stuck

[Johanfitz]

Started on Valium at 5 mg. With in a year I was up to 10, and  I  then knewnew I was in trouble. I Told Doc. That's it.  I will kick. And deal with my anxiety through prayer, and meditation. I cut myself down to  2 1/4 mg. At night, and seem to be stuck there. I  try 1 1/4 and wake up after about three hours sleep. Not to sleep again unless I take that extra  1mg. I'm working with 5 mg. tablets and find these cuts are getting hard to make correctly.  Where I live I can not get smaller tablets.

[peace39]

john you came off the stuff corectly.
i was just pulled straight off it after years on it.
thats why i am so messed up now.

[Johanfitz]

Not so good yesterday. lots of anxiety.  to the point of paranoia. I have been sleeping 5 to 6 hrs. sleep,.Am I on schedule? It's 5:30 AM feel shaky. I hope this will pass soon. Part of my anxiet is missing my son.

[sudie58]

youve had a tough journey, but you are a winner! so very happy for you and proud, take care, god bless

[Johanfitz]

  
Slept another 5 hrs.  or better.  Spent the Sunday watching basketball  Rather comfortable I must say. This morning I am a bit nervous, drinking some herb tea as I type. Now I am off of  Valium, and coffee. I will stay off.       I see some of the light, and am free. Thank God.     John

[Johanfitz]

   Thank you sudie !
     I'm a bit proud also. Proud that I didn't go up on my cut that day that I felt so bad, and was thinking of it !
    You giving me the full scoop about the withdrawal being full on, and that the 1/14 was very little at that stage of the withdrawal was the key to my stopping when i did. It's very confusing in the middle of withdrawal. I was a little scared. stay tuned  LOL   John

[sudie58]

so glad you slept at last, 5 hours is good, and you dont take valium!, am proud of you, god bless.

[Johanfitz]

my second day clean. drinking lots of herb teas. I can see the good effect. I am a believer now of herb tea. [Valerian, Passion flower flowering tips, Hops strobile, Chamomile flower, Catnip leaf & flowering tips]  I was lucky enough to have a friend give me a small bottle of extract of all these. last night I slept 5 hours.  To day I feel comfortable   Stay tuned.  God bless my new, and old friends.  John

[sudie58]

its good to hear from you john, you have done so well! i promise youve not far to go now, i know its a great feeling that first time with no drug. you deserve your chip , yes, please stay john , i am so proud of you, and you should be proud of you too. the sleep will start to return , god bless you !

[Johanfitz]

This is my first morning Valium fee in  [now looking back]  in more then two years.  I had stated when I started this forum back on march 19Th that it was one year. Yup that is what this drug does to me. It effects my memory. I did not try and put one over on my AA group, or anyone out there. I just lost track of my time on this awful drug. Not sleeping has giving me a lot of time to think, and reflect what has gone wrong, and for how long. That is why the 2 yrs.
  OK another night of very little sleep, A new day with a lot of hope. I will pick up my 24 hr. chip today. I will stay connected for a while here. It has been a comfort here. So why not stay here?  For now. Sudie we will talk. Thanks again.  With love.  John

[sudie58]

god bless john, this time next week , you will be feeling a lot better, just focus on that, speak very soon , take care,

[Johanfitz]

Thank you sudie. I  have taken my last cut, last night.  I will pick up a chip tomorrow.. I am feeling positive already. Not thinking I will be sleeping like a baby real soon. But like I said I have a lot of support around me . It will be what it will be.. If it was easy i would not respect the power it had on me, Will not forget this past. You have been enormous help. thank you from the bottom of my hart. Stay tuned.  John

[sudie58]

yes, you are doing the worst of it now, the sleep will not come normal till you have fully withdrew, sorry about that, its the worst thing about withdrawals, but as the last of the valium leaves your body, approx a couple of days after that you should start sleeping a little longer each time you fall asleep, its best to be as active as you can , to tire yourself, you are almost there, god bless

[Johanfitz]

   So let me see if I have this right. When I am ready for my last cut. [when I'm sleeping a bit normal] After the cut I will not have to go through this long of a process again?
   Because most of my withdrawal is over by then. Is this correct?

[sudie58]

hi, john , its good to hear from you again, this sleep thing is most upsetting ,i know, the thing is , your on such a low dose you are doing your withdrawal so that when you do stop , you will only have a short time of symptoms, so your on just 11/4 now and you were on 10mg, so you really are in total withdrawal, you see the valium has a medium half life , and every time your taking a a small amount, its not really doing anything of significance, hence the withdrawals your feeling, your body and mind needs to go without so it can get clear of it, then you would have a few more days of withdrawal , and then the end. that is how it works, a dr. would most probably bring you off at 2 mg , so you have done great, i hope you understand this, i have gone on a bit, but i am here for you, take care, god bless

[gnarly_1]

gomming off benzos is ruff where not aloud to give out taper plans its best to have a doctor help you do a benzo detox they do make pill cutters at the drugstore you could 1/4 you pills with doctors orders....please dont try this on your own you risk seizures....it sounds like you past most of that the insomnia can often be helped with melatonin if you use that the room has to be completely dark for it to work.....vlarairn root works well also both are natural and no habit forming the insomnia is enough to make you go insane coming off benzo's hang in there you will get past it good luck and God bless.....Gnarly    

[Johanfitz]

this is morning of 25Th still not sleeping, or sleeping very little. I will stay the coarse. not ready to cut yet. i see that real clear. The day of 23rd. was very good. I felt like I was going to sleep that night but no. And the the day of 24 was bad, and no sleep tonight. I will carry on. i have good people around me. i need to stay focused as much as I can. I drift off and get feeling bad about my son not being here. I need to trust. When I finish this. I will deal with him.  Just rambling.

[sudie58]

bless you john, its as i said ,your nearly there, and have done so well, if you go on as you said when you reach your zero, the worst will be well over, look after yourself,

[Johanfitz]

Thanks,
  I see a difference today compared to yesterday. If I get a couple of days semi normal sleep. I will cut the 1 1/4 in half, and stay there till I am comfortable. Then do it.    ZERO       I will not go up. I will consult with you before I make a move.
   I live in the Dominican Republic, and they have a lot of bush teas. I am using the leaves from the Guanavano tree.. [not sure of the spelling]   the local folks swear by it.

[sudie58]

hi john, i know the sleeplessness is dehabilitating, but you doing ok, your going nice and slow and steady, you could stop now, but i would get to just 1 for a few days, then stop, like you say ,you dont want to drag it out, but your well in withdrawal anyway, please dont go up a half, you are nearly there, so close, can you try some valerian root, for relaxation, and some melatonin, it can help you sleep a bit , your sleep will return , god bless

[Johanfitz]

       By the way my name is John,  my son is Johan.
     So here I am at 1 1/4 mg/ Valium. Cutting a five into quarters
     No sleep for 3 days or nights.  .I did nod off last night a bit. The legs didn't bother me so much ether.

     I was thinking yesterday of going back up a half mg. But decided I had come this far to just keep it at this level. To be very honest the last three nights have been hell. But I do see a little difference last night. Do you think I am on schedule? And how long should I stay here before cutting again?                  

     If I stopped now. How long would I suffer?  One part wants to just get this over fast. Another says to be more patient.  the lack of sleep, and withdrawal has me quite squarely.  I look at this Post and see I am talking like a new comer at meetings. I guess I will be, when this is over. I'm just rambeling.  

[Johanfitz]

  The antihistamines didn't work last night. I will stop them.  No sleep, and my legs are killing me. I can't lie down comfortable. Is this due to lack of walking around, or is this part of the withdrawal? By the way.  I'm 67 with Hep.C  and Chronic bronchitis.I'm a Single father of 11 yr.old.  I had to send my son to his Aunt. Didn't want to have to deal with him at this time.  I'm so glad I did this for him, and myself.  I miss him terribly.  Stay in touch I look forward to your reposes.

[sudie58]

no, not really, but your sleep will be affected for a while to come, dont take too many antihistamines, or too often, you sem dertermined to do your own taper, so i hope your being careful, it seems like you are though, stay positive, your on 11/4, so you have been going nice and slow, look after yourself, you can do this, god bless,

[Johanfitz]

About 1mg. last night. another bad night sleep. Brain seems mushy as someone described. I took a antihistamine to help. It did.  Is this bad?

[Johanfitz]

  Made another cut to  1 1/4mg  I will stay here for a few days then stop, I'm sure posting here helped me make the decision to go this last cut. I didn't sleep for **** but other then that I was not sweating, or shaking . That's a good sign. I don't think I want to go and tackle any stressful situations right now. But I do feel positive. I am part of  an AA group that has been pulling for me. I think I will be picking up a white chip this week. This slip into the Benzo. nightmare cost me my 15 years of sobriety. So be it !  I  will carry on and hope to have a new message to share real soon.  Thank you.  I will return here when I have an urge to share. I did stop sharing at my home group when I got honest and told them of my addiction. Thank you dav125,  and
sude58