would realy thnk of that option if i were u. either way u do it stick to it and give it ur all cuz from personal experience its a btch....good luck